Saturday, March 31, 2007

First Pictures From Iron Man

Naturally at this point they're just grainy leaked images from some goon working on the production but they're still the first ever pictures.

Looks like Downey is getting some direction from Fav on how to kiss Paltrow. More photos here.

2IGTV Episode 38

Happy Birthday William Shatner - he's changed the world! How to de-age Shatner for an appearance on Boston Legal? - Cheat!
And: Police arresting actors in Hollywood for - shock-horror: making movies! We have first news on Mike Bay's next project, an air date for Painkiller Jane and an opinion on the sword and sandals action-movie 300.
Also we answer a question which has plagued millions: What is Ken Kercheval doing now? Well wonder no more.
And finally: An exclusive 2IGTV in-depth discussion and deconstruction of the Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale. (We keep that until after everything else is done and give you plenty of warning so there's no danger of spoilage).

All this and much more here.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Frank Castle Becomes Captain America!?

Following Marvel Comics "Civil War" recently there was a few "upsets" to the 'ol Marvel Universe. Only one really caught my attention and that was the appointment of Iron Man as the new director of S.H.I.E.L.D. after Colonel Nick Fury turned traitor! This was a positive change which drove sales of the Iron Man comic book Vol.4 #15 into second printing after only a few days.

Another, somewhat tragic aftershock of the Civil War was the assassination of Captain America which could only have escaped you if you lived in a cave. This upset a lot of people but it pales in comparison with the insanity you are about to witness: Frank "The Punisher" Castle has got himself some new threads and will be adopting the mantle of Captain America.

What the Fuck???

Right: Cover of Punisher War Journal #7

Yes, that's what's happening. Marvel's resident psycho-vigilante will be adopting some of the characteristics of someone who was once the United States greatest patriot (before he turned traitor too) albeit minus the shield and instead using automatic weapons. It was quite obvious from some of the Civil War books I browsed that Frank had a bit of a hard-on for the Cap, while he disobeyed Cap's orders when they conflicted with Frank dishing out punishment he would never raise a finger against him even when Cap beat him to a pulp.

This is utter nonsense from Marvel. It would be fantastic in an "alternate universe" of which there are many more in Marvel then there was in all of Star Trek (something they even parodied in Star Trek Meets The X-Men comic- but we won't go there). In one of these contained realities anything can happen like a blue Incredible Hulk or a Tony Stark with an eating disorder instead of alcoholism. However these realities are temporary and usually have no lasting repercussions in the main universe. In one of these "pocket universes" The Punisher hunted down and killed every Marvel Comics character and finally committed suicide as he was a Marvel character too, but this latest revelation is in the "real" universe and will effect history.

Dammit it does make sense for the next Captain America to be a Marine as opposed to a Soldier but not the man who was formerly Captain Frank Castle USMC! Not this! Please no!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

General O'Neill Will Return

I was expecting Richard Dean Anderson to make an appearence as Major General Jack O'Neill in the series finale of Stargate SG-1 recently, but it didn't happen.

MGM just announced however that he will return in the upcoming DVD movie Stargate: Continuum. Anderson will join cast members Ben Browder and Amanda Tapping in shooting on location in the sub-zero climate of the Arctic, where the production is working in collaboration with the U.S. Navy's Applied Physics Laboratory Ice Station during this week.

"We're thrilled to have Richard join us for Stargate: Continuum," Brad Wright, co-creator of the Stargate franchise and writer/executive producer, said in a statement. "As Jack O'Neill, Richard brings both a sense of history and familiarity to the continuing adventures of the Stargate team. And we all recognize his value as the much-loved hero among the fan base."

Monday, March 26, 2007

300 Reasons To Go To The Cinema

I had read Frank Miller's sublime graphic novel some months before they announced that 300 was now going to me a movie. I was overjoyed, and I knew once I started seeing the production stills and trailers that they were going to do as good a job if not better than Sin City. I created this post last October to inform the world about this event. The world listened to my recommendation and the film has recieved high praise and unprecedented box-office success.

The story of 300 is largely irrelevant, it's not Shakespere (well the last 2 minutes is but I'll explain that in a jiffy) so don't expect long protracted scenes of dialogue like you saw in Gladiator. 300 is a balls-out combat movie with the most beautiful, almost balletic battle scenes ever caught on camera. Saving Private Ryan and Gladiator had frenetic battle scenes in their own right but those scenes were confusing as to who was doing the killing and who was dying for the most part until the dust and the fine red mist settled. 300 does not have this problem and in one of the most daring directorial moves in cinematic history, director Zack Snyder actually applied slo-mo to each and every kill- nay, every stab of a Spartan or Persian weapon be it sword, spear or axe was slowed before skewering through or slicing off a multitude of body parts in a glorious sea of red.

Snyder thankfully added a few extra bits in here and there; this was a good thing and necessary as one could read the 300 Graphic Novel in less time than a movie would be so even with slowing down the battles it needed a bit more. Thankfully that extra came in to form of Queen Gorgo played by the wonderful Lena Headey, whose role was extended to include her own battle the homefront against the Spartan elders and politicians stuck to their old traditions. Her dialog was in stark contrast to that of her husband King Leonidas played by Gerard Butler who had to channel Brian Blessed in order to speak. In fact, Gorgo's speech to the Spartan council should be used by the Republican party to justify the War On Terror and could recruit more troops for OIF. Faramir, beg your pardon, Dilios' speech told at the fireside on the eve of conflict in Millers novel became a rousing call to arms on the battlefied before the charge in the movie and would not have been out of place in a Shakesperian battle scene.

I'm not going to tall you how magnificent the make-up and special effects added to this almost religious experience and how fitting the the amazing score by Tyler Bates fits this epic tale, you'll have to see it yourselves. Seldom I can say that a movie is flawless, but that tag can most certainly be applied to 300, easily one of the greatest movies of all time.
Colonel Creedon rating: *****+

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Useless French Bastards Publish X-Files

According to Wired, CNES- the French space agency, said it is making some 100,000 documents on supposed UFOs and sightings of other unexplained phenomena available publicly on the net to draw the scientific community's attention to unexplained cases and because their secrecy generated suspicions that officials were hiding something.

At a Pentagon press conference on the role of extra- terrestrial influence on the war in Iraq, Lt. Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Special Operations Commander for the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency was asked what he thought of the French move.

"Ah yes! CNES: Cowards, Numpties & the Effete in Space. Those irresponsible muppets and their pitiful excuse for a space program could undermine our own efforts in intelligence gathering concerning past, current and future alien incursions on our planet. The frogs have no right to publish such sensitive documents stirring up all sorts of insane conspiracy theories and becoming a breeding ground of nonsensical ideas from the misguided, demented fools who watched The X-Files. I can only hope that we treat these French documents as we would any other: recycle them as toilet paper."

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Fox's 24 Performs Vital Service For War-Effort

Read this carefully and see if you draw the same conclusion I did below:

A former U.S. military interrogator in Iraq has admitted that he and his colleagues were encouraged to mimic torture techniques that they had seen in movies and TV shows -- particularly Fox's 24. In an interview with Newsweek, former U.S. Army Specialist Tony Lagouranis said that he was told by his superiors in Iraq "that the Geneva Conventions didn't apply any more. So our training was obsolete, and we were encouraged to be creative. We turned to television and movies to look for ways of interrogating." Lagouranis said that he eventually learned that the torture techniques enacted on 24 are not effective for gaining intelligence "and his success rate isn't lifelike at all. [Plus] the tactics he uses are completely illegal, under U.S. and international law." Lagouranis also told the magazine that he had recently met with the producers of 24 to discuss the issue. "I can't fault them because they're creating art, and the military is responsible for training. But we were simply asking them to think responsibly about what they're doing, and perhaps try to portray this a little bit more realistically."

LOL - Now: eventually learned that the torture techniques enacted on 24 are not effective for gaining intelligence-- which means they tried them all and they didn't work. Just thinking of what I've seen Jack Bauer do to terrorists makes me squeal with delight to think that this was done to real-life filth.

The best part is: try to portray this a little bit more realistically, which sounds to me like: "Give us ideas that will work!" Heh heh, Go Jack! Use a jig-saw on some wog this season.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Iron Man's First Week

Jon Favreau has the first week of production of Iron Man behind him. He informed me that the project is moving along well.

"We are done with the first week of photography. I am happy to report that the ten months of preparation allowed the extremely challenging first week of photography to come off without a hitch. The look is fantastic and the performances are great as well. Downey was definitely the right choice.

I'm looking forward to getting out of the "cave." The first few weeks of shooting are spent, somewhat in sequence, establishing Stark's captivity. It sets the table tonally for the rest of the film. The close quarters and tight schedule make it the toughest part of the shoot on the cast and crew."

I'm with you all the way Jon.

In other related news. I can reveal what Jeff Bridges looks like with his shaved head for his Iron Man role as Obidiah Stane!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The USS New York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center. It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite, LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there."

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up. It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back."

The ship's motto? "Never Forget"

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Happy Birthday MarSOC

Just the other day, members of the 1,400-strong Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command celebrated its first anniversary during a ceremony at Camp Lejeune.

Maj. Gen. Dennis Hejlik, MarSOC commander, attached the National Defense and Global War on Terrorism service streamers to the MarSOC battle color. “This is a big day for the United States Marine Corps,” he said afterward. “We are almost at 60 percent of our total force.” The command also has about 50 percent of its required equipment, he said. The plan is to send a total of 2,600 Marines to MarSOC.

The command’s first year included the activation of the first of two planned Foreign Military Training Unit teams, as well as activations of the 1st and 2nd Marine Special Operations Battalions. Four FMTU teams have returned from deployments and the first Marine special operations company deployed with the 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit in January.

“We have a lot of work to do,” Hejlik said. “We have a long way to go.”

MarSOC is expected to reach full operational capability by October 2008.

Friday, March 16, 2007

District B13: Something Good From The Asshole Of Europe

The entire French nation is a blight on Europe. A cesspool populated by the most boring obnoxious wankers alive. I hate them all more than Aliens or Wogs whom I'm trained to kill...

How ironic then, it is to have those bastards produce such brilliant cinema. The French may have invented cinema yes, but because you invent something doesn't mean you have to be good at it (look at the English and their Rugby team this year).

One such French film which caught my attention back in July last was District B13 (see 2IGTV Episode 21). The Luc Besson produced film made such waves in Hollywood, introducing Parkour as a new martial arts style, that studios immediately wanted to make it their own. Besson, however, thankfully said no to a remake (he probably remembers what the yanks made him do to Taxi *shudders*).

"We're not going to do it," he said. "I don't know, I don't feel it. I'd rather do "District 13 II" with the same guys in France. But at the certain moment, there's a big studio who asked us to remake the film and I said no."

The original starred Parkour founder David Belle and Cyril Raffaelli, taking on criminals in a futuristic city using Belle's fluid art of bouncing off walls. The sequel would reunite Belle and Raffaelli, however Besson hopes for a tonal shift. "We're going to do a sequel in France. It's going to be just a little bit more funny I think."

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

2IGTV Episode 37

A major Battlestar Galactica character is killed off and we spoil it for everyone outside of the US because we want to discuss it - tough shit to those who don't know. Captain America died a heroes death last week, prepare yourself for an in-depth discussion about Marvel's most recent comic book event; Civil War.

In other news- Battlestar Galactica DVD movie confirmed, news on the latest Babylon 5 DVD movies, the rumour-mill for Star Trek and the future for Heroes. In technology- why doesn't iTunes work with Vista? and in politics why actor Fred Thompson might be a good GOP candidate for '08.

All this and more in 2IGTV Episode 37 here.

Monday, March 12, 2007

John Doe Blown Away! - Part 6 of my "Shoot First, Questions Never" series

Apologies for neglecting my series of stories involving "righteous kills" scored against people with no common sense.

One such muppet, an unnamed man in New Orleans was observed by National Guard members who saw him about 1 a.m. holding a hacksaw while riding a bicycle through the impoverished Lower Ninth Ward, which has been largely vacant since Hurricane Katrina. The Guard has been patrolling less populated areas of the city since June to allow the depleted police force to concentrate on areas where people have returned since the hurricane.

Right: National Guardsmen

"As the guardsmen approached the man, he produced a knife, threatening the military men and then threw a piece of broken glass at them, cutting a sergeant's arm," said Sgt. Joe Narcisse, a police spokesman in a news release. "The man ran into a rundown house, when police and guardsmen entered the house and approached the man, he pointed a BB gun that looked like a rifle at them. A Guardsman shot the man several times".

"Homicide detectives are investigating the shooting, but the guardsman, whose name was not released, appears to have acted appropriately, said Sgt. Narcisse "The dead man did not carry identification" he added.

Source: Fox News

Friday, March 09, 2007

Jeff Bridges is Obidiah Stane in Iron Man

Before I considered that Bridges was going to play Sal a mentor character from the current Iron Man run. I had considered that he would be Obidiah Stane a character from the '80s, a corporate enemy of Tony Stark whom wrested control of Stark International from Tony when he was an alcho and donned The Iron Monger battlesuit to combat Iron Man- but I dismissed that due to Stane being bald and it's not as if Jeff Jesus-hair Bridges was going to shave his head now was it?

How wrong I was...

In Fav's film, a newly smooth-headed and somewhat thinner Jeff Bridges will be Stane. The character will at least start out as a mentor of Stark's but I'd assume would turn to greed, deception and ruthlessness at some point.

Elsewhere in the world of Iron Man, Terrence Howard has been talking recently about USAF Lieutenant Colonel James "Rhody" Rhodes and how excited he's been with the movie's prep work. Apparently he gets to "land on aircraft carriers, do simulated battles and go up in the F-15s in Las Vegas for a month to train with these guys." Already he's waiting for a sequel so he can don the War Machine armour ( a black and silver version of the Iron Man armour with rockets and shoulder-mounted miniguns that Rhody wears in the comic book) "That's what I'm looking for, [but] depending on the success of the first one, War Machine [won't be in until] the second one," Howard said. "[It's cool] because when I create my own War Machine stuff, I put some extra artillery on there." Glad to know he's enthusiastic.

On Sunday Fav informed us* that that things are moving forward at a brisk pace. The sets are all being built, the locations are locked, and the cast is, for the most part, set. "We've had a week of rehearsals, and I'm currently working with the writers to tailor the material accordingly. I am going up to visit ILM and the Ranch. I've never been and am as stoked as any of you can imagine. I love my job. Stan Winston Studios has been unveiling suits for us. Once again, they have exceeded our expectations. Those of you who follow my career know that I am very skeptical about the overuse of CGI. I am happy to report that the film will be a healthy mix of both computer-generated and practical effects. My goal is to make the two integrate in a way that they usually do not."

Filming on Iron Man is on schedule for this month.


*The Colonel is a member of an elite online community that receives info directly from Jon Fraveau

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Nail In The Coffin Of Mummy Franchise

As folk wondered if Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz would return for Rob Cohen's Mummy 3, some clown was scribing a story about their kid; that goofy little shit from the god-awful The Mummy Returns is now grown up and it seems that the third installment is his very own sequel.

According to sources, the third Mummy movie will focus on Alex O'Connell, Rick and Evelyn's son so Universal doesn't have to pay the stars and can just fling a Bruckheimer-esque amount money at the CGI -- because they know the story will be so fuckin' weak.

Alfred Gough and Miles Millar (Smallville) have penned the latest script (I hope they get paid a Bruckheimer-load for ending their careers); of which a few pages were leaked and is how everyone knows how turgid this will be.

Bizarrely, Cohen (who previously made the excrement The Skulls yes, but can make celluloid masterpieces Stealth, xXx and Dragonheart if he tries) recently announced that both Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh would be appearing in his Mummy. The new hero hasn't been chosen yet, but apparently the twerp's supposed to be in his early twenties.

Source: IGN, RottonTomatoes

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Jedi Crisis!

According to The Register here. The United Kingdom's Jedi community has expressed concerns that government plans to ban Samurai swords could hinder their freedom to wield lightsabers in public.

(Left: Lt. Colonel Creedon with his own lightsaber, far from the insanity that is modern Britain)

The Home Office issued a consultation paper ahead of legislation intended to ban Samurai blades by the end of the year. In a bid to "protect the public", replica Samurai swords will become illegal to import, sell and hire in Britain.

The paper notes that genuine Samurai swords would not attract the same penalties, and there are also exemptions for other specific martial arts weapons (presumably Kendo, Iaido and Fencing), it's the cheap, easily available Samurai swords which are being used in crime and not the genuine, more expensive samurai swords which are of interest to collectors and martial art enthusiasts they're after.

For some reason Jedi fear that the Samurai ban would leave them exposed to future legislation against other forms of imitation weaponry, Jedi Temple (Neasden) spokesman Indi-Anna Jones warned: "The Samurai sword ban is only the first step toward compulsory lightsaber confiscations," he said. "the Jedi will be next."

However, not all the 390,000 British Jedi fear the government's reforms. "The proposals' suggested exemptions for groups such as the British Kendo Association should give us a loophole," claimed Jedi Bus-Qyu Simpson. "Everyone knows Jedi-hood is an 'ancient religion', founded long ago in a galaxy far, far away, so it should be safe from this legislation," he said.

The Colonel's Fun Facts:
  • More than 390,000 Brits are practising Jedi, according to the 2001 census.
  • Brighton is the country's principal centre of Jedi activity, with 6,480 professing to follow the faith.
  • The most commonly used weapon in Britain is not a replica Samurai sword but the household carving knife.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Don't Mess With An Ex-Marine

...That piece of advice is obvious, but one Warner Segura did not heed- he was attempting to mug some OAPs when one 71 year old killed grabbed and him with his bare hands.

The Unnamed Ex-Marine put suspect Warner Segura in a headlock and broke his clavicle after the 20-year-old and two other men armed with a knife and gun held up their tour bus, said Luis Hernandez, the police chief of the Atlantic coast city of Limon, 80 miles east of San Jose.

The two other men fled when the 12 senior citizens started defending themselves during the Wednesday attack. Afterward, the tourists drove Segura to the Red Cross where he was declared dead, apparently from asphyxiation.

The tourists left on their Carnival cruise ship after the incident and Hernandez said authorities do not plan to press any charges against them. “They were in their right to defend themselves after being held up,” said Hernandez who added that Segura had previous charges against him for assaults.

Source: Fox News

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mark Wahlberg in G.I.Joe Movie... Hang On, G.I.JOE MOVIE????!!!!

Lorenzo di Bonaventura is a name you know (or should) know as the producer of the lacklustre yet visually stunning Constantine, the magnificent Doom movie and producing a little thing called Transformers. His latest film is Shooter where Mark Wahlberg plays a US Marine Sniper (I like it already) directed by Antoine (Training Day) Fuqua.

Anyhow during the press day for Shooter, di Bonaventura talked a little of his upcoming projects and who he has in mind to star! Suddenly he just fukin' came out and said says that he will:

start working on GI Joe immediately after they finish working on Transformers!!!!!


Plus! Mark Wahlberg practically confirmed he will play Duke. Holy Shitballs!!!

di Bonaventura said he'd want Wahlberg to play Duke and Wahlberg says: "You know what, I'll do whatever Lorenzo wants me to do; it really depends on the script, obviously, but it's a cool idea. He says it's going to be kick ass, so yeah. But he's already putting that out there, so who knows. He knows how to get me to say 'yes.'"

The movie will be (and should be for obvious reasons) set before the rise of COBRA organisation and should ideally be about General Flagg's formation of the team but should ultimately focus on how Cobra Commander came to be and created the "ruthless terrorist organisation determined to rule the world" (no matter how passe that may seem in modern dynamics). Other COBRA characters, such as Destro and Stormshadow, are being planned to be included in the film. As for who is on the JOE team, look for appearances by the team's main players, such as Hawk and Snake Eyes in addition to Duke.

I know for a fact that there's a lot more on this coming within the next few days- stay tuned.

Sources: IGN, IESB.net

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Weird Moon Shit At The Blog Awards

The United Nations Extra-Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency were on full alert last evening due to the lunar eclipse.

In the past, both the vampiric Drakkulans and the formidable Hol'eck-NaaR Empire have attempted to invade Earth under the erroneous assumption that the "puny humans" would all be distracted by uncommon space phenomena such as comets and the increased visibility of Mars last year.

Despite the danger, Lieutenant Colonel "Whopper" Creedon spent the evening in Dublin City at the 2007 Irish Blog Awards to meet both fans and peers as both he and Mark were nominated as Best Podcasters for 2IGTV. "We didn't win but we had a good time and I was pretty sure that there would be no alien attack last evening" said The Colonel earlier today. "They know we're ready for them to strike during lunar, celestial or planetary activity now. When everyone's watching the cosmic magic; UNETIDA is vigilant over those who would seek to destroy us all" he exclaimed triumphantly.

UNETIDA Director Air Commodore "Albatross" Davenport III is expected to give an "all clear" report to the UN Security Council tomorrow.

Friday, March 02, 2007

2IGTV Episode 41

In this Duracell-powered Episode 41. Mark fascinates us with a tale of terror at 200ft "When Theme Park Rides Go Bad!!"
Major Indiana Jones IV news and fantastic Nicholas Cage shocker! Script-doctor Paul Haggis returns to Bond 22 and Chow Yun Fat wants more US lead roles. He-Man to return to the silver screen but Mark pulls the plug on The Colonel's Aliens vs. Predator 2 report. The Clone Wars returns and we reveal the next of Frank Miller’s works to be filmed.
In the world of tech: Why not order and pay for your food via Microsoft's new interactive dining table.

Oh yeah, we also give our final verdict on Heroes and talk about Pirates. It and much more is all here.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Man With Sword To The Rescue

What's With All This Sword-wielding Recently? Here's another instance of a sword being used in the news:

James Van Iveren of Wisconsin, was in his apartment listening to music when he heard loud cries from a woman he thought was pleading for help. The 39-year-old thinking he was being chivalrous, grabbed a US Cavalry sword, a family heirloom, and rushed upstairs to forcibly open the quarters of an upstairs tenant he barely knew. "It was a woman screaming," Van Iveren said of the Feb. 12 incident. "She was screaming for help."

The appartment's occupant Bret Stieghorst admitted to police that he was watching a pornographic DVD when Van Iveren kicked open his door, damaging the frame and lock in the process, with a 39-inch blade in hand.

Example of a US Cavalry Sword

Stieghorst said Van Iveren demanded "Where is she?" while thrusting the sword at him.
He said he became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. With the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.

"I had the sword extended. But that was all," Van Iveren said. "I walked in the front room and looked around. When I saw there was no woman, I left," he said.

Police arrested Van Iveren on misdemeanor charges of criminal trespassing while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon. If convicted he could face a maximum total penalty of 33 months in jail. Officers also confiscated his family's sword.

Van Iveren called it a mistake and said "Now I feel stupid.

Source: Fox News