Monday, August 31, 2009

Zombies: "Hit them hard and hit them often" says report

It appears that the BBC is finally taking the Zombie threat more seriously than most. Researches in Canada published a scientific paper within a book entitled Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress. There, they theorise a zombie "plague" resembles a lethal, rapidly spreading infection. The researchers say the exercise could help scientists model the spread of unfamiliar diseases through human populations. They say only frequent counter-attacks with increasing force would eradicate the zombies and conclude that humanity's only hope is to "hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often". They added: "It's imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else... we are all in a great deal of trouble."

"This is exactly the advice that governments should be getting", said Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of UNETIDA [the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency]. "The analysis contained in this book reveals that a strategy of capturing or curing the zombies or some other namby-pamby wishy-washy nonsense would only put off the inevitable - that we must eradicate the threat instantly, without any form of consensus or consultation with scientists or government. The military should have a mandate to neutralise this threat decisively as soon as it manifests itself without any civilian oversight - after all is it not those civilians who could be turned into Zombies themselves..."

Creedon went on to say UNPASID [the United Nations Paranormal and Supernatural Interdiction Directorate] of which counter-zombie defence is part of it's mission, has barely 20% of the funding that UNETIDA has "yet it's arguably just as likely that the planet will find itself under threat from the Zompocalypse than an Extra-Terrestrial invasion." He concluded by pleading that "funding must be addressed to equip world forces for issues pertaining to the undead."

Be sure to read the BBC's full report here.

6 comments:

Civilian Overseer said...

Zombies Monbies, what about the real treat to Ironman2, Disney just bought Marvel entertainment. This time the mouse has gone too far. He must be stopped!, What are you going to do? Colonel, What are you going to do...?

Colonel Creedon said...

Blog about it?

Civilian Overseer said...

The choice of a Warrior. ;)

Civilian Overseer said...

The military should have a mandate to neutralise this threat decisively as soon as it manifests itself without any civilian oversight

Now, Now, Colonel, did you honestly think that you could slip that one by me?, The military needs adequate Civilian Oversight in order to properly decide who Politicians want killed.

Be careful that you do not make the list.

Constance said...

Sure. It's all academic to you people. "Theorizing" and reading "scientific papers" while I sit here, undefended, in the Zombie Capital of the World.

Whatchoo doin' bout that Colonel Whooper and Mr. Overseer?

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, You live in Zombie Central?

Colonel, methinks that some preemptive action is required...