Zalzala Jazeera not "Cobra Island"

In contrast to the devastation and destruction caused by a 7.9 earthquake in Pakistan that killed more than 500 people on September 24th; a new terrestrial body emerged from the depths of the sea off the coast of the country. Locally called Zalzala Jazeera [earthquake island], the formation is 380km from the quake’s epicenter in Paddi Zirr Bay near Swadar, Pakistan.

“The island is really just a big pile of mud from the seafloor that got pushed up. This area of the world seems to see so many of these features because the geology is correct for their formation. You need a shallow, buried layer of pressurized gas—methane, carbon dioxide, or something else—and fluids. When that layer becomes disturbed by seismic waves (like an earthquake), the gases and fluids become buoyant and rush to the surface, bringing the rock and mud with them,” Bill Barnhart, a geologist at the US Geological Survey told NASA’s Earth Observatory.

It was speculated by some international observers that UNETIDA/UNPASID weapons testing in the Arabian Sea on September 22nd may have lead to the massive earthquake. However Rear Admiral "Tridente"Carlos, Director of Naval Operations for UNETIDA/UNPASID denied the claim citing that the tests were carried too far away and in fact, closer to the Indian Ocean off the coast of Sri Lanka.

UNETIDA/UNPASID's Director of Research and Development, Dr. "Quantum" Pataal also confirmed that the weapons being tested were not capable of increasing tectonic stress. "What do you think we were trying to do? Create a sort of Cobra Island; a new sovereign nation from which to launch super-clandestine black operations around the globe without being answerable to any specific country's government? Nonsense!"

Image: NASA

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 4: What Lies Beneath the Sand?

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon concluded a visit to Egypt last week by meeting up with an advance UNETIDA/UNPASID Security and Intelligence team near a “site of interest” in Upper Egypt, just 12 miles from the city of Abu Sidhum along the Nile.

Last year Angela Micol, an amateur satellite archaeologist in North Carolina noticed mysterious, pyramid-like structures in the Egyptian desert using Google Earth. Speculation arose that the structures may in fact be long-lost pyramids after puzzling features were uncovered during a preliminary ground proofing expedition revealing cavities and shafts. Micol said “that these formations are labelled as pyramids on several old and rare maps." A second possible pyramid complex 90 miles north near the Fayum oasis, revealed a four-sided, truncated mound approximately 150 feet wide and three smaller mounds in a diagonal alignment. "The images speak for themselves," Micol said when she first announced her findings. "It's very obvious what the sites may contain, but field research is needed to verify they are, in fact, pyramids."

First reported by Discovery News, Micol’s claim gained widespread media attention and much criticism as authoritative geologists and geo-archaeologists were largely sceptical and dismissed what she called "Google Earth anomalies" as windswept natural rock formations quite common in the Egyptian desert. However Medhat Kamal El-Kady, former ambassador to the Sultanate of Oman, and his wife Haidy Farouk Abdel-Hamid, former counsellor at the Egyptian presidency are top collectors of old maps and documents and revealed among their collection is a map by Robert de Vaugoudy, dating from 1753, a rare map by the engineers of Napoleon Bonaparte, and a map and documents by Major Brown, general of irrigation for Lower Egypt in the late 1880s all concerning the site at Fayum. "They would be the greatest pyramids known to mankind," the couple said. "We would not exaggerate if we said the finding can overshadow the Pyramids of Giza."

What worried UNETIDA/UNPASID officials was that the evidence presented, indicates the pyramids at the Fayum site were intentionally buried in a "damnatio memoriae" -- an attempt to intentionally strike them from memory. “They are not spoken about, nor had any Egyptian in the field of archaeology been investigating them” said Colonel Creedon. "It’s therefore a valid assumption to assume that they’ve been erased from records to an extraordinary degree, save the old maps.” Creedon further outlined that it was likely that some terrible event or disaster was responsible for this to happen and it may be conceivable that the pyramid sites in question had been buried intentionally. "If there is something buried there that still poses a threat" assured the Colonel "We'll be ready for it!"

General "Stomper" Santorno, Director of UNETIDA/UNPASID told the Security Council that due to the unrest and economic distress in Egypt his organisation has a unique chance to neutralise any new potential threat unearthed at the sites without any interference from the Egyptian government “who have their own problems right now.”

Sources: FOX News /  AP / Discovery

Centarian goes down! - Part 22 in my "Shoot First, Questions Never" series!

We've seen a couple of 18 year olds, even a poor 13 year old and at the other end of the stick we've seen elderly folk in their 70's all get gunned down by the boys in blue - all justified of course. This is a bit of a record as we now have a 107 year old taken out in a dramatic fashion by a local SWAT team during a short siege on Saturday.

The local PD at Pine Bluff, Arkansas, announced that they had responded to a complaint of aggravated assault against suspect Monroe Isadore, who allegedly pointed a gun at two people at a home on West 16th Street. When they approached the bedroom door where the man was holed up, he fired one shot through the door, thankfully missing them.

The SWAT team was called in and negotiations with Mr. Isadore began. The SWAT team confirmed that the elderly man was armed with a handgun by inserting a camera into the bedroom through a window.

After negotiations were ultimately unsuccessful, the SWAT team pumped gas in the room from outside the bedroom window, hoping that Isadore would surrender peacefully. Instead, the suspect fired additional shots at the SWAT entry team, who flashbanged the room after breaching the door. Isadore continued shooting at the entry team, who had no choice but to finally shoot and kill him.

Verdict: Righteous kill. Just because a man is 107 years old and probably has dementia doesn’t diminish the real threat posed by someone firing real bullets. It appears that everything was done to try to resolve the situation peacefully and there was sadly no other recourse.

Remember...

On September 11. 2001, hijacked American Flight 77 struck the Pentagon killing 184.

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 3: The Spy Stork

Two weeks ago a man in Egypt’s Qena governorate, some 450km southeast of Cairo, found a suspicious stork among four others near his home and brought them to the police. It made headlines because an electronic device was attached to it's wing and the bird was immediately suspected of being a spy in the security heightened country as the practice of using birds in this manner is not unheard of.

On August 31st, a veterinary committee called in by officials, determined the device was neither a bomb nor a spying device but a wildlife tracker used by french scientists to follow the movement of migrating birds. Ayman Abdallah, head of Qena veterinary services said the device stopped working when the bird crossed the border.

The stork remained incarcerated in the police station until September 4th when it was visited by a number of unidentified officials with UN identification. Although unconfirmed, it was believed that among them was Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of UNETIDA/UNPASID who was known to be in the country. The Stork was released later that day according to Al Jazeera.

It was reported by most major news outlets yesterday that the stork's body was discovered on an island in the Nile, south of the ancient city of Aswan on Saturday, September 7th. Reports are that local villagers killed and ate it - therefore FOWL PLAY IS SUSPECTED!

Sources: The Guardian / Mail Online / Sky News / FOX News / Al Jazeera

8 Years of Whopper's Bunker

That's right people, it's yet another Birthday for the Bunker. The first post to the blog [then The Colonel's Eagle] was Friday, September 9th 2005.

Thanks to all who have helped me and all those who just come to read this nonsense over the past 8 years. More years to follow, stay tuned.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Sep. 9th 2013.

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 2: The Anubis Bunker

The UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence Colonel “Whopper” Creedon continued a visit this week to Egypt by visiting the joint UNETIDA/UNPASID “Anubis Bunker” near Giza, for it’s 40th anniversary. The Anubis Bunker is a facility designed to monitor, combat and contain a higher than planet-normal degree of both Extra Terrestrial and Paranormal activity in the area of the Great Pyramids.

In a speech at the facility, Creedon, tapped earlier in the year for his first star, told assembled operatives: “To be quite honest, I tried to get new traction on an old report written for the UNSC years ago suggesting that we just destroy the Pyramids, the Sphinx and all the tombs with high yield nuclear weapons,” he said. “But to no avail. At the time it would have saved almost US$20Bn over the years, but it was immediately condemned by the Egyptians, the international archaeological council and by pretty much everyone who has never actually come face to face with a risen undead Egyptian lord of something-or-other hell bent on the death of all living things” bemoaned Creedon. “We have plenty of evidence to prove that humans didn’t actually build the bloody things in the first place so I fail to see what the issue is with reducing them to driveway gravel.”

Rather than destroy the monuments at Giza, UNETIDA and UNPASID instead created one of their only joint sites actually inside an ancient tomb in the late 1960’s. “In retrospect that wasn’t the best idea to be honest” said Creedon. “Everyone involved in the construction of the original site died in a series of horrific accidents which we later attributed to a Mummy curse. So we built a conventionally constructed bunker in 1973 instead without disturbing several-thousand year old remains.”

Creedon continued his speech by assuring the Anubis Bunker staff that despite the political upheaval in Egypt at the moment, the interim government is committed to maintaining and supporting the facility and he had been assured by General al-Sisi that UNETIDA/UNPASID could count on his continued co-operation as Deputy Prime Minister. The Colonel’s speech was concluded by thanking the staff for their continued efforts in suppressing the supernatural presence of the ancient tombs and being vigilant against Extra Terrestrial intelligence gatherers. Colonel Creedon reiterated the Anubis Bunker’s long standing instantaneous termination policy against all intruders within 100 meters of the hidden entrance citing no difference between grave robbers or lost tourists – "No one can know what goes on here, NO ONE! You have your orders.”

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 1: Minister Al-Sisi

The UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence Colonel “Whopper” Creedon met recently with General Abdel Fattah al-Sisi the commander of the Egyptian Armed Forces/Minister for Defence now also Deputy Prime Minister who in July took part in an unscheduled change in government to oust President Mohammad Morsi from office. Creedon was visiting the joint UNETIDA/UNPASID “Anubis Bunker” near Giza, and wanted to affirm the facility’s importance to the General during his country’s "time of transition".

It is believed Creedon was sent because both officers are charismatic, telegenic and enjoy a "cult of personality" in their respective spheres of influence as well as being prone to passionate speeches. They have much in common as they both attended top level military schools in the U.S., both were the heads of intelligence for their respective organisations and each have been directly responsible for the deaths of over a thousand people in one event - al-Sisi for his clearing of the Muslim Brotherhood sit-ins and Creedon for his accidental remote detonation of a UNETIDA "PLAN-Z" device in a suburb of Paris over a decade ago.

 

General al-Sisi underscored his desire for peaceful resolution of the ongoing protests, and reiterated commitment to supporting UNETIDA/UNPASID's continued presence in Egypt as well as the mission of the Anubis Bunker. The Anubis Bunker is a facility designed to monitor, combat and contain a higher than planet-normal degree of both Extra Terrestrial and Paranormal activity in the area of the Great Pyramids and is celebrating it’s 40th anniversary of operation this month.

AH-HA! Partrige flies to the big screen!

I was completely disinterested in Steve Coogan’s narcissistic chat show host turned radio DJ character Alan Partridge when I first encountered him in the mid-90’s. However once I heard that Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa was getting good reviews, produced by Armando Iannucci [who makes Veep on HBO] and as my friends twisted my arm, I said I’d best brush up on the whole phenomenon of the man himself before seeing his big screen debut.

In preparation for the movie event I listened to his early 1991 appearances written by Coogan, Iannucci and others on BBC radio on the comedy sketch series On The Hour, transitioning to TV with The Day Today in '94 where Partridge was the sports commentator, who apparently knew precious little about the sport he was covering. Then his famed radio chat show Knowing Me, Knowing You, which itself transitioned to Television where Partridge was the host to a show where he managed to insult almost every guest with everything from homophobic and racist comments to physically striking a small child and accidentally shooting his final guest dead, live on air. I took in both series of I’m Alan Partridge ['97 & '02] as well as his more recent webseries Mid Morning Matters [2010] and a host of numerous one-off shows and other TV appearances over the years before digesting Coogan’s seven-hour reading of the audio book version of “I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan”, Partridge’s ‘autobiography’ which I can only describe as an insane tirade of side splitting hilarity married with a dark depression, yet the product of pure genius.

As I mentioned my original encounter led to disinterest in Alan Partridge as a whole but it was obvious as I waded through some 32 hours of content last week, that I just hadn’t been ‘ready’ for it in mid 90’s. Not only did I look at it from a completely different perspective but digesting that much Partrige in such a short space of time suitably prepared me for what to expect from Coogan’s most famous character - in so far as it almost made me as unhinged from reality as he is. Let me be clear that I do not condone doing the same as I have done as I’ve received highly advanced military psychological training and so I’m able to deal with an audio/visual onslaught of that magnitude but a lesser man would’ve crumpled under the weight of such an abundance of Partridge.

But what of the movie itself, what of Alan’s transition from radio to TV back to radio, onto the web and now to the silver screen? Well I’m pleased to report that while it’s obviously a big screen comedy spectacle – it’s still just Alan Partridge - this is the movie’s greatest strength, but also it’s chief weakness. Partridge’s ‘adventures’ albeit never quite on this scale before [even his escape from a deranged superfan] have always been tight and consolidated ideas never veering too wildly in more than one direction and the same holds true for Alpha Papa. While this obviously allows Coogan’s comic genius to shine it does shoehorn the movie into a single trick – that Partridge is both a sad wanker and a self-congratulatory arsehole and thus comedy gold – and if you don’t like that trick [or prefer it in smaller doses] then you’re royally fucked about 40 minutes into the movie. However after 32 hours of Partridge from Sunday to Saturday afternoon, another 2 hours wasn’t going to kill me especially as I now in fact had seen in total, more Partridge than any of the group of people who had originally convinced me to go the movie.

Coogan is joined on screen by Colm Meany as Pat Farrell, an Irish DJ whom a modern digital communications conglomerate deem unnecessary when they take over North Norfolk Digital [Norfolk’s best… North Norfolk’s Best Music Mix]. Farrell has a fit, grabs a shotgun and begins an armed siege during the radio stations rebranding party. Sadly the police don’t realise what sort of trouble they are asking for when they enlist Alan Partridge to act as negotiator for the siege which of course puts him in the media spotlight – a place Alan has proved he is the most dangerous and unpredictable – with hilarious results!

Three major Partridge alumni reprise their prominent roles in the movie Simon Greenall [Michael the Geordie], Tim Key as Sidekick Simon, Phil Cornwell as troubled DJ Dave Clifton and of course where would the man himself be without poor Felicity Montagu as his assistant Lynn? The more eagle eyed patron [or at least someone who had just finished watching/listening to every Partridge appearence in the past 20+ years] will recognise several of the other actors as cops and hostages who have worked elsewhere in the world of Alan Partridge. Watch out for the great Sean Pertwee and our own Simon Delaney as the 'elite' firearms officers.

I'm not entirely sure if you should approach this movie with little or know foreknowledge of the character, I don't think it would work to the same effect, but if your a 'fan' then you're in for a treat as well as being served up the the best comedy of the year thus far. Anchorman 2, your bar has been set!

Colonel Creedon rating: ****

Additional: Since I drafted the review, I have learned that Alpha Papa has reached #1 in the UK box office. Coogan [in character] exclaimed "Now is not a time for gloating or celebration, more a time for healing old wounds, a time to say, 'Let us join together in thanks that I am number one at the box office'. Halleluja."

Tactical-level errors at nuke launch site

The U.S. Air Force’s Global Strike Command has reported that the 341st Missile Wing at Malmstrom Air Force Base, Montana, has failed a recent safety and security inspection earlier this month after personnel made "tactical-level errors" during an exercise. "This failure resulted in the entire inspection being graded 'unsatisfactory,'" said commander Lt. Gen. Jim Kowalski but stressed that it does not mean the safety of America's nuclear arsenal is at risk, and that the inspections are "designed to be tough."

Gen. Kowalski did not  discuss details of the failure or explain the exercise, citing security, except to say that it did not involve the crews who monitor the missiles from inside underground launch control capsules. That left open the possibility that it involved airmen responsible for security, weapons maintenance or other aspects of their highly sensitive mission. The 341st is responsible for 150 Minuteman 3 nuclear missiles that stand on 24/7 alert for potential launch against targets around the globe.

This failure comes on top of similar events to befall Global Strike Command recently. Last spring the 91st Missile Wing at Minot Air Force Base, North Dakota, received weak grades on an inspection but did not fail it outright. The units performance was so poor however, that 17 officers temporarily lost their authority to operate missiles. "We are, in fact, in a crisis right now," the commander, Lt. Col. Jay Folds, wrote in an internal E-mail. At let us not forget the 2010 "engineering fault" at F.E. Warren AFB.

UNETIDA’s Missile Defence Commander Colonel “Rockets” Thompson was said to be “unhappy” with the incidents but despite the latest setback he described himself as “confident” that Global Strike Command would still be able perform under the direction of UNETIDA should it ever become necessary. The UNETIDA Missile Defence Department is responsible for calculating and providing targeting solutions for the worlds militaries to use against orbital extra terrestrial targets or those that engage in landing operations should conventional weapons be insufficient. Also if necessary in situations known as DEFCON-ZERO, they can assume complete control of all P5 nuclear arsenals. The department also has control of “The Armageddon Code” a ‘failsafe’ system designed to obliterate Earth should the planet ever face off against “an overwhelming force with absolutely hope of survival”.

Source AP / FOX News

Can the "B-Team" superheroes step forward?

DC Comics Superman and Marvel's Wolverine returned to the silver screen this summer and I can categorically say they were both substantially better then their previous respective outings. However when you remember that both Brian Singer's Superman Returns and Gavin Hood's X-Men Origins: Wolverine are considered to be next to the worst movies they appeared in [Superman IV and X-Men: The Last Stand taking those distinctions] that's not saying a lot.

Man of Steel

Man of Steel was certainly a different take on the 75 year old American cultural icon once immortalised by Christopher Reeve on screen. Zack 300 Snyder took the reigns to present a more modern-era Superman/Clark Kent [Henry Cavill] who must pursue his destiny as protector of the planet from the evil General Zod [Michael Shannon].

Interestingly, while Snyder gives the character an origin story once again, he does not dwell to much on the characters infancy favouring a considerable look at life on Krypton before and of course during it's destruction. Russell Crowe delivers an outstanding performance as Jor-El during this period of the movie and you regret that it can't be longer. Diane Lane and Kevin Costner step into the parental roles as the Kents with Costner himself shining as the father figure who instilled wisdom into a young Clark.

Cavill himself is "competent" as the man himself, easily surpassing a forgettable Brandon Routh but has nowhere near the charm Christopher Reeve displayed on screen. A complete lack of story development between him and the criminally underused Amy Adams as Lois Lane as well as their relationship being devoid of chemistry is one of the movies major failings.

Despite being a special effects spectacle and sporting the unique sounds of maestro Hans Zimmer the movie fails to reach orbital heights it's title character is able to. The beginning is so utterly superior to the rest of the movie, you want it to be longer and the finale is so completely dragged out and arse-numbingly overlong that it can only delight those with a worryingly short attention span. I'm all for explosions and collateral damage and supermen being through through buildings, but after it happens over a dozen times in the one sequence you want to shout "get on with it!"

There will be a sequel which has been revealed to feature Batman?! Hopefully they've got all the near-pointless destruction out of their system now and well see some character development or at least some semblance of a proper story in the next Man of Steel.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***1/2

The Wolverine

The Wolverine is a loose adaptation of the mutant's first solo outing by Chris Claremont and Frank Miller from 1982 in which Logan travels to Japan and has a grand adventure featuring The Silver Samurai, lots of Ninjas, Yukio the ronin and of course Mariko his true love.

The Wolverine, like the majority of comic-book movies, does not stick too rigidly to it’s source material. Claremont’s tale provided a framework for Mark Bomback and Scott Frank to craft a screenplay[something that was sorely lacking in the character’s previous solo instalment] and through DP Ross Emery, director James Mangold recreated some of Frank Millar's visceral visuals. If you appreciate a dose of Japanese culture, martial arts, Ninja/Samurai and all that lark in your modern popular culture then you’ll appreciate the type of action on offer here, and I’m confident the movie will go down well in Asian markets.

Hugh Jackman is given a great opportunity to flesh out the character of Logan and I believe the audience is drawn to truly empathise and relate with the character like never before. Given that he’s a roughly 130 year old self-healing mutant that can eject razor sharp claws from his hands, that’s not an inconsiderable writing/acting feat and kudos to all involved. It has escaped previous movies to adequately portray his internal battle as well as his external ones and this is the closest I've seen so far.

Jackman is joined on screen by Famke Janssen reprising her role as the late Jean Grey appearing in a series of haunting dreams and seems adamant that an increasingly depressed Logan join her in death as soon as possible - a feat made difficult due to his longevity and healing factor. Logan is intrigued by the offer made to him by Yashida whose life he saved during WWII, who through medical science may be able to allow Logan to age and die. Naturally, things in such movies are never so simple but if they weren’t then it wouldn’t be much of a movie.

I was certainly happier at how faithful Fox/Marvel were to the character, far more than the previous instalment and sadly a visibly greater effort that than WB/DC achieved with their own hero above.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****1/2

RIP Michael Ansara 1922-2013

Michael George Ansara, a Syrian-born American stage, screen, and voice actor best known for his portrayal of Commander Kang on three different Star Trek series has passed. He was 91.

Ansara began acting in the 1950's and appeared in westerns - including The Lone Ranger [1956] - on both the big screen and small before starring in his own TV show Law of the Plainsman playing Native American U.S. Marshal Sam Buckhart, a spin off character from The Rifleman.

Ansara appeared in the biblical movies The Ten Commandments and The Greatest Story Ever Told as well as the 1953 adaptation of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar but he had a more distinguished career on TV appearing in many Television series in production throughout his career. These included The Untouchables, The Fugitive, Hawaii Five-0, The Streets of San Fransisco, Shaft, Mission: Impossible, The Rockford Files, Kojak, CHiPs, The Fall Guy, Mike Hammer and Murder, She Wrote.

Despite a career forged in the dust of westerns, it will be through the genre of science fiction that Ansara's name will be remembered. In 1961 he played scientist Miguel Alvarez in Irwin Allen's groundbreaking movie Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea and followed the role by appearing in the later spin-off series. His career in sci-fi continued with an appearances on Lost in Space, The Time Tunnel and as Killer Kane in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. He also played the title role in the acclaimed The Outer Limits original series episode "Soldier", written by Harlan Ellison and later in his career he portrayed the Technomage Elric in an episode of Babylon 5.

In 1968 Ansara took on the mantle of arguably his most memorable character, the Klingon Commander Kang in the 3rd season Star Trek episode "Day of the Dove". To the delight of fans, Ansara reprised his character some 25 years later in "Blood Oath", an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and even later in "Flashback" an episode of Star Trek: Voyager making him one of only seven actors to play the same character on three different Star Trek series. Ansara also appeared [sans Klingon makeup] as Jeyal, Lwaxana Troi's husband on the Deep Space Nine episode, "The Muse".

Ansara also lent his voice to various animated productions including Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends and Thundarr The Barbarian. He later portrayed General Warhawk in the Rambo animated series but it was for his work on various incarnations of Batman's animated adventures that his voice work will be most regarded. In 1992 Ansara began voicing Victor Fries/Mr. Freeze on the Batman animated series, later in the 1997 The New Batman Adventures, Batman Beyond in 1999 and the video game Batman: Vengeance. Ansara bestowed a level of humanity to the villain, allowing the audience to empathise with Fries' plight which no other medium even attempted.

Ansara married actress Barbara Eden in 1958 and appeared with her in an episode of I Dream of Jeanie. He died following a long illness at his home in Calabasas, California and is survived by Beverly, his third wife for 36 years.

Summer world-ending comedies are "meh"!

 This Is The End

This Is The End offered the star studded comedy cast of Seth Pineapple Express Rogan, James  Spider-Man Franco, Jonah Superbad Hill, Jay Tropic Thunder Baruchel, Danny Land of the Lost McBride and Craig The Office Robinson playing "exaggerated" versions of themselves holed up in a 'superior' area of the Hollywood hills as the rapture takes all the worthy people off the planet leaving that lot to fight it out for the last bottle of sparking water before the devil and his giant penis destroy them.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting too much from this movie. They're not a group of comedians that I'd be too enthusiastic about seeing on screen at the best of times but I reckoned having that many on screen at once might have diluted their individual issues to a manageable level. To some extent I was right, they seemed to work together for the most part but the movie was too underdeveloped in the story department to make the most of what they all could have accomplished together.

The movie was to claustrophobic to be a comedy and being in the one set for almost it's entire runtime took it's toll on the story, it's not a family sitcom after all. I felt that if they had made more use of their impressive list of cameos like Micheal Cera, Paul Rudd, Rihanna and Channing Tatum at least as much as they did with Emma Watson it might have been something more.

Overall there's a few good laughs but as a whole, it's far from great.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***

The World's End

Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright graduated from producing an excellent comedy series in Spaced to vow to make a comedy trilogy like the world had never seen, dubbed "Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy". The first two parts of this met their mark - Shaun of the Dead [2004] and Hot Fuzz [2007] are undoubtedly two of the best comedy movies of the 21st century and everyone presumed that The World's End would be the crowning achievement in this fantastic series.

What the hell happened? The World's End is a hideously misjudged and mangled effort as a film that feels like it was made by amateurs and not the greatest British creative comedy team since the Pythons. The first 45 mins has very little by way of laughs, the ending is dragged out to an overlong anticlimax and only it's hilarious fight scenes that save it from being relegated to one-star land.

The cast supporting Pegg and Frost were at least competent.  Paddy Considine and Martin Freeman returned from previous series films as a quintet of old school chums [Eddie Marsan from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes makes up the fifth] who meet up and go on a 12-pub bender that they last attempted when they were 18, but failed. This time a race of aliens seem determined to spoil their night.

One of the main issues here is that unlike Tim Bisley [Spaced], Shaun Riley [Shaun of the Dead] or Nick Angel [Hot Fuzz], the audience can't hope to identify with Pegg's character Gary King. His previous series characters have had so many good qualities and were on a base level "everyman", but Gary is a dark and troubled waster who is pretty much one of the biggest pricks you could hope to meet. There seems to be a concentrated effort to make you feel sorry for him but I didn't because by the time I could have... it was just too late.

The spark of originally and quintessential humour that Spaced, Shaun and Fuzz had was non-existent here, The World's End is but a shadow of comedy greatness that will be pretty much forgotten. Be thankful you have Spaced, Shaun and Fuzz because after this utterly disappointing piece of lazy film making, that's all you have now.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **

A prophecy unfulfilled, Williams returns for Star Wars VII, but is this good?

Following the release of the score to Star Wars, Episode II: Attack Of The Clones in 2002 a like-minded score enthusiast friend asked me what would happen if John Williams had to be replaced for Episode III due to his unfortunate death or ill health [after all Williams was 70 at the time] and who could do his job? Despite it being unfathomable to such a die-hard fan like myself who has even made Star Wars the basis for his spiritual beliefs for anyone else to score Star Wars, I always have had my eye on the future and without any hesitation at all I offered a single name in response to his question: Michael Giacchino.

My friend laughed at me. To be fair, his reaction was not unjustified; at the time Giacchino wasn't even a 'name' among the film score community. Much like Jeremy Soule, Inon Zur and Bill Brown he was only known to video-game score enthusiasts as he was responsible for most of the scores for the Medal Of Honor franchise as well as the first scores for Call Of Duty. As great as all that music was for video games, there must have been over 200 top names in a movie-producer's Rolodex between David Arnold and Hans Zimmer all of whom would be far more experienced to score a motion picture than any video-game music composer, therefore my choice was branded as "idiotic".

But a lot has happened since then and now in just over 10 years Giacchino was put just a single step away from actually scoring Star Wars VII, turning an formerly idiotic answer into what seems now like a prophecy of biblical proportions.

Micheal Giacchino has now actually become one of the most prolific composers in modern cinema. He used scores for animated comedies like Ratatouille as a stepping stone to score live action pictures like the abysmal Speed Racer. He is praised for his work on The Incredibles and critics agree that his score is the only redeemable element of the otherwise woeful Land of the Lost.

Giacchino won the coveted Academy Award for Best Original Score for Up in 2010 as well as numerous Grammys, Golden Globes and has received additional nominations for Grammy's and Emmy's. As impressive as all these credentials are, they alone are not enough to put him even close to Star Wars VII, for that we must look elsewhere.

First of all Giacchino has a long history with new Star Wars/Lucasfilm overlords Disney. Originally he worked at their publicity department in NYC, and then LA. From there, he went over to Disney Interactive as an assistant producer. Years after later working for Dreamworks he scored Disney's Sky High, The Muppet's Wizard of Oz and more recently the megaflop John Carter as well as several Pixar films. In 2005 Giacchino collaborated with Walt Disney Imagineering in creating two new soundtracks for the updated versions of Space Mountain at Disneyland, Space Mountain: Mission 2 at Disneyland Paris, and Space Mountain at Hong Kong Disneyland. His music can also be heard in Star Tours: The Adventure Continues during the "travel log videos" shown in the cue line for the attraction.

As strong as the bond between Disney and Giacchino is, it alone wasn't enough to warrant them granting him probably one of the most profound projects in cinematic history. Even the fact that Giacchino composted magnificent scores to two LucasArts published video-games, Secret Weapons Over Normandy and Mercenaries wouldn't come into play. The final piece of this puzzle is in fact the visionary director J.J. Abrams!

It's an easily researched fact that some directors and producers favour certain composers. They may be friends with them, or the composers may have a special understanding with the directors that almost breathes musical life into the director's creative vision and create perfection through collaboration. When Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich were partners, David Arnold always had a job. Since 1999 M. Night Shyamalan uses only James Newton Howard. When Martin Scorcese wants an original score he has turned only to Howard Shore since about 1999. And most remarkably only four out of all the movies ever directed by Steven Spielberg were not scored by John Williams.

In the same vein as this director/composer collaboration, Abrams has used Giacchino in almost everything he's produced on Television since their first collaboration on Alias in 2001. Giacchino's only Television work to date has been for Abrams and includes music and themes for long running series Lost and Fringe. Most notably, Giacchino has scored all of the movies Abrams has ever directed and almost all of what he has produced, providing a brand fresh new soundscape for the rebooted Star Trek franchise as well as redefining Mission: Impossible's score in his own musical idiom.

When Abrams bagged the Star Wars VII gig, it put Giacchino in a position where it became an 'educated presumption' that he would in fact score the new Star Wars trilogy and fulfill perhaps my greatest prophecy. The only fly in this ointment was the fact that Giacchino himself didn't want to do it. In an interview in May he said in response to hypothetically being offered Star Wars:

"I would say, 'I don't want to do it'... From day one, I have said I hope John [Williams] does it. Selfishly, I want to hear more 'Star Wars' music and I want to hear what he would do with it. He's been an incredible teacher over the years to me, he's a friend and he's one of the best composers on Earth. I want him to do it. That's the way it should go."

Giacchino will get his wish. At the weekend, Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy told a Star Wars convention in Germany that John Williams would return to score Star Wars: Episode VII. Williams said in an interview with StarWars.com that he was "happy to be continuing to be part of the whole fun" of the franchise. He hinted he would likely use some of the music from previous films. "I haven't seen the script, so the story is still unknown to me, but I can't image there will not be some references to the existing stories that would make appropriate use of some of the earlier themes," he said.

While I'm certainly not unhappy with the news, I am hoping that there has not been a missed opportunity to do something new. I don't like change but I'm not blind to the passage of time and so I'm somewhat apprehensive. Williams is now 81 years old and has sadly only produced turgid crap in the past decade [outside Revenge of the Sith obviously]. His music has become almost indistinguishable from one project to the next - Lincoln, War Horse, War of the Worlds, Munich are prime examples of a once great old man losing his touch. Even the score to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull seemed jaded in comparison to previous installments.

To be honest, I'd understand and support Williams decision to rest on his impressive unequalled laurels and thank him for the the years of joy he brought us with his wonderful compositions for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Superman, Jaws and even fucking Harry Pothead! Instead he's probably signed a contract that will have him working for Disney until Star Wars IX in 2019 at which point the man will be... sweet Lucas he'll be 87!!! Perhaps my Giacchino prophecy is just "delayed" as opposed to "unfulfilled".

RIP Dennis Farina

Dennis Farina [69] was a Chicago-born actor of Sicilian-American descent. He had a prolific career on Television and in movies often typecast as a mobster or a police officer. He was a "tough-guy", known for his craggy face, steel-grey hair and ample moustache.

Farina served in the U.S. Army and later as Chicago Police Officer for 18 years. It was the latter profession which landed him a gig as a consultant to Micheal Mann for whom he worked on for Crime Story as Lt. Mike Torello and a recurring role on Miami Vice as Lombard.

He had many other roles on Television with appearances on Hardcastle and McCormick, Remington Steele and China Beach but will be remembered more recently for a two-year stint as Det. Joe Fontana on Law & Order.

Among his most memorable silver-screen roles were: Jimmy Serrano in Midnight Run [1988], Capt. Detillo in Striking Distance [1993], Ray "Bones" Barboni in Get Shorty [1995], Lt.Col. Anderson in Saving Private Ryan [1998] and Abraham "Avi" Denovitz in Snatch [2000].

Farina made news in 2008, for carrying a loaded .22 caliber pistol through LAX screening. He was booked by the LAPD on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. He claimed he had simply forgotten the weapon was still in his briefcase and had never intended to take it on a plane. After police determined the weapon was unregistered, the charges were upgraded to a felony and Farina was sentenced to two years' probation.

Farina died on July 22, 2013, in a hospital in Scottsdale, Arizona after suffering a pulmonary embolism. He is survived by his 3 adult children and grandchildren from his marriage to Patricia Farina whom he divorced in 1980.  He also has two granddaughters and four grandsons. Farina's rep said the actor is also survived by "the love of his life of 35 years, Marianne Cahill."

George Lucas gets a medal **UPDATED**

Visionary director George Lucas has received the National Medal of Arts from President Barack Obama in a ceremony at the White House.

The president praised his ability "`to open up minds and nourish souls" and to "help us understand what it means to be human, and what it means to be an American".

The president hailed 69-year-old filmmaker for "transforming" movies. "I remember when I first saw Star Wars," said Mr Obama, who was a teenager when the first film was released in 1977. "There's a whole generation that thinks special effects always looked like they do today. But it used to be you'd see the string on the little model spaceships."

22 individuals of significantly lesser importance were also honoured. "The work that we honour today, the lifetime achievement of these artists and these scholars, reminds us that the human imagination is still the most powerful tool that we have as a people," Mr Obama told the medallists.

UPDATED 17:57 - Video from The Washington Post:

Source: BBC News

Confirmed!

The wheels of government may turn as slowly as a windmill on a breezeless day but eventually they sign their names to a seemingly insignificant document that will change someones life forever.

This is not even the final stage, but it's the last "executive hurdle".

UNETIDA: "UKSRN could doom us all!"

Scientists in Britain have founded the United Kingdom Seti Research Network (UKSRN) which held its first get-together at this week's National Astronomy Meeting and pledged to concerted effort to seek alien life in the cosmos. Under the patronage of The English Astronomer Royal, Martin Rees, Baron Rees of Ludlow, UKSRN is requesting funding agencies donate about £1m a year to support listening time on radio telescopes and for data analysis and any "new" ways of discovering Extra-Terrestrial life.

While most Seti work is done in the US and funded through private donation, UKSRN co-ordinator and University of St Andrews researcher Alan Penny said there was important expertise in Britain keen to play its part. "If we had one part in 200 - half a percent of the money that goes into astronomy at the moment - we could make an amazing difference. We would become comparable with the American effort."

British researchers and facilities have had occasional involvement in Seti projects before, most significantly in 1998 when they used Jodrell bank, and its Lovell radio telescope, in Project Phoenix. It was ultimately fruitless. Now Jodrell has been updated, linking it via fibre optics into a 217km-long array with six other telescopes across England. Known as eMerlin, this system would be a far more powerful tool to scan the skies for alien transmissions.

Jodrell's associate director Tim O'Brien said Seti work could be done quite easily without disturbing mainstream science on the array. "...if the telescopes were studying quasars, for example, we could piggy-back off that and analyse the data to look for a different type of signal ... something in the noise that one might imagine could be associated with aliens. There are billions of planets out there. It would be remiss of us not to at least have half an ear open to any signals that might be being sent to us."

Dr Penny argued Seti could make a strong case for funding, and that his group would try to get research council backing. "The human race wants to explore, wants to find things out, and if we stop trying we're on the road to decay," he said.

Conversely, the actions of the British Astronomers were universally condemned by UNETIDA who warned against encouraging belligerent Extra-Terrestrial species towards the Solar System. "The reckless behaviour of these buffoons living in a misguided world of awe and wonder of the universe without calculating the dangers is beyond belief," said UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence, Colonel "Whopper" Creedon. "I would urge any sane-minded individual or body in a position to potentially fund this blatant disregard for the safety of the planet to reject any and all proposals from this UKSRN."

It is widely suspected by conspiracy theorists and amateur bloggers that SETI and similar efforts throughout the years have been deliberately sabotaged by UNETIDA counter-intelligence efforts.

Source: BBC News

Happy July 4th, from The Colonel!

James Gandolfini 1961-2013

It was as much of a tremendous shock to me as it was to everyone to learn last week week of the untimely death of an extraordinary talent, James Gandolfini at only 51 years of age. The actor who was best known for his portrayal of Mafia boss Tony Soprano on HBO's The Sopranos, was eulogised by showrunner David Chase today during a funeral service in New York.

A native of New Jersey, Gandolfini was born to parents with strong Italian connections and it was through their influence that he developed strong ties to Italy and regularly visited the country. His most recent visit was sadly his last and he died in Rome on Wednesday last during a brief vacation before attending a film festival on Sicily.

Gandolfini may be Tony Soprano to most but he had an impressive movie and TV career outside his multi Emmy awarded role on HBO. In the 20 years that followed his role as the woman-beating henchman Virgil in True Romance [1993], he played a variety of different roles including Eddie, a hit man [The Juror, 1996], Winston Baldry, a gay hit man [The Mexican, 2001], a tired hit man [Killing Then Softly, 2012] - OK so the man was probably a little typecast as a hit man, mobster or someone of nefarious purpose but he was undeniably one of the best at it!

I first noticed him in the late Tony Scott's Crimson Tide as Lt. Bobby Dougherty in a way that made me know that he was a man to watch. I think my favourite role of his will be as Colonel Winter [pictured], warden of a US Military prison in Rod Lurie's thought provoking The Last Castle [2001], a lesson in a leader's capacity to inspire.

In addition to acting, Gandolfini was also an award nominated producer and produced two documentaries concerning war veterans mental health and went to Iraq in 2010 on a USO visit.

In his eulogy, Chase said that Gandolfini was "A sad boy, amazed and confused," he said. "You could see it in your eyes. That's why you were a great actor." A family friend Thomas Richardson requested that the mourners present hug each other just a small bit too tightly, something Gandolfini was known for. He is survived by his wife Deborah and children Michael and Liliana.

During Gandolfini's episode of Inside the Actor's Studio, James Lipton asked: "Finally Jim, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates?" Gandolfini replied: "Take over for a while, I'll be right back."

God ties knot

 

The great George Lucas married Melody Hobson on Saturday at a ceremony attended by Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola and Ron Howard. I wish him the best of luck on this, his latest adventure along the road of a life that has given so much to so many.

Fast and Furious 6

No. I'm sorry. I can't write a review of this movie no more than I could any of the previous entries in the franchise. It defies analysis and beggars belief why it is so popular or why I enjoyed it so much as to give it...

*****

 Cant wait for  Fast and Furious 7, July 2014.

The Mars Rat campaign

UNETIDA has just completed a successful disinformation campaign which has convinced the worlds media that the recent discovery of a rodent-like extra-terrestrial space explorer was in fact just a rock.

"That goddamn rat has been the focus of all my work for almost two weeks" lamented Colonel  "Whopper" Creedon, Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID. The Colonel went on to describe that in December, amateur bloggers at UFO Sightings Daily had analysed photos taken on September 28th by NASA's Curiosity rover on Mars and had identified a rodent on the surface of the red planet.

"Naturally, they were correct - there was one there but for obvious reasons we couldn't have people thinking there was" explained Creedon. At that time however, the theories were limited to the amateur blog and did not pose a serious 'informational threat' to international security - that was until on May 29th, FOX News reported on the bloggers findings and despite FOX's own opinion that it was just a case of pareidolia - believing you see familiar things in a random object like a mountain, a cloud or in this case a rock - it went viral.

Bloggers, Twitters, Facebookers and even a few scientific websites propagated their own theories on the 'Mars Rat' but thankfully according to Creedon "we managed to influence the more reputable sources of information to comment" like Amina Khan of the LA Times and Corey Powell of Discover magazine to put the word out that this was really just pareidolia.

UNETIDA has already deployed scanning and communications equipment to 'Rocknest' on Mars in the hope that the Mars Rat dubbed "Nibbler Alpha 5" by the agency will make contact. "It's a 50:50 chance it's an evil alien scout for a battle fleet or a peaceful highly evolved ambassador of an advanced civilisation" said Creedon. "so our equipment also has a 250Mt nuclear device just to be safe."

Sources: Fox News / Discover / L.A. Times / UFO Sightings Daily

Star Trek Into Darkness

J.J. Abrams' first Star Trek movie may not have been an exercise in originality but it did what it set out to to do and gave a vital shot-in-the-arm that the franchise needed and laid down a new rebooted universe that will hopefully inpire a whole new generation of fans. Provided that us "old fogies" can appreciate that this was necessary and can just sit back and relax and enjoy what J.J. has brought us knowing that our "Prime Universe" Trek will always be ours, the world will turn all for the better.

2009's Star Trek rebooted the legend from day 1 and re-introduced us to Kirk, Spock, McCoy and friends as they grouped together for the first time. The movie established the changes in the universe as well as the fundamental changes in the characters themselves. With this foundation now set, Abrams could concentrate on delivering an actual story to proper Star Trek parameters with the sequel.

I'm please to say the result was exemplary. Star Trek Into Darkness is a triumph among so many failures of modern science-fiction movies, Prometheus, Oblivion, After Earth et al. Abrams managed to carve out something unique by cleverly using ideas and scenes from both the original Star Trek TV shows and the movies and melding them into a unique tale to thrill both fans and non-fans of Star Trek.

The entire cast of the first movie [sans. Nero and co.] return, now obviously more comfortable with their roles and are prepared to bring their own nuances to the characters made legendary by the original cast, especially Quinto, Pine and Saldana. The cast are joined by lovely Alice Men in Black III Eve, the incomparable Benedict Sherlock Cumberbatch and the legendary Peter RoboCop Weller as Admiral Marcus.

Into Darkness also corrects most of the issues I had with the original movie. First of all Simon Pegg jettisoned his absurd wackiness he brought on board the Enterprise in 2009 and made him a more mature Montgomery Scott, with a genius engineering intellect, high moral values but retained his comedic charm so all is well with that character now. Secondly, it's fair so say that the original movie was devoid of a cohesive plot and while there are more than a few issues with Into Darkness' plot, it's a phenomenal leap forward from Star Trek so that gets a thumbs up. The only real issue I can retain with Into Darkness, held over from Star Trek is Abrams' sometimes bizarre direction and some serious editing issues [I don't object to the visuals, but I do object to the lack of reasoning why Alice Eve appears in her skivvies for no apparent reason]. I just hope he get's his act together before he starts work on my religion.

Final Verdict: This reboot situation isn't everyone's cup of tea sure, but I think if you can leave that baggage at home and want to see an action-packed, visually stunning science fiction movie then you'll not go wrong with Star Trek Into Darkness.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****+

The future of Star Wars - Part 1 - Animation

Since Disney's acquisition of the entire Star Wars franchise from George Lucas last year, there has already been and there will will be some interesting developments. The first I want to highlight here is something that was just announced, a new Star Wars animated series to take place between the prequels and the original trilogy.

Entitled Star Wars: Rebels, it will conceivably follow the saga of the genesis of The Rebel Alliance from the end of Star Wars, Episode II: Revenge of the Sith to the beginning of Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope "an era spanning almost two decades never-before explored on-screen. Rebels takes place in a time where the Empire is securing its grip on the galaxy and hunting down the last of the Jedi Knights as a fledgling rebellion against the Empire is taking shape."

Screenwriter/producer Simon X-Men: First Class Kinberg will be joined by Greg Young Justice Weisman and Star Wars: Clone Wars supervising director Dave Filoni as Executive Producers on the new series "scheduled to premiere in fall 2014 as a one-hour special telecast on Disney Channel" and then "will be followed by a series on Disney XD channels around the world."

Filoni himself did provide a tidbit of information, it appears that they will be working at least in part from the late Ralph McQuarrie's original concept art possibly for some spacecraft and environmental designs such as the painting he did of the Death Star battle above. It makes sense to use the ideas that evolved into the imagery that is known now the world over.

In March, Lucasfilm announced that Star Wars: The Clone Wars was winding down it's production on the series : "While the studio is no longer producing new episodes for Cartoon Network, we're continuing production on new Clone Wars story arcs that promise to be some of the most thrilling adventures ever seen." It's unclear at this time if these will be shown by Disney, if they will be Web-Exclusives or Direct to DVD/BD content.

I bought this for a dollar!

The RoboCop statue which I have personally partially crowdfunded through Kickstarter has reached a milestone in it's completion. Since the statue to be erected in Detroit achieved it's funding in March 2011, Fred Barton sculpted the cyborg which was 3D scanned and enlarged. Then it was physically fabricated and has now been assembled in foam, wax, clay and steel, standing 10-feet-tall.

Next it will be cast in bronze from this for it's final form. See more photos here.

Sadly the near-dystopian future Paul Verhoeven envisioned for Detroit in 1987 is almost a reality with the city itself insolvent due to decline in the car industry it was famous for, as well as mismanagement and corruption. Forbes named it the most miserable city in the US with 18% unemployment, a third of residents living in poverty and staggeringly high crime rates.

A damning report was published on Monday by bankruptcy attorney Kevyn Orr, appointed by Gov. Rick Snyder to handle the ailing city's finances.

Jack will Live Another Day

In 2002, I began watching 24, a new drama series centered around a pretty lethal secret agent-type Jack Bauer played by Keifer Sutherland. I felt it was certainly a bold move for Fox to deal terrorism on U.S. soil so soon after 9/11. The first season was a very interesting concept and paced well but despite enjoying it I wasn't 100% sure about preparing to commit to another 24 episodes of the same thing for another season. 

The first episode of season 2 had Jack ask for a protected witness against a terror suspect brought to the CTU agency. After some exposition which highlighted that the witness was into kiddie-porn, Jack draws a weapon and shoots the witness through the heart in front of his astonished superior George Mason. Jack then demands a hacksaw which he uses to decapitate the dead witness in the hope that the severed head will be used to gain favour with the terror suspect and infiltrate his organisation

Mason, is almost freaking out at this, more than a little skeptical of Jack's unorthodox methods, “That's the problem with people like you, George!" Jack tells him "You want results, but you never want to get your hands dirty. I'd start rolling up your sleeves.” 

From that moment on 24 was on the very top of of my TV watching list above all else until it's finale in May 2010. If nothing else and although being classed as entertainment, I saw it almost as a vindication of some of the reprehensible things I've had to do in the field myself. Jack and I have had at times to set aside morality in order to preserve the way of life you enjoy.

The problem is, in drama it works - but I can tell you it doesn't in reality [and believe me I've tried]. So it was probably a good thing in retrospect that 24 producers toned down the highly illegal torture scenarios after getting a personal visit from Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan who taught the laws of war at West Point. He told them that the popularity of 24 among the troops was breeding unhealthy ideas as well as damaging America's reputation abroad.

The policy shift and the writers strike forced the senior writers [including Star Trek franchise writers Manny Coto and Brannon Braga for season 7 and 8 and Homeland's Alex Gansa for Season 8] to focus more on political espionage and geopolitics and the result was actually much darker without the excessive illegal torture scenes and in my opinion, more enjoyable.

It has just been announced that Jack Bauer will return to TV screens, and not to the silver screen as was once presumed, in 24: Live Another Day, a 12-episode miniseries to air on Fox in the summer of 2014. Colour me thrilled.

Happy 69th Lucas Day!

Today we once again celebrate the Birthday of the visionary film producer, screenwriter, director, and entrepreneur, George Walton Lucas, Jr. who created Star Wars and Indiana Jones. 

While he has in his 68th year signed away all his creations to the Walt Disney Corporation - which is probably not a bad thing, we must nevertheless celebrate and acknowledge his true genius.

Thank You George.