Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pluto Demoted

Our Solar System: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.

"Waitaminute Colonel!" I hear you say "Aren't there 9 planets in our system? How can you be the Field Operations Commander for an international organisation charged with defending the Earth from alien attack when you forget Pluto as part of a threat assessment?"

Well if I listed them yesterday, there would have been 9 planets, but now there are only 8. But unlike one of my Marines who steps out of line: Pluto's been demoted, stripped of rank and position for no good reason other than the definition of 'Planet' being redefined by a bunch of nerdy astronomer scientific folk.

The International Astronomical Union made its decision after a week of heated debate at a conference in Prague. They approved new guidelines which defines a planet as: "A celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit." Now Pluto is automatically disqualified because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune's. It has been put into a new category of 'dwarf planets'.

When the debate started a week ago, there were proposals to reaffirm Pluto's status and make planets of its largest moon, as well as two other objects. However, the asteroid Ceres, which was a planet in the 1800s before it got demoted, 2003 UB313, an icy object slightly larger than Pluto, and Charon, the largest of Pluto's three moons, will not become planets.

Hopefully no one will get the idea of applying some new definitions to the Military. I certainly don't want to be demoted at the behest of some group of dumbass civilians.

16 comments:

Civilian Overseer said...

Does this mean that the pen is mightier then the Darth Star?,

Colonel, I suggest questioning Sithy on his role in this matter!

A celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit." Now Pluto is automatically disqualified because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune's.

Wait a minute!, by that definition Neptune isn't a planet either as its orbit overlaps with Pluto.

Someone has got to stop Sithy!

sith apologist said...

A celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.
I officially deny knowledge of any such space stations ...
However, on behalf of the Sith, I can reassure the indigenous population of pluto that at least one intergalactic movement acknowledges their right to be a planet, and as such a place will always exist for them in our new order

vaughan said...

Unfortunately this could trigger the Colonels paranoia "SIR ,PLUTO ITS GONE!!!!...."
"My god we're NEXT!!!Quicly to the command bunker so I can pose in an absolutely ridiculous yet strangely cool way!"
Its not the first time this happened there used to be two planets between mars and jupiter but they were demoted to large asteroids in the 18th century.
there is a growing revolt however being led by nasa scientists about the decison, I suspect for two reasons , one Pluto is the only planet discovered by an american and two Nasa just launched a multi-billion dollar mission to the PLANET pluto of course that missions importance has been demoted in the eyes of the public if pluto is not a planet!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Civilian Overseer: No Neptune's orbit is always consistantly circular, but Pluto's was 'oval' thus overlapping Neptune's, but never the other way around.

@ Sithy: No! People of Pluto! I implore you. Do not listen to this man. He represents an organisation that would seek to dominate your world. And at the rate things are going it'll be 1000's of years before your USSMC saviours can rescue you.

@ Vaughan: There's nothing strange about my cool poses and certainly nothing rediculous... well maybe one or two. Anyway I was sure that the US/NASA had the majority ruling about all things in space. So I was most surprised about Pluto's demotion in light of the mission you outline. I never even heard of the IAU until yesterday- are they not mostly american? If they're not then what gives them the right to impose their "planetary definitions" on us, have any of them been in space as long as NASA? I don't think so. NASA should be given congressional control of space, then it can be altered to have a more militaristic function later.

sith apologist said...

@Vaughan
Maybe the revolt has something to do with the fact that out of c10,000 delegates, only 400 or so were present for the vote?
4% of the vote isn't a mandate?!
@colonel creedon & the citizens of Pluto
Should you listen to the pleas of a man who can promise you no help for millenia? The Sith can help you now, not at some remote point in the future

Master Guns said...

Empty promises! That's what that man stands for. People of Pluto: You're screwed.

"I certainly don't want to be demoted at the behest of some group of dumbass civilians."- Demotion for an officer is the ultimate humiliation. If only there was some way we could make it happen.

Pint Of said...

They can demote Pluto, but still nobody thinks of re-naming URANUS??? PRIORITIES PEOPLE!

Civilian Overseer said...

Looks like Pluto is on the way back, NASA just spent a hell of alot of time lobbying for the funding for the "Pluto Express". Congress is not going to be happy that money was blown on a dirty rock thats not even a planet. For political reasons Pluto will be classed as a planet again.


Also, Earth doesn't qualify as a planet under the new definition, as it hasn't cleared its own orbit, how many near earth objects are there now? Damn You Sithy!

Mc Wibble said...

If a large container full of footballs blew up, and the balls were free of the debris, would they become planets?

Civilian Overseer said...

Mc Wibble, that depends, do the footballs have sufficent mass for self gravity?

Admit it Sithy, McWibble has stumbled on your neferous scheme to downgrade the planets and pass of inflatable beach balls as poor copies and then self the inhabitants bottled gravity. Pure Evil. We'll be rich! but first we must dispose of McWibble, he knows too much!

Mc Wibble said...

if the football size objects are planets shrunken down to just above their Schwarzchild radii, then their escape velocity would be close to the speed of light, so something that size could have sufficent mass for its own gravity (didn't you see the episode of Family Guy where Brian made objects orbit Peter to prove he was fat?).
Oh, wait, theres someone at the door ... nooooo

sith apologist said...

@ Overseer
Consider the Mc Wibble problem ... resolved.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Guns: I would say welcome back... but I wouldn't mean it. Good luck with finding evidence to convict me of anything, I'm squeeky clean baby! Muahahahahahaha!

@ Pint: What's wrong with Uranus?

@ Civvy: Yes. The US must be proved to be the supreme force in the world and can overturn any irrational scientific "fact" on a whim.

@ McWibble/Sithy: I'll do the killing around here (even if it's just your alternate personalities).

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, did you just out Sithy?.

Pint, don't answer the Colonel its a trap.

Guns, might I suggest that the Colonel is too dangerous to be allowed to go on trial, he knows too much. You know what must be done...

Sithy, We know you couldn't possible be Supreme Chancellor McWibble, thats just preposterious.
Besides he's just been kidnapped by Seperatist Forces.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

You mean did I suggest that Sith Apologist and McWibble were the same person? Yes. He's not the only one that's doing it, the disturbing part is people having "conversations" with themselves.

Yes I pay my taxes (God do I pay my taxes) so going down the "get Al Capone" route won't work. There's not a law written that doesn't have a loophole and I've seen every episode of Jag so I know them all. There's not a Judge, Jury or Prosecutor brave (or stupid) enough to take me on.

Civilian Overseer said...

My Dear Colonel, you shouldn't blame others for following your own example.

Also, who said anything about a trial?