Thursday, October 20, 2005

Hilton denies romp with Sizemore

Paris Hilton has dismissed Tom Sizemore's claims he slept with her when she was a teenager, insisting she has never even met the troubled actor.

In an interview on his new porn tape (seriously guys this is the first I heard of it too) "The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal", Sizemore says he enjoyed a one night stand with the then 19-year-old Hilton when she begged him for sex after a party. Sizemore goes on to allege hotel heiress Hilton showed him a good time, adding, "She knew what she could do to people." But Hilton, now 24, is appalled by the suggestion she had sexual relations with the 44-year-old, who has been in and out of court fighting drug and domestic abuse charges over the last two years.

"It's disappointing that Mr. Sizemore has to use my name to sell his DVDs. He is not an acquaintance of mine, nor have I ever had intimate relations with him."

I wonder if she came face to face with The Whizzinator? I'm inclined to believe Tom, he's only guilty of beating women up and trying to pass off someone elses urine as his own, Hilton however leaked her own Sex-tape to gain publicity, "that's (not) hot!". Tom on the other hand had the good sence to make one and sell it instead. What a guy!

13 comments:

sith apologist said...

Oh dear, so if you plan on getting Tom cast as Colonel Creedon, who do you have in mind for Paris? Or do I have this all backwards (on purpose?)
Lets not worry about that, Colonel, just give an answer please.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Elisha Cuthbert would play Hilton in your bizzare mishmash mixed up version.

sith apologist said...

I believe she could admirably satisfy my mating requirements!

sith apologist said...

However, if you EVER try to release something like this, I'll kill you myself!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Of course I'd never release my sex-romp tape. Er.. that shouldn't be taken as some sort of admission that I have one (Just in case the IG is reading).

sith apologist said...

Well, I'll still kill you if it somehow escapes into the public domain. Remember - you signed a no-nude-Colonel clause recently!

Civilian Overseer said...

There hasn't been a media format yet created that could capture the depths of wickeness of the Colonel's depraved activies, when you've dealt death on such a scale as the Colonel, then the appropriate amount of procreation that is needed to balance out the karma is truly impressive. He's a Heart Breaker and a Life Taker Hurrah!

sith apologist said...

Maybe existing media formats would have been adequate if he'd been less flippant with the lives of men under him?

Master Guns said...

I was ordered to shoot some of the footage of the Colonel's tape (it does exist) during his visit to Okinawa in '94. The depravity of what the man got up to high on JD and Cuban cigars with the Asian prostitutes, was beyond anything I've ever imagined. Perhaps I can send what little footage I have to someone here who could use it to destroy him?

sith apologist said...

Let me guess - he makes the Asian prostitutes pretend to be peasant villagers, and makes them say things like "me suckee good if you no kill me"?

Master Guns said...

Oh no. He made the real village girls do that shit when we were in Cambodia once. No the stuff with the whores man- it will burn your eyes!

sith apologist said...

My god, how does he sleep at night?
It appears that the much discussed Colonel Vader has indeed arisen without our noticing.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I sleep on a matress made from the ground up bones of my enemies. See that you don't become one of them...