The Journal of Parasitology recently published Penetration of the oral mucosa by parasite-like sperm bags of squid, a scientific paper detailing the ordeal of a 63-year-old Korean woman who "experienced severe pain in her oral cavity immediately after eating a portion of parboiled squid with its internal organs”. Despite expelling the food from her mouth, she still had a "pricking and foreign-body sensation" in her oral cavity. When she was hospitalised, surgeons removed a dozen "small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gums." In English - the dead squid's spermatophores were still active, and they'd inseminated the woman's mouth!
Squid a Day’s Danna Staaf explains further: “Each spermatophore includes an ejaculatory apparatus, which can expel the sperm mass quite forcefully, and a cement body for attachment. Of course, neither of those is a needle or a knife—the sort of thing you'd expect to need for actual implantation (into either a female squid or a human mouth).” As no one is quite sure how spermatophores implant themselves into skin, Staaf reveals that “it’s happened to humans more than once.” Staff insists there’s no cause for alarm in Western civilisation as there, squid preparations typically remove the internal organs from squid and leave only the muscle — so no one in the west is in any danger of accidentally ingesting spermatophores. Also, they're not dangerous unless they make contact with a mucous membrane.
Squid a Day’s Danna Staaf explains further: “Each spermatophore includes an ejaculatory apparatus, which can expel the sperm mass quite forcefully, and a cement body for attachment. Of course, neither of those is a needle or a knife—the sort of thing you'd expect to need for actual implantation (into either a female squid or a human mouth).” As no one is quite sure how spermatophores implant themselves into skin, Staaf reveals that “it’s happened to humans more than once.” Staff insists there’s no cause for alarm in Western civilisation as there, squid preparations typically remove the internal organs from squid and leave only the muscle — so no one in the west is in any danger of accidentally ingesting spermatophores. Also, they're not dangerous unless they make contact with a mucous membrane.

UNETIDA has asked that you contact them on 555-ORALFUKFISH if you believed that a squid may have inseminated your mouth. Please note that the official UNETIDA warning poster was far too grotesque to present here.
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