Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Crank: High Voltage

This movie is an incredible drug fuelled violent artform. It's just too fucking out-there that it has defied my attempts to construct a coherent review. A review needs some sort of structure - but I can't create a review structure for a film that has none.

Statham's Chev Chelios character died at the end of Crank, but in the most improbable movie-resurrection since the Sean Connery's Rameriez in Highlander 2, he gets better after a few months - albiet withough his own heart, now replaced with an artificial battery operated one. He now has to find his heart and get it back in his chest before he looses power. Much to the delight of movie audiences however he can use basic science and everyday power supplies to "recharge" himself. - Warning: Actually touching 10,000kV equipment will more than likely kill you in reality, don't try it at home.

One thing I've never seen in a movie before is a stripper's fake breasts being shot through in a hail of gunfire and seeing the liquid silicone flowing out as her chest deflates. Considering that they cast Ling Bai as a stereotypical Asian prostitute, some real porn-stars to play themselves, have gun-wielding strippers and have female lead Amy Smart get wheel-barrowed at a horse track by Chelios in full view of everyone - I'm thinking the move makers don't hold women in much regard so I'm knocking off a star for that, because I think we've evolved from such puerile nonsence [ever so slightly].

The rest of it was Fuckin-A however and filled with some brilliant totally unexpected cameos from David Carridine, Lauren Holly [still hot at 45!], Geri Halliwell [yes Ginger Spice] Corey Haim and an incredibly surreal performance from John DeLancie as a TV anchor.

Colonel Creedon Rating ****

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