Wednesday, August 19, 2015

SPEARHEAD denounces Alien Crab and Dark Lady

"Time wasting science-fiction nerd and tinfoil-hat conspiracy-theory nonsense" is what Brigadier General "Whopper" Creedon, SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Intelligence and Information denounced the latest claims from the "lunatic fringe of Internet trawlers".

The General was describing new claims that have surfaced online concerning the latest Mars Curiosity photos which show a 'Space Crab' or 'Alien Face-Hugger' crawling out of a crevice and another shows a 'Dark Clothed woman' standing on a perch looking out over the sea of sand on the red planet.

The Dark Woman, whom some have even claimed is holding a weapon!

The Director of the SETI research centre Seth Shostak puts these claims down to cases of pareidolia, a form of apophenia, which is when people see patterns in random stimuli like faces in clouds. "Recognising a crab in a landscape filled with wind-weathered rocks is no more surprising - nor more significant - than seeing a winking face in a semi-colon followed by a parenthesis. ;)" he said.

It's coming to get you!!!

Scott C Waring, editor of UFO Sightings Daily, said: "It may be a crab-like animal, or it also may be a plant. "It really doesn't matter. The significance of this is that it shows signs that it is alive." 

"If you stare at my face long enough you'll probably believe I'm some kind of godamn alien freak too" added General Creedon diplomatically in a telephone interview. "We don't have time for this, these nutballs see all sorts of crazy shit in the photos, eggs, squrrels, numbers, pyramids and my personal favourite 'fake sand' - yes you heard me - a claim that someone put fake sand on Mars" before he hung up.

Source: NASA, The Daily Mail

Monday, August 10, 2015

Please switch off your phones

As an officer and a gentleman - both an educated and properly evolved life-form [mostly], I've always been fascinated by the predilection of some of society's lowest common denominators using their mobile phone devices in environments where it's obvious to anyone with half a fucking braincell it's not acceptable, like the cinema, in church or during educational instruction.

Like Benedict Cumberbatch, I've been on film a few times. You screw up you get to do it again until the director is happy but I doubt I'll ever understand how fundamentally annoying it is to be on stage, where no one yells 'cut', in front of hundreds of people delivering Shakespeare's awkwardly written prose from memory and having to contend with some inconsiderate arsehole beaming the metaphorical equivalent of the Death Star's laser into your eye.

Cumberbatch is currently starring in a production of Hamlet at London's Barbican theatre and outside the stage door after Saturday night's show addressed the ongoing crisis surrounding patron's inability to behave like proper human beings at the theatre. In his trademark polite British fashion he asked everyone to share "the shit out of this" short speech - and I'm delighted to do so.

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Milley, Richardson and Neller confirmed

General Mark Milley, Lieutenant General Robert Neller and Admiral John Richardson have been confirmed as the chief of staff of the Army, commandant of the Marine Corps, and chief of Naval Operations respectively.

[L to R] Gen Milley, LtGen Neller and Adm Richardson

Gen Milley and Adm Richardson replace General Ray Odierno and Admiral Jonathan Greenert who are retiring. Gen Neller will replace General Joseph Dunford who also has been confirmed as the next Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Of Milley, Neller and Richardson SecDef Ash Carter said: "Each is a proven leader with decades of operational experience. Our nation is stronger for their service, and the president and I will continue to benefit from their extensive expertise and strategic counsel in their new roles."