Thursday, May 28, 2009

V trailer

ABC's V remake may actually be good, according to some reports I've read from people who were test-audiences of the pilot. Like this one I saw on AICN:

"the CGI, at times, looks cheesy, but for the most part, this is a very expensive looking pilot with some beautiful shots of the interior of the motherships. It looks like a cross between a big budget Hollywood blockbuster and a high-concept TV show; the limited budget is obvious, but far better than anything else on TV. ... It does what pilots are supposed to do: provide a good core of lead characters, establish the storyline, and leave the viewer wanting more."



Source: AICN

The Onion on Star Trek

If ever there was a reason to justify today's broadband speeds to people still on dial-up [yes they do exist] it's the video content now produced by America's Finest News Source - The Onion.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Trailer CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2

COD4 was awarded the prestigious Whopper Award for best video game last year. Now, riding on the coat-tails of such an auspicious accolade, is this new trailer for the game's sure-to-be-a-hit sequel.

I was going to explain what I was doing for the past week. I have to deny I was anywhere near Pakistan, North Korea or an unnamed South Pacific island, but I won't deny I was up to the very shenanigans depicted here...


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

STAR TREK is resurrected!

*** No Spoilers ***

While not regarded as the pinnacle of science-fiction itself; the original series of Star Trek has always been heralded as great television and inspired one of first and largest cult followings ever. As it was created before the age of digital technology [hell, it was created practically before what we now refer to as technology], when one looks at it now, it can now look and feel incredibly dated. The fondness Star Trek inspires throughout all who grew up with it, or discovered it later in life is easy to explain: The original series continued longevity [some of which carried over into later incarnations, but not to the same extent], is owed in most part- not necessarily to the quality of it's plots, special effects, "futuristic" technology or even it's vaunted Utopian vision of our future - although those all do play some roles, no - it is in fact the dynamic relationship between "the big three" characters, Capt. James T. Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy.

Captain Kirk was the quintessential hero, brave, brash and never afraid at just shooting at his problems. Spock was the antithesis of this, eminently logical, a voice of reason a perfect foil to Kirk's gung-ho attitude. Dr. McCoy was a gel that held them together, passionate and compassionate adding a touch of reality to the situation. This dynamic was at the core of all the best episodes of the series and the better of the six movies that featured them. While the writers can claim some credit for this, it was the actors themselves, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy and the late DeForest Kelley that breathed the true life into the characters.

When J.J.Abrams, a somewhat controversial choice for a director of a proposed new Star Trek movie, was hired to rejuvenate the dead franchise after the damage caused by Rick Berman and the complete failure of the final two Next Generation movies toppled the Trek house of cards prematurely bringing the brilliant Enterprise series to an end; it sent ripples of discord throughout Star Trek fandom. Even worse was that Abrams intended to swim naked through a sacred pool – the pool from which the original series itself was spawned and - shock-horror recast Kirk, Spock, Bones and the crew with new young actors and touch on the character's Starfleet Academy days.

Not long after it went into pre-production Abrams "came out" by admitting he wasn't a Trekkie. The Internet came alive with chatter, there were angry cries, forum-wars, letter campaigns and suicide bombers* all with Abrams in their sights! Even in my own circle of friends, a circle constructed almost entirely of Trekkies, some were simple naysayers or those that were convinced that Abrams would "rape their childhood"**. I on the other hand, was delighted. If someone was to revitalise this dead franchise, it was someone with the drive, ambition and vision of J.J. Abrams and I'd have chosen him over Straczynski or Whedon any day of the week***. Sure he's produced a whole of of shite in his day like Felicity, Six Degrees, Cloverfield but I loved Alias [well the earlier seasons], I think Fringe is coming together as one of the better shows on TV now and you know what I thought of his feature film directorial debut- Mission Impossible 3 [I was "too late" to watch Lost - perhaps some day...] and all I asked was that people trust my judgement that it'll be Fuckin' - A, but some still weren't convinced even after seeing the trailers.

I'm delighted to say, that after seeing the movie, no less than 4 ardent naysayers [I'm still waiting on a few others] have contacted me to directly apologise for doubting [Brian ran across a busy road, almost getting nailed by a bus to prostrate himself at my feet begging for absolution****]. Whether it was doubting my judgement or J.J.'s ability, I was right, I always am - it's a blessing but also a curse. Almost riding on a celestial manifestation of my supreme confidence in J.J. Abrams - Star Trek is a hit, world over earning almost $150m domestically [please correct this in the comments if you've an updated figure], he got the most important thing right, the characters - specifically Kirk, Spock and Bones who have been born to a new generation of fans embodied by Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban respectively. They are quite different but yet so familiar - I was truly impressed.

Most of the remainder of the aspects of what J.J. created exceeded even my own expectations, which were pretty high. The standard of the rest of the cast was extraordinary, especially Bruce Greenwood as Captain Pike. The quality of effects were outstanding from the opening shots of the destruction of the USS Kelvin to the parting shot of the reimagined Enterprise. Michael Giacchino provided an enchanting, sublime and perfect score. A dynamic, faithful and of course humorous [when it had to be] screenplay was borne magnificently by all players.

There are three issues however, which detract from the experience, denying it a coveted *****+ rating.
A very minor contention is Abrams' direction; there was a few too many lens-flares [something which he admitted himself], a bit too much shakey-cam and his characters were filmed at some very odd angles and inconsistently framed - I'm not blaming the DP for any of these, this is all J.J. - 5-Star producer 3?-Star director.
Something else that was a bit distracting was that Simon Pegg, while extremely funny, is not and will never be Scotty; everyone else turned themselves into their character but Pegg has turned Scotty into, well - Simon Pegg. I love the guy on screen but he's so wrong here - I'm wishing they went with Paul McGillion instead for Scotty and give a rewritten TFHC [Totally Fuckin' Hilarious Cameo] instead to Pegg as the Starfleet Academy barracks officer in McGillion's place. Sorry Simon, there was enough humour injected into this already without you trying to out-funny Star Trek IV.
Oh and finally, the plot was complete nonsense, but that's never bothered me too much :p

This Star Trek ranks below Star Trek II and on par with Star Trek VI. But comparing it to existing Trek movies is not entirely fair as it's so different. I went into this film with an open mind. There was a time when I would have yelled "heresy" myself at seeing uniforms / insignia / ship designs / technology that were out of alignment with established canon and would be forced to write letters into the Star Trek magazine explaining why these things are. But now to me, they're just all part of some new incredible background art. They're not important to be right or "Star Trek real", it's just important that they look good on screen and should be a problem only for the art director. So leave your cannon at the door people and accept this for what it is - a reboot, but with added Nimoy :)

A sequel is not only confirmed - they started writing in March. But anything can happen now: Antino Banderas as Kahn? The Mirror Universe? The City On The Edge of Forever with Megan Fox in Joan Collins' role? Or give everyone what they always dreamed - Kirk eradicates the entire Borg Collective from history after handing Q his own ass - BOOYAH! Yes my friends - the sky's the limit...

Final Verdict: Wheather you're a die-hard Trekkie or you wonder why a pediatrician is in a Sci-Fi movie, you should still see Star Trek- it's designed, built and was launched as a blockbuster to shatter the Final Frontier of Star Trek movies eschewing the edicts of standard canon to bring Trek itself where no fan has gone before: into a cinema with non-fans. Trust me. You'll like it.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****





*Artisic exaggeration.
** OK, None of them actually said that quote, but I read it a lot when reading about Michael Bay and George Lucas and it's time Abrams had it associated with his name now after what he's accomplished. Think of it as a badge of honour.
***Did you see the later Babylon 5 "movies" did you see Firefly - those creators were considered for Trek? Hell no!
**** There was no traffic at that moment and he didn't actually kneel

Friday, May 15, 2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Snikt!

*** Contains Spoilers ***

I hate reviewing films like this, where there's so much good in it and in an equal measure on the flip-side there's so much wrong with the bloody thing that they cancel each other out. I hate to use the Iron Man benchmark here because this movie would never be anywhere in Shellhead's league, but the movies are similar in which they draw upon source material from Marvel Comics to create original origins for movie characters. In the case of Iron Man, this was done properly, it was unique to the movie, but faithful to the characters and original plot elements from 40 years of history. In the case of Wolverine it was in some part accurate but a butchered mess in equal measure.

This is a character driven movie as opposed to the borderline sci-fi FX-heavy X-Men trilogy so it's more important to have the characters believable [as much a mutant immortal can be] and somewhat faithful to the way they've already been presented - this is not an alternate reality - this should be the origin of characters we've seen already, but some 17? years earlier than the X-Men trilogy.

On the plus side we have Hugh Jackman, beefed up, all feral and already established as the Wolverine / James / Logan character from the X-Men movies to the effect that we can't imagine anyone else in the role, he really is great to watch and his star-power is obvious. The problems I have with the movie all stem from the rest of the cast.

Yeah I can be a fan-boy, but I'm prepared to ignore differences between the movie and the comic book, like Logan being a half-brother of Victor, Logan being old enough to have fought in the American Civil War, Agent Zero being Korean and not German etc., hell the comic book's own histories and origins vary so wildly out of control I can't blame them for tweaking it but you can't make such radical character changes between here and the three films of it's own main franchise...

- We have Liev Schreiber, who always impresses me and I think it's a shame that he's not given great roles [this year's Defiance, being an exception] but despite putting in some awesome gym-time for the part; this attempt at Victor / Sabretooth, Wolverine's arch-nemesis is not it. Why give Victor any such meat to his role when he had already been established by pro-wrestler Tyler Mane as a barbarian vegetable. Sure, have them trading machismo quips but Sabretooth should dwarf Wolverine period. Were there no wrestler-wannabe-actors available? Schreiber would have served better as Col. Stryker, a role which he originally negotiated for.

- Danny Huston, again an excellent actor with good roles recently in How To Loose Friends and Alienate People and 30 Days Of Night. Unfortunately he delivers nowhere near the performance of Brian Cox as Colonel Stryker, I know they couldn't de-ageify Cox because if they couldn't do it properly for 10 seconds with Paddy Stewart as Prof. X at the end of this movie, what hope could they have with Cox? But there was just too much lacking in Huston's somewhat controlled and subdued performance. The sad thing is Cox wanted to do it! Who says no to Brian Cox?
-It was chronologically essential that they cast a much younger actor for Scott / Cyclops, but there was no reason for inexplicably changing his power from his trademark concussive blast to heat vision like fuckin' Superman!
-Another plus to this movie was having Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, the wisecracking "Merc with a mouth," - until they take his mouth away! [this travesty automatically took one star from the movie because it was so fuckin' dumb-ass]. It's been confirmed Reynolds will have his own Deadpool movie in the future and hopefully they'll ignore most of this shit origin for him - oh he's alive because a "stinger" scene after the credits shows him putting his head back on... WTF???!!!
-At least Taylor Kitsch's Gambit was pretty good, although I never really followed/liked the character but maybe he'll get his own movie too?

There are some good aspects to the movie; the fight scenes and the action were well done and I can't fault them for being as good as any other example of the best movies of this genre. The Weapon X [I'll have to get used to saying "Weapon Ten" now in speech] sequences were not as "bloody" as Wolverine's flashbacks in the X-Men movies, but were done adequately [this is objected to by Vaughan who ranted for 10 minutes about why Logan should have been naked in the tank and have tubes attached to his orifices and one of the scientists screaming something about there being semen in the tube - I honestly don't know what the fuck type of movie he was expecting]. Harry Gregson-Williams produced a quality musical score in a style with which he usually scores his action movies and is therefore going on my iPod.

There is just one ultimate question I have about this movie, no it's not where did Scott Sommers get those glasses for his sight before he met Prof. X? How did the "endgame" Deadpool bend his arms if he was concealing two full length katana blades in them? Where did a Humvee and all those LCD & Plasma screens come from if the movie is set at most in the early 1980's? INo none of those, my real question is: What is the point of this movie? The Wolverine / Sabretooth relationship was never carried over into the trilogy other than some grunted animosity when they met but there was no recognition from either of them - was Sabretooth's memory wiped too? How? When? We know from X2 that Stryker had a hand in what was done to Wolverine but we didn't know what exactly or why. In the end it just wasn't that important to the audience with many I'm sure preferring the mystery of Wolverine's origin to this somewhat bland rendition and even causes the effect of making the character less interesting.

Final Verdict: Great action, excellent performance from Jackman, but Schreiber and Huston were miscast. Ultimately unnecessary tale which could easily have been shoehorned into the first 30 minutes or so of a better story with half the amount of characters. Stay home from the cinema but see it on DVD if you must.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2




A sequel to Wolverine has been confirmed and according to early speculation it will focus on Chris Claremont and Frank Miller's account of Wolverine's time in Japan with The Silver Samurai and Lady Deathstrike which sounds far more exciting than this.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Happy 65th Lucas Day

It's Lucas Day, the 65th Birthday of one George W. Lucas, a man worthy of only the most devout worship.

Happy 65th George and thank you for all you've done... and yet to do.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Another missed opportunity...

While perusing through a favourite site of mine: Rebelscum.com looking at all the cool Star Wars toys that were released while I was in Afghanistan; I came across among other things, a Yavin hangar technician that bears an incredibly disturbingly accurate likeness of Neil - a bloke I know in Dublin and a new Lars Homestead playset.

I gleefully thought for a moment that the latter would be the oft-wished set for the collectors market - ie. the Lars Homestead that's a smouldering ruin after the Stormtroopers are done with their interrogation of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru! Alas it's just a depiction of a scene that was never on screen where a Sandtrooper arrives to begin questioning.

See how Owen is raising his hand to the Imperial? This is blatant disrespect! I always knew the Lars' got what they deserved! Actually, come to think of it - this scene is more in keeping more with the events in Kevin Rubio's hilarious Cops parody in the Star Wars universe - Troops! I'll see if it's on Youtube.

***UPDATE***
It is! Enjoy....




Sources: Douglas Kastle, mcmorran.org, Rebelscum.com

Monday, May 11, 2009

Apologies for the delay...

... I was busy in Afghanistan. One last "hurrah" the "old school" way before they change commander and we'll be doing all "sneaky" stuff. On my way back now. Stay tuned for updates.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Iron Man 2 - The Hype Begins

While we're gearing up for Star Trek this week and how great that will be; I'm always mindful of the future. This time next year we'll be less than one week away from the release of Iron Man 2 and Marvel [and I] are starting the hype machine right now! Marvel's superheroes have had an awesome track record in regards to sequels to their movies. X-Men 2 and Spider-Man 2 were better then their impressive originals, the rebooted Incredible Hulk was a classic; Hell I'll even include Rise Of The Silver Surfer and this year's Punisher: War Zone. I doubt Iron Man 2 will be any different in that regard, based on Iron Man being the greatest Marvel superhero movie of all time - then come next year it'll be bested by it's own sequel!

The first publicity picture has been released by Marvel and we see good ol' Tony Stark himself in his Armour Room - basically where he keeps all his different Iron Man suits. In the world of comic-books Stark has amassed about 36 models, but I'm guessing in movie continuity we'll see a half-dozen at a guess, [more only to sell action figures].

As for story references, you won't find me me talking about or publishing any, because I don't want to know. What I will say is that in reference to Stark's alcoholism, Robert Downey Jr. told MTV “We’re going for the interim space" between Iron Man's origin and the famous “Demon In A Bottle” storyline "which is more a look behind the mask of someone who says he’s Iron Man and what it really is to become a superhero.”

As of now, the only confirmed villains in Iron Man 2 are Mickey Rourke as Whiplash and Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer. So where is the Mandarin? I'm betting that we won't see him until Iron Man 3. Gwyneth Paltrow, Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson reprise their roles, Don Cheadle as mentioned earlier, replaces Tererence Howard as Rhodey and Scarlett Johansson is The Black Widow. Jon Favreau is directing from a screenplay by Justin Theroux.

Sources: ESBI, MTV, Marvel, AICN

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Crank: High Voltage

This movie is an incredible drug fuelled violent artform. It's just too fucking out-there that it has defied my attempts to construct a coherent review. A review needs some sort of structure - but I can't create a review structure for a film that has none.

Statham's Chev Chelios character died at the end of Crank, but in the most improbable movie-resurrection since the Sean Connery's Rameriez in Highlander 2, he gets better after a few months - albiet withough his own heart, now replaced with an artificial battery operated one. He now has to find his heart and get it back in his chest before he looses power. Much to the delight of movie audiences however he can use basic science and everyday power supplies to "recharge" himself. - Warning: Actually touching 10,000kV equipment will more than likely kill you in reality, don't try it at home.

One thing I've never seen in a movie before is a stripper's fake breasts being shot through in a hail of gunfire and seeing the liquid silicone flowing out as her chest deflates. Considering that they cast Ling Bai as a stereotypical Asian prostitute, some real porn-stars to play themselves, have gun-wielding strippers and have female lead Amy Smart get wheel-barrowed at a horse track by Chelios in full view of everyone - I'm thinking the move makers don't hold women in much regard so I'm knocking off a star for that, because I think we've evolved from such puerile nonsence [ever so slightly].

The rest of it was Fuckin-A however and filled with some brilliant totally unexpected cameos from David Carridine, Lauren Holly [still hot at 45!], Geri Halliwell [yes Ginger Spice] Corey Haim and an incredibly surreal performance from John DeLancie as a TV anchor.

Colonel Creedon Rating ****


Monday, April 27, 2009

Why is the US still in Iraq? - Here's the answer:

Any god-damn raghead with a pair stones is lying dead in a shallow hole for being stupid enough to resist the unstoppable onslaught of the US of A [yes I do respect a man that'll actually be brave enough to point an AK in my direction - before I "pacify" him with 5.56mm NATO].

Unfortunately with most of those dead, blinded or crippled, all the Iraqi people will have left to take care of them [once Obama pulls out all the troops] are the hajis who were just too chicken-shit to either defend their country in the first place or stand up to Saddam - that's why they're still alive, but it's hardly a solid force to be used to provide law, order and protection to a country.

Time is running out and while some progress has been made, there's still a lot to go. Sadly, the methods used under the Bush administration are a thing of the past - it's all peace and love now, but one Army officer has made the news headlines by taking the kid-gloves off and telling the Iraqi police like it is.


These people respond to being shamed - short of shooting them, this may be a good motivation tool to get them to stop being pussies and cop the fuck on! Sadly he's likely to be severely reprimanded and given a desk job rather than getting a medal and promoted to General - but I'll take him for UNETIDA any day!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Snipers to become even deadlier

EXACTO is the latest word that has been shoehorned into an acronym for the Extreme Accuracy Tasked Ordnance rifle by the good 'ol boys at the Pentagon. This weapon will conceivably be able to fire accurately at far longer distances than are possible now by combating weather with self-guiding bullets.

According to Time. The Pentagon has been working on the .50 caliber EXACTO for about a year already, and its main focus is to overcome climate conditions to stay accurate over a longer range using fin and spin-stabilised projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies. Basically, bullets that can adjust to weather conditions in mid-air, either through external control or the abilities of the bullet itself.

Snipers are currently accurate up to about 800m. Beyond that, it's more difficult to reliably hit a target. At 2Km, snipers can probably hit the side of a barn, but a head shot isn't too likely. This rifle could change all of that and would make my life a lot easier in escaping - hey- I'm not getting any younger you know.

Source: The Whitehouse / Gizmodo / Time

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Colonel returns to Television

Unfortunately due to being on a mission. I was unable to alert people to the fact that once again I have appeared on national television on one of John Vaughan's short films.

My previous role in Valour garnered much attention and I regret not having the chance to milk it again in time for the television premiere for Easter Monday, April 13th. However, all is not lost: because from now until May 5th, John Vaughan's My Dad is being streamed on the new RTE Player service and you can watch it right there now!

My Dad is the story of a Ryan a young laddie who writes an essay about his hero who happens to be his father and in doing so discovers that heroes may not be as they seem... It stars Michael Liebman [Omagh] , Dave Duffy [Fair City], Jonathan Ryan [The Tudors] and of course, me!

The following is an excerpt from EMPIRE last year because I don't have time to write anything about the movie myself.

Empire:- Lt. Colonel Creedon, this is your second cameo appearance on international screens. What was it like to go to the film set again?

Creedon
:-
Let's say "supporting actor" this time, they don't give awards for cameos really and my performance almost won the movie an award, but I'll get back to that. The experience of the set? Oh that was amazing, even better than the first time - it really is like a perfectly executed military operation, everyone knows their skills and assigned jobs and they do them. From the director who is like a General all the way down to an extra who'd be the private or dumbass civilian in the crossfire [Laughter]. It's very strange to be in a situation where I'm not the most knowledgeable or professional person present, it's exciting when you have no idea of the plan.

Empire:-
No idea? But didn't you read the script?

Creedon
:-
Hell no! Only my scenes [Laughter]. No sense in reading too much. Scripts are like books, there's no pictures or diagrams and they're too long. Besides, I wouldn't have wanted to spoil the ending [Laughter].


Empire:-
This time, somewhat bizarrely - you're not playing a member of a military force? How is it possible that you could "be" someone else convincingly?

Creedon
:-
Well obviously I've been on clandestine operations posing as someone else, but this experience is quite different. It appears I'm more prolific and even more talented then I - nay, than anyone thought possible. Vaughan cast me in the role not actually because of my extraordinary acting talent demonstrated before but instead for much the same way as he cast me if for example, when he wanted an authentic military presence for Valour; he was casting on the basis of what I know – but this time I was cast in the basis of what I don't; namely football. You see football is a daft game, I’ve never really played it properly but seeing a load of lads in shorts kicking an inflated leather sphere between each others legs is a bizarre waste of time. Such feats of athletics and training would be far better served if they joined the armed forces and volunteered to fight ragheads in Afghanistan, but that’s another argument. Now originally the script called for a corrupt referee, who feigned incompetence in return for a brown envelope, but my own "improvisation" on the field, demonstrating a total lack of football knowledge was milked by
Vaughan who changed it so that one of the other players was corrupt instead. A fascinating process.

Empire:-
What accolades have you yourself received for your performance?

Creedon
:-
Well, I was coached by Jonathan Ryan himself, who explained that the referee must project his instructions and cautions through the use of his whistle. But I really couldn't take his advice because I thought it would make me look somewhat professional and thus negate the true purpose and motivation of my character, and I'm glad I did because I'm so convincingly incompetent - that it's funny. Everyone who watches it laughs - not at me like I'm an idiot but in they way they do at Will Ferell, Jim Carrey or even Adam Sandler [although in his case I don't know why]. It was my comedic performance that was nominated for
"Best Comedy Scene" in The Action On Film Festival in Pasadena, California last year. Sadly I lost to an actual comedy film - Beach Cops and My Dad was left only with the "Best Short" award.

Empire:- As for John Vaughan - What was is like to work for a director whom the Australian film classification board branded “too tough” when rating the film?

Creedon
:-
There's no such thing as too tough when making a movie, there's only such thing as censors who are complete pussies! Yeah obviously there was a violent scene where we see a man's tongue being cut out but originally Vaughan was speculating on using some quick cuts and editing trickery to convince us that a sheep's tongue the actor would be holding was a real one. It was a good call to instead "imply" the man's tongue being cut out instead as it would have had the short banned in many countries forcing him to remove it and turning the movie into shit because other then my scene it's the best bit really. Vaughan is a wonderful director – but he’s only as good as the people he surrounds himself with. For as long I’m one of those people, he’ll always succeed.


Empire:-
Will we see more Colonel Creedon on screen, would you like to play someone more like yourself perhaps?

Creedon
:-
Hmmm, I don't know, I don't really want to walk down the road of R. Lee Ermey or Dale Dye yet. While I have the utmost respect for them I don't want to have a public perception of me as a "Movie-Marine." I'd like to juice up a few roles with "Whopperness"; bring my own idiom to a role a bit like Rob Riggle does, he's been on The Daily Show, The Office and in Stepbrothers and while he's not typecast as a military man, he infuses his performances with his own personality and military ethos and they're all the better for it. Most people who watch him don't know he's still a reserve Marine Officer - he's a Major in the USMCR. So maybe I'd follow Riggle's example before I retire then follow Ermey and Dye's footsteps [Laughter].

*Since the time that article was published Major Rob Riggle was promoted to Lt. Colonel, Congratulations Rob.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Return of Red Dwarf

Well Red Dwarf came Back To Earth as I announced previously it would. Should it have? - is open for debate. While it did resurrect feelings of nostalgia for one of the greatest comedy shows on Television, it had the all to familiar Red Dwarf feel but it only had half the punch of the original outings, actually much like the last two seasons of the show.

The lack of punch is mostly due to the fact that Rob Grant, who after leaving the series after season VI [due to wanting more on his tombstone than Red Dwarf], did not return to co-write with Doug Naylor. It seems to be more than obvious now that Grant was more the comedian and Naylor the Sci-Fi enthusiast. Red Dwarf works as a British comedy with Sci-Fi influences but Back to Earth seems like a British Sci-Fi show with comedic influences and I think it suffers for it.

Despite these flaws, I did enjoy it on the level it was presented. Lister, Rimmer and Kryten are nailed 100%. It's as if the Craig Charles, Chris Barrie and Robert Llewelen have been rehearsing for the past 10 years. Danny John Jules does give it his all too, but I think a lot of the Cat worked with the presence of the studio audience - partly due to the fact that Jules is primarily a theatre performer. The story itself perfectly normal for Red Dwarf, in that it is as nonsensical as most of the other scenarios the Dwarf posse have been in and brings our heroes Back to Earth, an Earth however where they are TV Characters in the show Red Dwarf which then begins to spoof Blade Runner! - as I said, perfectly normal.

Apparently ratings for Red Dwarf: Back To Earth were pretty impressive at 2.6m* viewers which is superior to any of the original series and leaving the launch of the much vaunted Torchwood in the dust and became highest-rated commissioned show on a digital network ever. As the show was a test before committing to an additional series, it would seem that if it was just a ratings coup was necessary, than it's a done deal. Personally unless the rumour that Rob Grant may be coaxed to return to write one last series with Doug Naylor I wouldn't be getting too excited.

We'll see.

*This 2.6m is correct at time of posting but does not yet take into account home recordings, which unlike the US, can be calculated and added to ratings within 21 days after broadcast.

Information Sources: reddwarf.co.uk / dave.uktv.co.uk

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

NASA will burn in Hell

The American public voted overwhelmingly in favour of designating the latest International Space Station node after the highly esteemed Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A., whose name beat one of NASA’s own suggestions of Serenity [even after which misguided Joss Whedon fans attempted to inflate] in an online poll. NASA however, announced on Tuesday’s The Colbert Report that they in fact would not be naming the new module after the respected conservative presenter. Instead they have designated the module Tranquillity.

Now, as far as I know, NASA depends heavily on public funding to operate. So, would it not make sense to actually listen to that public when naming the stuff they’re paying for? They used to do so; thousands of Trekkies wrote to NASA in 1976 and based on that campaign the first Space Shuttle Constitution was redesignated Enterprise after the Star Trek starship. This open-minded recognition of the Trekkies’ wishes to see a real space vessel named for their their favourite fictional spacecraft secured lots of goodwill and monetary donations for NASA.

However, after going to the all the trouble, time, and expense of creating a voting mechanism for members of the public to suggest new names and make their choice for the new module, NASA have unceremoniously rammed a rocket booster up the voting public’s ass with a big F**K YOU! and are probably laughing hysterically back at their headquarters. Just because they have named it Tranquillity doesn’t ensure that the public will feel that way about having their choices sucked out of the airlock.

If this is the way NASA treats its supporters then I am not surprised that they can’t afford a new re-usable spacecraft technology like the Space Shuttle which is being dropped in favour of the backward single-use technology of yesteryear. Sir Stephen will have to be content with the ISS astronaut’s treadmill being named Colbert instead or rather C.O.L.B.E.R.T. for "Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill"!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

"Abrams pulled it off" - First Star Trek screenings

* * * NO SPOILERS HERE! * * *

The first people to see Star Trek in Dallas Tx. have the following to say about J.J. Abram's new take on the Star Trek legacy....
"I can't believe how great the new Star Trek movie is. Leaving (it) at just past midnight, I felt alive andinvincible and in a state only truly great movies put me in."

"This hard-core Trekkie enjoyed the film. I'm glad I saw it, and I'll definitely go back to see it a second time. It's a rock-solid 3 out of 4 star movie for me."

"Star Trek accomplishes far more than I ever thought it would or could. This is on par with the Star Wars trilogy in terms of the big screen entertainment and sheer imagination on display. "

"People are going to really dig this movie. If you're ahardcore Trekkie you should dig the freshening up (but not disregard,understand) of the classic continuity. If you're a casual fan likemyself then you'll be drawn in deeper and excited to see what's next.And if you're new to the concept or have generally not been interestedin Star Trek... well, give it a shot."
I guess people are pretty happy then?
Source: AICN

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Whoppers - The Original Malted Milk Balls

1990 was a dark year, we all know the sheer madness that occurred when Mars Inc. took the strong athletically sounding Marathon chocolate bar and named it Snickers [after a beloved horse of the Mars family]. Apparently Mars had the idea of doing some rebranding to consolidate their product names into one as opposed to having different ones in the US than from Europe. They did this reprehensible thing to the Marathon and then seemed to have stopped [until 1998 when they changed Opal Fruits to Starburst - but that's another rant].

Although thankfully they've not changed the names of the other two staple chocolate bars; there's a good reason for this. The Yanks have a Milky Way bar, but so do we - but they're two different bars. The US Milky Way bar has a layer of caramel on top of the nougat which is what we call a Mars bar. A Milky Way bar here is a 3 Musketeers bar in the US. So while they could probably take our beloved Milky Way and call it a 3 Musketeers; they'd still have the disaster of getting people to accept a Mars bar being called a Milky Way, a disaster I might add that would make the current economic crisis seem like a minor accounting problem.

Anyway, while up to now I loathed this kind of rebranding, [I've accepted it now but don't you wish G.I.Joe was still Action Force?] on my recent unofficial tour of Washington D.C. I discovered one product in the US that I was damning wasn't owned by Mars Inc. and therefore cannot eclipse the product name here. The Hershey company - best known for their absolutely horrid tasting chocolate [if on it's own as a bar or in the form of a Hershey's Kiss] apparently markets what people in this part of the world call Malteasers as Whoppers - The Original Malted Milk Balls.

I'm serious - WHOPPERS!!!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Who needs carrots? Shoot Nazis for the same effect!

According to this report from News.com.au; video games are "good for eyes" and shooting games go further by improving contrast sensitivity. Contrast sensitivity is the ability to notice tiny changes in shades of grey against a uniform background, and is critical to everyday activities such as night driving and reading. It often degrades with age.

"Normally, improving contrast sensitivity means getting glasses or eye surgery - somehow changing the optics of the eye," said Daphne Bavelier of the University of Rochester in New York, whose study appears in the journal Nature Neuroscience. "But we've found that action video games train the brain to process the existing visual information more efficiently, and the improvements last for months after game play stopped."

For the study, the team divided 22 students into two groups. One group played the action games Call of Duty 2 and Unreal Tournament 2004. A second group played The Sims 2, a game they said does not require as much hand-eye coordination. The two groups played 50 hours of their assigned games over the course of nine weeks. At the end of the training, the action game players showed an average of 43 per cent improvement in their ability to discern close shades of gray, while the Sims players showed none.

Professor Bavelier found very practised action gamers became 58 per cent better at perceiving fine differences in contrast. "When people play action games, they're changing the brain's pathway responsible for visual processing. These games push the human visual system to the limits and the brain adapts to it," she said in a statement.

She said the findings revealed a previously undiscovered adaptability in the brain and show that action video-game training may be a useful complement to eye-correction techniques and could open the way to new therapies. The positive effects can remain for months and even up to years after training.

I recall the last eye exam I had. The optician asked me to read the last line. I recall smiling confidently, almost arrogantly to her and replying: "Printed in Italy." I had always suspected my above-perfect vision was due to liking carrots, now I know it's because of Half-Life :)

Source: News.com.au / Gamespy /Couriermail.com.au

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Oh Wonderful France!

I'd just like to take this opportunity to say how much I absolutely adore France and it's native French people. The planet is truly blessed by having the great nation of France beneath it's skies. The cream of the French has to be the delightful people from Paris. They must be the warmest, most friendly people on the planet, luckily residing in the cleanest, safest most modern and progressive city in the world. Oh, how I long to skip down the Champs-Élysées to eat croissants and drink Café au lait while admiring the talented mimes and taking in some joyously gay street theater. My greatest wish is that I could speak fluent French, don a black beret and poloneck and debate the meaning of life with some of the most intelligent and articulate philosophers in the world. A dream of mine has always been to... Ah enough of this shit - yes I was too busy to write anything else for the day that's in it.