Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Glory be to Lucas that the producers of this shit aren't going to foolishly attempt to put this into cinemas! I'm sure it'll be as bad as the quality of Bug effects in this hopeless trailer. Dix Hauser? Seriously? And yes, that is Jolene T'Pol Blalock! I'm crying now, don't look!

Rambo back with a bang!

John J. Rambo may have been out of sight for like 20 years since Rambo III, but not out of mind, in the minds of people who crave action movies. It was obvious when Sylvester Stallone returned to bookend the Rocky franchise that he still had what it took and would naturally return to conclude the story of Rambo as well.

Well he did - and what a magnificent result it was. Many joked that Stallone was now 60 and he did the previous Rambo movie at 40 so he was going to be killing people with a Zimmer-frame. Not so, Stallone has himself pumped so full of the human growth hormone Jinotropin; he doesn't look even 50 on screen so it'll be a while before the Zimmer-frame is required.

Rambo III highlighted the plight of the (as the dedication read at the end) "The Gallant People Of Afghanistan", specifically the resistance of the Mujahedeen against the Russian occupation. 20 years later: the political landscape is vastly different and so Sylvester Stallone directed his attention - and the reins of the movie to the crisis in Burma which escalated last year.

John Rambo is now in Thailand enjoying a simple life of a hunter for a snake farm but is drawn into the brutal conflict in nearby Burma as he ferries a group of holy-Joe do-gooder volunteers into the country to administer first-aid and education to a people who are deprived from it by their own government. Then the fun starts!

From Wikipedia:
According to the 1990 Guinness World Records, 'Rambo III is the most violent film with 221 acts of violence, at least 70 explosions, and over 108 characters killed on-screen. However, the body count of the fourth Rambo movie surpassed the record. In comparison, Rambo holds the record with the most kills out of the entire Rambo series, with 236 kills and an average of 2.59 kills per minute.

And you see them all, in all their glory. The blood, Dear God, the blood! Stallone had obviously been thinking about this for some time, this was undoubtedly a pet-project for him for many years it shows in every scene lovingly paced with Rambo always central to the proceedings.

In many ways however, it was different from all 3 previous Rambo's. Sadly Richard Crenna died of cancer in 2003 (Stallone would have easily shoehorned him into even this most basic of plots) but Colonel Trautman was able to appear via a flashback/dream sequence which was just as satisfying. Jerry Goldsmith died of cancer in 2004 but the memorable Rambo theme was used by the very capable Brian Tyler when composing his brilliant score for this movie. Finally, Rambo no longer possessed his stainless combat knife and instead created his own machete during the course of the movie.

Final Verdict: The sheer violence is glorious. Not a single death is overdone or is unnecessary to the plot or purpose of this movie, a masterpiece of action-porn.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****+

G.I.Joe begins shooting!

G.I. Joe has started shooting in Los Angeles and the first photo of Dennis Quaid as General Hawk has appeared online, and boy does he look the part!

In an interview recently Quaid revealed that he was doing some light weights to assist him in making himself look like the cartoon version of Hawk and so decided against the blond highlights. I think that was a good call.

Quaid also said that the movie is set a bit into the future which may explain Hawk now being a 4-Star General. I was also very pleased to see evidence of Larry Hama (or some very well researched individual)'s involvement as you can clearly see a US Air Force Missile badge on Hawk's dress uniform; one of his earliest occupations listed on this filecard from 1982 was a Missile Commander and the Army authorises such officers with missile training to wear this qualification badge.

In other G.I.Joe movie news; a last minute casting change as David Murray was unable to take the role of Destro due to issues with his entry visa to the United States. As shooting was about to begin, producers turned to a British actor already "in country", the former Dr. Who, Christopher Eccleston.

The Clone Wars in Cinemas!

As revealed in Episode 55 of 2IGTV, a feature-film version of the computer-animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars will debut in 2008, followed by a television series in the fall. Lucasfilm Animation will produce the projects in a partnership with Warner Brothers Pictures and Turner Broadcasting System.

"I felt there were a lot more Star Wars stories left to tell," God said in a statement. "I was eager to start telling some of them through animation and, at the same time, push the art of animation forward." The Clone Wars TV series' half-hour episodes will have a new look and feel, combining the scope of the Star Wars saga with state-of-the-art computer-generated animation, the studio said.
The show will bring back the classic characters of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala and introduce new characters, including Anakin's padawan learner, Ahsoka.

Lucasfilm Animation, working with its new studio in Singapore, has produced more than 30 episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and production continues. Star Wars: The Clone Wars will open in North American theaters on Aug. 15. International release dates will be announced soon. The new television series premieres on Cartoon Network, followed by airings on TNT.

Source: SCI FI Wire

Michael Bay is Awesome!

ROTFL! I just had to post this. It's great that someone like Mike Bay can take the complete piss out of himself. He's, eh.. "awesome"!

Thanks to Bruce Russell, the world's first 2IGTV Ubergeek, for forwarding me this.

Knight Rider: An Icon Reborn

It's difficult, but not impossible to go and look at those 20-25 year old episodes of Knight Rider and not cringe. Sure you enjoyed them when you were like 9 years old, but they've most certainly dated now where all you can do is laugh at The Hoff's hair and hope to got that you're not watching the episode where they allow him to sing and reveal his "talent" to the world, or at least all of Germany.

The NBC President Ben Silverman was so impressed by the success of the Transformers movie last summer that he decided to revive Knight Rider. The result so far is a 90 minute TV movie that is designed to serve as a pilot for a new version of the popular show.

The good news is that there does seem to have been enough bucks thrown in and some good casting decisions as opposed to a bog - standard TV - movie - of - the - week that Sci-Fi are so fond of producing elsewhere. It looks very polished especially for something that had a character's voice entirely replaced with another actor's in the past two weeks. Val Kilmer signed on at the voice of KITT only a fortnight ago apparently because the originally recorded actor Will Arnett is under contract with GMC, so they didn't want him becoming the iconic voice of a Ford car.

And what a car it is; It's safe to say that this car shits on the fibreglass looking death trap that was the original KITT. The new Knight Industries Three Thousand is a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR. The only thing that outwardly relates this car with it's predecessor is the glowing red cylon-esque scanner in front that indicates KITT is active. The abilities of the car would not have even been conceived in the time of the original Knight Rider: a 550 horsepower solar hybrid engine, Real-time Military satellite access with high-speed internet data transfer and two amazing abilities that I'm not going to spoil here there's so awesome but that no doubt ate through the special effects budget faster than you can say "audacious computer generated imagery."

It's not all about the car though. It needs a driver; And in this generation it comes in the form of a bitter former Army Ranger, Mike Traceur (Justin Bruening) (above left) who happens to be the son of; yes you guessed it: Michael Knight! Anyway, without giving the not too shabby plot away; Traceur eventually teams up with KITT's creator Charles Graiman (Bruce Davison) who intends reviving The Foundation For Law and Government, Graiman's daughter Sarah (Deanna Russo), his roommate Dylan Fass (Wayne Kasserman) and supported by a hot lesbian FBI agent Carrie Rivai (Sydney Tamiia Poitier). David Hasselhoff himself (right) even turns up briefly to pass on the torch to his estranged "son" with a promise that he'll see him again.

All in all this could be a bigger, better version of Knight Rider which not so much hope for me, but hope it'll be popular for a new generation of 9 year olds so that they too can "enter the world of a man who does not exist". (OK and for me too, I wanna see more dammit!).

Footnote:
The only true sad thing now to look forward to (if this show is produced) is that you'll have millions of boy-racers outfitting their Honda's with a cheap KITT scanner light knock-off - classy!

2IGTV Episode 55

The Strike is Over!

In this episode: Experience what The Colonel has been doing through during the writers strike and discover his prophecy of President McCain. As an added bonus: hear Mark sing!

Down to business and we have a comprehensive list of shows and information on when they’ll be returning. We have news on some of the latest movie corporation lawsuits and distressing new concerning the beloved pastime of downloading in the UK.

Also hear about National Treasure 2: Book Of Secrets, Rambo, Teeth, Knight Rider, Wizards First Rule and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. We discuss Heath Ledger, Roy Scheider and Jack Nicholson.

It’s all here.

Discuss this episode in our forums.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Trailer

Obviously not taking itself too seriously. That will be it's saving grace. This trailer should end any naysayers whining too.

Visit the Official Site with HD trailers here.

A Valentine's wish for all!

In Memory Of Roy Scheider 1932 - 2008

I got a phone call early this morning to inform me of the passing of a great actor who had an illustrious career in film and television. Roy Scheider was born in New Jersey in 1932 to a German mechanic father and an Irish Catholic mother. After suffering rheumatic fever as a child he used amateur boxing to regain his strength. He attended college in Pennsylvania and served in the United States Air Force as an air traffic controller before becoming one of the most respected actors of his generation.

Among his movies were, Jaws (and it's first sequel), The French Connection, 2010, Cohen & Tate and The Punisher. The latter in which he excellently played Frank Castle's crusty gun-loving father who's brutally gunned down along with the rest of his family (below).

In most of the obituaries you'll read about Scheider today and in the coming days the authors will of course emphasise that he is best known as Chief Brody in Jaws, and I've no doubt he is, but Jaws is let's face it, is rather silly.

For me Roy Scheider will live on as two far more fascinating characters than Chief Brody. One is Officer Frank Murphy, a troubled Vietnam war veteran, prone to flashbacks and now a helicopter pilot with the LAPD and in the midst of a family crisis, to whom the government entrust a multi-million dollar state-of-the-art gunship known as Blue Thunder. The other is of course his greatest television role as Captain Nathan R. Bridger (right), Commander of the SeaQuest DSV 4600 in the much beloved '90's science fiction series SeaQuest DSV.

Scheider was nominated for an Academy Award, A BAFTA and a Golden Globe for the 1979 movie All That Jazz, nominated for a Best Supporting Actor for The French Connection in 1980 and for a Saturn Award in 1984 for Blue Thunder but sadly did not win any. Nevertheless, Scheider has provided us with many hours of quality entertainment for which he will be remembered forever.

Star Wars Rap

Blasphemous: Yes.
Funny: Yes.

Indiana Jones Lego

As good as the Star Wars or Batman Lego is, there's something more appealing about building Indiana Jones vs Ruskies with little machine guns out of little Lego pieces. Oh to be 7 again!

You know the no new TV issue is getting bad when...

...you look for stuff like Major Dad on DVD. I mean they have everything else on DVD, why not Gerald McRaney and his ultra-conservative views?

Cloverfield: What The Fuck?

Actually that's pretty much the review.... What the fuck? Who greenlighted a 70 min film shot with a jerky video recorder? I mean seriously? People should ask for their money back.

Final Verdict: Good Military Action for like 3 minutes. The rest is forgettable trash.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *1/2

Super Tuesday

Unfortunately, as you may know, I'm prohibited under Federal Law (Titles 10, 2, and 18, United States Code), Department of Defense (DOD) Directives, and specific military regulations from actively supporting potential presidential candidates. I offer the following information to those voting today:

Hilary Clinton [right] (A Woman? Muahahahaha!!!)

Barack Hussein Obama (note his middle name, doesn't Obama sound like Osama? I just thought I'd throw that out there)

Mitt Romney (A Mormon. Mormon's are wierdos)

Mike Huckabee (Anti Gay, Pro Guns, Pro War, Pro Space, where's the problem?)

John McCain (Graduate of the United States Naval Academy, Naval Aviator, Vietnam Service, Prisoner Of War, Recipient of The Silver Star, The Bronze Star, The Purple Heart, The Legion Of Merit and The Distinguished Flying Cross, Retired from Navy as a Captain [O-6])

Vote informed.

Padawan Ahsoka Tano

In 2008, Star Wars: The Clone Wars expands the Star Wars universe with plenty of surprises. I've received word of the possibility that 3 or 4 episodes of the upcoming animated series will be strung together and released theatrically in the Autumn.

This week, during the annual Toy Fair events around the world it is expected that Lucasfilm will offer a glimpse at some of these surprises. Many of the years upcoming Star Wars toys have offered glimpse into characters that will appear in both the Clone Wars and The Force Unleashed consile video game. Among those from the Clone Wars TV series are Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda and a mysterious new Padawan named Ahsoka Tano.

This young Togruta is eager to prove herself as a worthy Padawan to her bold Master, Anakin Skywalker. Able to wield a lightsaber and pilot a spacecraft with great talent, Ahsoka promises to become a worthy Jedi.

There is much more to learn about Ahsoka and the role she plays in the epic Clone Wars adventures and the Star Wars saga. My own speculation is that she'll die horribly and further Anakin's own descent into darkness to complete his destiny as Darth Vader, I've been wrong once before, but I doubt this time :)

Source: Starwars.com

Mega G.I.Joe News #3: Devil's Due loose Licence

It's been on the cards for a while and it's finally been announced that Devil's Due Publishing (DDP) who have been behind G.I.Joe comic books for the past seven years are to loose their license to the franchise this summer and Hasbro will not be allowing them to renew. The current story arc of World War III a 12-issue saga will be the last G.I.Joe tale under the Devil's Due banner this summer.

Why is this happening? Well that hasn't been revealed yet, but there are more theories being bandied about now than the JFK assassination! The one I'll subscribe to for the moment, is that Hasbro were not happy with the direction that the publishers took with the book, i.e. they're producing a monthly comic-book for both adults and young adults but not for Habro's target audience: toy-buying kiddies! Sure the Marvel run had it's complex Snake-Eyes ninja and Cobra-family arcs that kids wouldn't understand or necessarily identify with, but for the most part it served to introduce a new character or weapon that happened to be released by Hasbro in the form of a toy that year and was little more than a brilliant way of marketing.

DDP had a different take, they presented the characters in more or less their proper original costumes (or minor variations thereof) as opposed to some of the toxic Eco-Warrior gaudy day-glow camouflage that plagued the line in later years and actually featured only the most basic of Joe and Cobra vehicles when necessary. Even the character roster on both the Joe and Cobra sides was cut down from the insane hundreds-strong "order of battle" that Marvel had. They completely changed the comic-book to be about the characters as opposed to the toys. They killed characters like Flash, Chuckles and Mainframe with nary a thought, reflecting the fragility of human life, including the much beloved Lady Jaye. They turned Duke into a government controlled black-ops operative with little regard for his team, crippled Hawk to the confines of a wheelchair and following the death of his wife, Flint, the wise-ass joker who always had a smile (even on his action figure) became a bitter, twisted and heartless and resigned from the team when his buddies became aware he had a death wish!!! No, this was not for toy-buying kiddies anymore, but it was damn good shit!

Personally, I thank DDP for bringing the Joes back from mid-90's obscurity kicking and screaming into the 21st century. As if being deeply prophetic; DDP's first story (publishing under Image Comics) dealt with a devastating terrorist attack on US soil that would prompt the government to reinstate the G.I.Joe team. Issue one of G.I.Joe: A Real American Hero went to newsstands only a few short weeks before an event that is now known as 9-11. Their plans didn't change, the story went ahead and concluded in December 2001. We know only all too well the climate of America in that period, so that took balls and Devil's Due has shown us that they had some big cahones!

Unfortunately while admittedly well done, some of DDP's choices that they made once the series was established, didn't sit too well with me; the nonsensical return of Serpentor, the death of Jaye, Hawk's injury and the idiotic use of the sacred name of The Red Shadows (an enemy from old British Action Force continuity which has no bearing on G.I.Joe) for a new terrorist faction spelled death for the series, but instead there was a relaunch. Three years ago, they rebooted the series under the title G.I.Joe: America's Elite and it became a darker, edgier and grittier series but alas it didn't retain the impact of the writing or the quality of artwork of the previous series.

I must live in hope now that G.I.Joe's new publisher (which may be Marvel but it's more likely to be IDW as they're responsible for Hasbro's other hot-property The Transformers) will be able to accomplish what Devil's Due began, but ultimately, couldn't finish. It's possible that if Marvel, we could get a continuation of the continuity from their last issue #155 from 1994 and the DDP events would never have happened. IDW would most likely reboot the series as they did with The Transformers after Dreamweave's collapse to either begin again with the creation of the team or pick up continuity before DDP wen off their rails. Either way, here's to Hawk walking, Jaye living, Flint smiling and maybe, just maybe Storm Shadow choosing a side and just staying there.