Unworthy Worthington Hams Up Hamlin's Hero

This review is for the 2D version. Post processing 3D onto a 2D movie is a crime and I do not support it in it's current level of technology.

Must... act... out of... this... situation....

Due to the problem with Hollywood running out of ideas; many producers have turned their heads to remaking movies which are classics in their own right. The most recent being a remake of the 1981 Ray Harryhausen produced movie Clash Of The Titans which stared a young curly-haired Harry L.A. Law Hamlin as the Greek mythological hero Perseus. Perseus’ adventure was truly epic and in many ways has inspired so many fantasy genre movies, comics and video games throughout the years. Think of the last RPG you played, you were a heroic warrior [or something along those lines] who embarked on an epic quest with companions to rid the land of evil by slaying demons, solving puzzles, avoiding traps getting into impossible situations and of course getting out of them again just like Perseus in Clash Of The Titans.

So why didn’t this happen in this movie?

Sam Worthington nailed it as a Terminator and a blue alien last year but alas, Perseus required more screen time and a somewhat more “human” approach for him and as it turns out Sam can’t act for shit when push came to shove. Now Hamlin’s Perseus obviously didn’t have a Greek accent, we’re not striving for that level of authenticity of course but Worthington 's pretty strong Aussie lit was more comical and distracting than say Connery’s Russian submarine captain Ramius back in The Hunt For Red October. We forgave Connery because; a) his voice is cool; b) he’s in the top 10 greatest actors of all time – Worthington is neither and his Perseus comes off as a spoiled whining twerp and not the Greek hero of legend. It's completely idiotic that he's a skinhead here too - these legends had hair - maybe not as much as the gods [I got the impression that Alexander Siddig (Hermes) and Danny Huston (Poseidon) were hiding in shame] but that’s not all that was wrong here.

Hey, I thought I wasn't supposed to look at you?

The original Clash obviously took liberties with the Perseus legend. OK so killing Medusa to present her head as a gift for his Uncle/King or whatever is not as exciting as killing her to use her head as an ultimate weapon to defeat the Kraken - see it even sounds better when written here. For the remake it appears director Louis Leterrier took too many liberties not only with the original legend but with the original movie as well – the problem lies in what he used and what he didn’t use. It’s not difficult to describe some of the ways they obviously changed this for the attention span of the modern audience, some of whom use cell phones while watching movies now - why? It feels far to rushed, the changes that the writers made all seemed to just speed everything along and we're supposed to think it's explained away by virtue of the fact that "the gods made it happen" or somesuch like Pegasus [a black Pegasus I might add] conveniently appearing at the right moment without explanation etc.

Right: Hi, my name is Gemma. I'll be your bit-of-fluff for the movie. It's not like we can only have a hot babe in the opening and ending scenes in this day and age now is it?

This time around Perseus is not aided by Bubo [Athena’s R2D2-like golden clockwork owl], Burgess Meredith’s [Ammon] sage mentoring is now replaced by a limited quick training scene with Mads Mikkelsen [Draco], and most unforgivably he doesn't embark on a quest to win Andromeda's hand in marriage either. While I nomally would approve of the inclusion of Gemma Arterton on screen for any reason; her inclusion here as the demigod Io is the single most ridiculous addition and you don’t know how unfathomably wrong it is until the final scene. Look this is a spoiler: but what the fuck is Perseus' motivation for saving Andromeda atall if he has no intention of banging her? Seriously? WTF? The ending is not so much "get ready for the sequel" but it's so "get ready for the trilogy" that I almost vomited in my mouth.

Left: Good job Boorman let me keep my shiny armour from Excalibur or they might have dressed me in a bedsheet like Olivier [or in any true depction of Zeus Liam!]

Does this movie have anything going for it then? Well. on the good side, the movie is not without action, it's certainly not boring and delivers much in the way of all you'd expect from a modern heavlly-laden CGI cinematic triumph with a few hundred million dollars budget. Leterrier, [one of very few individuals I have pardoned for being parisian] director of the superb Transporter 2 and the sublime The Incredible Hulk has a true eye for directing a balls-out action movie. It's obvious that this was an extraordinary labour of love for him and I'll support his sequels considering the "future" of Perseus after his Medusa/Kraken quest in mythology seems somewhat bland and so has been overlooked in modern representation. It may even allow Leterrier to put the character back on the "Andromeda track", but I won't hold my breath.

Final Verdict: A true summer-opening blockbuster with excellent special effects combined with a splendid score by Ramin Djawadi. But it's not enough to forgive a classic tale being raped to this extent. If that is what had happened in the legendary tales it’ may never have been passed down through history and our modern fantasy lore and RPGs would be as dull as a December evening. My true fear is that following the eventual nuclear holocaust in years to come, when all the scholars are dead and books are burned, someone will find the 3D Blu-Ray version of this new Clash of the Titans and think that this is the way things are supposed to be. I shudder to think.

Please rescue me! I won't marry you or give you treasure but please rescue me?

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2

Conan finds his home!

So Coco's moving to TBS! That's great news. Eh, what the fuck is TBS?

[After research] Oh it's yet something else from that Ted Turner fella. A cable channel, Yo-K!

From Variety:

In a surprise announcement, TBS revealed this morning that the former "Tonight Show" host would join the cabler in the 11 p.m. time slot this November. "Lopez Tonight," which currently airs there, will shift to midnight. Like "Lopez," the as-yet untitled O'Brien show will air four days a week, Mondays through Thursdays.

“In three months I’ve gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theaters, and now I’m headed to basic cable," O'Brien said. "My plan is working perfectly.” News was timed to the kick off of O'Brien's "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television" tour, which starts Monday night in Eugene, Ore.

O'Brien had been widely expected to seal a deal with Fox -- and execs at the broadcast network remained optimistic last week that a deal could eventually be hammered out. But Fox was running into serious financial roadblocks in clearing a late night yakker.

Considering that O'Brien exited NBC after that network downgraded his timeslot, O'Brien likely didn't want to have to wait years to secure full in-pattern clearances on Fox across the country.
TBS, on the other hand, allows O'Brien to be seen virtually nationwide, in-pattern, immediately.
According to TBS, talks began in earnest just last week -- and after "Lopez Tonight" star George Lopez personally gave O'Brien a call. “I can’t think of anything better than doing my show with Conan as my lead-in,” Lopez said. “It’s the beginning of a new era in late-night comedy.”

Turner Entertainment Networks president Steve Koonin called O'Brien "the comedic voice for a generation."

Read the whole thing here on Variety.

Go on laugh! - It's Star Wars!

A forthcoming untitled animated Star Wars project will explore the universe from a new perspective, blending wry comedy and irreverent fun.

Star Wars Robot Chicken

Lucasfilm Animation is currently developing an all-new animated Star Wars series, focusing its efforts on the comedic aspects of the "galaxy far, far away." Featuring creative involvement from Seth Green and Matthew Senreich [creators of Robot Chicken], as well as writing from The Daily Show's Brendan Hay, the series will look at the saga's characters with a playful and irreverent tone. The series will be produced by Emmy and Gemini Award-winner Jennifer Hill, and directed by Emmy-nominated Todd Grimes.

"There are so many stories taking place in the Star Wars universe, and they don't all have to focus on the fate of the galaxy," said Grimes. "We're looking at Star Wars from a new perspective; this will be a glimpse at how the rest of the galaxy is affected by the events of the saga. There's a lot of humor to be mined from that."

"The Star Wars universe is so dense and rich; it's crazy to think that there aren't normal, mundane everyday problems in a world so well-defined," said Green. "And it's even crazier to think of what those problems might be, since it's all set in a galaxy far, far away. What do these characters do when they're not overthrowing Empires?"

Said Senreich, the show will be "character driven" and may include crossover appearances from movie characters. "We're on the same page as the fans, because we are fans. We're going to pull back the curtain of some of those behind-the-scenes shenanigans. It's going to appeal to all ages, the way Star Wars should -- but there'll be plenty buried under the surface, as well. As Obi-Wan might say, 'it all depends on your point of view'."

Seth Green and Matt Senreich accepting their awards for Star Wars Robot Chicken Episode II

Now for those of you who might be fretting a bit about this; Green, had a few calming words for fans following the announcement. "Let us assure you this isn't going to suck as much as you think it is," he said jokingly. "We can't guarantee its excellence, but we're swinging by the fences." This new animated show will not be a sketch comedy show like Robot Chicken. Green added "We're not talking about Jar-Jar electrocuting his tongue. It's not that kind of humor. If George would have wanted to make that version of Star Wars, he would have hired other people to do it."

This project marks the second Star Wars series created by Lucasfilm Animation. The first was Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which premiered in 2008 on the Cartoon Network and currently in it's second season. No start date or network for the comedy series have been announced.

Source: starwars.com / Variety

Dead man in sunglasses pushed about in wheelchair!

Is it me or does this remind you of something?

From Reuters:

Two women were arrested at a British airport on suspicion of trying to smuggle a dead relative onto a flight bound for Germany, police said on Tuesday. The 91-year-old deceased man was pushed in a wheelchair through Liverpool's John Lennon airport wearing sunglasses before check-in staff became suspicious and he was prevented from boarding the plane.

He was believed to have been driven about 35 miles to the airport by taxi from Oldham, Greater Manchester, police added. The women were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of a death and were released on bail.

"At 11 a.m. on Saturday 3 April 2010, police at Liverpool John Lennon airport were alerted to the death of a 91-year-old man in the terminal building," police said in a statement. "Two women aged 41 and 66 were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of death."

"The contemporary world has not seen a tragedy of such proportions"

- Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk, April 10th 2010

This morning a Polish Air Force Tu-154 carrying President Lech Kaczysnki and senior members of the Polish government crashed in Smolensk, Russia, killing all 97 aboard. Ironically they were on their way to mark the 70th anniversary of the Katyn massacre which was a mass murder of thousands of Polish POWs including military officers, intellectuals and public servants.

Accompanying President Kaczsnki were his wife Maria, Ryszard Kaczorowski - former president of the anti-Communist government-in-exile in London, Aleksander Szczyglo - head of the National Security Office, Jerzy Szmajdzinski - deputy parliament speaker, Gen. Franciszek Gagor - head of the army chief of staff, Slawomir Skrzypek - head of the National Bank of Poland, Deputy Foreign Minister Andrzej Kremer, Andrzej Przewoznik - minister for WWII memorials, Janusz Kurtyka - head of the National Remembrance Institute, Janusz Kochanowski - civil rights commissioner and Army chaplain Bishop Tadeusz Ploski along with the presidents aides and various lawmakers.

As of several hours after the crash took place, many details about the cause of the crash are still unknown. It is reported by news agencies that the Tu-154 struck trees just 1.5 kilometres from the airport and smashed into pieces across the floor of the wooded area. Unconfirmed reports suggest that the pilot had already attempted to land three times, each without success.

Within hours after the crash the President of Russia Dmitry Medvedev, announced the establishment of a special commission for the investigation of the plane crash. The commission will be supervised by the Prime Minister of Russia Vladimir Putin. Authorities have not yet reached a conclusion as to why the aircraft crashed. I am however suspicious of one presidential aide Zofia Kruszyńska-Gust, who apparently "felt sick" just before the trip and did not board the plane...

Mini Movie Reviews

Sadly, time is against me at the moment so I can't devote the usual 4 hours a time to write my customary movie reviews for the last few movies I've seen

Cop Out [Rock out with your Glock out!]

30 Rock's Tracy Morgan’s silver-screen vehicle is just what you’d expect a Kevin Smith directed Tracy Morgan movie would be. So if you dislike either Morgan or Smith you’d probably do well to give this a miss.

Thankfully I think they’re more than worthy of my time and the combination of Morgan’s manic acting [well I say “acting” but I’m pretty sure that’s how he is in reality] with Willis' subdued [almost “phoned-in”] performance under Smith’s more “conforming” [no Jay/Silent-Bob] direction to the buddy-cop movie proved to be a success in my book.

You’ve seen “funny black dude teams up with hard-ass white guy” all throughout the ‘80’s and ‘90’s and even as recently as Showtime and Bad Company to some extent but Willis' straight-playing against the wild antics of Morgan brings it own unique flair that’s most endearing on screen.

Worth it especially for the interaction between our two lads and Sean William Scott -classic! Oh and they even got Harold Beverley Hills Cop Faltermeyer to score.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****


From Paris With Love [Two agents. One city. No merci!]

I can imagine the producers getting together and discussing this:

Producer with money: "Whet have we got uh?"

Luc Besson: "Eh.. a young green by le book CIA ageant teams up with le oldear less by-the-buch how you say?... seen-it-all ageant and totally wrecks Paris?"

Producer with money: "Bon! We'll have a acteur from Irlandais, perhaps from Cork to play le younger ageant, is this Kill-ee-an Murphi availaballe?"

Luc Besson: "Non, what about Jean-athann Rhees My-ears from Le Tudors?"

Producer with money: "Excellant! Now we'll have Sam Jackson play le oldear ageant?"

Luc Besson: "Désolé! Unavailaball as well I'm afraid, but we can have Jean Travolta?"

Producer with money: "Magnifique!"

And that's all it takes for this kind of miscasting to happen. Neither Meyers or Travolta felt right here. Luc Besson's writing is hit and miss and this is a miss and he's dragged Taken's director Pierre Morel with him, and he's someone I was expecting something somewhat better from.
I'll actually just shit out 2.5 Stars for the somewhat impressive action scenes and for the fact that french producers are still willing to wreck paris and paint a somewhat dim view of parisians to make money. Zoot Alors!

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2

Green Zone [hide and seek with WMDs]

The people that went into this movie thinking they were getting a Bourne-style military action-drama from the star and director of the Bourne saga, Damon and Greengrass respectively, must have been as disappointed as the military teams depicted on screen who went hunting for the WMDs in Iraq. This wasn't that kind of movie and rightly so; it was depressing duty for the teams and were it not for turning up some pretty amazing alien artifacts buried since biblical times, it'd have been a totally wasted exercise for my team as well, but I digress.

Anyway I'd not have been impressed if they had somehow shoehorned Bourne-style action into the whole movie [the last 15 minutes was more then enough] even if they did create an interesting "conspiracy" straight out of some liberal nut-job's wet-dream. Look the forces of freedom and democracy went in and liberated a country strangled by tyranny - YAY U.S.A.!!! deal with it now and just forget this WMD nonsense, it's really not important anymore.

This should have been called Grain Zone because of the unnecessary amount of film grain on the picture, it was even more distracting than J.J. Abram's lens-flares on Star Trek but Greengrass delivered a competent if not sometimes slow conspiracy-action-thriller with Matt Damon playing his Chief Miller with dare I say: military precision.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****


Kick-Ass [I can't fly. But I can kick your ass.]

When I was about 10 I made an Iron Man costume from old clothes and crepe paper. I even drew on a Tony Stark moustache with a marker above my lip [I was thorough about these things].

This movie is made for everyone who did shit like that at 10 or perhaps never grew out of it and could still be dressing up as a "hero" over 20 years later.

Oh, and this movie has guns, lots and lots and lots of guns and a shitload of people die.

Best movie of the year so far!

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****

The Expendables will Explode!

Fuckin' A!

August 13th 2010

http://expendablesthemovie.com/

You want to smell like Captain Kirk?

I saw they have started selling these on Amazon:
Yes, it's Star Trek cologne. One of the fragrances is Tiberius which allows you to "be transported to new worlds of sensual discovery" according to it's blurb.

The one named Red Shirt is hilarious:
RED SHIRT Cologne is made for the young, modern man of the galaxy who doesn't hesitate; who revels in being alive today. RED SHIRT Cologne instills confidence, showing the universe your strength, your valor, your devotion to living each day as though it could be your last. Red Shirt Cologne: Because Tomorrow May Never Come.

Priceless. But the best is Pon Farr a perfume for the ladies:
Straight from the planet Vulcan, this 50 ml container of Star Trek Pon Farr Perfume is all you need to drive your man (or men) wild. Because having is not always as pleasing as wanting! Pon Farr Perfume for women is a refreshing fragrance that's both invigorating and dramatic, with light, clean notes of citrus, blackcurrant, lotus blossom, and water lily. With base notes from sandalwood, peach, and mulberry, Pon Farr is perfect for those bright sunny days and warm summer nights spent together at the beach, around the fire, or simply watching your favorite affaire d'honneur. Sharp and aggressive, simple yet exotic, use it with care!

Sometimes I wish the stuff I post here is a joke, but this is real...

"Stark! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut!"

FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!

Only a few weeks away....

Goodbye Ben Maxwell: Robert Culp 1930-2010

For the longest time when I thought of an "FBI agent", I'd think of Ben Maxwell on The Greatest American Hero. I used to therefore think that FBI Agents were hard-asses who constantly spoke through clenched teeth and were impossibly tanned - it wasn't until I saw Special Agent Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks that I revised my opinion which up to then was completely formulated by the legendary Robert Culp.

Culp, a Californian actor gained notoriety as Hoby Gilman in the Western TV series Trackdown from 1957 to 59 and for his many television performances including episodes of The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Shaft and for 3 years on I-Spy with Bill Cosby, a series for which he was not only nominated for an acting Emmy, but also one for writing a number of episodes.

Following his 3-season role on The Greatest American Hero in the early 80's Culp made dozens of appearances on some of the best known shows on TV such as Matlock, Jake and the Fatman, Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman, Hardcastle and McCormick, Chicago Hope and Walker: Texas Ranger. He had a recurring role on Columbo as as Dr. Keppel and portrayed Cornelius Farnsworth in Lonesome Dove: The Series.

Culp rarely strayed from television making few movies but is noted as Ens. Ross in PT-109, the story of John F. Kennedy's time as a Naval officer in WWII and in 1994 he played the U.S. President in The Pelican Brief. Culp was also noted for his voice work on Disney's Gargoyles and more recently as Dr. Wallace Breen in the Half Life 2 videogame series. In '07 he voiced a hilarious appearance reprising Ben Maxwell in a Robot Chicken spoof of The Greatest American Hero.

He completed many projects per year up until 2003 where he took on few new projects. Culp died from a fall outside his Los Angles home Wednesday. He was 79.

Just when you thought your Star Wars toy collection was complete...

Obviously this more accurately scaled AT-AT is in celebration of the 30th Anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back.

Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - Full Review

The Call Of Duty video game franchise has surpassed EA's Medal Of Honor as the worlds foremost war simulator. In November, Activision announced that the series has exceeded $3 billion in retail sales worldwide, making it one of the biggest gaming franchises ever. "If you consider the number of hours our audiences are engaged in playing Call of Duty games, it is likely to be one of the most viewed of all entertainment experiences in modern history," said Bobby Kotick, CEO of Activision Blizzard, Inc.

The latest, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (COD:MW2 or MW2), went on to generate over 500 million in sales in its first week which is certainly phenomenal but with most of those funds being collected from advance pre-orders the game was not sold on the basis of whether it was good or not, but only on what had been done before, so while some people ended up happy, others felt burned and cheated.

It’s interesting to note that the game's popularity also reflected in the amount of unauthorized downloads it had from BitTorrent sites. There were 4.1 million recorded downloads for the PC version, in addition to 970,000 for the Xbox 360, making it 2009's most pirated game on both platforms.

Like the majority of First Person Shooters (FPS) these days, MW2 employs both a single player mode and a multiplayer mode, there’s also a co-operative mode that allows you and a friend to team up for some specially designed difficult missions. Some users purchase the game for one element or the other but many enjoy both modes. On Multiplayer overall I will say reception in console-land on either the PS3 or the Xbox 360 platform was very well received. A different story exists however for the PC. Developers Infinity Ward (IW) decided to remove the dedicated server ability from the game entirely which severely limited the PC’s ability to create specific types of online matches, disabled the ability to ban a user that was unruly or a cheating bastard and basically crippled the most popular multiplayer functionality. This drastic action by IW led to the unprecedented fall of the game from #1 to 39th place in the PC Gaming charts – a result not shared by its console cousins. Personally, I buy and play these games only for single-player as I have to shoot enough assholes in real-life without having to kill them online as well. Therefore this review will focus mainly on the single-player aspect but comments may of course be added and discussed concerning multiplayer below if you so desire.

The game once again uses a proprietary engine (no existing engine platform would ever suit IW), the IW 4.0 based loosely on licensed ID tech. It presents a unique graphical experience that can be tweaked to match every capability of your GPU. Needless to say it’s noticeably superior to the original Modern Warfare with particular attention to dust particles which may actually cause you to as a reflex put your hand in line with your eyebrows in a futile attempt to see through it.

FPS storylines are generally an assorted mess of some incredible ideas that are loosely woven together to attempt to give you some sort of reason why you find yourself in so many different environments throughout the game. The plot here is just as woeful as one might expect, full of holes, inconsistencies and pointless elements, basically like an 80’s action movie. I admit I was expecting a bit more from the writer and executive producer of NCIS, Jesse Stern who wrote the game. Most of the plot hinges on it’s “secrecy” so I’ll not delve into it here too much only to assure you that it’s simply more of the same only they’ve turned the insanity-meter up to the max, you’ll be as surprised and as shocked as much as you will laugh where you’re really not supposed to.

The gameplay features most of what you experience in Modern Warfare; slick FPS action with a stunning array of the most modern weapons and small arms known to man. And thankfully they've abolished that madness of perpetually spawning enemies to wear you down, opting for some incredibly cunning AI foes instead. The “cinematic expedience” that the entire COD series is renowned for is taken up a notch here. There are some truly magnificent scripted action set-pieces, IW have proven that they are the masters of this for many years and MW2 is no exception with easily the most stunning of them emerging at various points in this game, you may even find yourself getting shot because you’ve spent so much time looking at such incredible action and scenery around you like an idiot.

As great as these cinematic sequences, many of which you have some level of control over, are; I think that there may be just a little too many of them and not enough actual “game”. Either that or the sections of game in between these cinematic sequences can seem so rushed because of the way the level is designed and you’re really being forcibly “pushed” through them so much that it can seem like the game is there to advance the cinematic as opposed to the other way around. In some cases it can feel like you're doing nothing more than directing a fantastic Machinima which is not what you pay “above average price” for a game for. The rushing – either against the clock or chasing down a bad-guy before he escapes etc. through the levels verges on ridiculous. While you are rewarded with some of the aforementioned extraordinary cinematic sequences and literally find yourself out of breath a heaving and sweating husk in front of the PC or console, you’ll discover to your horror that you’ve finished the entire game between 5 to 7 hours depending on your chosen difficulty level and that is a crime; an unforgivable crime that will ensure a through investigation before I pay full-price, recession or none, for the inevitable Modern Warfare 3.

To add to the whole cinematic flavour that IW have mastered for their games, the developers and publisher enlisted some top names to help them craft what is essentially “interactive cinema.” The aforementioned Jesse Stern was head of the writing team and his story was brought to life through the wonderful array of characters you met throughout your adventures voiced by some top talent including Kevin Dog Soldiers McKidd, Craig Cliffhanger Fairbrass, Barry We Were Soldiers Pepper, Keith Platoon David and Glen 24 Morshower among others. One of Hollywood’s most prolific and sought-after Oscar-winning composers Hans Zimmer was enlisted to compose the main themes for Lorne Balfe’s most amazing score. The unmistakeable sounds they produced only cementing the illusion that you are inside a movie directed by both Michael Bay and Tony Scott simultaneously. Its a shame that there’s no legal requirement for Activision to display an adrenalin poisoning warning on the game box like they do for epilepsy, because I’m sure that almost happened me.

The game has come under some harsh criticism and has caused a stir amongst many politicians who together with the press have highlighted some of the controversies. Some folk have taken it upon themselves to create an entire Wikipedia page based solely on Modern Warfare 2’s issues and you may read it at your leisure here. On the main issues I’ll only say – The multiplayer problems hold little concern but it’s a pity that IW seem to have forgotten that without the PC or multiplayer as it was on the PC there’d have been no Call Of Duty (1) back in 2003. Additionally this is not the place to discuss my opinion of the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy of the US Military so we’ll leave that go. Of the Russian Airport level, I’ll admit that while I played it [I did pay for it], I did not enjoy it, I found it in bad taste and completely unnecessary to the plot – a plot that certainly wouldn’t have suffered any more detrimental effects from simply mentioning the “result” of the level rather than having you play it.

Still, credit where it is due, I must applaud Infinity Ward for what is certainly [from my point of view] one of the most polished, bug free, graphically and aurally rich FPS combat experiences I’ve ever had in a video game. It’s always a shame when a developer overlooks something, no matter how infinitesimal that breaks the illusion of reality and reminds you that you’re playing a game, but that doesn't happen here. It’s very noticeable – but obviously only after playing, that nothing happened during the game that broke this “bubble of fantasy” that surrounds you [with the exception of reloading after you die, but that’ll always be reasonable]. It’s a shame that such terrible controversy has marred it’s reception [if not it’s sales figures] and that that the main experience [for me] is only a few very short hours. If you’re not an avid multiplayer I suggest you wait a good while for this to come down in price, it’s certainly worth playing, just not right now.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Some information sourced from: Infinity Ward / Gamestop / Wikipedia /IGN

McChrystal's new SOF directive

General Stanley McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan said most of the U.S. Special Operations forces there now are under his direct control. He said the decision was made in response to high civilian casualties and reports the Special Forces troops were operating as "cowboys", The New York Times reported Tuesday. "What happens is, sometimes at cross-purposes, you got one hand doing one thing and one hand doing the other, both trying to do the right thing but working without a good outcome," McChrystal said.

Afghan officials, human rights workers and some field commanders of conventional U.S. forces have criticized Special Ops troops, saying they have been responsible for large number of casualties among Afghan civilians and strike out on their own.. Previously, Special Operations forces followed a separate chain of command.

Maj. Gen. Zahir Azimi, Afghan Defense Ministry spokesman, said McChrystal told Afghan officials he was taking action because of concern that some U.S. troops weren't following his order to make limiting civilian casualties a priority. "These special forces were not accountable to anyone in the country, but General McChrystal and we carried the burden of the guilt for the mistakes they committed," Azimi said. "Whenever there was some problem with the special forces, we didn't know who to go to. It was muddled and unclear who was in charge."

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, whom as recently as February conducted special operations in Afghanistan was irate "What the hell? McChrystal was formerly the JSOC Commander who controlled most of the Special Operations Forces operating in Iraq and Afghanistan and they achieved great success but now they're "cowboys"? Uh-uh, no way, these are the elite of the elite battle hardened, highly trained and highly skilled operators, not cowboys! Well.. OK maybe one-in-ten is a loose cannon, but that comes with the pressure. Dammit!, we now have SOCOM because conventional ground commanders have always wanted SOF teams split up. Look, I agree that McChrystal should have communication with SOF but through SOCCENT, not direct command over the assets - I do not like the smell of this."

When asked if it was possible that his own unit may have been responsible for the civilian casualties McChrystal mentioned, Creedon replied "Look! There are always casualties in war. Otherwise it's just a nasty argument. We only ever fired upon 'confirmed threats' but if these cowards would stop hiding amongst civilians, the casualty rate would drop. This goes back to what I can smell - there is constant outrage in the Muslim community about civilians getting killed by U.S. and coalition forces, yet sweet-F-A of same when the insurgents hide behind civilians. When you're too much of a chickenshit to stand and fight it out like a real man but instead have to hide behind women, old folk, and kids, anyone who supports you is just as guilty and doesn't deserve be even referred to as 'collateral damage'. This new directive won't cover Delta, the S.E.A.L.s or any unit I'm commanding but I hope the future effectiveness of the remaining 'quiet professionals' won't be hamstrung for some good PR. I'll only let this go if someone can provide proof that this 'large number' of civilian casualties is as a direct result of SOF actions."

Source: Military.com / other various

Conan to really be Foxy?

TMZ is a particularly trashy and reprehensible website.... but - they do seem to be able to scoop all the major news networks time and time again and rarely does their stuff turn out to be false. On this basis I'm excited about one of their reports this week that Fox is putting pressure on its affiliates to clear the 11PM slot for a potential new show for Conan O'Brien!

According to TMZ: Fox has been in touch with some affiliates, "applying pressure" to put Conan on the air between 11 and 12. A clear sign that he's going to Fox. TMZ's sources say Fox execs and Conan's reps have been "seriously talking," though no deal has been made yet but execs at several major Fox affiliates are saying a deal is "imminent."

Some of the affiliates have been resistant to running a Conan show, because they make more money with the sitcom reruns at that time. Several affiliate execs are saying they have felt the pressure from Fox to take Conan's show.

Read more here.

Source: TMZ

The Expendables Poster

It's rare a movie poster gives me goosebumps... :)

Woman relieved of command - but no-one will cry

The contribution of women to the US Military throughout history must never be ignored. The names of such pioneering members of the fairer sex, especially those who broke barriers should never be forgotten. Margaret Corbin fought with her husband at Fort Washington in the Revolutionary decade. Dr. Mary E. Walker, a surgeon during the Civil War was the first [and only] female recipient of the Medal Of Honor. Annie G. Fox earned the first Purple Heart bestowed on a woman for injuries sustained at Hickam Field, Pearl Harbor, Dec 7 1941. Lt. Kara Hultgreen, the Navy's first fully qualified female fighter pilot, was sadly also the first woman combat pilot to die in service. In 1995 Lt Kelly Flinn USAF became the first woman B-52 Bomber Pilot. In 1990 Cmdr. Darlene Iskra became the first woman to command a U.S. Navy ship - the U.S.S. Opportune. I covered the pending promotion of Gen. Ann Dunwoody in June 2008 myself here. All impressive achievements, but what about Holly Graf?

Captain Holly Graf, US Navy, was relieved of her command of the Ticonderoga class Aegis guided missile cruiser U.S.S. Cowpens [CG-63] by the admiralty in January. The just-released Inspector General's report concludes that Graf "repeatedly verbally abused her crew and committed assault" and accuses her of using her position as commander "for personal gain." According to 29 of the 36 crew members who were questioned for the Navy's report, Graf repeatedly dropped F bombs on them. "Take your goddam attitude and shove it up your fuckin' ass and leave it there," she allegedly told an officer during a stressful maneuver aboard the 567-ft., 10,000-ton vessel.

Junior officers seeking her guidance were rebuffed. "This is one of the reasons I hate you," she allegedly told one who was seeking her help. When another officer visited her quarters to discuss an earlier heated discussion, her response was terse: "Get the fuck out of my stateroom." She allegedly told a male officer, "The only words I want to hear out of your mouth are 'Yes ma'am' or 'You're correct, ma'am'." She also allegedly put a respected master chief petty officer in "time out" — standing in the ship's key control room doing nothing in front of other personnel of all ranks.

While most of the witness statements in the report didn't specify if the testimony is from a male or female, the IG asked at least two female officers whether they viewed Graf as a role model. A younger woman recalled going to Graf to seek her help. "'Don't come to me with your problems,' " she said, quoting Graf. "'You're a fucking department head.'" The officer also said that Graf once told her, "I can't express how mad you make me without getting violent." A second female officer told the IG that Graf was a "terrible role model for women in the Navy," alleging that Graf once told her and a fellow officer on the bridge, "You two are fucking unbelievable. I would fire you if I could, but I can't."

Many officers who served with Graf over the years were not surprised by the IG's findings. Paul Coco, a 2002 Naval Academy graduate, served as a gunnery officer under Graf aboard the destroyer U.S.S. Winston S. Churchill from 2002 to 2004. "She would throw coffee cups at officers — ceramic, not foam," he recalls, "spit in one officer's face, throw binders and paperwork at people, slam doors." The hostile work environment led to a gallows humor among the crew. "We all would joke that after Bush liberated Iraq, he would next liberate Churchill," he says. That day finally came in January 2004, when Commander Todd Leavitt arrived to replace Graf. "As soon as Commander Leavitt said 'I relieve you' to Commander Graf, the whole ship, at attention, roared in cheers," he says.

Prior to the IG probe's release, the Navy had tapped Graf for a top job at the Pentagon following her Cowpens command. Now she's being shuffled off to a Navy weapons lab outside the capital. "Her career," an admiral says, "is over."

Read the rest of this fascinating information on TIME.com but of Capt. Graf I can only say that while men of all ranks in every service should and must obey the orders of their female superiors - should that female superior take a leaf out of Captain Ramsey's book, the knives will come out. Because no man will ever, should ever tolerate that kind of attitude from a woman [unless he's married to her].

Source: Military.com / TIME

Joe Biden's St. Patrick's Day gaffe!

One has to love the "harmless" Joe Biden who easilly fills the political-humour void in U.S. politics left by George W. Watch for yourself - I'll bet Brian Cowan got a shock yesterday!

The 82nd Oscars

The 82nd Oscar’s were held during my absence. As last year's ceremony was exceptional I took it upon my self to watch it again this year. I didn’t see the recording of the event until my return, so now I can share my thoughts.

Firstly, I thought Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin's hosting was pretty good - but not as good as Hugh Jackman's last year. Strangely they didn't do their own opening number, this was instead provided by Neil Patrick Harris, which while adequate, also fell short of Jackman's effort last year. Martin and Baldwin's hand offs and jibes against each other were funny but it seemed a lot more subtle and controlled than usual, something was lacking...

There were a couple of good presentation moments, Tina Fey reprising her "role" from last year, but now partnered with the equally amusing Robert Downey Jr. to read paragraphs from and present the Oscar for screenwriting. However even their performance was overshadowed by Ben Stiller's appearance which delivered whoops of laughter from the audience. Last year you'll recall his "Joaquin Phoenix" bit, but this year he presented himself in full make-up as a Na'vi. When the initial laughter had died down, he delivered a paragraph in the Na'vi language and was generally Ben Stiller shaming himself until he presented those responsible for the Make-Up effects on Star Trek with their well deserved award. Watch the full 4.5 min bit on Youtube.

As for the awards themselves; it was very nice to see Jeff Bridges to finally get an Oscar after 4 previous nominations [but was he a little drunk, stoned or both? See his speech about 8:16 into this from Youtube]. It was also nice to see Sandra Bullock get her first Oscar especially considering her fellow nominees included Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep.

I mentioned Christopher Waltz' stellar performance in my Inglorious Basterds review. While nominated for some other awards – only Waltz really deserved an Oscar for that movie and thankfully the Academy ultimately recognised that..

Micheal Giacchino, a popular video game music composer who turned to TV and later - the silver screen was up against some intense competition from both Hans Zimmer and James Horner this year but the Star Trek movie and Lost TV show composer earned his first Oscar [following a recent BAFTA win] for his enchanting score to the animated movie Up.

The big news of the evening was of course the battle between The Hurt Locker and Avatar. I gave both movies 5 stars but clearly the Academy felt that Kathryn Bigelow's numerous military-related mistakes which I pointed out to them in Hurt Locker were less than the grave error James Cameron made by not including a script with Avatar, and let’s be honest here: they’re right.

In the end, The Hurt Locker took 6 Oscars for it's Screenplay, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Editing, Director and of course the most coveted Best Picture award. Avatar's 3 awards were mainly technical for Cinematography, Art Direction and Visual Effects which were all deserved as Avatar is indeed the greatest cinematic technology demo of all time.

It's still a shock to me however that the Academy choose to recognise Kathryn Bigalow, the first woman to win Best Director over Tarantino, Up's Reitman, "King" Cameron himself and also for only the second time in history, an African American - Lee Daniels. I was full sure that Cameron had it in the bag, but I'm thrilled that Bigalow won it for a brutal war-movie and not some "wishy-washy" tear-jerker, historical epic, true story or costume drama.

Overall I was shocked in a way by the trouncing that The Hurt Locker gave Avatar – don’t get me wrong - I agree with the awards and Hurt Locker was clearly deserving of all it got but I didn’t expect the Academy to actually deliver the respect to the movie it clearly deserved. It was refreshing to see people from so many movies actually worthy of Oscars than those normally nominated, namely: The Hurt Locker, Avatar, District 9, Star Trek, Sherlock Holmes and Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. Long may this trend of recognising "real" movies continue.

I think I've seen everything worthy of my own accolades from 2009 myself now so I'll soon deliver the 5th Whopper Awards and a special The Whoppers Of The Decade soon enough.

The Colonel Returns from the U.S.

I'm back folks! You'll be pleased to know that I have returned from my travels alive and well rested. I had a very different vacation when compared to my last one to the U.S., this time choosing to spend my days in the quiet forest area of Hocking Hills State Park in Ohio.

But it wasn't all R&R. I discovered to my horror upon my arrival that most of the countryside was covered with snow and ice! But it was March! The snow was over a foot in some places and even waterfalls had frozen solid, their cascading waters halted by sub-freezing temperatures. This had to be more than the idiocy of Al Gore who swears the planet is getting hotter...

My investigation led to an area near Old Man's Cave, a popular tourist destination for visitors of the area. There I discovered a live Frostobulekker, an ice-dwelling alien entity that I had encountered some 15 years ago in the Antarctic.

While back then we needed phosphorous grenades and napalm to destroy the one in the freezing conditions of the South Pole, it was easy to see this one was too weak in the relative warmth of the Midwestern United States to put up any sort of fight.

As it seemed most unwilling to communicate...







...I destroyed it with a stick.

Peace and tranquility broke out all across the land as the sun's power was then enough to melt the remaining snow and ice.

You're welcome America!

Now it's time for me to get back to work so bear with me while I sort through all the usual news you must know!

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated"

-Mark Twain 1897.

Not that my obituary was published anywhere obviously, but still I know my legions of loyal fans were worried. While the circumstances of my illness must remain classified by the Pentagon for reasons of international security; I can tell you that I am indeed alive and well.

On Doctor's orders, I am to relax and recuperate as far from the hustle and bustle of both city and military life as possible amongst the pine trees and woodland creatures of zipcode OH 43152.

Please reply here, with any news items of interest or E-mail me same and I will begin to address the important issues upon my return on or about March 15th.

Ciao for now.

Whopper.

Max Brooks pens new G.I.Joe book

It has been announced that bestselling, World War Z author Max Brooks is writing a grittier interpretation of some G.I.Joe heroes and villains in a new 5-issue comic book mini-series due in May.

Full Press Release From IDW Publishing:

The award-winning Max Brooks crafts a G.I. JOE series for an America at war, starkly contrasting intensely brutal portrayals of the dark side of the human condition with the light of hope in the most unlikely places.

"I tried to write a series as harsh and complicated as the times we're living in," said Brooks.

Exploring the effects of real-world war on the individual, every issue of G.I. JOE: Hearts & Minds features two chapters, each spotlighting a different G.I. JOE or COBRA character. Brooks pulls no punches from the very beginning, starting the series with chapters on MAJOR BLUDD and SPIRIT.

"This is the G.I. JOE book that isn't about action figures. It's about people like you and me," said IDW G.I. JOE editor Andy Schmidt. "And that makes it even more chilling than any zombie novel could be, because this one isn't about a plague—this one is about us."

Brooks's dark stories are masterfully brought to life by artists Howard Chaykin and Antonio Fuso, who will each also provide covers.

Source: Bruce Russell, io9, IDW