SPEARHEAD Command Reshuffle Complete

In the aftermath of the tragic death of SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander General "Knuckles" McKenzie, British Army in December and with the recall of high ranking Russian Federation officers to Moscow in the wake of the Ukranian conflict, the UNSC (United Nations Security Council) ordered a high level personnel reshuffle to ensure command continuity for SPEARHEAD. The changes were confirmed by the UNSC today.

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SPEARHEAD Acting Supreme Commander Vice-Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson, USN (United States Navy) [left] has been promoted to the grade of admiral and confirmed as Supreme Commander. He previously served as SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander in 2018 after a year as SPEARHEAD Staff Director. In 2011, then Rear Admiral (lower) Henderson was UNETIDA Director in an acting capacity until his promotion to rear admiral to become SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Operations in 2012 and Deputy Chief of Staff in 2013. In 2009, Captain Henderson was the UNETIDA Naval Tactical Support officer for the Pacific region 2009.

Acting SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander, Army Corps General "Faucon" Davout was confirmed to the Deputy Supreme Commander billet permanently. He will be promoted to Army General later in the month by the French Army as the UNSC has raised the SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander billet to 4-star grade. Davout had been dual-hatting as Acting SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander and as SPEARHEAD Staff Director since December 2023. He was appointed to Staff Director in 2017 after serving as SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Global Strategic Plans while a division general. In 2013 then Brigade General Davout was SPEARHEAD Regional Operations Commander [Europe].

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Air Marshal "Buzzard" Farington, RAF (Royal Air Force) is the new SPEARHEAD Staff Director replacing Army Corps General "Faucon" Davout who has been elevated to SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander.  Farington returns after previously serving UNETIDA earlier in his career as a wing commander in the UARF (UNETIDA Arial Reaction Force). More recently since 2021 then Air Vice-Marshal Farington was responsible for plans and policy during the establishment of the UKSC (United Kingdom Space Command).

Major General "Whopper" Creedon, USMC (United States Marine Corps) [right] has been promoted to lieutenant general and appointed as SPEARHEAD Vice Commander for Global Operations and Force Integration. He replaces Vice Admiral "Sextant" White who will retire from the Royal Navy. Creedon was most recently SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Global Security since 2018. As a brigadier general, Creedon was SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Intelligence and Information in 2013. In 2003 then Colonel Creedon, he served as UNETIDA Special Operations Commander and later as UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence.

Zhong Jiang (lieutenant general) "Besra" Hu of the People's Liberation Army Air Force of China was appointed as SPEARHEAD Vice Commander for Strategic Weaponry in 2022 after succeeding Zhong Jiang "Huǒjiàn" Li of the People's Liberation Army of China who returned to his nation's command. As a Shao jiang (major general), Hu was appointed as the first SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Operations and Integration [Eastern] in 2017. In 2011 Da xiao (senior colonel) Hu was UNETIDA Air Operations Commander.

The billet of SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Satellite and Cyber Systems has been elevated to 3-star grade and redesignated SPEARHEAD Vice Commander for Space, Satellite and Cyber Systems. Air Vice Marshal "Nakshatra" Singh has been appointed to air marshal in the Indian Air Force to serve in the new position. He was previously appointed as the SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Satellite and Cyber Systems in 2022 replacing Major General "Circuits" Anderson, USAF (United States Air Force).

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Major General "Shellshock" Hollister of the South African Army remains as SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Operations and Integration [Western]. He has held the position since 2018 and previously served as SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Recruitment and Selection.

Phon tri (major general) "S̄eụ̄x" Tham-boon of the Royal Thai Army is now SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Operations and Integration [Eastern] replacing Sojang (major general) "Sang-eo" Chang, ROKN (Republic of Korea Navy) who has been reassigned as the Republic of Korea military attache to NATO.

Brigadier "Magnum" Pike has been appointed a major general in the Royal Marines and will succeed Major General "Whopper" Creedon as SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Global Security. Pike was previously SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Security and Surveillance.

Canadian Army Major General "Tucker" Reid [left] remains as SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Manpower and Personnel since 2018. He previously served as SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Training and Instruction. 

Vice Admiral "Tridente" Carlos of the Spanish Navy, SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Global Strategic Plans remains in his position since 2018. He previously served as SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Naval Operations [Western] as a counter admiral.

The new SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Financial Management is Generalmajor "Freya" Hansen of the Norwegian Army. She replaces Wing General "Altísimo" Hernandez who has returned to a senior position the Mexican Air Force.

Tuğamiral (rear admiral) "Balina" Demirci, SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Naval Operations [Eastern] is to be promoted to the rank of koramiral in the Turkish Naval Forces and assigned as the SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Civil Affairs. He will replace Aluf (major general) "Jackal" Dahan who will return to Israel Defense Forces.

Generale di divisione (major general) "Calzone" Manganiello of the Italian Army remains Judge Advocate General of SPEARHEAD since 2022 when he replaced Air Vice Marshal "Magpie" Brown who retired from the Royal Australian Air Force.

The SPEARHEAD Director for Science, Technology and Research, Dr. "Quantum" Pataal of India [right] will remain in the position held since 2013.

The SPEARHEAD Inspector General Major General "Bugs" Casey, US Army replaced Generalmajor "Schakal" Nilsson, of the Swedish Army who retired in 2023.

Liwa (brigadier general) "Sphinx" Al-Khatib of the Egyptian Army replaced Major General "Sangja" Park of the Republic of Korea Army as SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Global Logistics and Installations in 2023.

The SPEARHEAD Surgeon General Major General "Scalpal" Johnson M.D, USAF will remain in the position held since 2018 when he replaced Major-general "Scrubs" Janssens M.D. of the Medical Component of the Belgian Armed Forces.

Mr. B will assume the duties of the Chief of Shadow Directorate when Mr. G leaves service in October. 

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1-star appointments were not available at press time.

SPEARHEAD change of command

Incoming SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander Gen. Sir "Knuckles" McKenzie (left) shakes hands with outgoing SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander Gen. "Stomper" Santorno at the SPEARHEAD Change of command ceremony at Mount Olympus, Greece, Saturday September 1st

After a series of unprecedented events in 2012 decimated UNPASID leadership and left UNETIDA in crisis; then-former U.S. Army Major General "Stomper" Santorno was taken out of retirement by President Obama and chosen to take the reigns of the troubled organisations due to his extensive experience with both. Now after six illustrious years of rebuilding and restructuring them into SPEARHEAD, it's first Supreme Commander is stepping down to make a second attempt at retirement.

British Army General Sir "Knuckles" McKenzie, KCB, CBE, DSO who served as SPEARHEADs Vice Commander since 2014 was tapped by the Security Council in 2017 as Santorno's successor. Gen. McKenzie gave a speech honouring the remarkable achievements of his predecessor.

General McKenzie: "Good morning lads n' lassies, n' those of ye who have nae decided what side of that fence yer on eh? Hah ha! We're 'ere today to mark the departure of a great man indeed. A giant in our field, General "Stomper" Santorno."

(Applause)

General McKenzie: "The general was the perfect choice to lead our former organisations UNPASID and UNETIDA. His experience began in 1982 when then-Captain Santorno's special operations team had an encounter with what was described in his report as "not alive, but nae dead either"."

(Laughter)

General McKenzie: "From that moment on, his eyes to the hidden world all around us, that we keep from the general public, were opened. Later as an operations officer with Delta Force, Major Santorno was awarded the Silver Star fer rescuing his unit from what he later discovered were extra-terrestrials. Due to his experience and the fact he had been exposed to both vicious undead and a belligerent extra-terrestrial force, and lived, he was recruited into UNPASID to bolster their special operations group and where he supervised training and survival methods.

After taking part in the invasion of Panama and serving in Operation Desert Storm he returned to UNPASID as the Deputy Special Operations Commander until he was asked to serve as the military advisor to the UN High Commissioner for Paranormal Affairs. Lt. Colonel Santorno lent his considerable expertise, to UNETIDA as he then served as the agency's Deputy Special Operations Commander before serving stints as both UNPASID's and UNETIDA's Special Operations Commander after which he received his first star and assignment as UNETIDA's Deputy Director of Operations in 2000.

From 2002 to 2003, Brigadier General Santorno served as UNETIDA's Chief of Staff and later Deputy Director of UNPASID. Upon promotion to major general, he was made director of UNPASID a post in which he served with distinction until his retirement from the U.S. Army in 2007.

Rather than depopulate the fish of North American rivers or buy a boat, the general spent his "retirement" as the Extra-Terrestrial and Paranormal Activity Advisor to the National Security Council of the Bush administration. From 2009 until 2012 he served as both an Extra-Terrestrial and Paranormal Security Advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the Pentagon in times of need.

In 2012 a time of even greater need was then upon us; we sadly lost Major General "Skullcrusher" Shaw in tragic circumstances and in light of the fact that all other senior ranking officers assigned to UNPASID died, went missing or were remanded in military custody, and UNETIDA itself was being scrutinised by a UN commission, it was proposed that a new commander be appointed to oversee both organisations simultaneously. There was only one name on the list. Major General "Stomper" Santorno. The general was taken out of retirement, pinned on a third star and given the mandate to oversee the organisations through their difficulties.

At the time, Lt. General Santorno assured us that despite what his appointment represented, it was his mandate that the missions and operations of each unit would be given the same attention that they have always deserved. He offered that while there would be some change, he hoped that the directorates could make those changes work fer the better to ensure the ultimate success of as he said "keeping the world safe from things it's not ready to believe in".

The man was true to his word, and just a year into his appointment, through his deeds he strengthened our position by overseeing the permanent amalgamation of UNPASID, UNETIDA and their forces and missions into SPEARHEAD. He raised the perceptions of the importance of the work we do to the politicians and lawmakers in the UN and around the world and secured massive international support and funding."

(Applause)

General McKenzie: "The importance of SPEARHEAD in the international military stage is evidenced by the elevation of his billet in 2015 to that of the highest military rank."

(Applause)

General McKenzie: "For which I'm personally thankful."

(Laughter)

General McKenzie: "And the fact that as of this year I'm delighted to announce that every one of the the 193 countries in the United Nations is for the first time represented by a member of SPEARHEAD either in the military, scientific or in our many support fields somewhere in the world, or above it."

(Applause)

General McKenzie: "It's with great certainty that I can tell you we wouldn't be be where we are today without his guidance and that while honoured to be appointed as the SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander, I can only succeed General Santorno but cannae ever replace 'im."

(Applause)

General Santorno: "Thank you for your kind words General McKenzie, and congratulations on your well deserved appointment. I will try not to keep you folks too long, I know Knuckles is itching to work you to the bone. If there's anyone here who thought I was tough, you're in for a surprise let me tell you."

(Laughter)

General Santorno: "When I retired eleven years ago the last thing I assumed I'd be doing would be standing here again, two stars and *ahem* more than two pounds heavier."

(Laughter)

General Santorno: "No, I was in my mid-50's and was looking forward to the civilian phenomena of lie-ins in the morning and gardening. But after a week of that I had killed all my wife's beautiful plants and she begged me to go and find something less destructive to do with my time."

(Laughter)

General Santorno: "So I did. For the next five years I assisted both President Bush and the Joint Chiefs with their understanding of the constantly evolving threats SPEARHEAD now deals with today. I was aware of the crisis that UNETIDA and UNPASID faced and when the offer was made to me to return to uniform to lend assistance and guidance, they didn't need to ask twice.

I'm grateful for the confidence shown me by my superiors in the U.S. Government and in the UNSC who enabled me to strengthen our organisation for the better and I'm thankful for the support of the many people here who helped me to get the job done. General McKenzie says that we may not be here without my guidance but that is only true because of the support, willingness and drive from each and every one of you. I especially wish to thank Colonel-General "Kóbec" Yurkov of the Russian Federation and his successor, now my own successor General "Knuckles" McKenzie of the British Army for serving as my second in command and representing SPEARHEAD when required.

(Applause)

General Santorno: In closing, I wish only to assure you that you will have extraordinary challenges ahead and I hope I have left you with an adequate base from which to meet those challenges head on, but from what I've seen from you all, that will certainly not be a problem.

Thank you and goodbye.

(Applause)

Knuckles tapped for SPEARHEAD's top post

United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres announced today the appointment of Lieutenant General Sir "Knuckles" McKenzie, KCB, CBE, DSO of the United Kingdom as Supreme Commander of SPEARHEAD, to take command in 2018.

 

The appointment will coincide with the retirement of General "Stomper" Santorno, U.S. Army who vacates the position and following Lt-Gen McKenzie's pending appointment to full general by Her Majesty Queen Elizibeth II.

Gen McKenzie brings to the position almost 40 years of international military experience, as well as command and staff experience with both UNETIDA and UNPASID. Before his current appointment as SPEARHEAD Vice Commander in 2014, as an officer with the Parachute Regiment from 1980 to 2000, he was deployed to The Falklands, Northern Ireland and The Balkans. As a colonel, he served as UNETIDA's Director of Personnel (2000-2003) and took part in Operation Telic as Executive Officer of 4 Armoured Brigade (2003-2005). As a brigadier after serving as Regional Operations Commander [Northern] for UNPASID (2005-2008) McKenzie was the Director of Military Operations at the Ministry of Defence (2008-2010). As a major general, he led the Scottish Division of the British Army (2010-2014).

Gen McKenzie is a Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath, Commander of the Order of the British Empire, Officer of the Legion of Merit (United States) and a recipient of the Distinguished Service Order, General Service Medal (1962), Special Service Medal (United Nations), Iraq Medal, Queen Elizabeth II Golden Jubilee Medal, Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee Medal and the Accumulated Campaign Service Medal.

Gen McKenzie has a master’s degree in national security strategy from the National Defense University in Washington, D.C.  He is a graduate of the Royal Military Academy in Sandhurst, United Kingdom, and the Army Command College in Nanjing, China.

Gen McKenzie is married and has three children and a granddaughter. He enjoys golf and does a remarkable Sean Connery impression.

Source: UN

SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander speculation

The UNSC's suspected pick to replace General "Stomper" Santorno who is due to retire in August as SPEARHEAD Supreme Commander, one Corps General François Lecointre, was instead today appointed head of the french armed forces by President Macron. The the sudden resignation of Army General Pierre de Velliers Wednesday morning due to budget cuts and well publicised vocal disagreements with the President led to General Lecointre's unexpected appointment.

UNSC regulations on SPEARHEAD specify that the incoming Supreme Commander cannot again be from the same country's armed forces as the outgoing commander; therefore an officer from the United States armed forces cannot be appointed. Instead an officer must be selected from one of the other P5 countries of the UNSC, namely the United Kingdom, the french Republic, the Russian Federation or the People's Republic of China.

As the directors of UNETIDA and UNPASID were selected from the U.S. and the UK since the 1980's, the first Supreme Commander of SPEARHEAD was from the U.S. and the current Deputy Supreme Commander is from the UK and is expected to serve for another two years, it was widely speculated that the next Supreme Commander would be from france and General Lecointre's name as a rising star, significant UN Peacekeeping as well as previous UNETIDA experience made him a likely candidate.

As a Brigade General, Lecointre [left] commanded the 9th Marine Infantry Brigade which was also trained and designated by UNETIDA as Pawn Six-Two, the first force to be potentially sent to a hostile Extra-Terrestrial landing zone in central Europe. Earlier as a colonel he served as UNETIDA's Director of Staff for two years before he joined the military cabinet of the french Ministry of Defense in 2009.

It's deemed improbable that the current ranking french officer in SPEARHEAD, Division General "Faucon" Davout, the Deputy Commander for Global Strategic Plans would be considered eligible as he has not yet commanded at a corps level nor yet served in a 3-star staff position and is more likely be appointed to either billet instead.

A more likely choice is now British Army Lieutenant General Sir "Knuckles" McKenzie [right], the current SPEARHEAD Deputy Supreme Commander who replaced Colonel-General "Kóbec" Yurkov of the Russian Federation after only a year in the position. General Yurkov retired from the Russian Aerospace Forces prematurely in 2014 due to ill health. McKenzie previously served UNPASID as Regional Operations Commander [Northern] until 2008 when he was assigned to the British Ministry of Defense before Commanding the Scottish Division of the British Army until 2014. It was expected that McKenzie would serve the remaining two years of his current appointment for transition purposes but yesterday's events may force the UNSC to change plans.

After achieving success with lobbying for SPEARHEAD's number two position in 2013 the Russians may petition for the appointment of their Lieutenant General "Voran" Kerimov, the SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Operations, but much like the issue facing a french appointment, it's unlikely General Kerimov would be considered eligible as he also has not yet commanded at a corps level nor served in a 3-star staff position.

The Chinese have abstained from most appointment votes and have made no petitions themselves for appointments of their officers but have indicated that SPEARHEAD Deputy Commander for Missile Defence [Eastern] Junior General "Huǒjiàn" Li of the Peoples Liberation Army and Assistant Commander for Air Operations Senior Colonel “Besra” Hu of the People's Liberation Army Air Force will remain with SPEARHEAD for the foreseeable future and are ready to assume appointments to higher grades when and if necessary.

A final decision is likely to be announced in early August.

UNETIDA/UNPASID no more

Following their unanimous adoption of resolution 2118, which called for the speedy implementation of procedures drawn up by the OPCW to expedite destruction of the Syrian Arab Republic’s chemical weapons programme; the Security Council also resolved to officially merge two of the UN's Specialised International Military Commands, UNETIDA and UNPASID into a single operating entity.

In reality, following the death, disappearance or arrest of UNPASID senior command in the summer of 2012, the directorate's operations and resources had already been absorbed by UNETIDA in the wake of this tragedy. However, additional factors which had already been researched required lengthy deliberation before a structure could be agreed.

That agreement came on Friday and as of October 1st UNETIDA/UNPASID was rechartered as the Special Paranormal & Extra Terrestrial Research, Handling & Elimination Directorate or 'SPEARHEAD' with responsibility for military defence, combat, intelligence, containment, research and information operations in both Extra Terrestrial and paranormal situations. 

Lieutenant General "Stomper" Santorno US Army, who was brought out of retirement and appointed as UNETIDA/UNPASID Director, will serve as the first Commander, SPEARHEAD. The Russian Federation fielded Colonel-General "Kóbec" Yurkov, former Air Operations Commander for UNETIDA and recently Strategic Commander of the Russian Air Force to serve as Vice Commander, SPEARHEAD. Finally, Australia's Air Marshal "Cuckoo" Hawes was appointed as the SPEARHEAD Chief of Staff with Rear Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson USN, to serve as Deputy Chief of Staff.

During October, the senior SPEARHEAD officers will meet, discuss the findings of the Unified Command Plan and solidify the organisation's structure and operations from November 1st onwards.

Zalzala Jazeera not "Cobra Island"

In contrast to the devastation and destruction caused by a 7.9 earthquake in Pakistan that killed more than 500 people on September 24th; a new terrestrial body emerged from the depths of the sea off the coast of the country. Locally called Zalzala Jazeera [earthquake island], the formation is 380km from the quake’s epicenter in Paddi Zirr Bay near Swadar, Pakistan.

“The island is really just a big pile of mud from the seafloor that got pushed up. This area of the world seems to see so many of these features because the geology is correct for their formation. You need a shallow, buried layer of pressurized gas—methane, carbon dioxide, or something else—and fluids. When that layer becomes disturbed by seismic waves (like an earthquake), the gases and fluids become buoyant and rush to the surface, bringing the rock and mud with them,” Bill Barnhart, a geologist at the US Geological Survey told NASA’s Earth Observatory.

It was speculated by some international observers that UNETIDA/UNPASID weapons testing in the Arabian Sea on September 22nd may have lead to the massive earthquake. However Rear Admiral "Tridente"Carlos, Director of Naval Operations for UNETIDA/UNPASID denied the claim citing that the tests were carried too far away and in fact, closer to the Indian Ocean off the coast of Sri Lanka.

UNETIDA/UNPASID's Director of Research and Development, Dr. "Quantum" Pataal also confirmed that the weapons being tested were not capable of increasing tectonic stress. "What do you think we were trying to do? Create a sort of Cobra Island; a new sovereign nation from which to launch super-clandestine black operations around the globe without being answerable to any specific country's government? Nonsense!"

Image: NASA

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 4: What Lies Beneath the Sand?

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon concluded a visit to Egypt last week by meeting up with an advance UNETIDA/UNPASID Security and Intelligence team near a “site of interest” in Upper Egypt, just 12 miles from the city of Abu Sidhum along the Nile.

Last year Angela Micol, an amateur satellite archaeologist in North Carolina noticed mysterious, pyramid-like structures in the Egyptian desert using Google Earth. Speculation arose that the structures may in fact be long-lost pyramids after puzzling features were uncovered during a preliminary ground proofing expedition revealing cavities and shafts. Micol said “that these formations are labelled as pyramids on several old and rare maps." A second possible pyramid complex 90 miles north near the Fayum oasis, revealed a four-sided, truncated mound approximately 150 feet wide and three smaller mounds in a diagonal alignment. "The images speak for themselves," Micol said when she first announced her findings. "It's very obvious what the sites may contain, but field research is needed to verify they are, in fact, pyramids."

First reported by Discovery News, Micol’s claim gained widespread media attention and much criticism as authoritative geologists and geo-archaeologists were largely sceptical and dismissed what she called "Google Earth anomalies" as windswept natural rock formations quite common in the Egyptian desert. However Medhat Kamal El-Kady, former ambassador to the Sultanate of Oman, and his wife Haidy Farouk Abdel-Hamid, former counsellor at the Egyptian presidency are top collectors of old maps and documents and revealed among their collection is a map by Robert de Vaugoudy, dating from 1753, a rare map by the engineers of Napoleon Bonaparte, and a map and documents by Major Brown, general of irrigation for Lower Egypt in the late 1880s all concerning the site at Fayum. "They would be the greatest pyramids known to mankind," the couple said. "We would not exaggerate if we said the finding can overshadow the Pyramids of Giza."

What worried UNETIDA/UNPASID officials was that the evidence presented, indicates the pyramids at the Fayum site were intentionally buried in a "damnatio memoriae" -- an attempt to intentionally strike them from memory. “They are not spoken about, nor had any Egyptian in the field of archaeology been investigating them” said Colonel Creedon. "It’s therefore a valid assumption to assume that they’ve been erased from records to an extraordinary degree, save the old maps.” Creedon further outlined that it was likely that some terrible event or disaster was responsible for this to happen and it may be conceivable that the pyramid sites in question had been buried intentionally. "If there is something buried there that still poses a threat" assured the Colonel "We'll be ready for it!"

General "Stomper" Santorno, Director of UNETIDA/UNPASID told the Security Council that due to the unrest and economic distress in Egypt his organisation has a unique chance to neutralise any new potential threat unearthed at the sites without any interference from the Egyptian government “who have their own problems right now.”

Sources: FOX News /  AP / Discovery

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 3: The Spy Stork

Two weeks ago a man in Egypt’s Qena governorate, some 450km southeast of Cairo, found a suspicious stork among four others near his home and brought them to the police. It made headlines because an electronic device was attached to it's wing and the bird was immediately suspected of being a spy in the security heightened country as the practice of using birds in this manner is not unheard of.

On August 31st, a veterinary committee called in by officials, determined the device was neither a bomb nor a spying device but a wildlife tracker used by french scientists to follow the movement of migrating birds. Ayman Abdallah, head of Qena veterinary services said the device stopped working when the bird crossed the border.

The stork remained incarcerated in the police station until September 4th when it was visited by a number of unidentified officials with UN identification. Although unconfirmed, it was believed that among them was Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of UNETIDA/UNPASID who was known to be in the country. The Stork was released later that day according to Al Jazeera.

It was reported by most major news outlets yesterday that the stork's body was discovered on an island in the Nile, south of the ancient city of Aswan on Saturday, September 7th. Reports are that local villagers killed and ate it - therefore FOWL PLAY IS SUSPECTED!

Sources: The Guardian / Mail Online / Sky News / FOX News / Al Jazeera

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 2: The Anubis Bunker

The UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence Colonel “Whopper” Creedon continued a visit this week to Egypt by visiting the joint UNETIDA/UNPASID “Anubis Bunker” near Giza, for it’s 40th anniversary. The Anubis Bunker is a facility designed to monitor, combat and contain a higher than planet-normal degree of both Extra Terrestrial and Paranormal activity in the area of the Great Pyramids.

In a speech at the facility, Creedon, tapped earlier in the year for his first star, told assembled operatives: “To be quite honest, I tried to get new traction on an old report written for the UNSC years ago suggesting that we just destroy the Pyramids, the Sphinx and all the tombs with high yield nuclear weapons,” he said. “But to no avail. At the time it would have saved almost US$20Bn over the years, but it was immediately condemned by the Egyptians, the international archaeological council and by pretty much everyone who has never actually come face to face with a risen undead Egyptian lord of something-or-other hell bent on the death of all living things” bemoaned Creedon. “We have plenty of evidence to prove that humans didn’t actually build the bloody things in the first place so I fail to see what the issue is with reducing them to driveway gravel.”

Rather than destroy the monuments at Giza, UNETIDA and UNPASID instead created one of their only joint sites actually inside an ancient tomb in the late 1960’s. “In retrospect that wasn’t the best idea to be honest” said Creedon. “Everyone involved in the construction of the original site died in a series of horrific accidents which we later attributed to a Mummy curse. So we built a conventionally constructed bunker in 1973 instead without disturbing several-thousand year old remains.”

Creedon continued his speech by assuring the Anubis Bunker staff that despite the political upheaval in Egypt at the moment, the interim government is committed to maintaining and supporting the facility and he had been assured by General al-Sisi that UNETIDA/UNPASID could count on his continued co-operation as Deputy Prime Minister. The Colonel’s speech was concluded by thanking the staff for their continued efforts in suppressing the supernatural presence of the ancient tombs and being vigilant against Extra Terrestrial intelligence gatherers. Colonel Creedon reiterated the Anubis Bunker’s long standing instantaneous termination policy against all intruders within 100 meters of the hidden entrance citing no difference between grave robbers or lost tourists – "No one can know what goes on here, NO ONE! You have your orders.”

The Colonel in Egypt - Part 1: Minister Al-Sisi

The UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence Colonel “Whopper” Creedon met recently with General Abdel Fattah al-Sisi the commander of the Egyptian Armed Forces/Minister for Defence now also Deputy Prime Minister who in July took part in an unscheduled change in government to oust President Mohammad Morsi from office. Creedon was visiting the joint UNETIDA/UNPASID “Anubis Bunker” near Giza, and wanted to affirm the facility’s importance to the General during his country’s "time of transition".

It is believed Creedon was sent because both officers are charismatic, telegenic and enjoy a "cult of personality" in their respective spheres of influence as well as being prone to passionate speeches. They have much in common as they both attended top level military schools in the U.S., both were the heads of intelligence for their respective organisations and each have been directly responsible for the deaths of over a thousand people in one event - al-Sisi for his clearing of the Muslim Brotherhood sit-ins and Creedon for his accidental remote detonation of a UNETIDA "PLAN-Z" device in a suburb of Paris over a decade ago.

 

General al-Sisi underscored his desire for peaceful resolution of the ongoing protests, and reiterated commitment to supporting UNETIDA/UNPASID's continued presence in Egypt as well as the mission of the Anubis Bunker. The Anubis Bunker is a facility designed to monitor, combat and contain a higher than planet-normal degree of both Extra Terrestrial and Paranormal activity in the area of the Great Pyramids and is celebrating it’s 40th anniversary of operation this month.

Crowe captures UFO picture!

UNETIDA and UNPASID have to deal with approximately 25,000 hoaxes for every valid piece of intel they receive. Anything from a weather balloon to a Halloween costume in the wrong light can send a normally perfectly rational human into a state of blind panic screaming 'Aliens' or 'Zombies' depending on the stimuli.

Thankfully unless a jaded reporter gets hold of the reported sighting and thinks there could be a story in it most of these cases are never even heard of. Occasionally however one hits the media and we need to create a counter-intelligence operation in order to convince people that there's nothing to fear and there's a perfectly rational explanation for what they saw.

Rarer still is the situation where UNETIDA/UNPASID don't even need to comment, let alone investigate a claim despite it gathering international media attention just like this one that an obviously deranged Russell Crowe attempted last week.

Apparently Crowe posted this video on Youtube claiming it to be a UFO:

He tweeted: "UFO? Time Lapse Photos Outside RC's Woolloomooloo Office (THESE ARE REAL!)"

"A friend and i set camera to capture fruit bats rising from Botanic Gardens,this was a big surprise"

"Canon 5D, No Flash, can't be a lens flare because it moves , camera is fixed"

Naturally, celebrity gossip sites and film buffs jumped on it. However it later came to light that the photos are taken using a telephoto lens centered on trees in a park separated by a body of water in the harbour through which yachts pass regularly and the red 'streak' is simply the safety light on a mast or other rigging as it would appear if the shutter on the camera was open for longer than normal.

It's clear from the opinions of the Internet that not a single person believes poor old Russell. General consensus is while the photos were taken 4 years ago, this "evidence" of UFO activity over Sydney is only coming to light now because the Aussie star's latest movie Broken City is a pile of shit and tanking badly.

Source: The Telegraph / Russel Crowe / Yahoo

Cock-Up has EAS warn of Zombie attacks!

An internal investigation began Monday concerning a serious and embarrassing malfunction of UNPASID’s control of the United States’ Emergency Alert System [EAS] which would in theory be used only in the event of a Zompocalypse.

On Monday afternoon, a CBS affiliate KRTV in Great Falls, Montana, which was broadcasting the Steve Wilkos talk show, had it’s sound temporarily replaced by the EAS. The audio signal alerted: "Civil authorities in your area have reported that the bodies of the dead are rising from the grave and attacking the living." And warned not "to approach or apprehend these bodies as they are extremely dangerous."

The incident is suspected to have arisen due to an effort to merge the UNPASID control with the UNETIDA control of the EAS which would be deployed in a similar manner should local authorities be unable to contain a sudden Extra Terrestrial landing before the arrival of UNETIDA.

A UNETIDA/UNPASID Counterintelligence team quickly fabricated a convincing story about a group of hackers attacking TV stations to post “hoax messages” about a zombie scare. “We have ways of convincing people of anything we need to to avoid revealing the truth,” said Colonel “Whopper” Creedon, Director of Intelligence, UNETIDA/UNPASID. “Hackers are in the public conscience and there are thousands of nerdy fanboys with access to the Internet and watching stuff like The Walking Dead on TV, Zombieland in the cinema and playing Left for Dead on their games machines. So it’s very easy to implicate them in something like this as they’re well known for their mischief.”

Most news outlets in the areas affected carried stories concerning what is, due to UNETIDA/ UNPASID’s actions, now considered a hoax which, as one law enforcement officer who received a 911 call put it, "Gave us a chuckle".

Source: USA Today / Youtube /  I09

Vampire awakens in Serbia!

Garlic has become the most sought after product in the area of the hamlet of Zarozje in Bajina Basta, Serbia. Apparently the local council advised all villagers to place garlic on their doors and windows and to put a Holy Cross in every room, to ward off the legendary vampire, Sava Savanovic.

Savanovic is understood to have been 'reawakened' after an old watermill in which he was believed to have lived collapsed recently according to news reports. The mill had become a tourist attraction, but was left in disrepair by the family who owned it because they feared disturbing it's undead inhabitant.

Villagers are now terrified that the vampire, one of the country's most feared and most famous, is roaming the countryside looking for fresh blood.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID said he was aware of the reports but was confident that it was simply a bid by locals to attract visitors to the impoverished region. He had no comment when asked if an UNPASID Paranormal Eradication Unit had been dispatched to deal with the potential threat.

Villagers who cashed in catering to tourists fascinated by the legend of Savanovic say they now wish they had left the place well alone.

Source: The Telegraph / Daily Mail / AP

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When the head of a major intelligence organisation leaves the fold as it were, the top-tiers of all major security protocols are rewritten so only those in active service know what they are. As you can imagine this takes some time but as more often than not the people are political appointees that may or may not survive complete changes in government - individuals in my line of work know that we have lead time to get things done before the changing of the guard.

When the head of the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States volunteers to resign suddenly however and it can't be confirmed by a reliable or 1st hand knowledge that there was no security breach in a very short window we have to burn the top seven tiers of protocols. The CIA has access only to three of UNPASID's and two of UNETIDA's, but I've always been more conservative when secrets are concerned. After all, the Director of the CIA has access to information beyond what the general public believe. This includes what happened at Roswell in 1947, the true ballistics report on the Kennedy assassination and of course the real Coca-Cola formula, not to mention several things we have a vested interest in keeping buried.

While King David's indiscretions are unlikely to have any ramifications to shared intelligence operations, they have basically had me on site permanently at HQ for the past few weeks supervising the largest UNETIDA/UNPASID security/intelligence protocol overhaul ever. It actually couldn't have come at a better time as our organisation[s] are in a state of transition following decisions made by the UN General Assembly in it's annual sitting recently as it reviewed our tumultuous year. Thankfully we're almost done and normal blog-posting should resume December 2nd.

Stomper takes command

Following his senate confirmation last week  the new UNETIDA/UNPASID Director Lt. General "Stomper" Santorno took command at a ceremony at UNHQ on Monday morning. It was attended by members of the UNSC, The UN High Commissioners for Paranormal and Extra-Terrestrial Affairs and multi-national officers serving with both UNETIDA and UNPASID.

Henderson [R] presenting the UNETIDA flag to Santorno [L]

Rear Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson who had been serving as Acting UNETIDA Director, presented the general with the his organisations command flag. Colonel "Tucker" Reid UNPASID's Director of Training as the most senior remaining UNPASID officer after a series of unfortunate events last month, also presented Santorno with the UNPASID command flag, a symbolic gesture that will see the general unite both directorates.

In his first speech to the assembled UNETIDA and UNPASID personnel, Santorno assured that despite what his appointment represents, it was his mandate that the missions and operations of each unit would be given the same attention that they have always deserved. The general offered that while there will be some change, he hopes that the directorates can make those changes work for the better to ensure the ultimate success of "keeping the world safe from things it's not ready to believe in".

Santorno praised the work of Air Vice Marshal "Albatross" Davenport III in strengthening UNETIDA and upgrading the policies and technology while he served as director. The general had also words of praise for Rear Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson whom he said had to take command of the directorate during a difficult time during it's scrutiny. Santorno said he had asked Henderson to remain with UNETIDA/UNPASID in a senior leadership role, an offer the admiral has accepted along with a nomination for his second star from POTUS.

Santorno said that he was deeply upset by the events that decimated the UNPASID leadership, but was especially saddened by the passing of Major General "Skullcrusher" Shaw whom he considered a close personal friend. He said that Shaw had shown tremendous devotion to the UNPASID mandate and promised to do his best to bring the same level of zeal to the counter-paranormal cause. He also vowed to use all the resources at his disposal to investigate the events that lead to Shaw's death and the death and disappearance of other senior officers.

Santorno closed by telling the assembled personnel that he, and the senior staff would be meeting with the UNSC on Wednesday 22nd of August to finalise the appointments of a fully integrated unified command staff and begin discussions for a permanent amalgamation of UNETIDA and UNPASID as it is clearly the best way forward for both. "For now" he concluded "It's business as usual."

Santorno tapped as new UNETIDA/UNPASID Director

After an emergency UNSC meeting on Tuesday evening, SECDEF Panetta was asked appoint a 3-star officer to take command of UNETIDA and UNPASID which would for the time being be operating with a single command staff. Yesterday morning, after meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the SECDEF submitted a list of names of viable candidates to POTUS. It was a short list, a list of one - Major General "Stomper" Santorno, U.S. Army [Ret.].

Major General "Stomper" Santorno, U.S. Army [Ret.] as Director of UNPASID in 2006

General Santorno was chosen for his extensive history with both UNPASID and UNETIDA. In 1982 Captain Santorno's special operations team had an encounter with what was described by Santorno in his report as "not alive, but not dead". Later in 1987 as an operations officer with 1st SFOD-D [Delta Force], Major Santorno was awarded the Silver Star for rescuing his unit from what he later discovered were extra-terrestrials. Due to his experience and the fact he had been exposed to both vicious undead and a belligerent extra-terrestrial force, and lived, he was recruited into UNPASID to bolster their special operations group and where he supervised training and survival methods.

Maj. Santorno returned to 1st SFOD-D for the invasion of Panama in 1989. After serving in the Gulf War in 1991 he requested to return to UNPASID who gladly accepted. Briefly, Lt. Col. Santorno was assigned as the Deputy Special Operations Commander for UNPASID until he was asked to serve as the military advisor to the UN High Commissioner for Paranormal Affairs until 1993. 

Lt. Colonel Santorno lent his considerable expertise, this time to UNETIDA as he served as the agency's Deputy Special Operations Commander until 1995 when he was promoted to colonel and was elevated to UNPASID's Special Operations Commander. In 1997 Col. Santorno shifted sideways to command UNETIDA's special operations before receiving his first star and assignment as UNETIDA's Director of Operations in 2000.

From 2002 to 2003, Brigadier General Santorno served as UNETIDA's Chief of Staff until an untimely command reshuffle during which the french Deputy Director of UNPASID was called into service with NATO and Santorno replaced him. Upon promotion to major general, Santorno was made director of UNPASID a post in which he served with distinction until his retirement from the Army in 2007.

Rather than depopulate the fish of North American rivers or buy a boat, Santorno spent his "retirement" as the Extra-Terrestrial and Paranormal Activity Advisor to the National Security Council of the Bush administration. Since 2009 he has been serving as both an Extra-Terrestrial and Paranormal Security Advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the Pentagon in times of need.

Major General Santorno's awards include: the Army Distinguished Service Medal, The Defense Distinguished Service Medal, the Silver Star [with two oak leaf clusters], The Defense Superior Service Medal [with two oak leaf clusters], the Legion of Merit [with two oak leaf clusters], the Bronze Star [with combat distinguishing device and two oak leaf clusters], the Purple Heart [with oak leaf cluster], United Nations Special Service medal [with 4 bronze stars], Combat Infantryman's Badge, Master Parachutist and Military Freefall Parachutist badges, and both the Special Forces and Ranger tabs.

General Santorno's reinstatement to active duty is rare but not unheard of. In 2003 SecDef Rumsfeld recalled the former commander of U.S. Special Operations Command, General Schoomaker out of retirement after three years to serve as the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army until 2007.

General Santorno is known for making allusions to the fact that he's related to Jimmy "No Fingers" Santorno a Mafia crime boss known for having no fingers and punishing those who crossed him with the same fate. The general is apparently not above threatening diplomats with "an introduction to cousin Jimmy". It should be noted that neither Army CID or the FBI have ever reported evidence to support the generals claim. 

President Obama's nomination for Santorno's assignment to UNETIDA/UNPASID and promotion to lieutenant general requires confirmation from the U.S. Senate. This is something that the SecDef and JCOS feel would only be a formality or they would not have forwarded his name.

UNSC Emergency Session deals with UNPASID crisis

An emergency session of the UNSC took place last evening to discuss the UNPASID command crisis. In light of the fact that all senior flag or general officers assigned to UNPASID are now dead, missing or in military custody, it was proposed by the UN Military Staff Committee that UNETIDA command should assume control of UNPASID operations.

This decision was facilitated by the fact that traditionally, UNETIDA and UNPASID operations have often overlapped due to public ignorance of what constitutes a paranormal occurrence or an extra- terrestrial encounter. As both organisations remain highly secretive about such events it’s likely this relationship can be taken advantage of to soothe the current crisis. In fact, according to analysts, UNETIDA also have a superior mis-information model that could be used to shield the public against supernatural and paranormal threats such as those against the [according to one delegate] "idiots who are digging up vampires graves in Bulgaria."

It was raised that while the tragic incidents "appear" to be accidental, the unprecedented coincidence of the events could not go without reference to the fact that they seem to have occurred immediately before the Special Investigation Committee finally published the report the began last October. It was also motioned that UNETIDA itself was also subject to the report but had no similar incidents.

Investigation Committee Chairperson Anna Scherzer of the Swiss Financial Markets Authority informed the Council that she had been authorised by Internal Oversight Services to reveal an abridged report to allay the fears against UNETIDA. During the meeting, the members of the Investigation Committee revealed some parts of the report they were responsible for compiling.

Rear Admiral Oliver Braithwaite III CBE, of the UK's Defence Intelligence revealed that UNPASID was involved in severe misappropriation of UN member funds taken from classified projects and funnelled into either projects which were cancelled by the council and in other cases, into the personal finances of UNPASID command staff. There was absolutely no evidence of any such activity within UNETIDA.

Deputy Director Sergei Sitnikov, of the Russian Federation's Federal Security Bureau outlined a great disparity between the amount of UNPASID weapons, equipment and supplies ordered and delivered when compared with those in use or decommissioned. UNETIDA had no such disparity despite a number of "unusual" requisitions from Acting Intelligence Director Colonel "Whopper" Creedon to aid in "home defence."

Most disturbingly, Cardinal Antoine Pascal, of the Roman Catholic Church led an investigative team to Peru to investigate the site of an incident which in 2010, UNPASID reported to the UNSC as a "training accident." The french cardinal reported that he discovered it was in fact a cover up after elite team of military chaplains, trained as “combat exorcists”, went rogue and summoned an ancient demon at a site that UNPASID subsequently napalmed into oblivion destroying several populated villages and scores of wildlife.

In defence of UNETIDA, Professor Wai Chen, of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, revealed that UNETIDA projects, while in almost all cases came in over budget, nevertheless have had a 96% success rate and their continued proliferation of alien technology can only benefit mankind.

Lt. General Andrew G. Kelly [USAF Ret.], a former NASA Astronaut, revealed that a number of UNETIDA operations over the past decade have resulted in the tragic death of some 2850 known military personnel, 1222 civilian casualties and have caused almost US$2.8Bn in associate collateral property/infrastructure damage internationally. However General Kelly deemed that these were unavoidable losses and only marginally outside acceptable limits when projected figures are analysed.

In final summary Mrs. Scherzer said she could see no reason at this time why the Military Staff Committee's recommendation should not be upheld and UNETIDA should not only to return to normal operations but is “more than capable of assuming control of UNPASID on a temporary basis if not permanent.”

After deliberations, the UNSC, based on the Committee’s assessment, agreed that they will wait until the complete report is published before making any permanent appointments or decisions but instructed UNETIDA to assume full operational control over UNPASID effective immediately for the time being. However a 3/2 vote was delivered to immediately request the Pentagon to assign a temporary OF-8 to assume military command of the organisations in light of the increased force size and responsibility that came with such a merge.

Spontaneous combustion leaves UNPASID leadership vacuum

Brigade General "Boogyman" Rojas, UNPASID's Director of Operations, who yesterday assumed temporary command of the directorate has reportedly spontaneously combusted and died. The incident appears to have occurred in a lavatory at the UNHQ in New York early this morning. It happened only hours before the general was due to represent UNPASID during a UNSC session where the report of the Special Investigation Committee would be issued.

There are few details available at this time but the Spanish air force officer [right] appeared to have answered a call of nature at approximately 08:45 EST and entered a male lavatory cubicle. While there, the occupant of the adjoining cubicle and another individual at the urinal reported a bright flash, some smoke and a scream.

The witnesses broke down the door with a fire extinguisher but were met only by the remains of General Rojas' shoes on the floor, a dark pile of ash in the toilet bowl and a smell "like sulphur." UNPASID agents investigated and tentatively identified the general from his jacket which still hung undamaged on the cubicle door.

Analysts have said that the council have now "shot themselves in the foot" by delaying requests for senior appointments to UNPASID as well as not making permanent appointments within the last nine months. The net result of this "shambles" is that there is now no one in the organisation who can assume command under its own contingency plan. Furthermore it would appear that the UN is also unable to deal with both this albeit unprecedented situation and the current Syrian conflict simultaneously.

The UN High Commissioner for Paranormal Affairs, Alberto Hov DiWafnae informed the press office that the operating forces of UNPASID were working from the Theta Protocol Manual which assumes that UNPASID command is out of communication and allows them to operate at battalion command level but with higher instructions and formation orders coming directly from the UNSC through the UNHCPA's office.

The UNSC have asked the Special Investigation Committee to delay their report publishing and are holding a high level meeting with the UN Military Staff Committee this afternoon to deal with the UNPASID crisis.

In other developments, a suicide note apparently left on the computer of Lieutenant Commander "Stingray" Hern, UNPASID liaison officer to the DOD whose body was discovered on Sunday morning, supports the cause of death delivered by the NCIS Medical Examiner.

UNPASID COS surrenders!

The Chief of Staff, currently temporary acting director of UNPASID, Rear Admiral "Piscine" Aguillard [left] failed to assume his duties at UNHQ this morning.

It's understood that Admiral Aguillard had his staff car re-route to the french consulate on 5th Avenue rather than proceed to the UNHQ for "diplomatic reasons".

The admiral's aide proceeded to the UNHQ 90 minutes later to inform the UNSC that the admiral had surrendered himself to authorities, admitting corruption and potentially treasonous activity.

Senior Colonel “Matsu” Lee, the UNPASID Director of Logistics and Assistant Chief of Staff did not answer a call to report as temporary director of UNPASID after Aguillard's surrender. Colonel Lee was apparently “recalled urgently” to China this morning due to what was described by the Chinese Ambassador to the UN as “a family matter”. He asked that the UN should not ask when the colonel will return to work and should appoint a replacement for him “to most likely be a permanent replacement.”

Brigade General "Boogyman" Rojas, UNPASID Director of Operations who was on site at UNHQ is understood to have been now been given temporary command of the directorate with the consent of the United States who has the power of veto over all non-P5 temporary appointments.

In other news, the crew and passenger of Gryphon 12, the UNPASID transport carrying Brigadier "Walrus" Jones to UNHQ, who were rescued off the Canadian coast yesterday have been interviewed at St. John's Coast Guard Base, Newfoundland. Investigators however have still not been able to ascertain any cause for the loss of the aircraft or Brigadier Jones. 

Neither the rescued passenger Captain "Watchtower" Park, senior pilot Flight Lieutenant "Jinks" Herrick nor his crew felt, heard or saw anything between normal operations on board Gryphon 12 at 00:10NDT Saturday morning and suddenly waking up in their life jackets in the Labrador Sea 29 hours later.

UNPASID woes continue

The aircrew of Gryphon 12, the UNPASID transport aircraft reported missing yesterday have been rescued at sea. The Canadian Coast Guard vessel CCGS Cygnus discovered the crew floating in their life preservers at 05.25 NDT. They were airlifted to CGS Base St. John's to receive medical attention.

Reports are that the four rescued were the three HS125 aircrew and passenger Captain "Watchtower" Park, Assistant Station Chief for London of UNPASID's Paranormal Action Command. There was no word or sight of Brigadier “Walrus” Jones or the Gryphon 12 itself.

Elsewhere, speculation concerning the death of  Major General "Skullcrusher" Shaw, Director of UNPASID continues. Speculation suggests that he had been previously asked by the Special Investigation Committee tasked with investigating irregularities in UNPASID and UNETIDA, to present details of his personal finances to them at a meeting scheduled for last Friday afternoon. The committee had also advised the general to have legal consul present. Inside sources speaking on conditions of anonymity say that the evidence thus far collected is most damning against some UNPASID officials and they are of the opinion that General Shaw took his own life rather than face personal humiliation and even prison.

To add to the tragic events, the body of Lieutenant Commander "Stingray" Hern [left] was pulled from the river Potomac in Arlington, Va. this morning.  

Hern was the UNPASID liaison officer to the U.S. Department of Defense. She reportedly left her office in the Pentagon on Thursday as normal. As Commander Hern had scheduled vacation, her absence was not noted. Her body was discovered by a Georgetown University rowing team. The DOD has declined to comment until NCIS have completed their investigation.

The temporary acting director of UNPASID, Rear Admiral "Piscine" Aguillard is expected to hold a press conference at UNHQ tomorrow morning.