Sunday, August 31, 2008

Step Brothers: I was almost sick at the end.

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly's last comedic team up was Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. It was a brilliant comedy when compared with most of the other comedies out there but not near the quality of the greatest comedy move of all time Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Ferrell made another comedy hit with Jon Heder called Blades of Glory, this was superior to Talladega Nights but not close to Anchorman. Tonight I saw the best movie Ferrell has done since Anchorman, the bizarrely hilarious Step Brothers.

The plot is simple, as it should be for a comedy such as this- Mary Steenburgen and the excellent Richard Jenkins play Nancy Huff and Dr. Robert Doback who quickly meet and get married. Naturally Nancy moves in with Robert and brings her son Brennan to live with Robert and his own son Dale. The bizarre angle here is that Brennan and Dale are played by Ferrell and Reilly, two 40-year-old lazy jobless morons, and from there - the hilarity ensues.

From the early moment when I observed Ferrell putting his hand down his pants to fondle himself while watching an aerobics instructor on the TV, I was worried in case that the movie was going to go from one puerile toilet-joke to another , filled with the adolescent humour that I suppose wouldn't be out of place considering Ferrell and Reilly were playing two grown men who just never grew up, but it wasn't. It was bright and refreshing comedy (with only some sporadic and indeed well placed toilet humour).

I don't want to ruin a single gag for anyone. Although they are plenty of them, each is a gem in it's own right and my simple words wouldn't do them justice as it's a very visual movie. I will say it's unfortunate that you have to wait until the credits start rolling to get the biggest laugh of the whole movie, a completely unexpected battle scene where our two "heroes" take on a mighty army that once defeated them. Before it was over, I had stuffed the cuff of my jacket into my mouth to prevent my screams of laughter from someone thinking I was in agony. In truth, I was - the agony of laughter, I thought I was going to be sick.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Hot Alaskan MILF to be next US Vice-President!

Assuming things go according to the GOP's plan , this 44 year old mother-of-five and the current Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin will be occupying the beautiful residence at Number One Observatory Circle next year.

I'll admit I didn't even hear about her possibility for consideration until L.Lane made a comment here in June, but I knew who she was. Slowly over the next two months, I heard her name a lot, but nothing solidly from anywhere official. The buzz reached fever pitch this week until finally today on his 72nd Birthday, McCain announced the choice - and what an amazing choice it is!

Palin won several beauty pageant titles which paid her way through college to earn a BA in Journalism from the University of Idaho. She has already had her name engraved in history for becoming both the youngest person and the first woman to hold the office of Governor in the state of Alaska where she delivered on her campaign promises and even had the stones to take on the corrupt establishment.

Palin is a lifetime member of the NRA and regularly hunts and goes ice-fishing (although no reports of her shooting anyone in the face like the incumbent veep). She not only rides snow-mobiles but also has her own float-plane as well as having had a fashion spread in Vogue!

I'm giving her major kudos to her as well, for not succumbing to the common politician's prevention of their offspring from military service during wartime. Her 19-year-old son Track Palin is a ground-pounder and off to Iraq next month. I noticed that Sen. Biden's son, Army National Guard Capt. Beau Biden is also off to Iraq in October but he's got a cushy job in the J.A.G. corps and will hardly be putting his life on the line for his country.

Here's what I heard and read what people were saying today:

On her political and personal credentials-

"Sarah Palin is a conservative reformer with executive experience who will bring a breath of fresh air to Washington." - Sen. Fred Thompson

"Governor Palin is smart, authentic, tough, and a dynamic choice that will remind women that they may not be welcome on the Democrats ticket, but they have a place with Republicans.” - Gov. Mike Huckabee

"Governor Palin is an admirable person and will add a compelling new voice to this campaign." - Dem. Nominees Barack Obama and Joe Biden

"(McCain & Palin) seem very dynamic on stage together and look much better than the Obama and Biden pairing, I'm most impressed" - Mark (whom as you know, does NOT impress easily).

On her hotness:

"What do you think of the soon-to-be VPILF?" - Sith Apologist.
In answer I can only say I hope to be promoted to a position that will earn me one of these :)

"Sarah brings a great deal of excitement to the campaign" - Sen. Lisa Murkowski (admittedly I think she was talking about something else, but it's all in what you're thinking of at the time yes?)

One of her photos on a Wordpress Blog I visited, had the caption "Naughty Librarian", one of the 10 most popular male sexual fantasies. I'd go as far as saying after reading comments on websites and blogs over the past 5 hours that she epitomises the "Naughty Librarian" look.

From this we can see that in one fell swoop McCain has:
a) Eliminated any questions over how his age may affect voters by selecting someone almost 30 years his junior
b) Gained countless votes from people who'd rather see a woman in the White House no matter who or what party (and the disgruntled women who were ignored by Obama as he didn't even consider Billary for veep)
c) Proved that as a maverick with a record of reform has now chosen a maverick with a record of reform, that he has put Washington on notice that a tidal wave of change and cleanup is coming.

Basically, he's just won the election.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Blacksite = Blackshite

This review contains spoilers, If you've not played this game and for some reason you want to; then stop now before reading this! You have been warned!

It’s not often I make a mistake about buying a substandard game as usually I only have time for a half dozen or so in the space of 12 months and I'm extremely picky. Even if I'm considering buying a game, I usually read a lot about it and if possible, sample a demo before paying out the dough for the full version. I've been this cautious since I got burned by the hopeless Star Trek: Generations game in 1997, (an experience I will never share with anyone). My tactics have allowed me to avoid such crap as Starship Troopers, Rainbow Six: Lockdown, Doom 3 and as recently as this blog has been around there was Turning Point: Fall Of Liberty, Soldier Of Fortune III: Payback and even this year: a game based on the Iron Man movie. Unfortunately this year I bought one, I let my guard down, 10 years with a flawless record and I fell off the wagon: I purchased Midway's Blacksite.

Assuming you’ve read my initial report and game preview posts from 2007, you’ll know that I was pretty psyched about Blacksite - or as it was called back then Blacksite: Area 51, (but I've now redubbed it Blackshite). This was because it begins with the discovery of aliens instead of WMDs in Iraq (just like it happened in reality) and spawns into an anti-alien shooter, that brings you back stateside to Nevada and engages you in a predictable battle with aliens that have escaped or were they created? in Area 51 (I was paying more attention to shooting them than finding out their origin – and that’s pretty much what I do in real-life too). I'll admit that my excitement of playing a game that I've to some extent - "lived", was most appealing. I guess it's a bit like the way a racing driver would play an F1 game or a pro-footballer would try out this year's FIFA game. And that's what clouded my judgment.

In anticipation about the game I made the fatal error of imposing a sort of media blackout on myself so as not to reveal details I didn't want to know. This was a mistake because I missed the fact that in November, Blacksite's creative director Harvey Smith came out and described the gamed development as "fucked up" during the Montreal International Game Summit (he's obviously no longer employed by Midway). It was even reported by Wired, he said he wasn't too interested in the project to begin with and the game was "disastrously off rails" a year before finishing. He also says the game went from alpha to final in a "completely reprehensible" fashion. The critics agreed with him, but inexcusably I ignored them too.

I was shocked to read that this was said and so much was written of the multitude of bug reports after playing the game as I'll admit, I didn't find much. Was the game substandard? Well yes. Was it boring and unimaginative? Yes. But it wasn't as buggy as some games I've tolerated and 5-starred. It seems that whatever horrific bugs that were in the game were taken out with a patch in the US and the EU release seemed already patched to 1.3 out of the box, so I'm guessing there was some quick intervention to minimise the calls to the Midway European tech support lines.

What's is bad about this game is that there’s absolutely no deviation from the standard FPS staple points, you have a gun and you shoot everything that moves. Now this was a great basis for a shooter in the 90's and the early 2000's it was still quite enough for most people; but we have, in the latter half of this decade evolved into a superior class of gamer - we have become so spoiled by the likes of the incredible Half-Life and Call of Duty series as well as the likes of Far Cry/Crysis that we can't just waltz back into the basic FPS model in a brand new game. Oh and you can't even lean around fuckin' corners here.

You have only 4 basic weapons- pistol, assault rifle, sniper rifle and missile launcher here (ridiculously you can only carry 2 at a time) and assuming you play to the end and reject the shitty "alien" weapons, you'll finish up the game with 2 our of the 4 of those original as well. Again this was good in the old days but in the modern FPS the array of weapons is 10 times larger in COD4, fully customizable with a dozen attachments in Crysis, radical like the gravity gun in Half-Life 2 or just plain awesome as F.E.A.R.'s "Penetrator."

I haven't even begun on the most disastrous aspect of this game however - the politics. Someone, whether it was the CEO, the project director, the writer or a combination of all three, have used the game for their own twisted pro-liberal anti-Bush agenda and it makes me sick. Allow me to elaborate: A first person shooter, at it's core, serves the purpose of shooting bad guys on the screen in front of you, be they human, alien, undead or Nazi - and that's it! That's what you pay money for and they're one of the most played genres on the planet since Wolfenstein 3D in 1992. They've evolved over the years to include AI controlled team-mates, which assist you in completing your mission whether you're a Marine, Soldier of Fortune, Jedi Knight or a mechanically enhanced clone to name but a few. In most cases they've far more personality then your own character and help tell the story, involving you in interaction much like an RPG only in an FPS you have practically no choice. In many cases they can enhance a rewarding gaming experience - what would Half-Life 2 have been without Alyx? How many bullets did Hawk take for you in Solder of Fortune? And how many time do you owe your life to Price in Call of Duty?- well most of your "allies" in Blackshite are all hardened soldiers like you are - but they incessantly fill your head with anti-Bush, unpatriotic, bleeding-heart liberal excrement.

Indeed!- I kid you not - when I'm fighting for my life spitting red-hot leaden death at a horde of enemies - I don't want a team mate wondering if we're doing the right thing. I don't want my team's doctor to express her remorse at what "we" did at Abu Ghraib. Even times of success are tinged with little nicks at the duly elected government. A particularly boisterous machine-gunner upon mowing down enemies exclaims "Hell Yeah, Kick-ass American engineering, baby!" - great, until another buddy pipes up "I hate to break it to you, but those are mass-produced in China." I mean what the fuck? The real digs though are in the episodic chapter names for the game's story: and wouldn't necessarily be recognised by everyone: "Misunderestimated," "Stay the Course," "Last Throes," and "The Surge", all soundbytes from the more famous speeches from Bush, Rummy and Cheney referring to the Global War on Terror.

That was the last straw for me. I turned on God-Mode and just waltzed through to the end of the game so I could see if end was as pathetic as the political affiliation of the writer - after discovering that the "alien" threat was really created by the government and covered up, you destroy the alien production facility and head off to rid the world of all the aliens that are left. At least I saw the credits at the end so I could make a list of some people to kill.

Final Verdict: I want to burn it!!! I can't though. I want it alive to remind me of my own indomitable resolve that I know is shared by every real serviceman on the battlefield today and not constantly badmouthing "chickenshit politicians" as their digital counterparts do in this game.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Catwoman should be someone you want to lick out of her leather!

Naturally before the dust has even begun to fall in the wake of The Dark Knight's storm through the international box-office, Warner Brothers have greenlight a second sequel to Batman Begins currently titled The Caped Crusader. As I remarked in the comments to my Definitive Dark Knight Review, I said that I was very worried about a third Batman. And here's why--

The first choice of Christopher Nolan to play Catwoman is... CHER!

Now before you laugh and cry simultaneously- I read this in the Daily Telegraph, hardly something that has the pulse on Hollywood, and although I looked at the date to see if it was April 1st - this news isn't anywhere else originally. AICN and others read what I did so I'm officially designating this as nonsense at this point.

Right: Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, you may need to print this picture out and stare at it instead of looking at parts of The Caped Crusader. Also, I just couldn't bring myself to include a picture of Cher on this blog.

Catwoman should be someone you want to lick out of her leather! While admittedly this wasn't Ertha Kitt in 1967 (shudder), they got it right with Julie Newmar (1966), Michille Pfeiffer (1992) and Halle Berry in 2004.

I mean seriously? Cher?! Maybe as Catwoman's GRANDMOTHER or something!!! Nolan may have redefined the iconic images of The Joker, Scarecrow and Two-Face but making Cher Catwoman would be above insane.

Monday, August 25, 2008

2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule of Events

I've been accused of slightly favouring the Republican candidates in the current war for the White House. I find this preposterous. I've always been totally impartial on this blog. In an effort to reconcile differences I will take the time to publish this, the 2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule of Events which has just been released and sent to me by Bruce Russell who sent this to me only days after becoming a daddy!

7:00 pm Opening Flag Burning
7:15 pm Pledge Of Allegiance to the U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm Nonreligious Prayer and Worship - Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm Ceremonial Tree Hugging - Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm How I invented the Internet - Al Gore
8:15 pm Gay wedding planning - Rosie O'Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry
9.00 pm Memorial Service for Saddam and sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm Answering Machine Etiquette - Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund – Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn
11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm How George Bush brought down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean
12:15 am Truth in Broadcasting Award - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am Satellite Address - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am Nomination of Barack Hussein Obama - Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am Coronation Of Barack Hussein Obama
1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army - Worthy Sequel

The original Hellboy was an excellent comic-book origin story revealing how a little devil-boy was brought into our world through an inter- dimentional portal during WWII and grew up to be a giant red TV watching, cat-loving anti-supernatural FBI agent.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army successfully builds on that origin and fleshes out the characters of Hellboy and his friends from the BPRD. The sequel embraces the realm of fantasy as opposed to the heavy Sci-Fi content of the original. This is indeed a welcome change as writer/director Guillermo del Toro appears to be better dealing with this genre. However, he keeps the focus on the characters rather than the setting.

The action level in this movie is far superior to the original there are quite literally countless enemies that Hellboy has to fight along with an ogre called Mr. Wink and of course the evil Elvish Prince Nuada [Played by Luke Goss and who bears an almost copyright infringing resemblance to a certain Drizzt Do'Urden from R.A. Salvatore's D&D Forgotten Realms series] who is expertly skilled in martial arts and edged weapons and a stunning sequence involving the Golden Army itself in Co. Antrim, Northern Ireland of all places!

The film is generally excellent on a technical level. The special effects wizardry is top-notch and it doesn't seem any expense was spared. Danny Elfman delivers his usually brilliant scoring talents composing splendid music. The cast proves you don't need big-name A-listers to carry a movie. A special mention must go to Seth McFarlane who voices Dr. Krauss (basically he does the voice of Klaus the goldfish from American Dad) easily the funniest character, with the most hilarious moments of the film.

While the comedy is an essential part of the formula for this type of movie, the relationship between Hellboy and Liz is sadly once again a little too focused on. While it longer centers on Hellboy's angst, it now dwells to much on Liz's anxiousness about revealing her newly discovered pregnancy to an obviously immature Hellboy. del Toro would have been better off either dealing instead with Hellboy's new relationship with the humans or if he had to focus on a romance: allow the bulk of it to deal with the superior storyline of Abe Sapien and the Elvish Princess Nuala.

Final Verdict: A worthy sequel and one that will satisfy the fanboys and those that elevated the cult following of the original if sadly it didn't excite the box office.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Saturday, August 23, 2008

A little indiscretion

Last month, the Navy relieved Commander Xavier F. Valverde, the commanding officer of the dock landing ship USS Pearl Harbor [LSD 52] of his post after the ship ran aground in the Persian Gulf. Only days later that was followed by the removal of Captain David C. Dykhoff, the CO and Captain David M. Dober, the XO of the Nimitz class USS George Washington [CVN 73] after a fire on board the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier caused $70 million in damage.

O.K. Fair enough, you can't really argue with the removal of officers from such responsible positions as those for allowing such silly accidents to happen with serious damage to expensive multi million dollar equipment. But what about Commander Shawn Bentley?

Cmdr. Bentley (left) was given command of VQ-3, the Ironman (yes I know), the Fleet Air Reconnaissance Squadron that provides the president and the SECDEF the airborne ability to command and control the nation's nuclear submarines, bombers and missile silos via the E-6 Mercury only 3 months ago. Last week he was relieved of his command and assigned to a desk (he won't be getting his Eagles). The Navy apparently relieved him for "loss of confidence in his ability to command."

However a source close to the investigation told The Associated Press that Bentley's removal regarded an undisclosed personal matter and was not related to VQ-3's missions or duties. This is consistent with a Fox News report citing that Bentley was removed from command for allegedly having "an inappropriate personal relationship with a woman."

Unfortunately, there are an insane amount of regulations that prevent military officers from enjoying the company of women. Any female officers in our chain of command are off-limits as are any female enlisted regardless of service, any married woman, prostitutes or any other woman at all that's not your wife if you're married yourself, I mean- Hell, it's a wonder we get any at all!!! Relieving the man from command for a little indiscretion is a bit unfair, but I don't know the whole story so I guess we'll wait.

So why am I biting nails over this now? Well, taking into account the Navy's new housekeeping policy over the last few months; maybe someone in the Naval Department will think it's time to make an example of a few Marine Officers who've screwed up recently too?

Sources: Fox News, Wikipedia, envirosagainstwar, US Navy

Friday, August 22, 2008

Stargate Atlantis to be replaced by Universe ***UPDATED***

Atlantis will finish this year but it will live on as DVD movies just like SG-1, and will be replaced by Stargate Universe.

Not long after it's milestone 100th episode. The spin-off Stargate series will end it's episodic run after 5 years. Show runner Joseph Mallozzi noted in his blog that the odds get stacked against a series after five years -- and that the rising Canadian dollar versus the U.S. dollar has made this and other Vancouver-produced series more expensive to make.

As MGM this year released two financially successful straight-to-DVD movies made after Stargate SG-1 ended a 10-year run of first-run cable episodes on Sci Fi; An Atlantis movie was quickly greenlit.

"We're excited to tell Atlantis stories on a bigger canvas,” Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper, co-creators of Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis and currently executive producers on Atlantis, said in a statement. “The successes of the two original Stargate DTV movies The Ark of Truth and Continuum have shown us the opportunities that the movie format offers. We have plans for both SG-1 and Atlantis to remain vital as we expand the franchise."
The Stargate franchise as a whole is not finishing new episodic TV permanently however. SCI FI has announced that it has green-lit production on Stargate Universe, the third live-action television series.

Universe will have a 2-hour premiere in 2009, and land in a regular time slot next summer. The Hollywood Reporter said the show will be set on board a previously unmanned ship called the Destiny, and will involve more space-based action than its predecessors. "Unable to return to Earth, the crew must fend for themselves aboard the ship, which has a preprogrammed mission taking them to the far reaches of the universe."

The producers are reportedly looking to cast a known actor for one of the leading roles, and fresh faces to round out the cast. This would follow the pattern of SG-1, which earned a lot of marketability from leading man Richard Dean Anderson when it premiered in 1997, rather than the largely unknown cast of Atlantis. The new series will also be aimed at a slightly younger audience, SCI FI president Dave Howe said. "This is an opportunity to reinvent this franchise and make it relevant to a new generation," he said. "We really don't want to be more of the same. It's going to build clearly off the existing franchise but with a cast that gives it a younger vibe."
"In Universe, we plan to keep those elements that have made the franchise a success, such as adventure and humor, while breaking new ground in the relationships between mostly young and desperate explorers, thrust together and far from home," series co-creators and executive producers Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper said. "Above all, we believe the Stargate itself remains an enduring icon with infinite potential as a jumping-off point for telling stories."

More soon.

Source: Sci-Fi, Multichannel News, Eamo, Gateworld

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

What happens when you put an Arab flight crew in France?

A brand spanking new Airbus 340-600 sat in its hangar in Toulouse , France without a single hour of airtime. Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) on November 15, 2007 to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups, prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi .

The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area. Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is. The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all 4 engines at full power.

The aircraft computers thought they were trying to takeoff but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.) Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward. The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.

Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power20setting, so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totaling it. The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown, for there has been a news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere. Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs. Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

I'm surprised that this level of stupidity can be displayed by people in charge of aviation vehicles but not surprised at at that it happened in France...

Source: Kev [originally in To The Point News]

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Operation: Ferryman is botched

It has been reported by the BBC, that authorities in Iran have now denied that singer Chris deBurgh is to play a live concert in Tehran, according to an Iranian news agency yesterday. The Music Office of the Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance had not received a request for the show, nor issued a permit. Official permission is required to stage a concert in the country.

Naturally this blew my aforementioned cover and I had to make a hasty exit!

It's been quite some time since I've been part of a botched operation. No doubt a grilling from the Joint Chiefs is on the way. Wish me luck.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - God does it again.

The Clone Wars is a period in Star Wars canonical history that lasted 3 whole years. Some of it's battles, conflicts and stories have been outlined in various forms such as comic-books, games and novels since Star Wars, Episode II: Attack Of The Clones but chief among them, a 25-episode award-winning animated micro-series directed by Genndy Tartakovsky.

As it is now understood that the time of the Clone Wars was a time of major upheaval in the galaxy and a pivotal step in the machinations of what would soon become the Galactic Empire, it's only fitting that Lucas would want to explore this exciting time a lot more and what better way than to produce another animated series, this time done entirely with CGI and spanning 100 episodes.

The first few of these episodes were grafted together and have formed the seventh outing for Star Wars on the big screen. Simply put, it surpasses all expectations and it's the most magnificent example of CGI animation on the planet. God has once again struck gold. What a great visionary, who came under fire for over-use of CGI in his other franchise this year, to create a part of his greatest artistic achievements entirely in the format.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars is filled with both action and humour, with some of the most magnificent set pieces and use of characters ever seen in modern animation. The voice talent is outstanding, Christopher Lee, Samuel L. Jackson and Anthony Daniels voice the characters they played in live action, James Arnold Taylor reprises his role as Obi-Wan from the micro-series as does Tim Kane who in addition to the micro-series has several video game appearances as Yoda (and the Yoda-like Vandar in KOTOR) and has now voiced Yoda for longer on screen than Frank Oz!

Final Verdict: If the remainder of The Clone Wars TV series is half as good as this movie, then the future of Star Wars will be ensured for another 30 years.

Colonel Creedon Rating: One cannot rate pure religion.

Friday, August 15, 2008

2IGTV Episode 59

In this long-awaited episode we open with a discussion on The Dark Knight and Wanted. Other movies include Star Wars: The Clone Wars, a Red Dawn remake, a Clash of the Titans remake, The Punisher: War Zone, Green Lantern, Top Gun 2 and more.

The state of Television is still dire but we observe the return of Stargate Atlantis, Burn Notice and the debut of Flashpoint. We anticipate the return of Chuck, Gossip Girl (Well Mark does), Heroes and the debut of Knight Rider and the upcoming Virtuality.

We also discuss the non-entity that was E3 and some games from that, GPU technology and wrap up with the announcement of our competition winner. All this and much more.

Get the episode here. and Discuss this episode in our forums.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Isaac Hayes & Bernie Mac: Double Obituary

The world lost two talented bruthas' this weekend in the form of hilarious comedian Bernie Mac and the soul legend Isaac Hayes.

Bernie Mac, born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough in Chicago, Illinois was a stand-up comedian before making many notable acting appearances in both Television and the silver screen. Most notable among them were roles in Ocean's 11, 12 & 13 and the multi award-winning The Bernie Mac Show.

Bernie Mac is forever immortalised in the greatest movie of the decade - Transformers where he lends his comedic genius to Micheal Bay as Bobby Bolivia the car salesman that sold Bumblebee to Sam.

Mac went into hospital in Aug 1st with pneumonia. Unfortunately he died as a result of complications on Aug 9th. He was 50.

Isaac Hayes, born Isaac Lee Hayes, Jr. in Covington, Tennessee was a soul and funk singer-songwriter, musician, record producer, arranger, composer, and actor.

His notable acting appearances include, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Stargate SG-1 but he'll be most remembered in this field for giving life to the soul-singing school cafeteria worker Chef on the long running adult animated series South Park.

Among Hayes' best known musical works are Soul Man (1967) which he wrote with David Porter for the duo Sam & Dave. In early 1971, he composed music for the soundtrack for Shaft for which he won an Academy Award for the Theme from Shaft, and was also nominated for Best Original Dramatic Score. Many years later in 1999 his association with South Park generated a hit song Chocolate Salty Balls (P.S. I Love You), which reached number-one on both the UK and the Irish singles chart.

Sadly in 1995, Hayes embraced Scientology and started to go a bit nuts. He appeared in nut-job Scientology films and created some Scientology music over the years.

On March 20, 2006, Roger Friedman of Fox News reported that Hayes had suffered a stroke in January. Hayes' spokeswoman Amy Harnell denied that Hayes had had a stroke, but on October 26, 2006 Hayes himself confirmed that he did, (this is to be used to confirm universally that everything on Fox News is actually the truth, even if denied).

On August 10th Hayes' wife found him on the floor near a treadmill at his home in Memphis, Tennessee. The cause of death was not immediately known. He was 65.

In what will be seen as one of the greatest coincidences of the 21st century: Both Bernie Mac AND Isaac Hayes will appear with Samuel L. Jackson in the new film Soul Men, due out in November. Spooky!

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Mummy: The Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

I very much doubted that even legendary director, the amazing Rob (xXx / Stealth) Cohen could pull of a great second sequel to The Mummy after Steven Sommers dropped the ball with The Mummy Returns in '01. And I was right, but this shocking pile of crap that displays none of Cohen's artistic strengths was worse then I expected.

I love seeing Brendan Frasier on screen and the Rick O'Connell character is still cool after all these years, but I wish he was given more meat instead of being stuck in this garbage with the ol' "Here we go again" (referring to of course yet more encounters with Mummies - as if nodding cheaply to the Die Hard movies when McClane finds himself in the "same shit" in each installment of that franchise). His performance alone is still worth half a star though.

I'm glad that it was her decision not to do this after reading the abysmal script, but possibly the worst crime here was to recast Evelyn from the quintessentially beautiful English rose Rachel Weisz to Maria fuckin' Bello of all people!!! The only thing I'd cast Bello as is a skanky $10 whore, certainly not Evelyn O'Connell. She's now too old and unattractive to be a summer blockbuster action-movie leading-lady. I'm going to leave it to my fellow blogger Cubaboy to paint a more flattering picture of her however.

Jet Li didn't have much to say (which is not uncommon for Jet) but I expected more from one of the siver screens current greatest martial artists, as I did from Michelle Yeoh who should have got to kick more ass and I'm not even going to start with the two younger cast members because it's just the pinnacle of this horrible mess.

I will say that most of the special effects, especially the monsters- dragon & yeti were well done and worth a half-star, but that (with Brendan Frasier's half-star) is about all I can wring from this disastrous movie. Hell even Randy Edelman, one of my favourite composers failed to provide any memorable musical accompaniment.

Final Verdict: If you see one shit movie this year- try to see something better than this. It won't be hard.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *

Friday, August 08, 2008

By the way - Robbie Coltrane is NOT the burglar!

In one of the most bizarre stories of the year; it emerged today that New Zealand coppers, prohibited by some stupid liberal law, are not allowed to show the face of a 16 year old burglar on wanted posters. Instead they showed the picture of someone who apparently is a dead ringer for him albiet a few years older and without the teen's mop of greasy hair: The multi-BAFTA award winning actor Robbie Coltrane!!!

I love the part where they say: "Robbie Coltrane is not the burglar."

More at BBC News and all other news sources.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Chris DeBurgh to play in Iran!

A source heard on the radio the other day that talentless twat Chris deBurgh will be playing in Iran!

This is no doubt part of deBurgh's worrying relationship with Iranian artists Arian with whom he recorded a song in English and Farsi recently.

Nevertheless, this is an excellent cover and I should have little trouble joining Chris' crew as a roadie and do some "sight-seeing."

Source: Darth Harrington

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Dark Knight - The Definitive Review

I've tried to write this review 5 times over the past 10 days even during my outage. I've failed each time. I can only come to the conclusion that I'm not articulate enough do describe The Dark Knight's magnificence. This is not to be seen as a failure however, my "writers block" should be construed as an indication to you of how great this movie is. I knew it was going to be the best movie of the year. I spent about €200 on a day trip to the colossal BFI IMAX theater in London just to see it.

All I can say was since even before the death of Heath Ledger, the rumblings for this movie were all positive. Everyone who got a glimpse of the effects work, script and workprint previews were left as speechless as I was- or perhaps they knew what a gem it was and didn't reveal anything prematurely. Nevertheless, nothing remotely negative was said about it before and I've not heard anything to that effect afterward. (Well maybe Christian Bale's voice while he was obviously choking in his Batman cowl was a bit to silly and it did look like his lips were being pursed by the opening in the mask - but these are minor quibbles).

Ledger's Joker is the greatest Comic-Book movie villain ever, but not worthy of an Oscar. If an Oscar should be given- it should go to the team responsible for the Harvey Dent/Two Face makeup and CGI FX.

Final Verdict: While Iron Man my have been my most anticipated film of all time and it certainly did not disappoint on any ground, it doesn't even come close to The Dark Knight which I'm forced to declare as the film of the year. As good as Quantum Of Solace is hoped to be, it's unlikely to better it either. See it in IMAX if possible - the aerial shots are amazing.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****+

Kerberos Online

The unit constructed under Project: Cerberus is complete and has been officially designated as KERBEROS (pronounced KER-ber-OSE for those who have not mastered the correct Grecian pronunciation). While it contains the same storage, audio and visual peripheral devices as Bellerophron it sports a Gigabyte GA-P35-S3G and a Core 2 Duo E8400 @ 3.0GHz. As you may be able to see from the picture, it has been encased in a Gigabyte 3D Aurora GZ-FSCA1-AN similar to that of Maxximus but in black.

Full details now at