Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Media names Sizemore's prosthetic penis

I just read an article that names the apperatus that my 2nd favourite actor of all time Tom Sizemore used to attempt to fake a drug test in July last.

It's apparently called The Whizzinator.

That aside, the Judge seems to be happy with his turnaround and has agreed that if he can stay out of trouble for 3 years, then he can stay out of jail for his latest crimes.

Apparently Sizemore is starting his own reality TV show, dubbed Super Sizemore next year. More on that when I have news.

34 comments:

sith apologist said...

So will the "Whizzinator" appear in the Colonel Creedon film, and if so, in what context? Wonder if it'll be in a mental-toughness demonstrating scene, when the Colonel is locked in the 'cooler' for a month, with just the "whizzinator' to amuse himself with ...
(apologies for reviving the old thread ... but I think theres still some mileage in this one) hehe

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Don't worry Apologist, if I didn't know you'd jump on the box again I probably wouldn't have posted it. Your predictability will be your ultimate undoing.

Civilian Overseer said...

Pity, we settled on Whopper, Colonel Whizzinator Creedon has such a nice ring to it. Can you picture it friends, The Colonel, standing on the piled up corpses of his own men and savage foes alike, surrounded by charlie, last clip expended, he drops the now useless automatic, and pulls out the whizzinator, determined to make his last moments count, the enemy surges in, our Hero lays about him with his mighty prosthetic... A terrible beauty indeed.


Still I am curious as to why the Colonel brought the topic of conversation back to the Prosthetic again, could it be he was missing the attention?

sith apologist said...

The Colonel craves attention, he thrives on it.
I can picture him clubbing charlie round the head with the whizzinator, blobs of blood splattering with each crushing blow, more and more flecks of his foes fluids covering his grimacing face. Truly, it would be a magnificent weapon.

Hey, maybe the anonymous poster in the other thread is a whizzinator victim, a lone survivor of one of Whoppers brutal assaults? We must get this man to talk before the Colonel "gets to him"

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Actually this Whizzinator ain't so "magnificent" really as I've just discovered! :(

Anonymous said...

No I am not a victim of this "whizzinator" Sith-man. (and I'll say it is a bit wierd you two glorifying it like that- it just aint right)

No, I am a victim of something far worse, my own stupitity: trusting a man like him. An officer an a gentlman, more medals than the olympics, a razor sharp wit and a smile that makes the lay-dees swoon, a man's man- but when the going gets tough- when it really counts he'll leave a friend to die....

Greetings from the grave Creedon

sith apologist said...

Maybe we should start a poll to try anf work out who this anonymous post-death poster is. Or maybe the Colonel aready knows, and is crying himself to sleep, terrified his past transgressions have finally caught up with him?

Civilian Overseer said...

Anonymous, You're missing the point the Colonel didn't leave you behind, he advanced to a successful mission completion.

Whilst he would have liked to leave no man behind, sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good. Turns out the Colonel made the decision to sacrifice you, but hey thats why he gets paid the big bucks, he makes the hard decisions.

Each one of those pretty ribbons on his chest represents a hard choice and someone else's sacrifice made.

Anonymous said...

And there was me thinking that the Colonel was Tom Sizemore's fake penis

Civilian Overseer said...

Please Mr. Anonymous, this is a right wing God fearin' tread, kkindly keep your Colonel Creedon/ Tom Sizemore fanstasy to yourself.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I don't run from anyone and I don't cry (my tear-ducts were fused closed during EOD training in '85).

I've NEVER left a man behind. I demand you reveal yourself imposter!

Civilian Overseer said...

An obession with Prosthetics, Now public demands on complete strangers to "reveal" themselves.

What prompts this bizzare behaviour?, Post Traumatic Stress, Survivor Guilt?

Wait, are you saying that you like to keep good care of your men, especially their behinds?, Thats the modern armed forces for ya.

sith apologist said...

Its obviously an oblique reference to the whole "shower room indoctrination" the Colonel subjects his men to :)

Master Guns said...

You're in no position to demand anything Col.Creedon, Sir!

I'm putting my plan in motion.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Master Guns eh? One of traditional informal term for a Master Gunnery Sergeant, the other being "Master Gunny". Most of the men I know that have held that title are dea...

...wait you said earlier that....

Bill? NO IT CAN'T BE!!!

Master Guns said...

Well doneSir! That's right MGnySgt Bill Taylor USMC, whom you left to rot in that stinking jungle for 7 years.
Your Civilian Overseer was right. You put the mission objective above your friends and comrades, the people who got the job done for you and high tailed it back to Armstrong, who probably gave you a medal before promoting you.
And me? What did I get? Not even a star on the wall of Langley as we were doing such black shit even the CIA wouldn't touch it.

Civilian Overseer said...

Gunny, damn I like it when people confirm my prejudices but you're forgetting the lucrative book & Hallmark TV film deal, tour of the talk show circut and backwater news paper column that your experiences entitle you to.

Lets give your novel an upbeat title, something snappy like, 7 years with Charlie or Colonel Creedon - A Character Assination of,

sith apologist said...

Snip!
Colonel Scissors strikes again!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Christ Bill, if I had known... I saw you being stitched accross the torso by AK's, some of your head was taken off. It was magnificent, the way I hope to go, buying time to allow the rest of the team to get to safety. You were a hero Bill, I even cited you for the Navy Cross which you were awarded, here's a picture of it- you have no next of kin, so I kept it in your name, I have it here for you.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I haven't cut anything Apologist! There's no sence in cutting something that's already been read- if that was the case I'd have to arrange for "accidents" and they're expensive nowadays and my budget's been reduced :(

sith apologist said...

Just making wild accusations to keep you on your toes, Scissors :)

Civilian Overseer said...

I would just like to quote the Colonel from back in the day, "To be a true leader of men, you have to truly hate your men. Be willing to make any sacrifice for them, by that I mean, sacrifice all of them."

Man, I could hardly believe it seeing grown men cry like that after the Colonel's little speech.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I deny this. I never said or think anything of the sort. I may have been hard on them, but that's necessary to be the best. If any of them were sacrificed, they did so voluntarily. I'd not ask any one of them to do something which I wasn't prepared to do myself.

sith apologist said...

But if every piece of your 'fruit salad' was earned by some other persons sacrifice ... what happens when its your turn to be sacrificed?
Or don't you like the whole Kobayashi Maru thing?
Can't you just picture the Colonel ... "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one - you will cover our retreat by using your body as a device to absorb incoming hostile fire. You will be a human shield, damn you!"

Master Guns said...

Wow, The Navy Cross eh? So I earned a medal? I will not deny that I am a bit surprised by that.
I thought you had truly forgotten me Sir!? Perhaps I should rethink this vendetta that kept me alive all those years?

sith apologist said...

What you have to consider is whether or not the Colonel left you behind. Whilst the Navy Cross is obviously an honour, he was only prepared to forward your name for it as a means of covering his own guilt at your (supposed) death. I say maintain the vendetta, take the medal, and expose him for the villain he is!

Master Guns said...

I don't know, Sith-Man. Just being here. In the preasence of such a hero. Maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe he was not to know I lived, I should have died man.
What about the mission Colonel, did we complete the mission?

sith apologist said...

He left you to die, don't allow yourself to be decieved by his "charisma"

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Hey Apologist! Can you not put my qualities in inverted commas, thank you! It makes people think you're being sarcastic.

Yes Bill, we completed the objective The "Pizza was delivered"*. Look, I had no way of knowing you were still out there. You know me, YOU KNOW ME! I would have torn down every leaf of that jungle to find you if I thought there was a chance you survived that ambush. You were my friend, more than any NCO ever under my command. Perhaps when you've healed we can return to Karacheko** and finish the job we started...

*Obvious military code-phrase
** Made-up country to cover the actual location of the military operation in question.

sith apologist said...

Just a thought - you saw Blackhawk down, didn't you Colonel? And the lengths the Rangers went to to make sure there wasno man left behind (dead or alive) - are these the same Rangers you trained with?

sith apologist said...

Me? Sarcastic? I'm sure the majority of visitors are well aware of you "qualities" - your "charisma", your sense of "honour", your ego, etc

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

The 'package' we had with us was too important to risk. I had to make a decision. It was my decision and I had to live with it. We lost more than Gunny Taylor that day, and not a day went by without me wanting to go back, but there was a peace-loving Democratic government in power at the time and any more clandestine ops wouldn't be sanctioned if they could potentially escalate an already volatile situation just to retrieve a corpse. I'll assume they didn't want me to think about doing a Hummel so they awarded Gunny Taylor the NX and Silver Stars for Lt.Hamilton and PO Dawson.

Master Guns said...

You sound like a politician sir! The Colonel I knew would go in without authorisation.
I'm not accepting your feeble excuses and I'm gonna take you down sir. Mark my words.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Bring it on!