Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Smurfs finally get theirs...

I really wish this was a fill blown episode or movie, but it's just an advert for UNICEF. Apperently they're releasing this advertisment in Belgium to drum up funds to support injured or orphaned children after global conflict. Of course if the conflict was waged properly in the first place there wouldn't be any survivors (I ain't called Whopper for nothin')!

Anyway, it's a 30-second cartoon that depicts "just another smurfy day in Smurf Village. The perpertually perky blue beings frolic around the fire, holding hands and singing that "tra-la-la-la-la-la" tune as bluebirds flutter by and rabbits hop around.

But then the bombs come.

Hundreds of them raining down from warplanes in the sky, wiping out the mushroom-shaped abodes. Amid the fiery explosions, Smurfette is killed. Papa Smurf disappears. As the smoke clears, only an orphaned Baby Smurf remains, sobbing among the corpses."

Does this not sound fantastic? It's like a dream come through. The article here suggests that it may eventually air in Europe. A spokeswoman for the ad-agency said that the wanted to do more graphic scenes of violence : "We wanted something that was real war--Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head--but they said no," she told reporters. I'm doing a search on that agency now I intend having that woman's telephone number by the time I log off this evening- I'm in love...

34 comments:

ChrisWoznitza said...

Hi I´m Chris. Greatings from Germany Bottrop !!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Hi Chris! My German is a bit rusty, but that seems like an interesting "collection" in your cellar!

Civilian Overseer said...

This is excellent!, At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Smurfs, at last we shall have our REVENGE!. First Starwars and now this, finally, us bad guys are getting our way! This is a great day, I hope there will be a follow up, where we see the growth of Smurf fundamentalism in refugee camps caused by the bombing.

Wie Gehts, Chris, Der Colonel ist ein Berliner.

sith apologist said...

Ah, who can forget the Colonel relating to us the experience he had of German, how he watched Ronin in German ... "Welche farbe ist das Boothaus nach Herefordshire?" or something like that (apologies, not even tried using German in over 10 years!)
I'm sure the surviving smurf fundamentalists could be pacified by "Whopper" and his men in a masive explosion of gore and headshots.
Oh, and if you find a link to this film, put it on here! I will aid our mental healing :-)

Corprol D.Matrix1.1 said...

God Damn! I love the smell of ape balm in the morning!
I love the corp,
a day in the corp is like a day on the farm..
I gets first dibs on smurfets burnt out corpse..
will settle for Handy, if he can still move his right arm..

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Corporal Matrix! Are you drunk on duty again? Drop and give me 50!

Rest assured once I get the video-clip a link will be posted here.

I've never even been to Berlin, let alone a citizen of the place. Please don't misinform our foreign guests, I'm sure they have a hard time reading the "English" on this site as it is.

cllmpk said...

We speak what on this where now?
(with apologies to Jasper)

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, I know Failure is not an option but I suggest you follow the simply procedure below for some interesting results...

1.) go to www.google.com

2.) type in "failure"

3.) press the I'm feeling lucky button (instead of the google search
one)

4) Laugh

5) Forward to others before the Google folks fix this!

Anonymous said...

maybe Google "fixed" this thread - it was longer before I went to bed!

Cpl. D. Matrix1.1 said...

Can someone tell me what the point of the word verification is?
What possible area of criminality those it safe guard against?
Why is it not written in plain easy to read text?

sith apologist said...

An interesting question, cpl ... why indeed? If its to verify that its "human typing" rather than "cat typing" (don't laugh - there is a program that can lock your PC if cat-like typing is detected) then sure a copy and paste exercise would serve equally well, or some plain text.
Maybe its a cunning device to keep out the partially-visually-impaired? :-)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Word verification is there so your threads can't be spammed. If you have manually write in text in order to post it can't be spammed by a bot. Before I went live there were several people posting comments, none of which were real, just advertisers and spammers. If the word was an actual word as well, it could be disabled by a 'dictionary attack' where the bot would attempt to break the code using all the words in the dictionary. However as the word is "wtczy" or other 'cat-like' typing the bot won't be able to crack it.

sith apologist said...

I have an idea as to what we can do to the 'lovely' people who authored the 'bots in the 1st place.
After the pain and the tortue and the screaming, we'll wipe them out ... all of them :)

sith apologist said...

and the bot explanation still doesn't really explain the whole zany angled text thing?!
It's part of a vast global conspiracy isn't it!

sith apologist said...

I believe the Colonel has finally made a confession ... on Episode 4 of his podcast, around 24 minutes in, he refers to watching women having gay sex regularly!
I'll take this to be your lesbian porn owning confession, Colonel!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Damn! I've admitted to being a normal straight red-blooded male. It's all over now.

sith apologist said...

No, but since 1997 you've denied owning pornography. Of course, if you have 2 live lesbians who entertain you with a floor show ... can I have their numbers? :-)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Oh yes. If I had somthing to hide, your comment would have been deleted. It's unacceptable for a man in my position to publically admit to owning such material, I daresay I could even be courtmartialled for "conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman" under article 133 of the UCMJ.

In my statement in the podcast I made NO reference to owning the aforementioned material but I consider viewing it as a whole different matter. I'll hope the JAG office do too when they inevitably see this.

sith apologist said...

Well, a very similar argument held for a guy in Dublin as I recall - a solicitor I believe - it was in the news over the summer.
I think a court determined his having kiddie porn in his temporary internet files folder wasn't actually owning the pictures (illegal), merely viewing the pictures.
Interesting defence, that one. What site did you download it off then? Maybe we should be looking at your credit card bills :)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I keep my CC bills on file for three years. The IG can look at them any time he feels necessary. I've nothing to hide. I'm the "Teflon Colonel" :)

Civilian Overseer said...

I find that those that protest that they have nothing to hide are the ones with the most interesting skeletons in their closets and the most to lose when secrets are made public. Remember, Denie, Denie, Denie

sith apologist said...

Are you saying that the Colonel has secrets that have yet to come out of the closet???
lol

Civilian Overseer said...

My dear Sithy, I wasn't saying anything then and I'm not saying anything now. You could of course read between the lines, take my mention of interesting skeletons and closets, add them together with a dash of innunendo and come up with the conclusion that the good Colonel has enjoyed a bone or two in some dark places but as far as I know that could just be wishful thinking on your part. I can neither confirm nor deny the rumour.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Come to think of it I don't actually have a closet. I have racks where I hang all my clothes and uniforms, it's a sort of walk-in effort. If not hanging there, they're in drawers.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes you do Creedon. You have a big closet. And now that I've found you I'm going to expose you for what you are and what you did to me!
Shit they give anyone webspace now.

Civilian Overseer said...

I believe that even if such a Closet existed the Colonel would be forbidden to speak of said Closet under the offcial secrets act.

There would be tantalizing glues to the existance of such a Closet, an exclusion zone in the Colonel's bedroom, (I know, we should consider the Colonel entire bedroom an exclusion zone), there would be a paper trail in the form of uniform receipts that would end mysteriously..., the way the Colonel's clothes are always crisp and unrumpled almost as if they had been hanging up somewhere.

I move that we designate this covert closet, "Armoire 51"

sith apologist said...

the way the Colonel's clothes are always crisp and unrumpled
are we on about Whopper here? I'm confused...

Civilian Overseer said...

Pay attention Sithy, The Colonel's normal sloven appearance is just a disguise to protect those he cares, no, thats to strong a word, those he barely tolerates.

sith apologist said...

the disguise serves its purpose well then ... it's got me convinced :-)

On the topic of his "walk-in racks" - theres more than enough space in there for him to do whoever he pleases!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Armoire 51? You're a barrel of laughs, for a civilian. I think we can put this thread to bed now yes? It’s a little off topic from the Smurfs.

Oh you there, earlier, Anonymous! Identify yourself!

Anonymous said...

Not here, not now...

Civilian Overseer said...

It really great to see Millitary Intelligence in action Oh you there, earlier, Anonymous! Identify yourself! ;)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Just goes to prove that civilian oversight is just as much an oxymoron as they tend to regard military intelligence as.

As webmaster here, I can determine that when this mystery person visits they spend no more than 6 minutes on average browsing each evening. Each night they connect to a US satellite from a US IP address in the San Francisco area which is identical for each visit.
The local time there when they post is a bit after 17:30 which would indicate a quick browse before going home from work.
I will find out who they are, but I'd rather they do it themselves without me having to go to the trouble; to that end I've used reverse psychology in my reply to their last post. Their browsing trends would also suggest they won't read down this far so I'm quite safe in posting all this information here.

Civilian Overseer said...

Remember the discussion we had, regarding giving away your evil plan for world domination?, I mean its not as if the Freedom of Information act applies to your site!, now the fiend knows you're unto them, they'll go to ground, resume a civilian life and then when you least expect it, BANG