Fun from China!

I've only ever had the pleasure of befriending one Chineese national in my entire life, thus far. This however has only cemented my official conclusion that "they're a funny bunch all the same".

Hilton denies romp with Sizemore

Paris Hilton has dismissed Tom Sizemore's claims he slept with her when she was a teenager, insisting she has never even met the troubled actor.

In an interview on his new porn tape (seriously guys this is the first I heard of it too) "The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal", Sizemore says he enjoyed a one night stand with the then 19-year-old Hilton when she begged him for sex after a party. Sizemore goes on to allege hotel heiress Hilton showed him a good time, adding, "She knew what she could do to people." But Hilton, now 24, is appalled by the suggestion she had sexual relations with the 44-year-old, who has been in and out of court fighting drug and domestic abuse charges over the last two years.

"It's disappointing that Mr. Sizemore has to use my name to sell his DVDs. He is not an acquaintance of mine, nor have I ever had intimate relations with him."

I wonder if she came face to face with The Whizzinator? I'm inclined to believe Tom, he's only guilty of beating women up and trying to pass off someone elses urine as his own, Hilton however leaked her own Sex-tape to gain publicity, "that's (not) hot!". Tom on the other hand had the good sence to make one and sell it instead. What a guy!

Another African needs my bank account

"princessfatimah kinghumah"

DEAR FRIEND,

Good day and Compliments to you in the name of our creator Almighty Allah, I am princess FATIMAH D.HUMAH, writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of Allah for you to help me and my family, almighty Allah will bless and reward you aboundantly and you would never regret this.

My family and I are true Muslim and worship Allah truthfully.I got your contact during my search for this assistance. I am a female student from University of Burkina Faso, Ouaga. I am 25 yrs old. I'd like any person who can be carring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you.

I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well,my father died earlier
two months ago and left I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death. I was a
princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is still young and my mother is not
literateenough to know all my father's wealth.

He left the sum of USD 5.5M (Five Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars)in the bank for security reason.This money was annually paid into my late fathers account from SAHEL BURKINA FASO is a Minining Comany operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction.

I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my consent because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town.

Now,I urgently need your humble assistance to move this money from the security company to your bank account, That is why I felt happy when I saw
your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of Allah, you will help me invest this money wisely. I am ready to pay 30% of the total
amount to you if you help us in this transaction and another 10% interest of Annual After Income to you, for handling this transaction for us,which
you will strongly have absolute control over it.

If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me.Please, note that this transaction
is 100% risk free and I hope to commence the transaction as quick as possible,I will send you my picture as soon as I hear from you for recognition.

Yours sincerely,
PRINCESS FATIMAH HUMAH.(MIS).



Okay, I'll have to admit, I've never been as tempted to respond to a hoax since some fuckers rang my house one day pretending to be Satanists and wondering if my local church would mind hosting a satanic mass- 20 minutes later he hung up believing I was a minister of the Eucharist and secretly a member of the Order of the Demonic Horde.

But getting back to Princess Fatimah: As responding in any way shape or form would be as useless as a handle on a snowball, I've decided instead to post my "reply" here for all to see...


Dear Princess Fatimah,

I am in receipt of your E-mail dated Tue, Oct 18th 2005. You have presented an eloquent, convincing and compelling case for my aid. Before I can set things in motion however, there are a few points in your E-mail that I feel I must address before we begin our "long term relationship".

1) Where in the name of "Almighty Allah" did you get my "contact"? You did a search for assistance!? What kind of assistance? What did you enter into the search engine? "I need a hero"? That would have brought you to Bonnie Tyler lyrics. It came to my Personal private E-mail account, known only to me, my friends and organisations which whom I conduct private business with. I'm very careful to tick the box that does not allow the company to send my E-mail address to every clusterfuck wanting to sell me \/1@Gr/\ or improve my sex-life by adding girth to what is already alluded to as being a most impressive "weapon" by envious male readers of my Blog. So please enlighten me.

2) Do I sound caring, loving or home-oriented to you? Did wherever you got my E-mail address make me sound that way? Tell me so that I can sue for defamation. I find it unlikely that someone would have described ME like that, and I certainly would write up myself to sound like such a pussy. For the most authentic profile of me: EYES RIGHT BITCH!

3) You want a long term relationship with me and to know more about me? in that order?... did you read the profile?

4) Okay this bit, I love: your father's estate is $5.5M? How did he die again? Oh you didn't say did you? Right, anyway, now this money was annually paid into his account from SAHEL BURKINA FASO a mining company which is operating in your locality in return for contributions to youth and community development in your area? So why were they paying your father as well? Was the money just resting in his account before he delivered it to the youth and the community? No, sorry dear the company was probably paying your father off to keep him quiet while they were using the poor youth and community as slave labour in the mines. Now they they've dried up your father had to have an accident when he was enraged that his source of income had dried up too- how's that for a theory? It may also be of intrest for you to know that I have here a list of all 31 legitimate gold-mining companies in your country and guess what? There is no SAHEL BURKINA FASO mining company in operation there at all!!! Isn't that weird?

5) So you want to invest the money abroad, that's great: Removing $5.5m from the coffers of one of the poorest countries in the world where half the population are below the poverty line without some sort of plan is fucking nuts lady.

Also considering that bacterial diarrhoea, hepatitis A, typhoid fever, malaria, schistosomiasis, meningococcal meningitis and of course HIV are in such a high abundance there, I can safely say that I'll never choose of my own free will to be within 10 meters near any of you without a HAZMAT suit, never mind a "long-term relationship".

Here's the most major problem however, you're not that long having become independent from France, you all still speak French, and no one likes the French, so don't expect too much help.

The mighty Allah can't help you now!

Regards,

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon

Media names Sizemore's prosthetic penis

I just read an article that names the apperatus that my 2nd favourite actor of all time Tom Sizemore used to attempt to fake a drug test in July last.

It's apparently called The Whizzinator.

That aside, the Judge seems to be happy with his turnaround and has agreed that if he can stay out of trouble for 3 years, then he can stay out of jail for his latest crimes.

Apparently Sizemore is starting his own reality TV show, dubbed Super Sizemore next year. More on that when I have news.

Spielberg goes interactive

Not content with making his mark on the Medal Of Honor franchise, Hollywood legend Mr. Seveven Speilberg has signed a deal with Electronic Arts (EA) to work on three original video games. He will be the exec producer on the LA-based projects, the first of which is already in progress and has been described as "a next generation game with mass appeal".

He says, "Having watched the game industry grow from a niche into a major creative force in entertainment, I have a great deal of respect for EA's understanding of the interactive format."

The games will appear on the next generation consoles which will be released by Sony and Microsoft to replace their PlayStation 2 and Xbox machines. Neil Young, the head of EA's LA studio, says, "No one is more at the centre of understanding gameplay and great storytelling than Steven Spielberg. Being able to draw from Steven Spielberg's experience in crafting incredible stories and combine that with our view of interactivity means you will have richer fiction, deeper characters and better sense of immersion."

Rummy: Attack! Attack! Attack! Kill! Kill! Kill!

One of my current political heroes, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld had this to say to troops asking about why America is waging the "Global War On Terror".

He replied that it is not the mission of the U.S. military to "cower behind illusory defenses" because "defenses don't work." The only defense, he said, is to go on the offensive, to stop terrorists before they attack America.

"Your mission is to be on the offense; it's to go on the attack," he said. "And that's what our forces are doing: they're engaging the enemy where they live so that they do not attack us where we live."

It's so simple when you look at the world through the eyes of Rummy isn't it?

Blond Bond

This just in from London: Danny Craig is officially the new James Bond. The 37 year old actor will be the 6th actor to to play the British superspy. The next Bond film is "Casino Royale," due in theaters in November 2006.

"I had a couple of martinis when I found out," Craig said.

Craig's name, the subject of speculation for weeks, was revealed as he was whisked down the River Thames aboard a military speedboat to a waterside news conference.

Producer Michael G. Wilson said 200 actors had been considered, but Craig was the only one who had been offered the role.

"I am looking most forward to actually starting getting on with it, and feeling intimidated about pretty much everything," Craig said. "It is a sort of responsibility, but it is also a huge adventure."

Smurfs finally get theirs...

I really wish this was a fill blown episode or movie, but it's just an advert for UNICEF. Apperently they're releasing this advertisment in Belgium to drum up funds to support injured or orphaned children after global conflict. Of course if the conflict was waged properly in the first place there wouldn't be any survivors (I ain't called Whopper for nothin')!

Anyway, it's a 30-second cartoon that depicts "just another smurfy day in Smurf Village. The perpertually perky blue beings frolic around the fire, holding hands and singing that "tra-la-la-la-la-la" tune as bluebirds flutter by and rabbits hop around.

But then the bombs come.

Hundreds of them raining down from warplanes in the sky, wiping out the mushroom-shaped abodes. Amid the fiery explosions, Smurfette is killed. Papa Smurf disappears. As the smoke clears, only an orphaned Baby Smurf remains, sobbing among the corpses."

Does this not sound fantastic? It's like a dream come through. The article here suggests that it may eventually air in Europe. A spokeswoman for the ad-agency said that the wanted to do more graphic scenes of violence : "We wanted something that was real war--Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head--but they said no," she told reporters. I'm doing a search on that agency now I intend having that woman's telephone number by the time I log off this evening- I'm in love...

Poor Bastards

Spare a thought for the poor bastards who have to build this on Christmas morning for their kids (and a thought for their wallet as the thing costs about €400) it has an estimated build time of 7.5 hours for a Lego Expert "Master Builder" -a grade bestowed on me by the Lego club in 1988, but you apparently have to be 16 to construct this- from the looks of it (and last year's Star Destroyer) I'd believe it!!!

The latest from Bruce Campbell

The legendary Bruce Campbell gave an interview to IGN.com earler in the week, it was an interesting read. What I did note was that he and the producers of the Brisco County Jr. TV show have started nagging Warner Bros. to finally release the series on DVD!!!

He also says that there'll be no Evil Dead IV until everyone's ready to be involved! A glance at the IMDB reveals what appears to be an original Evil Dead remake that Raimi is NOT directing, but writing the screenplay, that confirmes Ashton Kutcher! Campbell says we (assuming he and Raimi) will have producing roles, but I don't think it'll turn out as good as the originals which were made with a budget of a few thousand dollars and some sheep guts- and worked. Still it'd be nice to see Kutcher being raped by a tree!!!

Some of Campbell's latest projects include Alien Apocalypse and The Man With The Screaming Brain which was he directorial debut.

Celluloid DOOM!

I've a pretty good feeling that the fourthcoming DOOM movie will be the best Sci-fi movie of the year (remember Star Wars isn't a movie around here- it's a religion). I doubt I'm the only one who's been waiting for this for the past few years if the rampant internet buzz is anything to go by. Even people who don't play games know what DOOM is, it's now a firm part of western civilisation- a cultural icon.

While I think that some of the plot points have been changed around- like a virus creates the demons as opposed to opening a gateway to hell (don't aks me why), basically The Rock (left) and Karl Urban (Eomer in Lord of the Rings) are part of the Space Marine unit assigned to the Martian facility where all hell breaks loose (no pun there).

From looking at the trailers it looks like there'll be a sequence where the camera will take a position similar to where the characters head would be and it's as if you're seeing through the character's eyes just like in the DOOM game- I'm really excited about this as it's never been done before- and it'll give people an idea of the graphics quality we'll be playing with in the future as we draw near to true-photorealistic in-game graphics which are not as far away as people think.

Anyhow, DOOM will be released on October 21st in the US but it looks like people without broadband and bittorrent will have to wait until December 2nd to be DOOMed!!!!

Peter Jackson to produce HALO

This just in! Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings, King Kong) is to produce the live action film adaptation of Bungie's HALO the award winning, record-breaking shooter according to their website. Having only played the demo and although I had to give the game a miss due to time constraints (I can't play everything) I'll certainly be looking forward to this now. The rumour that Ewe Boll is directing the movie is a load of shit, and you can quote me on that!!

VerTecXneT Upgrades

Just doing some upgrading of the secondary and tertiary elements of VerTecXneT, my home network, so updates may be absent for a few days.

Those of you familiar with VerTecXneT may recognise the cases and parts of Magnus, Orion, Prometheus and Agamemnon and a fifth unit (top left) hencefourth be called Perseus, which a friend of mine was going to send to the dump, but I felt it may in whole -or most likely in part, be of some use yet. Don't worry Bellerophron is all ready for Quake IV and Hyperion is functioning splendidly as I'm using it to update this blog as always.

Catch you later folks.

Quake 4 goes gold!

In the Summer of 1998, I (as Colonel Creedon, Space Marine) defeated the Makron and completed Quake II. There was much rejoicing.

But now, more than seven years on, Earth's war against the Strogg is about to continue. There is a new Makron, and Earth is pulling no punches this time: Now there's going to be a full planetary assault on Stroggos as QUAKE 4 is officially gold!!

Activision announced today that the latest in the classic FPS franchise is entering manufacturing and will invade PCs on October 21st.

Developed by Raven Software, QUAKE 4 uses id Software's DOOM 3 engine to pick up where Quake II left off. As Matthew Kane, an elite member of Rhino Squad, players invade the Strogg stronghold, fighting alone, alongside other Marines, and in mechanized walkers and hover tanks. Along with the single-player campaign, QUAKE 4 includes multiplayer action inspired by the speed and feel of Quake III Arena.

It's time to clean the layer of dust off my favourite Quake II weapon, the Hyperblaster and return to Stroggos and finish the job! WHO'S WITH ME??!!!!!

Marine is the new CJCS

General Peter Pace was sworn in as sixteenth Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff on Sep. 30, 2005. In this capacity, he serves as the principal military advisor to the President, the Secretary of Defense, and the National Security Council. Prior to becoming Chairman, he served as Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff from October 1, 2001 to August 12, 2005. General Pace is the first Marine to serve as Chairman. He also holds the distinction of being the first Marine to have served as the Vice Chairman.

I've been following the career of this man since Somalia in '94 and I knew when he was made the Vice Chair that it wouldn't be long before there was a Marine chairman. While the Chairman has to be impartial to all 4 services (Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force), I think that with a Marine in the hot seat that the Corps will benefit in ways we can't imagine yet.

As visitors to my office at home will know I'll be proud to change the title card under General Pace's photograph on my wall from Vice Chairman to Chairman. I've sent my formal congratulations to General Pace, now you can too with this form. Any questions you have can be posted on the comments underneath, I'll answer all.

Oliver North: Send in the Marines

I regularly read the articles published by Lt.Col.Oliver North, the Marine officer who “fell on his sword” for his country, and was used as a scapegoat in the Iran-Contra affair of the late 80’s.

In his latest article he has concerns over the military being used to render aid to the victims of hurricane Katrina and other such natural disasters declared national emergencies. Quite frankly so do I. The armed forces are stretched thin enough across the globe without those on rotational leave from the Global War on Terror to be gallivanting around the south repairing infrastructure and searching for survivors who should have known better then to stay around for the impending hurricane in the first place.

It could be that congress may amend the constitution so that the military could be used to restore order such as in situations that got a little out of hand in the Superdome and such. While I think that would be good to have “live-target practice” on US soil, it would only take one little mistake for the wrong person to be shot and then more time and money for a public inquiry. So instead of giving the military disaster relief and policing training- I think they should give the police, military training, and some military grade weapons and let them cull the unruly population instead. Leave the military and especially the Marines, do what they do best- kill foreigners. Eagle-eyed readers who can read "fruit salad" will notice the absence of the Humanitarian Service Medal from my chest!

Episode 6 of 2IGTV now online!

My buddy Mark has just posted the latest episode of our podcast "2 Irish Geeks and a TV". In this installment you'll learn (among other things) about who the villains that will be in "Spiderman 3", I review "Land Of The Dead" and the pilot Episode of Bochco's "Over*There", Mark reviews the pilots of "Invasion" and the new Brannon “Star Trek Killer” Braga / Brent “Data” Spiner TV show: "Threshold". Anyone who listens and comes away with the impression that I was perhaps a bit "too excited" by both Over*There and Land of the Dead... ...is probably right, I was! And I don't apologise for it (except to Mark for hogging his airtime- Sorry Mark!).

You can also get the latest episode and all previous episodes by vistiting visit Mark's blog here, or use iTunes to subscribe to the podcast feed.

If you don't know what a podcst is or havn't a clue what I'm on about go here.

Family of slain foreigner want justice!

I just read this on Sky News. I'm apalled that Sky would give airtime to the family of Jean Charles de Menezes, the Brazillian shot in Stockwell station, London on July 21st. The last thing the authorities in the UK want now is their agents second-guessing who they should and shouldn't shoot, after the governent are finished with their politically correct 'inquiries'.

The 27 year old electrician should have known better- he was running, he was carrying a rucksack full of tools and he was foreign. Dumb Ass!- I'm surprised they only shot him seven times.

Future religious artefact to be released on DVD

Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith will debut on DVD Nov. 1 as two-disc set with a host of features, including a featurette titled Within a Minute. The newly produced feature offers insight into the complexity of creating a single 49-second sequence of Episode III, showcasing the amount of work that goes into one short sequence. The featurette was created from more than 600 hours of material gathered throughout the process of making Episode III and is hosted by producer Rick McCallum.

As usual there'll bedeleted scenes including the arrival of a certain diminutive Jedi Master to the swamp planet of Dagobah.

George Lucas and members of the movie's crew provide another insightful commentry and new featurettes include The Chosen One and It's All for Real that look at Anakin Skywalker's transformation into Darth Vader and the creation of the stunts in the climactic lightsaber duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

To be honest I was sort of hoping for some class of admission from Lucas in regard to him being a god and that he's pleased that he has so many followers to his religion, but that seems not to be forthcoming. Unfortunatly Lucas has always played down himself as a deity like Ben Sisko distanced himself from his role as the Emissary. Pity. Mabe after the TV show...

Anyway I've had mine on order for the past two months, have you?

Truth is stranger than (Science) Fiction

While an airliner flying around in circles may not sound like a compelling TV image, it was enough to attract some 10.5 million viewers to the cable TV news networks in the US during the 8:00 p.m. hour Wednesday, while at 9:00 p.m. the drama was watched by 13 million viewers.

The huge number waiting to see whether the JetBlue plane with damaged landing gear would land safely was greater than even the audience for Hurricane Katrina. Fox news, CNN and MSNBC pulled in some of their highest ratings ever.

I'll assume that folks just wanted to see a real Airline crash live on telly? It's no fun just seeing wreckage in the aftermath or grainy amateur video. Of most intrest is the ratings it snapped away from LOST which unfortunatly went out on ABC at 9PM, I hope the producers aren't too upset.

Just as intrestingly: Some of the passengers on the plane got wind of their problem from the MSNBC news cast covering the plight of Flight 292 before the cabin crew told them!!! Thursday's Los Angeles Times said that the crew allowed the TV broadcasts to continue to beam throughout the plane until moments before the actual landing. What fun!