Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Bush Bottlecaps The Colonel

Colonel Creedon’s flight to Washington yesterday was unexpectedly diverted to Texas by an Executive Order. President George W. Bush, currently on yet another holiday at his Crawford Ranch wanted to personally deliver the Colonel’s recent court-martial sentence.

On arrival at The Western White House, the Colonel was greeted by President Bush who asked the Marine officer for his eagles; the rank insignia of a full-colonel which Creedon relinquished to his Commander in Chief who (after waving at the latest batch of anti-war protestors, presuming they were well-wishers) in turn presented Creedon the silver oak-leaves of a Lieutenant Colonel. “I don’t like doing this to any of you folks” began Bush. “If it wasn’t for folks like you, there’d be no-one to keep the bad folks off my lawn.”

The President said that he’d always wanted to meet the Colonel and was sorry that it was under these circum- stances. “I’d much rather be giving you a medal for beating that Navy-boy at his own game- Aw Hell: I’m the President and I can do whatever I want- have a medal!” and with that as if from nowhere, Bush produced a Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal and presented it to the astonished Marine officer.

Later, President Bush said that while he won’t be in office for much longer, he hoped that the Marine would go out and “do something batshit-crazy – but not get killed” so that he could award a Medal Of Honor to a living veteran. “The world needs heroes” Bush concluded “And I hope that the man in charge after me, whomever he may be – even in the unlikely event he’s a Democrat...” (this brought some giggles from the assembly) “... would take the same honour in returning this Marine his eagles as I have had in presenting him this medal today.”

At this point the Colonel speculated that the next President may be a woman. “You never know sir!” he added. Both men paused looked at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing at the absurdity of such a ridiculous notion as a female President of the United States.

9 comments:

Master Guns said...

I don't fuckin' believe this shit!!!??? Being demoted is one of the most humiliating reprimands an officer can get and he's LAUGHING and JOKING with the freakin' President!!!!??

But that's not all! He's just invented yet another verb: "bottlecapping" an actual verb to signify being demoted to Lieutenant Colonel.

Ant to top it all off- he gets ANOTHER SHINY MEDAL... AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

JohnJosephJingleHeimerSchmidt said...

Look I hate to be like that kid in the Emperor's new clothes, but that's not actually George Bush, it's just some doofus in a shit mask. In fact I have my doubts that the (former) colonel is actually a military man at all.

Pint Of said...

And the prize for stating the obvious goes to??????

Pint Of said...

The arrogance of the Colonel, correction Former Colonel, can only be matched by the King of the Clowns George doubleuh, I’m surprised that he didn’t make Creedon Vice President or something!

Civilian Overseer said...

More importantly, I think, in the spirit of fair and democratic elections, We need a vote on what to call this blog now. Whopper's Bunker sounds too much like a skin disorder, think Jock Rot, for my taste.

Although the Colonel was demoted to a mere Lieutanent Colonel and had to part with the Eagles, I believe We should continue with the Avian theme, whats below an Eagle in the food chain?, a Vulture?, a Canary?, a Buggie?, By Jove!, I've got it!, how about the Lieutanent Colonel's Pink Flamingo!

Where's that pesky prosecutor when you need to report the Lt. Col breech of the pecking order.

MATLOCK said...

HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! The Colonel , Thats right COLONEL! has been the victim of a vicious injustice , why I hear you ask well for one thing the prosecutor was....a FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!!! not only that but a badly written fictional character from a tv series that was two seasons past its best when it went off the air , say what you like about the colonel but he is a real person so How can he be prosecuted by a work of fiction created by the same man who made QUANTUM LEAP??!?!?! also the presiding judge was KEVIN BACON !!!! He holds no rank and thus has no authority to carry out such a sentence..
Also Colonel Creedon is ranking officer of UNITEDA , if you check the UNITEDA charter you will see that the colonel does not have to answer to any court of justice on earth either civillian or millitary , I demand a retrial , I demand JUSTICE!!!!! ( Besides Rabb as fictional lawyers go is pretty shit , if I had prosecuted my client I would not have bothered with such trivial accusations but instead merely raised the Known incident where the Colonel "Accidentally" executed six of his own men while commenting " what a magnificent gun this is!"Lucky for the Colonel I'm on his side.

Former Grunt said...

"George Bush, it's just some doofus in a shit mask."

How right that guy is. A man that wears so shit a mask- he tries to convey himself as "Dubya: The Lovable Village Idiot", but we all know the truth- that of a tortured soul trying in vain to live up to the expectations of daddy.

Colonel, if you had been promoted upwards I'd say "Congratulations" but as you went in the other direction, the immortal words of Nelson Muntz come to mind! (Sorry sir, couldn't resist!)

Doofus said...

Hey johnjerkoffdingleberryshit, it's not a "mask" it's a medical condition you asshole.

JohnJosephJingleHeimerShcmidt said...

Being a doofus is a medical condition now??? Well stay on the tablets and hopefully it will clear up!!