An Unexpected Journey, an expected pleasure

A friend of mine typed the word “Aarg!” into a chat window during a DDO game in exclamation at the apparently startling revelation that I had never read The Hobbit. I gather it’s a common supposition to have read the book considering I’ve been playing the likes of Dungeons & Dragons with him for the best part of a decade, but I’d have told him if he had ever asked. I thought it best not to add I had never read so much as one of Tolkien’s short stories [and I’m confident his world would probably fall apart if I told him in truth I’d never actually read a single fantasy novel in my life, no not one]. I just want to be sure that I’m framing for you the fact that my sum total of knowledge of Tolkien’s work is entirely from watching all three Lord of the Rings movies several times [and a few of the DVD extras].

 

Needless to say I’ve already stated in the past that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is the greatest movie trilogy of all time* so the news that they were adapting The Hobbit was expected and believed partly necessary to truly cement LotR in cinematic history. The production cycle however was quite tumultuous. Some of you may recall during the life cycle of 2IGTV that Mark and I discussed the status of what was presumed to be Guillermo Del Toro’s project that seemed to change seasonally. Eventually there was light, a green light, money flowed in and filming began - instead under the direction of Peter Jackson once again. Since then, anticipation was as palpable as it was for Fellowship of the Ring and finally ended for me on December 12th.

 

So knowing only for sure that I’d see the characters of Bilbo, Gandalf and “some dwarf who would become Gimly’s father,” I entered Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey [in 3D**] with high hopes and even higher standards. I was not disappointed. Jackson literally re-created another chunk of Middle Earth upon the already magnificent landscape of New Zealand, only this seems brighter and more lush in every sense of the words. It can be easily thought of as a world which had yet to fall to the corruption of the evil witnessed in LotR. Frodo and Samwise’s epic walking tour through Middle Earth spanning three whole movies prepared my patience [and my arse] for yet another band of fantasy creatures to make another road trip but despite the preparation [and knowing that New Line had forced Jackson to stretch out a 300 page book to span 3 whole movies instead of two] I was still expecting to the shouting “Get on with it!” in Monty Pythonesque fashion at some point. Imagine my surprise when the credits began rolling just as I was beginning to get into it. I’ve been to many 2.5+ hour movies in my day but this is the first time I have never felt a single moment pass and was genuinely shocked to discover that hours had passed since I had opened my bag of Peanut M&M’s.

 

The dwarf's plight is told through similar flashback exposition to LotR’s ring origin and tells the story of a magnificent dwarf kingdom laid to ruin by a powerful dragon, exiling the dwarfs and scattering their civilisation. Martin Sherlock Freeman takes the reigns as Bilbo Baggins and with everyone’s favourite wizard, Gandalf [Sir Ian McKellan] and Richard Armatage as dwarf-prince Thorin Oakenshield, they lead a lively, hilarious yet heroic band of dwarfs through exotic locales, some familiar, some new as well as meet characters we both know or never before heard tale of on their epic journey of adventure. Sir Ian Holm, Andy Serkis, Kate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, Sir Christopher Lee and even Elijah Wood all reprise their famous roles from LotR [although I’m lead to understand that half of that lot are playing characters that never even appeared in the original novel]. They make the transition to this new saga all the more memorable. Canadian composer Howard Shore returned to provide a rich melodic score to the soundscape of the movie reintroducing us to many of his original themes as well as creating a few new ones to highlight this “same but different” adventure. While the 3D was unusually perfect and not used as gimmicky as other movies I reckon I’d have been just as happy with the 2D, it’s an enhancement, not a necessity.

 

While we are led to understand that Sauron’s corruption is just beginning, the main tale here is one of simply going home rather than saving the world from evil – that will come later in history as we’ve already seen – but for now and the next two movies, we are to be content with our merry band of dwarfs evicting their unwanted house guest and keeping would-be orcish invaders off their front lawn. No the whole world doesn’t have to be under threat for a movie such as this to be exciting, just one little part of it.

Final Verdict: With lush visuals, superb CGI, world-class acting, a sharp script and a flawless score it was nothing short of excellent; so much so that I actually went twice!

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****

* Just to reiterate - I consider Star Wars to be religion not a series of movies

** I did not chose 3D either time I went to it. Technical difficulty with the 2D presentation on the day of release and unmanageable 2D scheduling on the following Saturday necessitated the need to see the 3D presentation twice. My 3D rejection contract is not broken as these issues are covered under clause [E] force mejure..

Obama sworn in to face first battle of new term

President Barack Obama took the ceremonial oath of office for his second term as the 44th U.S. president and commander in chief on the steps of the U.S. Capitol today. More than 500,000 gathered on the National Mall to watch Obama and Vice President Joe Biden enter their second term.

“America will remain the anchor of strong alliances in every corner of the globe,” the president said in his speech. “We will renew those institutions that extend our capacity to manage crisis abroad, for no one has a greater stake in a peaceful world than its most powerful nation". The United States will support democracy around the world, “because our interests and our conscience compel us to act on behalf of those who long for freedom.”

L-R - Jack Lew, Chuck Hagel, John Brennan, John Kerry

The first battle of Obama's second term will be to have his choices for his new cabinet confirmed by the Senate. The president wants Jacob "Jack" Lew the White House Chief of Staff to replace Timothy Geithner as Treasury Secretary. Former Republican Senator and Vietnam War veteran Chuck Hagel has been nominated to replace Leon Panetta as Secretary of Defence and Chief Counterterrorism Advisor John Brennan has been chosen to fill the post of CIA Director vacated abruptly in November by General David Patraeus. These appointments are expected to face tough scrutiny if not blocked entirely by lawmakers. However, former presidential candidate, Senator John Kerry's nomination ito replace Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State is not expected to be contested.

End of Watch

Do you like COPS? Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do when they come for you? etc. Well imagine if COPS was able to broadcast what the LAPD have to put up with every day. Under constant death threats from Colombian drug lords, getting beaten to a pulp until you’re unrecognisable, getting stabbed in the eye with a knife, getting shot at by gangs wielding military-grade weapons. Yeah then it wouldn’t be really COPS anymore would it? But it would be the new movie from David Ayer who wrote Training Day but directed Street Kings.

Ayer brought Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena together, sent them off to ride around with real LAPD cops for a few months and got them to present to us two distinctive police officers who know that this is a dirty job that someone has to do and it may as well be them. They look feel and talk like they may not be the #1 cops in the world but when the shit hits the fan you understand that to each other – they are - and as partners on the street that’s what you need most.

Ayer creatively used a multitude of camera sources to capture the story he wanted to show, it was part reality-show amateur hour, part steady-cam Panavision. It was a little strange going from one view to the other but I wasn’t on the level of the vomit-inducing Chronicle and the fact that portable cameras now can stream/record HD, the days of Blair Witch nonsense are long gone.

Ayer is the man who wrote the most historically inaccurate movie of all time, U-571. Following worldwide criticism for his historical distortion vowed he would never do it again. While this movie is fictional, I think we can say he's come full circle. It's too real. It’s difficult to actually review this as I do other forms of entertainment as it wasn’t so much entertaining as it seemed like the stark reality of what you read about in the news every day was unfolding before you. You were only now seeing what was happening between the lines of the those reports and it's far from pretty.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

2012! - The Year In Review

Time to say goodbye to 2012. The year that was supposed to end it all, but we're all still here.

A year of a long freefall, a "zombie" attack, the iPhone 5, Pussy Riot, solar eruptions, Fifty Shades, Minecraft, Gangnam Style, the sale of Star Wars and an implosion in UNPASID.

A year of pain for those in Syria, Egypt, Aurora, Newtown and those affected by Hurricane Sandy.

A year of heroes in Avengers, a rising Dark Knight, a sky falling, Expendables and a furry-footed Hobbit!

It was a year of triumph for London and her Olympic athletes, Barack Obama's re-election but a year of failure for the Secret Service, Lance Armsrong and David Petraeus.

As always we must acknowledge those we lost in 2012, especially astronaut Neil Armstrong [82] the first person to walk on the Moon, actor Ernest Borgnine [95] , singer Whitney Houston [48], film director Tony Scott [68], science fiction and fantasy author Ray Bradbury [91], Star Wars concept artist Ralph McQuarrie [82], Bee Gees singer and songwriter Robin Gibb [62], and most recently, General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr. [78] the Desert Storm commander.

I would like to especially mention actor and former U.S. Army PFC Charles Durning [89] who during WWII took part in the D-Day landings and earned the Silver Star, Bronze Star, 3 Purple Hearts and was granted the grade of Chevailier of the Legion of Honour by france. Never a leading actor his face and voice is nevertheless known to all who watched movies since the 70's. He was Lt. Snyder in The Sting and followed the role with more than 100 movie and TV credits including: Dog Day Afternoon, Tootsie, The Hudsucker Proxy, Spy Hard, Rescue Me, Everybody Loves Raymond and even voiced Francis Griffin in Family Guy. Among numerous Academy Award and Emmy nominations was one for portraying a Marine veteran in NCIS where Durning was able to draw on his first-hand knowledge of Combat Stress Reaction.

We also acknowledge the passing of the following individuals who made the history books: Rodney King [47] whose beating by police sparked the 1992 Los Angeles riots, Richard Alf [59] the co-founder/chairman of San Diego Comic-Con and August Kowalczyk [90] Polish actor and last survivor of 1942 Auschwitz concentration camp breakout.

We mourn the loss of the following entertainers:

Norman Alden [87] American actor [Kranix in Transformers: The Movie / Lou Caruthers in Back to the Future]

Phillip R. Allen

Phillip R. Allen [72] American actor [Captain Esteban in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock]

Bob Anderson [89]  British fencer and fight choreographer [Star Wars / Highlander / Lord of the Rings]

Gerry Anderson [83] British producer, writer and director [Thunderbirds / Captain Scarlet]

R. G. Armstrong [95] American actor [Maj.Gen. Phillips in Predator]

Ian Abercrombie [77] British actor [Mr. Pitt in Seinfeld / Chancellor Palpatine in Star Wars: The Clone Wars]

Sir Richard Rodney Bennett, CBE [76] English composer, musician and film scorer [Billion Dollar Brain]

Lucille Bliss [96] American voice actress [Smurfette in The Smurfs]

Frank Carson [85] Northern Irish comedian

Dick Clark [82] American television host and producer

Michael Clarke Duncan [54] American actor [The Green Mile / Armageddon / Daredevil]

James Farentino [73], American actor [Frank Chaney in Blue Thunder]

Ben Gazzara [81], American actor [Sgt. Angelo in The Bridge at Remagen]

Joel Goldsmith [54] American film and television composer [Stargate TV franchise]

Andy Griffith [86] American actor [Matlock]

Larry Hagman [81] American actor [J.R. Ewing in Dallas] 

Marvin Hamlisch [68] American composer [The Spy Who Loved Me]

Bob Holness [83], South African-born British quiz show host [Blockbusters]

Geoffrey Hughes DL [68] English actor [Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances]

Davy Jones [66] British actor and musician [The Monkees]

Alex Karras [77] American football player and actor [Mongo in Blazing Saddles]

David Kelly [82] Irish actor [O'Reilly in Fawlty Towers / Grandpa Joe in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]

Jack Klugman [90] American actor [Quincy, M.E.]

Joe Kubert [85] Polish-born American comic book artist [Sgt. Rock]

Lance LeGault [77] American actor [Colonel Decker in The A-Team]

Lance LeGault

Herbert Lom [95] Czech-born British actor [Chief Inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther movie series]

Richard Lynch [72] American actor [Wolfe in Battlestar Galactica / Baran in Star Trek: The Next Generation]

Sir Patrick Moore, CBE [89] British astronomer and broadcaster

George Murdock [81] American actor [Admiral J.P. Hanson in Star Trek: The Next Generation / Dr. 

Salik in Battlestar Galactica] 

Jerry Nelson [78] American puppeteer [Count von Count in Sesame Street]

Michael O'Hare [60] American actor [Commander Sinclair in Babylon 5]

J. Michael Riva [63] American production designer [A Few Good Men / Iron Man]

Hal Roach [84] Irish comedian.

Ken Sansom [85] American voice actor [Hound in Transformers]

Jean Wells [56] American game designer, writer, artist. [Dungeons & Dragons: Palace of the Silver Princess]

William Windom [88] American actor [Commodore Decker in Star Trek]

We thank them for their talents.

We also acknowledge the passing of those who dedicated themselves to military, science and public service:

Master Sergeant John F. Baker, Jr. [66] American, former U.S. Army NCO [Medal of Honor recipient]

Air Marshal Sir Alfred Henry Wynne Ball KCB DSO DFC [91] British, retired RAF Air Marshal

Colonel Van T. Barfoot [92] American, former U.S. Army soldier [Medal of Honor recipient]

Master Chief Hospital Corpsman William R. Charette [79] American, U.S. Navy NCO [Medal of Honor recipient]

First Lieutenant Lynn Davis "Buck" Compton [90] American, former U.S. Army soldier [inspiration for Band of Brothers]

Colonel William H. "Bill" Dabney [77] American, retired USMC officer [awarded Navy Cross]

Pádraig Faulkner [94] Irish, former Fianna Fáil politician [Minister for Defence 1979–1980 / Ceann Comhairle 1980–1981]

Florence Green [110], British supercentenarian, former WRAF [Last surviving veteran of World War I].

Senator Daniel Inouye [88] American politician and former U.S. Army officer [Senator from Hawaii / U.S. Army Captain during WWII, Medal Of Honor / Bronze Star / Purple Heart]

General Samuel Jaskilka USMC

General Samuel Jaskilka [92] American, retired U.S. Marine Corps Officer [WWII, Korea, Vietnam / Assistant Commandant 1975–1978]

Senator George McGovern [90] American, former USAAF pilot [U.S. Representative 1957–1961 /  Senator 1963–1981 / 1972 Democratic Party presidential nominee]

Command Sgt. Major Basil L. Plumley [92] American, U.S. Army NCO [Battle of Ia Drang 1965

"We were Soldiers"] 

Captain Alan G. Poindexter [50] American, U.S. Navy officer [retired NASA astronaut]

Rear Admiral James D. "Jig Dog" Ramage [96] American, retired U.S. Navy officer [Naval Aviator during WWII and Vietnam, major player in putting nuclear-capable aircraft aboard carriers]

Sally Ride [61] American physicist and astronaut [First American woman in space]

Marshal of the Soviet Union Sergei Sokolov [101] Russian, retired Soviet Army Officer [Minister of Defense of the Soviet Union 1984–1987]

Colonel James L. Stone [89] American, retired U.S.Army officer [POW and Medal of Honor recipient]

Janice E. Voss [55] American, former NASA astronaut

Flight Lieutenant William Louis Buchanan Walker, AE [99] British, former RAF officer [Pilot during Battle of Britain]

Admiral James D. Watkins [85] American, retired U.S. Navy officer [former Chief of Naval Operations 1982–1986 / U.S. Secretary for Energy 1989-1993

May they rest in peace.

And now we embrace the future of 2013! 

Happy New Year

Goodbye to The Bear, R.I.P. Norman Schwarzkopf 1934 - 2012

I was a captain commanding a Force Recon platoon with the the 13th MEU in August 1990. We were beginning a routine deployment when orders came in diverting us to Southwest Asia. We knew something big was going down. The orders came from CENTCOM commanded by a giant bear of an Army officer, one General H. Norman Schwarzkopf.

Yesterday in Tampa Florida where he had retired, Schwarzkopf died at aged 78 of complications from pneumonia bringing an end to the life of one of the United States most celebrated generals and commander of one of the most successful military campaigns in history.

A New Jersey born Army brat, Schwarzkopf studied in Europe before attending West Point in his father's footsteps, graduating with a degree in engineering in '56. He served two tours in 'Nam, once as a battalion commander and among many other awards he earned three Silver Stars, including one for crawling through a minefield to rescue his wounded troops.

Schwarzkopf stayed in service after Vietnam. During the 70's he attended U.S. Army War College and served on the Army General Staff at the Pentagon. Later he was Deputy Commander of U.S. Forces Alaska and then commanded, 1st Brigade, 9th Infantry. After getting his first star, Brigadier General Schwarzkopf served at PACOM, later Assistant Division Commander (Support) of the 8th Mechanized Division in Germany. 

Major General Schwarzkopf was commander of the 24th Mechanized Infantry Division, at Fort Stewart, Georgia and became Deputy Commander of the Joint Task Force which invaded Grenada in 1983. Lt. General Schwarzkopf commanded I Corps before gaining his fourth star and taking command of CENTCOM in 1988.

General Schwarzkopf capstoned his impressive career as combatant commander of Operation: Desert Storm, a U.S.-led international coalition of 30 nations organized by President George H.W. Bush, that succeeded in driving Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi forces out of Kuwait in 1991.

Schwarzkopf declined an appointment as Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army to instead retire. In his best-selling autobiography, “It Doesn’t Take A Hero”, of his Gulf War role, he said: “I like to say I’m not a hero. I was lucky enough to lead a very successful war.”

Throughout his career Schwarzkopf earned Distinguished Service Medals from The Department of Defense and all branches of the armed forces including 4 from the army, three Silver Stars, the Legion of Merit, three Bronze Stars [and Combat 'V'], two Purple Hearts, seven Meritorious Service Medals, four Army Commendation Medals [and Combat 'V'], The U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom, Knight Commander of Most Honourable Order of the Bath from the UK and Grand Officer of the Legion of Honour from france.

He is survived by his wife Brenda and children Cynthia, Jessica and Christian.

Merry Christmas

 Merry Christmas to all readers, followers and friends. 

Have a good one.

A Corps of Stars

On Saturday the former head of Marine Corps Forces Command, Commander, U.S. Marine Corps Forces Europe and Commanding General, Fleet Marine Force Atlantic Lieutenant General John "Jay" M. Paxton Jr. of Chester PA. pinned on his fourth star to become the 33rd Assistant Commandant of the Marine Corps.

At a ceremony at the Marine Barracks in Washington D.C., Paxton was promoted by Marine Corps Commandant General James F. Amos and replaces 32nd ACMC General Joseph F. "Fighting Joe" Dunford Jr. who has been confirmed as the next Commander of the International Security Assistance Force and Commander, U.S. Forces Afghanistan.

In his remarks Gen. Amos addressed a crowd which included former CMCs James Jones and Alfred Grey and said that the ACMC's job was difficult having had first hand experience of it himself before becoming CMC.

Gen. James F. Amos, CMC and Debbie Paxton, pin on Gen. John M. Paxton Jr., ACMC his current rank of general during a ceremony, Dec. 15. - Photo: Sgt. Dengrier Baez / Marine Corps

Gen. Paxton became the Corps sixth currently serving 4-star general, nearly unprecedented for the service which only got it's first 4-star in 1945 after 170 years of existence. U.S. Code of law normally limits the Corps to two 4-star generals - the CMC and the ACMC. Currently, however there are four other USMC generals currently serving in Joint Assignments which do not count towards this limit: 

- Gen. Dunford, as aforementioned who is awaiting assignment and preparing for his new position as COMISAF/COMUSFOR-A. 

- General John R. Allen, the current COMISAF/COMUSFOR-A and who has been nominated to replace Admiral James G. Stavridis as Supreme Allied Commander Europe [although the nomination is on hold pending the outcome of an Inspector General's investigation of Allen's involvement in the Petraeus affair].

- Lt. General John F. Kelly was promoted to general and took command of U.S. Southern Command in November.

- General James N. "Mad Dog" Mattis is currently Commander, U.S. Central Command but his replacement, Army General Lloyd Austin has been announced and Mattis will have to be appointed elsewhere or retire early next year. Two possibilities under wild speculation are that he could be SACEUR should Gen. Allen's nomination be withdrawn or that he could once again replace David Patraeus [as he did as Commander CENTCOM] as CIA Director.

The bad news is Brasso is now out of stock at Wamart!

No post title

I am personally deeply saddened by the tragic loss of life in the Sandy Hook Elementary school in Connecticut on Friday. My condolences to the families of the victims during what should be the joyous of seasons.

Once again, I am abhorred by the media frenzy which surrounds an event like this. This is exactly what the sick, twisted and mentally disturbed individual who perpetrated this crime wanted so he didn't die a nobody. Sadly the media seems to be all to eager give him the attention he desired.

His name will not be uttered here, nor will his image be published as I wish nothing but for him to experience pain in the fires of hell for all eternity.

Whopper

Argo

During the Iran Hostage crisis of 1979/80, six staff at the U.S. embassy escaped and hid at the Canadian Ambassador’s residence. The White House and the CIA had a number of different ideas to retrieve them from Iran but the extraction mission was given to Tony Mendez who would go into Iran posing as a Hollywood Movie producer doing a location scout for Argo, a middle-eastern themed science-fiction adventure film. The plan was that he would then leave with his “crew”, the Americans holed up at the Canadian embassy.

Unlike Matt Damon or Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck doesn’t have people running into the movie theatre to watch him act anymore but after his success behind the camera with The Town, I’d be one of the people running into said theatre to watch a movie he directed.  As the subject matter was very close to home [intelligence agent creates an elaborate and precarious plot to get the job done] and based on a practically unbelievable true story that only came to light many years after the fact [much as my own will I hope] this was something I was really looking forward to.

I doubt anyone was disappointed. Affleck’s attention to detail in recreating the period was staggering, even down to the old red-background Warner Brothers logo. Knowing what the story was may have prompted an idea that the film would drag a little. However, through Affleck’s superb direction and focusing on the significant events [with a few elements of creative licence near the end] in this dramatic tale meant that the tension was nail-biting from opening to climax. Affleck’s portrayal of Mendez was clinical yet empathic. Alan Arkin as Lester Siegel and John Goodman as John Chambers as were superb and gave the project the air of controlled levity preventing it from descending into farce.  Special mention for the usual stony-faced Victor Garber as Ambassador Taylor who even smiled during one scene.

I normally dislike true stories as often a directors ego or opinion [or in worse cases a studio’s political agenda] will get in the way of the truth, but I can’t find any evidence of deliberate mischaracterisation or misinterpretation here save for changes required for dramatic licence and to fit the movie into a reasonable run time [sorry Brits, New Zealanders you got the asshole stick due to pacing]. Thanks for being honest and true to the important facts Ben and for giving us this gem.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****1/2

Skyfall reviewed

Daniel Craig’s stewardship of the mantle of Bond beginning with 2006’s Casino Royale brought with it a sense of realism that was not a staple of the franchise. However despite dropping the laser watch and exploding pen, Bond is probably the best he’s ever been. Audiences have evolved and there is now so many other “spy-gadget” movies like the Mission: Impossible series that people no longer feel there is anything missing from a Bond movie when our hero’s car doesn’t turn into a submarine. Much to our benefit, Skyfall’s creators have chosen to fill the void vacated by the improbable and infused the series with a… dare I say the over-used word ‘gritty’ realism that modern audiences seem to demand now from their action thrillers.

Craig has already made Bond his own and I think despite another long gap in the series due to legal woes, he’s got a couple more 007 outings left before he should be replaced [with Michael Fassbender if I or an equally competent producer is calling the shots]. In Skyfall Dame Judy Dench returns as M, matriarch of MI6 and Ralph Fiennes made an appearance as Mallory. I cannot fault the performances of Naomie Pirates of the Caribbean Harris as Eve, Ben The International Whishaw as an new Q or Javiar Bardem as Silva, the villain of the piece -  although the latter performance in places left me a little uncomfortable. Even the score from Thomas Newman, one of the most unremarkable composers in Hollywood today, was top notch and despite not being up to the standard of David Arnold it sounds good on screen and off.

Skyfall is still unmistakably a James Bond movie but with an alternative focus on the Bond character not seen since George Lazenby’s sublime performance in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. In that movie, Bond was prepared to end his womanising ways and commit himself to marriage, here in Skyfall we are treated to a significant slice of the character’s history before he became the world’s greatest secret agent. Sam Mendez has done an incredible job with the material and has crafted a movie to rival Casino Royale in perfection as well as correcting the flaws of Quantum of Solace. It does seem like he’s not quite finished with what he wants to do so I hope he gets to continue the tale he started.

Final verdict: Bond as good as he has ever been - and more.

Colonel Creedon Rating:  *****

Did Medvedev drop the ball on UNETIDA protocols?

UNETIDA, the UN sponsored international military organisation tasked with protecting the planet from would-be extraterrestrial aggressors has had it's top counter-intelligence and disinformation specialists working overtime this weekend as Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev revealed seeing top-secret files on extraterrestrials on Earth.

Reports in the associated press reveal that in footage recorded Friday after a TV interview, the former president said that Russian leaders "are given a report of the absolutely secret special service that exercises control over aliens on the territory of our country". Unseen on camera footage, he was heard telling a Ren TV journalist he could not tell “how many of them are among us, because it may cause panic.”

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, UNETIDA/UNPASID Director of Intelligence said that "a UNETIDA representative meets with high ranking world leaders, explains the situation to them and informs them of their emergency powers granted under UN laws as well as the rare situations where their military command can be superseded by UNETIDA for the good of the planet".

Creedon said UNETIDA will not be giving an official response, but instead has altered press reports to include terms that made the Prime Minister seem "like a goofball" by referencing Barry Sonenfeld's Men In Black movies and making it clear from the wording of the news reports that he was joking.

"It's not too far fetched that the man was joking" said the Colonel "During his presidency he showed that he had a sense of humour. Now if this was stony-face Putin doing the talking we'd be fucked. Royally fucked!"

Source: AP / MSNBC / The Telegraph

Vampire awakens in Serbia!

Garlic has become the most sought after product in the area of the hamlet of Zarozje in Bajina Basta, Serbia. Apparently the local council advised all villagers to place garlic on their doors and windows and to put a Holy Cross in every room, to ward off the legendary vampire, Sava Savanovic.

Savanovic is understood to have been 'reawakened' after an old watermill in which he was believed to have lived collapsed recently according to news reports. The mill had become a tourist attraction, but was left in disrepair by the family who owned it because they feared disturbing it's undead inhabitant.

Villagers are now terrified that the vampire, one of the country's most feared and most famous, is roaming the countryside looking for fresh blood.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID said he was aware of the reports but was confident that it was simply a bid by locals to attract visitors to the impoverished region. He had no comment when asked if an UNPASID Paranormal Eradication Unit had been dispatched to deal with the potential threat.

Villagers who cashed in catering to tourists fascinated by the legend of Savanovic say they now wish they had left the place well alone.

Source: The Telegraph / Daily Mail / AP

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When the head of a major intelligence organisation leaves the fold as it were, the top-tiers of all major security protocols are rewritten so only those in active service know what they are. As you can imagine this takes some time but as more often than not the people are political appointees that may or may not survive complete changes in government - individuals in my line of work know that we have lead time to get things done before the changing of the guard.

When the head of the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States volunteers to resign suddenly however and it can't be confirmed by a reliable or 1st hand knowledge that there was no security breach in a very short window we have to burn the top seven tiers of protocols. The CIA has access only to three of UNPASID's and two of UNETIDA's, but I've always been more conservative when secrets are concerned. After all, the Director of the CIA has access to information beyond what the general public believe. This includes what happened at Roswell in 1947, the true ballistics report on the Kennedy assassination and of course the real Coca-Cola formula, not to mention several things we have a vested interest in keeping buried.

While King David's indiscretions are unlikely to have any ramifications to shared intelligence operations, they have basically had me on site permanently at HQ for the past few weeks supervising the largest UNETIDA/UNPASID security/intelligence protocol overhaul ever. It actually couldn't have come at a better time as our organisation[s] are in a state of transition following decisions made by the UN General Assembly in it's annual sitting recently as it reviewed our tumultuous year. Thankfully we're almost done and normal blog-posting should resume December 2nd.

We shall not forget

Happy 237th Birthday USMC

The Grand Old Party needs to evolve

Come January, President Mitt Romney should have been taken to Area 51* where it would have been revealed to him that it wasn't just the belligerent nations of Earth he should be worried about. But he won't. Mitt Romney will not be the president of the United States next year because he lost the election - it wasn't that President Obama won, regardless of what the media tells you, it was because Mitt Romney lost.

Romney is most certainly not to blame however; sure he was uncharismatic and aloof and he had a cult religion but no, the responsibility for his dismal failure is firmly in the hands of the Republican Party. The GOP fielded a candidate that has more experience in practical economic situations than most others in government - yet he lost an election where the economy was really the only issue that anyone voting cared about and worse, lost to a president on whose watch people still feel they are worse off than ever. Four years earlier the party put forward a dignified gentleman, a humble war hero, at a time when America was embroiled in two major conflicts - yet lost to a man with no military experience with the middle name "Hussein".

It's obvious to many that Republican Party has lost it's ability to win presidential elections due its unwillingness to accept the changing demographics of the nation's electorate. It's clear that while fiscal responsibility is something that is most necessary for them to prove, they still have to collectively shed the image of a group of angry white males who want them damn Mexicans off their lawn, don't accept the theory of evolution and remain blind to the fact that humanity may be contributing to a few "issues" with the planet that scientists are warning us about. More importantly however, they have to eliminate their precious deity from their policy making - God did not give the American people their rights - they were given by the forefathers who believed in God and simply wrote that on a scrap of paper over two hundred years ago.

The full extent of Obama's scale-tipping Latino vote is not yet known. However if Republicans retain their strident position on immigration, the percentage of their own Latino vote will drop even further than the drop between those that voted for Bush in '04 and those that supported Romney this week. As you can imagine, asking people to "self deport" themselves probably pissed them off.

Homosexuals are no longer limited to California and areas of New York anymore and now they even serve openly in the military. If Republicans are prepared to not treat them like lepers and allow them the same basic rights to have a family unit regardless of gender, I'm confident that not only would they vote Republican but they may even join the GOP.

Republicans should make efforts to distance themselves from organisations like the misguided idiots of the Tea Party rather than pander to them. They should also denounce individuals who spew hate-speech like Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck, the guys who make Bill O'Reilly sound like a liberal. They are living jokes, fossils of an age that modern politics no longer resides in.

GOP candidates must seek to define themselves in ways that go beyond merely opposing their Democratic "enemies". Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, cynically summed up the situation when he declared that his top priority was in seeing Obama defeated. People running for political office should really have more than one goal and that goal should be something more worthy than thwarting what the majority of voters decided they wanted earlier.

The GOP may also need to recalibrate their position on women's issues such as birth control and Planned Parenthood that are harming it among women and young voters. Women made up 53% of the vote and broke to Obama by a 10-point margin. Candidates with extreme positions on abortion cost the GOP some sure-win Senate seats. Scientifically ignorant and frankly reprehensible statements like Todd Akin's explanation of a females magic-shutdown of her reproductive system after suffering “legitimate rape” and Richard Mourdock's suggestion that "Rape Pregnancies Are God's Gifts" naturally cost them their races, but both were beaten by women and one of them was even a lesbian!

They miraculously still retain the House, but the GOP is licking it's wounds after their failure in the Senate and the presidential races, a failure to move with the times or move so imperceptibly slowly that it looks like they're not moving. I guess we should be thankful they seem to have by now accepted the idea that slavery is inherently wrong. Hopefully after they see the power of the Hispanic, black, female, homosexual and youth demographics in the most recent election they'll begin to understand that unless they evolve away from their archaic creationist, extremist and evangelical views, their grand old white-boys club has about as much chance of achieving national Reagan-like acceptance in 21st century society as the KKK does.

*All the cool stuff is in Area 52, but we naturally don't show politicians that.

Let history never forget the name, Enterprise!

Since the Cuban Missile Crisis there has always been one great lady at the forefront of or in support of the many conflicts of the United States - and her name is Enterprise. The eighth United States naval vessel to bear the name and nicknamed the "Big E" like her predecessor of World War II fame. At 1,123 ft. she is the longest naval vessel in the world. Her 93,284 long tons displacement ranks her as the 11th-heaviest supercarrier, after the 10 carriers of the Nimitz class. Enterprise has a crew of some 5,828 people including the air wing.

 

USS Enterprise (CVN-65) was originally scheduled for decommissioning in 2014 or 2015, depending on the life of her reactors and completion of her replacement, USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN-78). Alas the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2010 slated the ship's retirement for 2013, when she will have served for 51 consecutive years, longer than any other U.S. aircraft carrier.

On Sunday the only ship of her class returned home at Norfolk from her 25th deployment and for the last time under her own power, to a parade of thousands of family members and spectators. Enterprise commander Capt. William Hamilton, said that knowing "that it is the last time Enterprise will be underway through her own power makes our return very sentimental.”

Rear Adm. Ted Carter, commander of the Enterprise Carrier Strike Group said “This has not been a victory lap for Enterprise. This has been a full combat operation. It’s been a business as usual kind of deployment.” The world's first nuclear powered aircraft carrier's final voyage was a cruise of more than 80,000 miles in a 238-day deployment to the Persian Gulf where her aircraft flew more than 2,000 sorties in support of OEF in Afghanistan.

The USS Enterprise carrier has had a well known association with Star Trek. It's WWII era namesake appeared as a photograph on the original Starship Enterprise in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, while a gold model of the carrier was set in the wall of the NCC-1701-D's observation lounge. While the USS Ranger had to stand in for her during the filming of StarTrek IV: The Voyage Home, the Enterprise had many Star Trek fans on her crew who even appeared on Star Trek: Enterprise and the vessel even hosted conventions on board.

"We have found the nuclear wessel. And Admiral... it is the *Enterprise*"

The decommissioning of the Enterprise on December 1st will leave the Navy with 10 carriers until the scheduled commissioning of the Gerald R. Ford in 2015. A four year decommission process will begin over the next six months when her equipment to be off-loaded and then will be towed Newport News, Va., to defuel its nuclear reactors before heading to Washington state to be dismantled and have her metal sold for scrap. It is a tragedy that she can not be honoured in a better way.

Source: Military.com / Memory Alpha

Hail to the chief

“We are an American family and we rise and fall together as one nation and one people. We know in our hearts that in the United States of America the best is yet to come.”

U.S. Election Day 2012

Finally after a hopelessly long and relatively uneventful campaign, devoid of the entertainment of so many previous elections, President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney battle it out in polling stations across the United States of America today. The voting which begun first in the Eastern states will bring an end to a hard-fought race that began nearly two years ago and has cost more than $2bn. Both candidates are polling so close, it’s impossible to say who could have the upper hand despite the incumbent Obama holding a hair’s-breadth lead in the crucial swing-states.

The election is decided by a bizarrely confusing to many ‘electoral college’ system. Each state is given a quantity of electoral votes in “rough proportion” to the population. The candidate who attains 270 such votes by prevailing in the state becomes the nations president. Squadrons of elite election and constitutional lawyers have already descended to the critical battleground states, especially Ohio, anticipating the mire of a strong legal battle for the state’s vote not seen since Florida in 2000.

The candidates spent Monday frantically campaigning the crucial battleground states including Florida, Iowa, Ohio and Virginia, making final appeals for votes by pushing their supporters to the polls and  convincing the undecided to vote for them. Romney kept up his attack on Obama's record, reciting statistics illustrating the president’s failure to lift the US economy out of the worst downturn since the Great Depression. In turn the president appeared at rallies with celebrities Bruce Springsteen and  Jay-Z, acknowledging peoples frustration with the still-lagging economy but told voters "our work is not done yet… We've come too far to turn back now."

Dana Milbank, writing in the Washington Post, has spotted something "new and unusual about Mr Romney". "In the waning days of the campaign, Romney was uplifting, optimistic and inspirational." According to Sam Stein in the Huffington Post, Monday's late-night rally in Iowa emphasised how President Barack Obama's "business-like" second White House run lacked the "hope narrative" of the first. Jim Rutenberg and Jeff Zeleny in the New York Times said Obama's team believed it had rebuilt its coalition of support "just enough to win".

While the change/no change in the POTUS is far less significant than last week’s acquisition of Lucasfilm by Disney, I’ll still be providing a forward looking analysis of what either “staying the course” or “under new management” will mean for the world.

Best of luck to both candidates.

Source: BBC / Fox

Checking out the new digs

UNETIDA: Mexican Volcano UFO not carrying Magma-Men refugees

Mexican media company Televisa this week released footage of an apparent 1km long UFO falling into the mouth of Popocatepetl, an active volcano in Central Mexico, 80 miles from Mexico City. The video, apparently captured on Oct 25th has received much international coverage but has clearly been debunked by amateurs and experts alike.

UNETIDA issued support for this opinion that the video is a computer generated fake and there was no UFO incident. Teniente Coronel "Halcon" Sanchez, UNETIDA Air Operations Director for South America reported that there was no unscheduled aircraft [outside of the usual transponder-less aircraft from Colombia] in his region and no objects of that size which could have made planetfall.

Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA/UNPASID Colonel "Whopper" Creedon also specified that the UFO that was faked was not a spacecraft carrying a race of sentient Magma-Men refugees arriving to live in peace beneath the surface of the planet until humanity is extinct after which they will rise to the surface and develop the planet for themselves. "So don't go looking for them because they don't exist" he said.

Everything’s going to be alright

The Disney Corporation has had very few successful original ideas in the past 20 years. They fail epically when left to their own devices, but when dealing with the established franchises created by the likes of Pixar and Marvel, who both retain a measure of creative control, it’s obvious that great magic can be woven.

Case in point, The Avengers was languishing in limbo for years but it must be acknowledged that it was under Disney’s banner that Marvel were finally able to bring to fruition what everyone hoped The Avengers movie would be – one of the greatest movies in cinema history.

Star Wars may be in a completely different ballpark to anything Disney have dealt with before but that doesn’t mean they can’t handle it. Sure, many people know Buzz Lightyear and can probably name a Marvel superhero [if they're told Batman and Superman are not Marvel superheroes] but Star Wars is bigger than all that - it's arguably as big as Disney itself!

Every living being on the planet knows something about Star Wars. It is not just a lucrative franchise, it is an international phenomenon, a way of life, a religion, and yes - at it's core - a cash cow that will never run dry - it is an empire and one that it's creator and emperor has sought to house somewhere where he believes it will flourish before he relinguishes his crown. As he is infallible, we must abide by his decision.

Disney should put everything they have now into Star Wars [but leave some energy for Marvel sequels and new character-movies, we still want them too] and forget all of the shit they make with Nicholas Cage and any more Pirates of the Caribbean sequels etc. - no one wants to see more of them.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me during this crisis, I have drawn strength from your own positivity and I will bring you all further developments in this wondrous new chapter in the world's history as I have them.

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?

Didn't Disney already try to make Star Wars?

Yes they did, quite recently in fact! And look how that turned out!

  

ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!

Disney to aquire Lucasfilm

NOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!

Disney chief Robert Iger, left, and Star Wars creator George Lucas handle some paperwork.
Photo courtesy The Walt Disney Company

They can't make Episode VII.

This isn't real.

This isn't happening!

Marine stars rise as Army stars fall

President Obama has nominated Marine Gen. John Allen, commander of U.S. Forces and NATO International Security Assistance Forces in Afghanistan to succeed Navy Adm. Jim Stavridis as the next Supreme Allied Commander Europe and commander of U.S. European Command in the spring. “For more than a year, General Allen has served with distinction … seeing us through a critical period in our military efforts and in Afghanistan’s transition,” the president said in a statement. “I have personally relied on his counsel and am grateful for his devotion to our national security and to the safety of the men and women with whom he serves. Under General Allen’s command, we have made important progress towards our core goal of defeating al Qaida and ensuring they can never return to a sovereign Afghanistan. Working with our Afghan partners and international civilians, the forces under General Allen’s command have moved forward with a transition to Afghan Security Forces, who will take the lead for security across the country next year.”

General Allen [L], SecDef Panetta [C] and General Dunford [R]

The president also nominated a successor for Allen, the current Assistant Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Joseph Dunford. Defense Secretary Leon Panetta said Dunford “…is combat-tested. He believes in ISAF, and if confirmed, will be an extraordinary leader of it. … and will lead our forces through key milestones in our effort that will allow us to bring the war to a close responsibly as Afghanistan takes full responsibility for its security.” “Fighting Joe” Dunford led Regimental Combat Team 5 during the initial invasion of Iraq in 2003, I MEF at Pendleton and MARCENT before being elevated to the USMC’s #2 officer in 2010. While he has not served a combat tour in Afghanistan, he tracked combat operations while commanding MARCENT and is described by colleagues as intelligent, decisive and someone who can get the job done.

While Allen has been approved by NATO already, both his and Dunford’s nominations must be confirmed by the Senate to take effect. Lieutenant Generals John Paxton, George Flynn and Robert Schmidle are rumoured to be in the running to succeed General Dunford.

In contrast there is less fortunate news reported for some U.S. Army generals this month; General William “Kip” Ward former head of U.S. Africa Command is accused of spending tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars on lavish travel and other expenses according to an Inspector General’s report. The report found that Ward used military vehicles to shuttle his wife on shopping trips and to a spa and billed the government for a refuelling stop overnight in Bermuda, where the couple stayed in a $750 suite. The report detailed lengthy stays at lavish hotels for the 4-Star, his wife and his staff members, and the use of five-vehicle motorcades when he travelled to Washington. It also said Ward and his wife accepted dinner and Broadway show tickets from a government contractor during a trip during which he went backstage to meet actor Denzel Washington. The couple and several staff members also spent two nights at the Waldorf Astoria hotel. Officials have argued that the allegations made against Ward in report were very serious and that senior officers need to be held accountable. Panetta's options regarding Ward are limited however, he can only demote Ward and force him to retire as a three-star lieutenant general costing Ward nearly $30,000 a year in retirement pay.

General Ward [L] and Brigadider General Sinclair [R]

Elsewhere, Army Brigadier General Jeffrey Sinclair, former 82nd Airborne Division's deputy commanding general for support in southern Afghanistan, stands accused of forcible sodomy, wrongful sexual conduct, attempted violation of an order, wrongfully engaging in inappropriate relationships, misusing a government travel charge card, violating general orders by possessing alcohol and pornography while deployed, mistreating subordinates, filing fraudulent claims, engaging in conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman, and engaging in conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline. Under military law, he may be able to ask the secretary of the Army for permission to retire rather than face possible court-martial. “Often, leadership elects to punish an officer outside of a court-martial,” said Lt.Col. Victor Hansen, a retired JAG lawyer said, “but the announcement of the charges against Sinclair shows investigators are taking this case seriously.”

Sources: Stars & Stripes / Military.com / Defense.gov

Looper is loopy

In the 19th century a Danish bloke called Hans Christian Andersen wrote a story about a vain Emperor who hires two weavers that promise him the finest suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is hopelessly stupid. The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position. When the swindlers 'finish' the suit, they mime dressing him and the Emperor marches in procession before his subjects, who play along with the pretense, until a child in the crowd, too young to understand, cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"

Coming out of the movie I felt a bit like the child pointing at the Emperor, not because I'm too young to understand but because I understand all too clearly that this was nonsense. Heading into the long hyped Looper there's a gigantic poster in the cinema with 5-Star 'outstanding' ratings from UK film magazines Total Film and Empire with the former saying that it's "The best sci-fi movie since Moon. The best time-travel yarn since 12 Monkeys. And one of the best films of 2012." Another quote was "This decade's The Matrix." No, Looper is the most ridiculously over-hyped over-rated movie since Avatar [and lacks the astounding spectacle of revolutionary 3D presentation that makes that movie worth it]. It's as big a let down as Prometheus which promised us so much but delivered so little. Total Film had it slightly wrong with that last one - it isn't this decade's The Matrix [that was Inception], Looper is more like this decade's The Matrix: Revolutions.

In Looper, Joeseph Gordon-Levitt plays Joe, a "Looper" a hitman in Kansas in 2044. He's not a great hitman, all he really has to do is shoot blindfolded individuals who are sent back by the mob from 30 years into the future because they can't dispose of bodies then. It's inevitable that one day you will eventually "close your loop" by executing yourself. One day Joe from the future [Bruce Willis] is sent back, young Joe recognises him and hesitates to shoot so old Joe escapes. Young Joe must give chase because the only way for him to be free to live his life is to kill old Joe. Trust me - this is the part of the movie that actually makes sense and is the part I enjoyed. Both Gordon-Levitt and Willis give wonderful performances, especially Gordon-Levitt's movie-long imitation of Willis' mannerisms which must have been difficult to maintain. In fairness however, we could have done without his distracting make up - if we can believe River Phoenix is young Indy in The Last Crusade then imitation is good enough for an audience.

The rest of the cast are extraordinarily well judged. Jeff The Newsroom Daniels, Piper Covert Affairs Perabo and Tracey Death Proof Thomas also star. Sara [Emily The Adjustment Bureau Blunt] is a farmer taking care of her special telekinetic little boy Cid (although it would be better if he was called Damien). It's actually this extraordinary youngfella Pierce Gagnon who surely can't be 10 years old who steals the show and provides some levity in contrast to his purpose in the movie. Movie patrons blessed with memory however will recognise Garret Dillahunt channelling his Chromartie role from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles as a mob enforcer.

As an action movie is comes across quite well, the chase scenes and stunt work were excellent and the special effects were pretty good for a movie that was made with a paltry [in Hollywood terms] $30m. The design elements of this movie made it feel like some sort of social commentary on the world today. Writer/director Rian Johnson obviously ascribes to the social/economic collapse of the west idea but perhaps it's a design choice that both fits his vision as well as the limitations of his budget. It explains why weapon designs are pretty much 2012's [unlike the daftness of using modern weapons in Total Recall] and why people are driving about in modern vehicles with solar panels. The most bizarre and intriguing notion is reference to The Vagrant Wars which suggest that at some point between now an 2044, hordes of armed vagrants will assist, or perhaps are a result of the economic collapse. Nevertheless, I'm certain it won't keep people awake at night in the same way Star Wars fans speculated on The Clone Wars between 1977 and 2002.

Okay, so what's really wrong with this whole movie and why is it not so great as the misguided critics are shouting from the rooftops? Well it's really the use of science and science-fiction in this movie is what lets it down big time. Basically the concept is sound, tried and tested for years but the execution here is so ludicrous and it blatantly contradicts itself so much and asks so many unanswerable questions that it makes Brannon Braga's most insane Star Trek plots seem perfectly plausible by comparison. I'm not saying that every other example of time-tavel paradox science-fiction is flawless, some if it is far from it, but seriously there was stuff which is created here for the purposes of the story [which is fine] that were blatantly contradicted during the movie [excessively lazy writing].

Sadly I don't think I can cohesively convey all the issues I had with these elements of Looper which 'control' the whole story without spoiling the whole thing which I will not do so I will discuss it in the comments if you so wish - so don't read the comments until you've seen it. Let's lets just say for now that during the course of this grand spectacle of cinema - nothing actually happens. The biggest let down is the ending - I'd honestly have an easier job of being an apologist for the ending of the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons movie or even the ending of the Mass Effect 3 video game this year than I would for this woeful, pointless climax.

Final Verdict: Not without excitement and great performances but devoid of a cohesive plot and contradicts every idea it sets up. The sad truth is that this movie does so much wrong it's distracting from what's right. I regret to tell you that you're better off with the Terminator movies or fuck it even Timecop is better time-travel sci-fi than this.

Colonel Creedon rating:  **1/2