
I had no idea it was going to be this good. Seriously. I mean what did we have? Giant robots that looked vaguely like some plastic toys I had from about '84 to '88 that had a tie-in comic book and cartoon series? Alright- so there was some nostalgic value there much like the upcoming
G.I.Joe, I bit. Then
Mike Bay comes along, fair enough he's already cemented himself as one of the greatest motion picture directors of of the past 20 years, if not all time. But even I was sceptical, even of the wondrous talent of
Bay that he could pull this off.
The Island did not achieve the status of
The Rock,
Armageddon or
Con Air and
Bad Boys 2 was pale in comparison to it's predecessor so I'll admit that I was beginning to think that
Mr. Bay may have started to loose it.
Never in my entire life have I been so wrong.
I said it in the title:
Transformers is the Greatest Movie of the Decade, I offer
Spider-Man,
Mission: Impossible 2,
300,
Underworld,
Gladiator and
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King as examples of previous movies which I would assume would be contenders for that title (there are others but not many) certainly there are not as many between 2000 and 2007 as there were between 1990 and 1997, but for now
Transformers is king.
Michael Bay returns to
Armageddon form (he even ingeniously includes a character line "This is better than
Armageddon" as the
Autobots land on earth). There is more military hardware on show here than
Pearl Harbor,
Bay runs the camera almost sexually over aircraft, artillery and modern weapons that gave me an instant hard-on. His obligatory silhouetted Black helicopters in slow-motion and his almost homo-erotic framing of a group of military-types walking towards the camera in slo-mo as well made their welcome return. I think there was more military tech-geek-talk in this movie than any of his previous projects a credit to the advisers I posted about earlier.
The Comic-Book had
Buster, and the TV show had
Spike so when
Shia LeBeouf was cast I wasn't as concerned as others as it was plainly obvious that the producers were following the adventure of young
Sam Witwiky which was more in keeping with the source material than just following the military response to the
Transformers, not that we had a shortage of that however.
LeBeouf had a good part in
Constantine and after seeing how good he was in
Transformers, I have no problem with his appearance in
Indy 4.
Josh Duhamel (
Danny in
Las Vegas) who reminds me as a sort of cross between
Johnny Knoxville and
Timothy Olyphant is
Captain Lennox, our human "Hero" character who is pivotal in the human's fight against that which they thought impossible. Other juicy parts are dished out to
John Voight,
Kevin Dunn,
John Turturro,
Tyrese Gibson and even the excellent
Glenn (
Aaron Pierce in
24)
Morshower gets to play a Marine Colonel :) However even though the movie has all these well known names/faces, I'm compelled by some strange force to post only this picture of the aptly named
Megan Fox.
But enough about the "fleshlings", what about the giant, transformin' fuckin' robots???! Well if you remember that advertisement for... was it a
Citroen?- who gives a shit? You know the one I'm on about with the transforming car. Well the transformations in this film are pretty much like that, but in a larger scale and much faster but with guns and weapons. They don't hold hand-weapons like they did in other incarnations, now the weapons are built in and like pop out of their arms or their arms transform into weapons which makes a lot of sense. Voice acting was top notch with the much hyped appearence of both
Peter Cullen - the original voice for
Optimus Prime and
Hugo Weaving himself as the evil
Megatron. Explaining anything else would lessen the impact of what you will see on screen but safe to say that these guys ain't those toys you had as kids. In many ways they're better.
The script was a gem, the perfect pace, balance of humour, action and drama, a credit to writers
Roberto Orci &
Alex Kurtzman, their faithfulness to the "essence" of
Transformers while updating it for the 21st century has filled me with hope for their next effort -
Star Trek.
Steve The Island Jablonsky, through his magnificent music makes no secret that he's one of
Hans Zimmer's trained composers and it's as if he channelled the
Prince of Film Music himself to create a rich, multi-textured musical adventure of his own behind the action, yet accompanying it perfectly. The pyrotechnics on show here are pretty much what you'd expect from the director of
The Rock,
Armageddon,
The Island,
Bad Boys,
Pearl Harbor etc. and it surprises most folk that Bay's budget was only $147m compared with $210m for the woeful
X-Men: The Last Stand or even an insane $258m for the piece of shit
Spider-Man 3, considering the flawless quality of and the sheer amount of CGI!! It just goes to show what you can do without an A-list actor inflating the budget beyond insanity.

The only possible problem I've scraped from the bottom of the barrel from this movie is that
Voight as
SECDEF Keller tries to use a mobile in the National Military Command Center. I can guarantee that mobiles are prohibited (even to the likes of me and even the SECDEF) inside such a facility. That aside, the analyst smuggling a memory card out of the NMCC was a bit far-fetched but I'll forgive it as a) it advanced the plot and b) The theft was discovered and an appropriate response was issued.
Finally, if you see only one movie this decade - I order you to go now and witness a true masterwork of motion picture presentation, and join
Michael Bay on a virtual roller coaster ride the like of which you have never experienced.
Colonel Creedon Rating:
STARS ARE MEANINGLESS IF A MOVIE REACHES THIS LEVEL!
Special Note: Star Wars Revenge of the Sith is deliberatly omitted from the lists that appear here as it's not a film, it's a religion.