SPEARHEAD denounces Alien Crab and Dark Lady

"Time wasting science-fiction nerd and tinfoil-hat conspiracy-theory nonsense" is what Brigadier General "Whopper" Creedon, SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Intelligence and Information denounced the latest claims from the "lunatic fringe of Internet trawlers".

The General was describing new claims that have surfaced online concerning the latest Mars Curiosity photos which show a 'Space Crab' or 'Alien Face-Hugger' crawling out of a crevice and another shows a 'Dark Clothed woman' standing on a perch looking out over the sea of sand on the red planet.

The Dark Woman, whom some have even claimed is holding a weapon!

The Director of the SETI research centre Seth Shostak puts these claims down to cases of pareidolia, a form of apophenia, which is when people see patterns in random stimuli like faces in clouds. "Recognising a crab in a landscape filled with wind-weathered rocks is no more surprising - nor more significant - than seeing a winking face in a semi-colon followed by a parenthesis. ;)" he said.

It's coming to get you!!!

Scott C Waring, editor of UFO Sightings Daily, said: "It may be a crab-like animal, or it also may be a plant. "It really doesn't matter. The significance of this is that it shows signs that it is alive." 

"If you stare at my face long enough you'll probably believe I'm some kind of godamn alien freak too" added General Creedon diplomatically in a telephone interview. "We don't have time for this, these nutballs see all sorts of crazy shit in the photos, eggs, squrrels, numbers, pyramids and my personal favourite 'fake sand' - yes you heard me - a claim that someone put fake sand on Mars" before he hung up.

Source: NASA, The Daily Mail

Ukraine's next president could be Darth Vader?

Vladimir Putin's very own propaganda machine Russia Today reported that the Sith Lord Darth Vader is now a real Ukraine presidential candidate. It's obviously not the real Vader [as he succumbed to his wounds and died in the arms of his son aboard the second Death Star] but the otherwise unnamed chairman of the Ukrainian Internet Party, who wears a Darth Vader outfit during his public appearances.

Vader's involvement in Ukrainian politics seemed to begin in the 2012 parliamentary election. The Sith Lord actually scored a record 3% of votes, which could have secured high office but because supporters had to add Vader’s name to the ballots themselves, they were rendered void.

Lord Vader with his signed paperwork outside City Hall in Odessa

This time however, Darth Vader has already filed the necessary paperwork to appear on the May 25th ballot along with submitting the required deposit of 2.5m hryvnia ($225,225) for presidential candidacy. He told Russia Today: "I am prepared to take responsibility for the fate of this country, if fellow citizens do me this high honour. I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride for this country."

Despite my love of Star Wars, a win for Vader would be disastrous on two levels -

1: It's a bit nuts in all fairness and cheapens the sanctity of Star Wars and

2: Putin could invade Ukraine on the basis they've lost all sense of reality if they've elected a Disney Character as President or just as easily use Vader's publicly stated imperialist policies to initiate a first-strike against Ukraine as he doesn't seem to need much excuse these days.

Basically, I'm not on board with this. Now if it was Master Yoda....

Source: Mr. V / Gizmodo / RT

Ignorant cinema texter taken out!

As this did not involve a currently serving law-enforcement official it can't be added to my Shoot First... series, but it nevertheless highlights a justifiable, if a tad overdramatic, response to something that ought to be considered a heinous crime.

Earlier in the week, a dispute over the use of a cell phone inside a cinema “escalated quickly” to quote Ron Burgundy, leaving the cell phone user dead and a smoking gun belonging to a former police officer.

The dispute began around 13:30 at a showing of new Mark Wahlberg movie Lone Survivor at The Grove 16 Theatre in Wesley Chapel, Florida. Curtis Reeves Jr., a 71 year old retired Tampa Bay police captain, asked Chad Oulson 43 to stop texting on his cell phone. According to media outlets Oulson apparently refused, telling Reeves that he was sending text messages to his young daughter. Reeves subsequently alerted the theatre staff, an act which seemed to escalate the confrontation.

A Marine Vietnam vet and eyewitness in the theatre, Charles Cummings [68], told reporters that the men started raising their voices and popcorn was thrown. According to authorities Reeves allegedly drew his .38-calibre semiautomatic pistol in front of about 10 people and shot Oulson.  According to the arrest report, Reeves claims that the victim struck him in the face with an unknown object and said that he was in fear of being attacked and the shooting was self-defence. Judge Lynn Tepper rejected the notion that second-degree murder charges were too severe and refused to let him out on bond.

Personally, I think that people who use their mobile phones in a cinema deserve to be shot. It’s a darkened room and cell phones are bright with increasingly bigger screens nowadays and are very distracting. Chad Oulson was given ample warning by Curtis Reeves to cease and desist but was too much of a dickhead to comply. Interestingly, he was also allegedly sending a text to his daughter whom different media reports are saying is aged between 22 months and 3 years, in any case – too young to have a cell phone, so if true, Oulson was apparently a bad parent as well as an asshole.

However, perhaps surprisingly I don’t think Reeves was entirely justified in his actions in this event; this is because the trailers were still showing. You see, the main feature hadn’t actually started yet and I think it should be OK to use your phone up to the point where the movie proper actually starts. Regardless of the lack of justification, we now live in a world there this has happened; of course the lesson here is if you use your phone during a movie from now on, you should be prepared to go down like a punk.

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 3: The Spy Stork

Two weeks ago a man in Egypt’s Qena governorate, some 450km southeast of Cairo, found a suspicious stork among four others near his home and brought them to the police. It made headlines because an electronic device was attached to it's wing and the bird was immediately suspected of being a spy in the security heightened country as the practice of using birds in this manner is not unheard of.

On August 31st, a veterinary committee called in by officials, determined the device was neither a bomb nor a spying device but a wildlife tracker used by french scientists to follow the movement of migrating birds. Ayman Abdallah, head of Qena veterinary services said the device stopped working when the bird crossed the border.

The stork remained incarcerated in the police station until September 4th when it was visited by a number of unidentified officials with UN identification. Although unconfirmed, it was believed that among them was Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of UNETIDA/UNPASID who was known to be in the country. The Stork was released later that day according to Al Jazeera.

It was reported by most major news outlets yesterday that the stork's body was discovered on an island in the Nile, south of the ancient city of Aswan on Saturday, September 7th. Reports are that local villagers killed and ate it - therefore FOWL PLAY IS SUSPECTED!

Sources: The Guardian / Mail Online / Sky News / FOX News / Al Jazeera

Boy saves world but rewarded with suspension

In Loveland, Colorado there was little love shown to Captain Alex Evans, U.S. Army Special Forces who single headedly saved the entire world and the future of mankind by lobbing a MK140 High Explosive Fragmentation Grenade with flawless military precision into Pandora's Box itself! His costly mistake however was to do so on school property putting the lives of civilians and schoolchildren at risk.

At least this is how it may look to poor little Alex Evans if he could even understand why he was being suspended from school. But because you're SEVEN YEARS OLD you can't fathom why you'd be punished for being a hero!

Confused? Let me elaborate. Evans is a 2nd grader at Mary Blair Elementary School and he was suspended from the school because he violated the school's insane rules against the use of weapons - either real or imaginary. That's right - imaginary. The boy was playing a game during recess and threw an imaginary grenade into a make-believe box with pretend 'evil forces' inside.

 

Evans explained to FOX31 “It’s called ‘Rescue the World,’ I pretended the box, there’s something shaking in it, and I go ‘pshhh.’" as the boy widens his arms as if to simulate an explosion “So nothing can get out and destroy the world. I was trying to save people and I just can’t believe I got dispended,” he added, obviously not even able to pronounce his punishment - something that the school should probably be more concerned with than trying to act as totalitarian 'thought police' restricting imagination.

Mary Blair Elementary lists “absolutes” designed to keep a safe environment. The list includes absolutely no fighting, real or imaginary; no weapons, real or imaginary. Alex Evans did not even throw a physical object [like the dangerous weapon carried to school by Melody Valentin] or make any threats against anyone [like the 5-year old terrorist did in Pennsylvania] but the Orwellian school authorities insist he broke a key rule during his pretend play.

But Mary Blair Elementary isn't the only institution to have a ridiculous knee-jerk reaction in the wake of the Sandy Hook tragedy. Other school authorities all over the U.S. have made some similarly unfathomable decisions recently and have gone too far:

6 year old suspended for pointing a finger like a gun.

Pair of 1st graders suspended for playing cops & robbers with finger guns.

5 year old makes gun gesture and says "bang" = 2 day suspension.

5 year old threatened with suspension for making gun shapes with Legos.

I was really hoping at least one of these stories linked to The Onion, but no, all real.

If I had been subject to these 'laws' when I was at school, I'd have been expelled as opposed to suspended as I'm sure a lot of folk reading this would be. I'm not unaware that some children of these ages are capable of crime and can wield dangerous weapons. I also acknowledge that every school is within it's rights and certainly even has a responsibility to ensure that it's teachers or students can't be in a position to cause harm or be harmed by one another. 

It's perfectly reasonable for school authorities to act and punish if physical harm is done to faculty, students or property but the act of prohibiting the development of simple thought and imagination is the most disturbing thing I've read in quite a while [and I read ramblings by Glen Beck earlier in the week!]. The fact that these rules are being enforced on 5-7 year olds in learning institutions in the 21st century is unfathomable and would only be conceivable to me in a Dystopian science fiction movie.

The world is a dangerous place. Educate the little brats on what to do if they encounter a real weapon and they just might listen. Yes there must indeed be measures in place to protect children but they must not come at the cost of their childhood.

Cock-Up has EAS warn of Zombie attacks!

An internal investigation began Monday concerning a serious and embarrassing malfunction of UNPASID’s control of the United States’ Emergency Alert System [EAS] which would in theory be used only in the event of a Zompocalypse.

On Monday afternoon, a CBS affiliate KRTV in Great Falls, Montana, which was broadcasting the Steve Wilkos talk show, had it’s sound temporarily replaced by the EAS. The audio signal alerted: "Civil authorities in your area have reported that the bodies of the dead are rising from the grave and attacking the living." And warned not "to approach or apprehend these bodies as they are extremely dangerous."

The incident is suspected to have arisen due to an effort to merge the UNPASID control with the UNETIDA control of the EAS which would be deployed in a similar manner should local authorities be unable to contain a sudden Extra Terrestrial landing before the arrival of UNETIDA.

A UNETIDA/UNPASID Counterintelligence team quickly fabricated a convincing story about a group of hackers attacking TV stations to post “hoax messages” about a zombie scare. “We have ways of convincing people of anything we need to to avoid revealing the truth,” said Colonel “Whopper” Creedon, Director of Intelligence, UNETIDA/UNPASID. “Hackers are in the public conscience and there are thousands of nerdy fanboys with access to the Internet and watching stuff like The Walking Dead on TV, Zombieland in the cinema and playing Left for Dead on their games machines. So it’s very easy to implicate them in something like this as they’re well known for their mischief.”

Most news outlets in the areas affected carried stories concerning what is, due to UNETIDA/ UNPASID’s actions, now considered a hoax which, as one law enforcement officer who received a 911 call put it, "Gave us a chuckle".

Source: USA Today / Youtube /  I09

Vampire awakens in Serbia!

Garlic has become the most sought after product in the area of the hamlet of Zarozje in Bajina Basta, Serbia. Apparently the local council advised all villagers to place garlic on their doors and windows and to put a Holy Cross in every room, to ward off the legendary vampire, Sava Savanovic.

Savanovic is understood to have been 'reawakened' after an old watermill in which he was believed to have lived collapsed recently according to news reports. The mill had become a tourist attraction, but was left in disrepair by the family who owned it because they feared disturbing it's undead inhabitant.

Villagers are now terrified that the vampire, one of the country's most feared and most famous, is roaming the countryside looking for fresh blood.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID said he was aware of the reports but was confident that it was simply a bid by locals to attract visitors to the impoverished region. He had no comment when asked if an UNPASID Paranormal Eradication Unit had been dispatched to deal with the potential threat.

Villagers who cashed in catering to tourists fascinated by the legend of Savanovic say they now wish they had left the place well alone.

Source: The Telegraph / Daily Mail / AP

UNETIDA: Mexican Volcano UFO not carrying Magma-Men refugees

Mexican media company Televisa this week released footage of an apparent 1km long UFO falling into the mouth of Popocatepetl, an active volcano in Central Mexico, 80 miles from Mexico City. The video, apparently captured on Oct 25th has received much international coverage but has clearly been debunked by amateurs and experts alike.

UNETIDA issued support for this opinion that the video is a computer generated fake and there was no UFO incident. Teniente Coronel "Halcon" Sanchez, UNETIDA Air Operations Director for South America reported that there was no unscheduled aircraft [outside of the usual transponder-less aircraft from Colombia] in his region and no objects of that size which could have made planetfall.

Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID Colonel "Whopper" Creedon also specified that the UFO that was faked was not a spacecraft carrying a race of sentient Magma-Men refugees arriving to live in peace beneath the surface of the planet until humanity is extinct after which they will rise to the surface and develop the planet for themselves. "So don't go looking for them because they don't exist" he said.

"No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found!"

The National Ocean Service, a subdivision of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration [NOAA] was forced to issue an official public statement denying the existence of Mermaids on it's website last week.

Apparently, Discovery Channel presented a special on Mermaids as part of their Animal Planet: Monster Week and the results were somewhat convincing to the US public to raise inquiries concerning the creatures. The BBC reported that the NOA received written requests for information and that Discovery has acknowledged that "the programme was a work of fiction but its wink-and-nod format apparently led some viewers to believe it was a science education show."

In secret, UN officials have cited the incident as a "major blunder" by the paranormal watchdog agency UNPASID who "obviously have failed in their duty to monitor public infomation concerning Merfolk" said William Turner the Deputy UN High Commissioner for Paranormal Affairs. "The last thing we need now is curious fishermen starting a war with Atlantis... ...AGAIN!"

When questioned by press on the subject of Mermaids as a naval activities specialist; Captain "Harpoon" Dutton, KBE, Commander, UNETIDA Naval Tactical Support only enigmatically said "You’ll agree we need to be aware of this."

Squid fucks area woman's mouth!

The Journal of Parasitology recently published Penetration of the oral mucosa by parasite-like sperm bags of squid, a scientific paper detailing the ordeal of a 63-year-old Korean woman who "experienced severe pain in her oral cavity immediately after eating a portion of parboiled squid with its internal organs”. Despite expelling the food from her mouth, she still had a "pricking and foreign-body sensation" in her oral cavity. When she was hospitalised, surgeons removed a dozen "small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gums." In English - the dead squid's spermatophores were still active, and they'd inseminated the woman's mouth!

Squid a Day’s Danna Staaf explains further: “Each spermatophore includes an ejaculatory apparatus, which can expel the sperm mass quite forcefully, and a cement body for attachment. Of course, neither of those is a needle or a knife—the sort of thing you'd expect to need for actual implantation (into either a female squid or a human mouth).” As no one is quite sure how spermatophores implant themselves into skin, Staaf reveals that “it’s happened to humans more than once.” Staff insists there’s no cause for alarm in Western civilisation as there, squid preparations typically remove the internal organs from squid and leave only the muscle — so no one in the west is in any danger of accidentally ingesting spermatophores. Also, they're not dangerous unless they make contact with a mucous membrane.

“This has easily been one of the more bizarre Extra Terrestrial attacks to cover up” said Colonel “Whopper” Creedon, Acting Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA. “At first UNPASID investigated because as the squid was physically and legally dead,” explained the Colonel, because apparently the fact that it was able to perform functions would normally classify it as undead. The Colonel went on to describe that “… a species of amphibious aliens had found a way to take control of some of the planet’s marine life and have on a number of occasions attempted to impregnate humans, no doubt to create a hybrid man-squid race to take control of the planet.” Colonel Creedon did not disclose exactly how many attacks or attempted impregnations there have been, but he warned that anyone was at risk as cooking the alien-possessed squid would not kill them as they’re suspected to thrive in heated water.

UNETIDA has asked that you contact them on 555-ORALFUKFISH if you believed that a squid may have inseminated your mouth. Please note that the official UNETIDA warning poster was far too grotesque to present here.

Zombies "nothing to worry about"

Major General “Skullcrusher” Shaw, Director of the United Nations Paranormal and Supernatural Interdiction Directorate [UNPASID] in a rare public address at UNHQ New York says that the recent so-called 'flashpoints' being reported in US news media are "Nothing to worry about" and not a sign of either the so-called "Zombie Apocalypse" or "the end of times".

The director recounted the Miami Causeway Cannibal, the worldwide reported attack on Miami, Florida homeless man Ronald Potto by an enraged and naked Rudy Eugene on May 26th as not a case of zombification. The allusions by the media as to being so are considered to be "without merit" and instead the result of the abuse of a synthetic LSD known as "bath-salts".

In Baltimore, Maryland the case where one Alexander Kinyua killed his housemate Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, then ate some of his organs - is being treated as classic cannibalism as opposed to zombification according to General Shaw. On May 31st, in police custody, Kinyua admitted to killing Kodie, cutting him up with a knife and further stated that he consumed Kodie's internal organs -- specifically his heart and portions of his brain.

General Shaw also dismissed reports that Wayne Carter, the 33 year old man who stabbed himself and threw pieces of his skin and intestines at police officers trying to subdue him was a victim of Zombification. He was doing harm to himself, not others "so we haven't even investigated," said Shaw.

The director was very critical of news media irresponsibly reporting older stories with similar gruesome incidents as current events in order to fuel hysteria. One such story, Otty Sanchez's brutal and gruesome murder and dismemberment of her one-month old boy in San Antonio, Texas back in 2009 is being implied as being a recent event by an Associated Press article in circulation to many news outlets worldwide.

It's widely speculated that UNPASID fund zombie and horror movies as UNETIDA do science-fiction media in an effort to subliminally prepare and educate people. To this end, Shaw asked that members of the public exercise common sense in an age where everyone is aware of the threat proposed by a zombie-apocalypse from watching TV shows like The Walking Dead, movies like Zombieland and the Resident Evil series and playing video games like Left 4 Dead. "Quite frankly" said the general, "we do not want you to do fucking stupid shit" like Vitaly Zdorovetskiy who was almost shot for his grossly immature and ill-conceived plan to chase a number of African Americans about dressed as a zombie.

UNPASID's primary role with regard to zombies is of course containment, nullification and eradication. The Centers for Disease Control [CDC] still remains the US Government's arm for preparing the populace for the eventual outbreak. In 2011 the CDC began using using the "apocalypse" in its emergency preparedness blog. It was a success, attracting younger people who ordinarily wouldn't have read the agency's guidance on planning evacuation routes and storing supplies. However last Friday in response to public hysteria, CDC spokesman David Daigle sent an email to the press saying "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead," he wrote, adding: "(or one that would present zombie-like symptoms.)"

Source: CNN / ABC / FOX News / NSNBC / Ghana Nation / i09

Vampires attack Indian villages!

For the past few months, the villages of Gundalapatti and Mottangurichi near the Indian town of Dharmapuri have been deserted by 18:00 every day. Villagers are confining themselves indoors and no one goes out after dark for fear of attack from the roaming undead!

As strange as it sounds, the villagers are sure vampires (Ratha Kaatteri) have been attacking their cattle and could harm them as well. For some unknown reason, the cattle have been dying one after the other. Locals have now painted holy "namam" signs outside homes and written messages on doors asking vampires to spare them for the night.

Amused, members of the Indian political party Dravidar Kazhagam have announced 100,000 rupee [almost $2000] reward to anyone catching a vampire in the villages. “It is a big hoax. Anti-socials whose illegal night activities such as bootlegging and liquor brewing have been disturbed are spreading rumours and killing cattle,” said O. Jayaraman, who announced the reward. “Since people are not willing to believe us, we have challenged them with this reward."

The United Nations Paranormal and Supernatural Interdiction Directorate [UNPASID] has condemned the politicians action. "The last thing we need is some amateur Blade or Buffy running around the outskirts of Dharmapuri with silver, garlic, holy water and wooden stakes hoping to bag a leech" said Brigadier “Walrus” Jones, Assistant Director of UNPASID. "This is a job best left to professionals."

Source: IO9 / The DailyTelegraph / The Mail Online / The Deccan Chronicle

Steven Seagal: Border Sheriff

There was some unfounded speculations that after he left the governor's position that Arnold Schwarzenegger would pick up a weapon and stand on the U.S. / Mexican border to prevent illegal aliens from crossing - but he didn't, he's going back to acting. So you therefore have to hand it to fellow 80's action star Steven Seagal though, because next year he's grabbing a gun and going to do it instead!

Give a man a badge. [via Splash]

That's right, this is not, I repeat not Creedon's insane ramblings for the week this is real! In January 2012, Seagal will be swapping Louisiana for Texas where he has just been sworn in as Sheriff's Deputy this week to go out on patrol in Hudspeth County, which runs along the Rio Grande east of El Paso. Yes Seagal will be on the front line in the border wars against drug lords and to stop illegals from crossing the border, or at least a 98 mile long stretch of it.

Seagal, 59, a 7th dan black belt in Aikido, will bring his martial arts prowess to bear in protecting the border, as well as offering up his expertise to train the other sheriff's deputies, working full-time to help secure the border Texas shares with Mexico.

As you know from reading here that for the past couple of years cameras have been following him around Jefferson Parish, Louisiana where Seagal is a fully-commissioned Reserve Deputy Sheriff. What's the bet that those camera's will be heading Southwest now too?

"Holy Shit! They're coming through the fence - don't just stand there slackjawed! You gotta badge now! Just point an shoot!" [picture via Splash]

Midweek Visitors?

UNETIDA was said to be on high alert in the past 24 hours following two reported sightings of possible extraterrestrial activity on two different continents.

In England, while Tom Watson MP was discussing recent developments in “Hackergate” on Channel 4 News on Wednesday, an unidentified object sped through the back of frame and over the Houses of Parliament. Channel 4 is not known for what they have termed "extraterrestrial frivolity," preferring to present themselves as hard-hitting journalists but there was no explanation offered for this:

Squadron Leader "Spitfire" Anderton, UNETIDA Air Operations Officer [UK], said that a flight he sent from RAF Northolt to investigate the area reported nothing.

Meanwhile also on Wednesday in Chongqing Municipality's Jiangbei International Airport in China, air traffic was restricted for about an hour after a UFO was spotted over the runway.

Airport officials, were of the opinion that it could be a sky lantern or a large balloon. Authorities in Chongqing however have not offered an explanation for the unusual phenomenon.

Lieutenant Colonel “Yi” Chen, UNETIDA Air Operations Officer [China], would not speculate but confirmed that his forces were monitoring the situation.

Source: Dangerous Minds / Nerdcore /IO9 / FOX News / UNETIDA

Be careful on those curbs...

Thanks to Pints

If Philly has a Rocky statue; why not a RoboCop one in Detroit ?

That was gist of an argument tweeted recently to Dave Bing, Mayor of Detroit, Michigan. Sadly Mr. Bing did not appear to think a statue of a fictional police cyborg created from the remains of a murdered cop by a fascist monopoly who then went on to brutally dispense justice in a future-Detroit by violently killing or maiming lawbreakers before finally breaking his programming and continuing to violently kill or maim lawbreakers by his own accord, was appropriate to have immortalised in stone [or any other material for that matter]. It's probably unsurprising for you to learn Bing is a Democrat.

Right: The bronze statue of Rocky outside a Philadelphia museum

Detroit itself however had other ideas and the people of probably the worst hit city in the United States by the economic downturn became galvanised. One local non-profit group "Imagination Station" was quick to organise a Facebook campaign to fund and construct a $50,000 two-metre high-plus sculpture of RoboCop on privately owned land near the Michigan Central Depot in downtown Detroit, unless the Mayor relents under pressure to have the statue erected in a public location. "It would draw tourists, just as the Fonzie statue known as "Bronze Fonz" does in Milwaukee. Plus, it's just a cool idea," Brandon Walley one of the organisers said.

Amazingly in less than 10 days of the appeal starting, the group had raised more than $25,000 from donations through the Internet. The effort was then considerably helped out by a single $25,000 donation from San Francisco businessman Pete Hottelet, owner of Omni Consumer Products, who produce products based on TV and movie products like the True Blood drink from the show True Blood and Stay-Puft marshmallows from Ghostbusters. The real-life company is named after the fictional oppressive megacorporation that created RoboCop in Paul Verhoven's 1987 movie, well known as my favourite movie of all time.

Peter Weller, who first played Alex Murphy/RoboCop said that the homage to the fictional crimefighter would be good for Detroit. "I think it's a great thing." Jerry Paffendorf one of the RoboCop campaign leaders said he hopes the RoboCop campaign inspires residents and leads to other projects. "If people can raise money for something like RoboCop, then they can do it for their neighborhoods or their schools," he said. "Sometimes it takes a RoboCop to open up the consciousness of these things."

http://detroitneedsrobocop.com/

Sources: Detroit Free Press / detnews.com / SkyNews

"It's pointless to resist" - Vader robs a bank!

Patrons and staff at a Chase bank in Setauket, Long Island felt the power of the Force on Thursday last when they were robbed by Lord Darth Vader!

Vader didn't force-choke anyone but he did brandish an automatic pistol which he used in a threatening manner to ward off people laughing at him and demanded cash be placed in his "Yankees" backpack.

Read the full story here with updates here and here, which are laced with so many unsubtle Star Wars references that it actually ruins the effect.

Source: Darth Harrington / Bruce Russell / The Gothamist

Bin Laden Hunter was sent by God

A US man was detained in Pakistan recently while on a solo mission to kill Osama bin Laden.

Construction worker Gary Brooks Faulkner [50] said God prompted him in a dream to travel to Pakistan in search of al Qaeda's leader. His brother Scott Faulkner said that catching bin Laden was his passion.

The detained man is a devout Christian with a prison record who has been to Pakistan at least six times, said relatives and acquaintances who initially laughed when he told them that he wanted to kill Osama bin Laden.

Scott Faulkner said: "Our military has not been able to track Osama down yet. It's been 10 years. It's easier as a civilian, dressed in the local dress, to infiltrate the inside, the local people, gain their confidence and get information and intel that you couldn't get as an American soldier, Navy SEAL, whoever you might be."

Gary Faulkner, of Colorado, arrived in the Pakistani town of Bumburate on June 3 and was assigned a police guard, as is common for foreigners visiting remote parts of the country. When he left a hotel without informing the guard, officers began looking for him, police official Mumtaz Ahmad Khan said. Faulkner was found on Sunday in a forest.

"We initially laughed when he told us that he wanted to kill Osama bin Laden." But, when officers found weapons, including a 40-inch sword and a pistol, as well as night-vision equipment, "our suspicion grew", the police official said.

The Police would like also like to speak to this individual pictured below, who is believed to have made contact with Faulkner during his time in Bumburate.

Source: Sky News

Zombie Elected Mayor

Well no, not really but a man called Carl Geary, 55, died a month ago from a heart attack as he campaigned to be selected for the small sleepy country town Tracy City, Tennessee.

Despite his sudden death he still polled over three times as many votes as his rival in the election in. His widow, Susan Geary, said his election "was not a surprise at all to me. The day he passed away, people were calling with condolences and saying, "We're still voting for him."

Geary was known for his straight talking and served on the local council. He polled 285 votes to his rival's 85. Local business owners said the vote to elect him - even as he was dead - was a protest against the current mayor, Barbara Brock.

Suspiciously Brock was elected Mayor of the town 16 months ago - after the previous mayor died of a heart attack.

UNPASID [the United Nations Paranormal and Supernatural Interdiction Directorate] released a statement that there were unconcerned with the possibility of Geary administrating Tracy City from the grave.

Source: Sith Master / Technorati / The Telegraph

Do aliens like wool?

Reports have emerged in the press within the past week of "Unexplained sheep attacks 'caused by aliens in UFOs'," so claimed by local farmers describing a series of bizarre incidents involving their sheep in Shropshire. They have linked the unexplained incidents, where sheep's brains and eyes were removed, to mysterious orange lights in the sky.

Farmers near Shrewsbury claim to have witnessed sheep being “lasered” by unidentified light from UFOs. They have found sheep with “neat holes” while their brains and other internal organs were removed. Other animals have lost eyes or had their flesh “carefully stripped away”, usually on the left side.

Phil Hoyle, 53, who has spent almost a decade investigating how the livestock have died, said the UFOs were found to have roamed a 50-mile "corridor" between Shrewsbury and Powys. Hoyle and 15 members of the Animal Pathology Field Unit, claimed they witnessed UFOs at work last month while working during the night at a Welsh hill farm near Radnor Forest. “The technology involved in these attacks is frightening,” he told The Sun.

Someone within the British Ministry Of Defence who declined to be identified, leaked a partially redacted report filed by Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of UNETIDA. Among the sections that could be read were "for OPSEC reasons we must obviously keep this from public knowledge", "caution must be exercised while practicing with these weapons" and "it's not inconceivable that modern weather-balloons could be mounted with surgically-precise high-density lasers".

Source: Sith Master / The Telegraph / The Sun / Additional various sources