Saturday, March 29, 2008

Vader "unimpressed" with Jedi Church

Jedi Master Jonba Hehol of Holyhead - was giving a TV interview in his back garden when an individual, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing a Darth Vader helmet, leapt over his garden fence.

Armed with a metal crutch and apparently under the influence of alcohol; the would-be Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers failed against the sheer might of Vader and he was subdued. Vader then turned his attention to the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Master Hehol, a 36 year old hairdresser (born Barney Jones) who founded the first-ever British Jedi Church with his brother Daniel, was shocked. "This wasn't a joke. This was serious."

Police are now investigating and do want to question this "gentleman":

More from the Daily Telegraph here.

Source: Sith Apologist

Friday, March 28, 2008

The 3rd Annual Whopper Awards! ***WINNERS***

And now the moment you've been waiting patiently for 24 hours for:

Best Actor In A Dramatic Role:

Ashraf Barhom
(The Kingdom)

That's right, Israeli actor Ashraf Barhom is the winner of the first coveted Whopper Award this year. In The Kingdom, portraying Colonel Faris Al Ghazi, he effortlessly out acted Oscar winners Jamie Foxx and Chris Cooper. Cooper himself incidentally was just pipped to the Whopper for his role in Breach by Barhom.

Best Actor In An Action Role:

Gerard Butler

"Tonight! We dine in HELL!"

Best Actress In A Dramatic Role:

Lena Headey

As Queen Gorgo in 300, the Spartan queen as deadly as she is beautiful; British actress Lena Headey delivered an intoxicating performance that outshone her peers in this category.

Best Actress For Just Being Hot:

Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil Extinction)

Best Supporting Actor:

Samuel L. Jackson

"It's just an evil fuckin' room!" Only the great Sam Jackson can show up in a movie for 10 minutes, grab the best line in the script and walk out with a paycheck with his head held high knowing he's sill as cool as Shaft!

Best Supporting Actress:
Lauren Holly (NCIS)

Foremost because as NCIS Director Jenny Shepard she can play a woman of power and convincingly portray someone who can keep a former USMC Gunny like Gibbs in check. Not necessarily because she's a redhead and still super hot at 44.

Best Director:
Michael Bay (Transformers)


Below is the awesome special extended edition of the "Awesome" Verizon advertisement.

Best Score:

Steve Jablonsky

"Poor is the student who cannot surpass his master" is phrase I use when a Marine shoots better than I on the rifle range. Eventually someone will come along and break the records you set or do a better job than you could ever do, especially when you train them right. In 2007 Hans Zimmer had two fantastic scores, The Simpsons Movie and Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End, the latter of which was also nominated. However even the magnificent talent borne by Zimmer paled in comparison to the range of themes and musical emotion crafted by Steve Jablonsky whose knowledge was bestowed by Zimmer himself.

Listen to some of the score samples here at

Best Dramatic Motion Picture:

The Bourne Ultimatum

Some folk may frown and call foul at the idea that a Bourne movie is a drama and you'd be right, it's more of a thriller however a chase thriller if you want to further categorise it into a sub-genre. However as it has a far more complex plot than a simplistic Action Movie (see below) and I have only three categories for best film, I'm going to lump Bourne's perfectly crafted 3rd outing into this category. Shut-up! They're my awards! I hope this is the end for Bourne as few trilogies end as perfectly as this movie.

Best Action Movie:



Special Note: I deliberately removed Transformers from the running as I have already declared it "The Greatest Movie Of The Decade", and so cannot be confined to an accolade for a single year.

Best Comedic Motion Picture:

Hot Fuzz

I preferred this to Shaun of The Dead as I prefer a Cop movie to a Zombie movie. Hot Fuzz is almost more homage than spoof and it works, it's funnier and all the better for it. Edgar Wright excellently crafted a buddy cop movie set in rural England and made it hilarious. Timothy Dalton makes a much better bad guy than a Bond, that's for sure.

Best Foreign Language Movie:

Letters From Iwo Jima

This was a hard one to pick as Days of Glory was so brilliant (and anti-french), but the second half of Clint Eastwood's spectacular Word War II masterpiece really does deserve the Whopper. Told from the perspective of the Japanese; it completes the saga begin in Flags of our Fathers as a whole entity showing both sides of the conflict in a historical context. Most impressive.

Best Television Show:

The Unit

Combining the most realistic military action scenes with what some call home-front soap-opera drama seemed like such a dumb idea to my 2IGTV Co-host Mark, that he was full sure it wouldn't last the first 13 episodes. The writers strike cut the current season short but the series stands at 34 episodes more than Mark original prediction. The series was created by David Mamet and features Denis Haysbert as Sergeant Major Jonas Blane. It's one of the few shows on television which has consistently and steadily improved with age. Long may it continue.

Best Video Game:

Neverwinter Nights 2

Even my love of John Woo or Tom Clancy couldn't topple this epic adventure from the top spot as my best gaming experience of FY07. The technical advances that have taken place in PC Gaming, and the RPG genre in particular are staggering when you compare this masterpiece to it's predecessor. I'm literally itching to play the expansion pack sitting on my shelf.

Best Special Effects:


Justs goes to show that you don't need hundreds of millions of dollars to convince someone what's on screen is real. The aerial combat here was the best I've ever seen in a movie. Top Gun is long forgotten now.

Best DVD:

Die Hard 4.0

Dialog as heard in cinema:

Dialog as heard on DVD:
"Yippie Ki-Yay MotherFUCKER"

If this happens again, I'll consider not returning to the cinema. Don't mess with a screen legend's dialog.

Special Whopper Awards go to:

300 for Best Trailer Representing a 2007 Release

Iron Man for Best Teaser Trailer of 2007

Shoot ‘Em Up for Most Glorified use of Automatic Weaponry

Smokin' Aces for Best Choreographed Automatic Weaponry scene

300 for Most Delightful Use of Edged Weaponry

30 Days Of Night for Best Gore

War for Best Martial Arts

Die Hard 4.0 for Best Pyrotechnics

Special Mentions:

28 Weeks Later for use of Helicopter Rotor Blades to chop up moving Zombies.

I Am Legend for giving me the idea of hiding an M4 in an umbrella stand.

The Worst Movie of 2007
The Invasion

Yes, there was something even worse than Spider-Man 3.

The Worst Performance of 2007
Gina Holden for Flash Gordon

She's so awful it eclipses her hotness. Seriously, watch her I dare you.

That's it until 2009 folks...

Please note the absence of Best Writing and Best Cinematography from the previous Whopper Awards is not an error; the efforts of writing were sub par this year and so do not deserve to be awarded and I haven't a fucking clue what Cinematography really is so I don't think my opinion is valid on that particular subject.

*Rules: The 3rd Whopper Awards awards the entertainment industry with a worthless accolade for producing the "best" work released from Jan 1st 2007 to Dec 31st 2007 (and for FY07 (October 1st 2006 to September 30th 2007 for the interactive entertainment industry).

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The 3rd Annual Whopper Awards!

I was in half a mind about not going to actually do awards this year, but I received so many begging letters, E-mails, comments here and on the 2IGTV forums etc. that I just had to do them.

Log in here in 24 hours time on (Friday Morning March 28th at 00:00 hrs GMT) for the results.

For now you can have a look at the nominees lists in their respective categories.

Best Actor In A Dramatic Role:
Ashraf Barhom (The Kingdom)
Russel Crowe (3:10 To YUMA)
Chris Cooper (Breach)
Liam Neeson (Seraphim Falls)
Ken Wanatabe (Letters From Iwo Jima)

Best Actor In An Action Role:
Gerard Butler (300)
Matt Damon (The Bourne Ultimatum)
Clive Owen (Shoot-Em Up)
Mark Whalberg (Shooter)
Bruce Willis (Die Hard 4.0)

Best Actress In A Dramatic Role:
Jennifer Decker (Flyboys)
Lena Headey (300)
Angelina Jolie (The Good Shepard)
Carice van Houten (Zwartboek)
Naomi Watts (Estern Promices)

Best Actress For Just Being Hot:
Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer)
Megan Fox (Transformers)
Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil Extinction)
Kristanna Loken (Painkiller Jane)
Kate Mara (Shooter)

Best Supporting Actor:
Adam Baldwin (Chuck)
Bruce Campbell (Burn Notice)
Robert Downey Jnr (Zodiac)
Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma)
Samuel L. Jackson (1408)

Best Supporting Actress:
Bryce Dallas Howard (Spider-Man 3)
Lauren Holly (NCIS)
Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
Robyn Kramer (Neverwinter Nights 2)
Jewel Staite (Stargate Atlantis)

Best Director:
Michael Bay (Transformers)
Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Ultimatum)
David Slade (30 Days Of Night)
Zack Snyder (300)
Len Wiseman (Die Hard 4.0)

Best Score:
Ilan Eshkeri (Stardust)
Steve Jablonsky (Transformers)
Trevor Rabin (Flyboys)
Alan Silvestri (Beowulf)
Hans Zimmer (Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End)

Best Dramatic Motion Picture:
3:10 To YUMA
American Gangster
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Kingdom

Best Action Movie:
Die Hard 4.0
Shoot ‘Em Up

Best Comedic Motion Picture:
Black Sheep
Blades Of Glory
Hot Fuzz
The Simpsons

Best Foreign Language Movie:
The Curse Of The Golden Flower
Days Of Glory
Letters From Iwo Jima
Zwartboek (Black Book)

Best Television Show:
The Unit
Stargate: Atlantis

Best Video Game:
Medal Of Honor Airborne
Neverwinter Nights 2
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Vegas
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Best Special Effects:
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Pirates Of The Carribean: At Worlds End

Best DVD:
Die Hard 4.0
Casino Royale
Family Guy: Blue Harvest
Hot Fuzz

Please note the absence of Best Writing and Best Cinematography from the previous Whopper Awards is not an error; the efforts of writing were sub par this year and so do not deserve to be awarded and I haven't a fucking clue what Cinematography really is so I don't think my opinion is valid on that particular subject.

*Rules: The 3rd Whopper Awards awards the entertainment industry with a worthless accolade for producing the "best" work released from Jan 1st 2007 to Dec 31st 2007 (and for FY07 (October 1st 2006 to September 30th 2007 for the interactive entertainment industry).

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

G.I.Joe 1st publicity shot!

Larry Hama is pretty excited about this image of Ray Park as the "Silent Master" himself, Snake Eyes. And anything that excites Larry excites me too.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

October Date for Quantum

Despite there being massive press coverage that 07 November 2008 was to be the release date for Quantum of Solace, it appears that the UK date at least had been pushed forward as it was with Casino Royale in 2006!

The new date for the 22nd outing for Commander James Bond, the 2nd for Daniel Craig in the role of the British superspy is now October 31st; a week earlier!

A new (possibly titled Quantum Of Solace) James Bond video game was scheduled to appear in May for all platforms, the original release date for the movie but Activision, the new James Bond video game licence holders have pushed back the new game to coinside with the movie's release. Undoubtedly as with all games I'm sure it would benefit from some extra months in the "oven".

Other Quantum snippets:
Peter Lamont the production designer who worked on 18 previous Bond movies had retired and his position has been filled by Dennis Gassner.
Gadgets will be more plentiful than in Casino Royale but will be somewhat more realistic than the gadgets of old.
Amy Winehouse is currently the hottest tipped to sing the theme song.

Source: Mr. Harrington

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Bowl of Shamrock Between Friends

There's a great tradition in the White House on St. Patrick's Day. Our Taoiseach, in this case the great Bertie Ahern, (far from the treasonous antics of the whining muppets in opposition back in the Dáil) makes a journey to meet with the President of Freedom and Glory, in this case George W. Bush and presents him with a Waterford Crystal bowl of Shamrock. This year was the final year in which Bertie would present it to George but hopefully next year President McCain will uphold this great tradition.

Obituary: Arthur C. Clarke

The last of the big three* is no more. After prolific and esteemed career, Sir Arthur C. Clarke has passed away in Sri Lanka at age 90.

As a Science Fiction writer, Clarke was most famous for his novel 2001: A Space Odyssey and for collaborating with the insane director Stanley Kubrick on a crap movie adaptation.

Unfortunately, as his books were too long, I'll never read him, unless I'm confined to a stockade for a few years. However I'm only too aware of his contributions to modern science fiction including the influence he has obviously had over the likes of Lucas, Roddenberry, Speilberg and Straczynski.

Not all of Clarke's ideas are in the world of Sci-Fi. It was he who first theorised in 1945 that geostationary satellites would be ideal telecommunications relays. It was through his love of real science that gave a credibility and a believability to his writings unmatched by any other science fiction author.

I finish now with a quote from the man himself:
"How inappropriate to call this planet Earth, when clearly it is Ocean."

*Asimov, Heinlein and Clarke

Source: Civilian Overseer

2IGTV Episode 56

In this exciting episode: We discuss more insane religious self-help nutbags and the folks who have been deluded by them.

What is the fate of the Bionic Woman? HD-DVD is dead! A fourth Bourne? No Thanks! Shazam delayed.

Michael Bay writes Transformers 2 script/outline/template. Woody Allen to film erotic lesbian love scene! Takei in Trek? No more Underworld for Bekinsale and Shatner almost died!

Plus: Experience the sounds of one of The Colonel's dreams!

It's all here!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull poster

One again the legendary Drew Struzan has created an iconic image for the fourth Indiana Jones adventure. God himself has described Struzan as "the only collectible artist since World War II".

Monday, March 10, 2008

Bush all for Torture - This is a good thing!

It is with renewed admiration for the faultless policies of the Bush administration that I tell you that on Saturday President Bush vetoed a bill that would have banned the CIA from using simulated drowning and other coercive interrogation methods to gain information from suspected terrorists.

Bush said such tactics have helped foil terrorist plots such as the ones against a Marine camp in Djibouti, the U.S. consulate in Karachi, Pakistan, and plans to fly passenger planes into a Los Angeles tower or London's Heathrow Airport and city buildings.

The bill would have limited the CIA to 19 interrogation techniques that are used by the military and spelled out in the Army Field Manual. Bush said he vetoed the measure because it is important for the CIA to have a separate and classified interrogation program for suspected terrorists who possess critical information about possible plots against the United States. "Were it not for this program, our intelligence community believes that al-Qaida and its allies would have succeeded in launching another attack against the American homeland," the Commander in Chief said.

Bush said he did not veto the bill specifically over waterboarding, which the Army banned in 2006. The CIA, which also prohibited the practice in 2006, has acknowledged using waterboarding on three suspected terrorists in 2003. Waterboarding remains in the CIA's tool kit. The technique can be used, but it requires the consent of the attorney general and president on a case-by-case basis. Bush wants to keep that option open. "I cannot sign into law a bill that would prevent me, and future presidents, from authorizing the CIA to conduct a separate, lawful intelligence program, and from taking all lawful actions necessary to protect Americans from attack."

In a memo to CIA employees Saturday, CIA Director Michael Hayden said the Army Field Manual does not "exhaust the universe" of lawful interrogation techniques. "There are methods in the CIA's program that have been briefed to our oversight committees, are fully consistent with the Geneva Convention and current U.S. law and are most certainly not torture," Hayden wrote.

Lieutenant Colonel Creedon of the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defense Agency said in an interview: "I remember being subjected to this at SERE school, I won't say it was great fun like the sensory deprivation test but the democrats and bleeding heart liberals only focus on the negative effects. They should try it and see why it's not all that bad." In a statement later The Colonel added that US forces working for UNETIDA are bound by US law only for the interrogation of homo-sapien prisoners and the majority of their work is unaffected by any such changes in law.

Source: Fox News

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Obituary: Gary Gygax

It is with a heavy heart I report the death of a creator who is responsible for millions of hours of entertainment worldwide. The Co-Creator of the Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) gaming system, Gary Gygax has died aged 69. He had been suffering from numerous health problems throughout the past few years, including an inoperable abdominal aneurysm.

In 1971, together with Jeff Perren, Gygax created the rules for Chainmail, his first tabletop game. It was upon this that the extensive rules for D&D were built. Tactical Studies Rules (TSR) was founded by Gygax and Don Kaye a few years later and not long afterwards, the first version of D&D was published.

In 1985 he left TSR but he remained prolific as a game designer and writer. He created Dangerous Journeys, an exhaustive, intricate rule-set published by Game Designers' Workshop in 1992. Lejendary Adventure followed in 1999.

"While it's hard to deny that most RPGs bear his indelible mark, our industry owes a debt of gratitude above and beyond this to the work of Gygax and his contemporaries toward disseminating the statistical frameworks that underlie most interactive games. Rare is a game development house without a D&D player, current or former, among its ranks. Today, a few of these developers shared their thoughts on Gygax's passing."
Gamespy Staff

"I think it's fair to say that D&D continues to be a huge inspiration to everyone here at Blizzard and that Gary will be remembered and missed by all of us."
Mike Morhaime, CEO and co-founder, Blizzard Entertainment

"Trying to capture Gary's vision of D&D was the driving goal for both Baldur's Gate and Neverwinter Nights and we have Mr. Gygax to thank for inspiring us."
Ray Muzyka, co-general manager, BioWare

"He used to hang around the Warhammer 40K tables just moving the pieces around to piss off the players. It was hilarious to watch"
John Miller, work colleague of The Colonel

"The Great Man himself has passed away at age 69. Why are the good always taken away from us so young?"
Bruce Russell, The 1st 2IGTV Ubergeek
"I spent the evening in solemn contemplation. My attempts to cast Resurrection were a failure."
Sith Apologist, Sith Lord and former GM for The Colonel

"It funny how you don't fully realise the contribution people like him had made until they're gone."
Mark, co-presenter 2IGTV

As for myself, I think the only way to honour the contribution made by Gygax is to continue enjoy a friendly game of D&D just as he himself did up as far as January this year every Monday night! Rest in peace.

The Colonel (Right) with his elite force of D&D players 2005.