Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Black Sheep: Baaaaah!

Rarely does one find a foreign film with such grace and soul, that will define a genre of drama and deliver a depth of human characterisation not seen since the days of... Aw fuckin' hell you've already seen this big picture of a rabid Zombie-sheep ripping the throat of a Nip and you know I'm taking complete piss.

This New Zealand Horror-Comedy is not only filled with Sheep-love and Sheep-farting gags but also carnivorous rabid zombie-sheep.

The only thing that would have made it better was if the military were called in to quell the sheep uprising, oh and if the sheep could fly that'd have been cool too.

What more is there to say: "Baaaah!"

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***1/2


Bruce Russell said...

Cooler still: if the sheep shot RPGs out their bungs.

I can't believe you refer to the Japanese fellow in the picture as a 'nip.' Did you know there is a popular line of cheese crackers in the states called 'Nips.' Cracks me up every time I see them in the store.

Anonymous said...

@ Bruce: Do they have Japaneese-style packaging? LOL. Maybe the Colonel could launch his own Crackers with flavours named after his more popular racial slurs.

Spiks (Spanish Salsa)
Frogs (Garlic & Onion)
Wogs (Some sort of Curry?) etc.

Great movie by the way.

Bruce Russell said...

I was going to link to a picture, but must report with some disappointment that Nabisco has clarifed the product name. Now they are called 'CHEESE NIPS.' In many ways, this is probably more offensive.

Anonymous said...

Lt.ColTypically, Geekdom has been given a real treat here and you the lousy bum that you are, (don't you dare deny it!) want more!, if only they could fly or shoot gangsta' style out their asses.

For George Lucas's sake, We've got rabid, killer, fricking, zombie sheep here!, Show some enthusiasm!

Bruce, what you've got to realize about the Lt.Col is that he's not against any particular ethnic group, race, color or creed. He believes wholeheartedly in equality. In that, he hates everyone equally.

Those of us who knew him before the marines, remember him as a sweet natured child, with a fondness for pod racing and a pretty high midi- chlorian count, as I recall. Anyway I digress, apparently he fell into a vat of acid/pool of lava during his marine training that both soured him against the world and left him hideously disfigured, more machine than man, twisted and evil,

Constance said...

Did you see this Time article about Marines using silly string to detect trip wires? http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1561143,00.html

Lieutenant General Creedon said...

@ Grunt: I think you're highlighting my race-hatred a bit too much. I don't call folk from Spain- Spiks, only the multitude of constantly- yapping language students that descend in droves upon our nation every summer. But the rest of them are alright... ...mostly.

I guess I overuse Wog and sometimes I use it instead of Raghead, which I shouldn't.

But I guess I really do hate the French. I hope they hat me do, or else I'd feel bad.

Or maybe not... I'll move on...

@ Bruce: Godammit. If you had kept your mouth shut we'd have all had a good laugh at the picture. But no, you had to go drawing attention to the product by talking about it here, one of the most trafficked blogs on the net, thus drawing international attention and forcing Nabisco change the product name within 24 hours!!!!

@ Civvy: This from the man who complained not 12 months ago about me bein' enthusiastic about EVERY movie I reviewed and gave them all 5 stars!!! You fickle people are never satisfied.

@ Constance: I did actually, I don't think it was on Time though but in a Marine Corps publication. I recall a Christmas party last year, chewing out a girl for wasting the silly string on someones hair! I demonstrated its value using a thread on the doorframe. Hmmm, strange... I didn't score at that particular party...

Anonymous said...

Silly string! Now that's cool and most effective. Far better than the the Colonel's previous method of disabling a booby-trap. The bastard would convince a small child to walk about every room of a suspect building in search of "hidden candy" as he sat outside in the Sun smoking a fat Havana.

Bruce Russell said...

Better how?

Constance said...

If I'd been to some actual parties I wouldn't just be finding out about it now. Seems there is a bit more press about it lately as the mom who collected 80,000 cans finally found a way to ship it to Iraq.

I didn't understand why they couldn't send it with actual military transport, so I called a friend who's got a good pal who does supply transport to see if he could explain it and ended up with a 15 minute lecture about the intimate details of supply transport storage capacity, load balancing, troop vs. supply space, blah blah blah.

And how could you not have seen the Time article if I posted the damn url?

I read some Australian website that used the word wog and I interpreted it to mean Greek or Italian... but I got that wrong, I guess? Or not? Can you please splain it?

Don't worry about the party. You were there with Irish girls. Come to parties in America. All you need is the accent. We love you guys. Didn't you see that episode of Scrubs?

Lieutenant General Creedon said...

@ Master Guns: That's an outright bare-faced lie Master Gunnery Sergeant!!! How dare you slander my name like that! You know damn well US Service personnel are forbidden to smoke Cuban Cigars... ...the ones I smoked back then were Spanish.

@ Bruce: Excellent question. Hmmm I may have use for you....

@ Constance: You only got a 15 minute lecture? Count yourself lucky. I know people that have never been the same after getting an "explanation" from someone in logistics or the Supply Corps. Don't do something so foolish again. I'd hate to loose you.

I did look at the Time article you linked to, but I remembered reading about the silly string last year on the USMC website - that's what I meant. I'm glad that lady got the stuff shipped off, she'll save lives.

Actually the Aussies were correct from their point of view at it means different races to different people. I think the trusty Urban Dictionary can help us out.

Bruce Russell said...

An illustrative quote:

"The wogs begin at Calais."
-George Wigg, Labour MP for Dudley, 1945


Constance said...

Excellent. That clears that up. I had been using that peevish.co.uk slang dictionary, which got me through many episodes of Red Dwarf but was useless for "wog". Now I'm reading a book that was written in England. I'm only 23 pages in and I've had to look up 3 things. So what is orange squash and why do you have to make it?

Anonymous said...

Constance, To make Orange Squash, you will need 3 ginger mingers and something very heavy to drop on them.

Constance said...

Thank you! I'm so grateful that one of you charming gentlemen took the time to answer my question. How wonderful that I can count on you fellows to expand my knowledge of all things "over therey" and further international friendships.

Anonymous said...

Constance, Charming Gentlemen?, I think you missed the point of this site. ;) Let me explain, it all comes down to our military strategy, The Irish do not invade, we do not conquer using conventional means. What we do is send our best looking sons and daughters out into the world, far and wide, to intermarry with the natives. Once everyone has an Irish Grandparent, our conquest shall be complete. Don't laugh, the UK has already fallen!, ;) thats why any Irish guy you meet over there will be a good looking, witty, charming uberman, however the ones that are left,(I'm one of them) are the absolute dregs, unfit for the very seductive invasion force. So we're definitely not Charming Gents!

P.S. You never asked what Ginger Mingers are.

Bruce Russell said...

It's like the pod-people from the body-snatchers, only with a much higher BAC, and scads of lingering Catholic guilt.

'You can only imagine the power of the Harp-side.' -Darth Tater (The Irish Sith Lord)

Anonymous said...

Bruce It's a little known fact that the greatest Sith Lord ever was Irish, Emperor Palpatine.

Anonymous said...

Or "Paddy the Emperor" as we called him down the local, Good friend of the Lt.Col's as I recall.

Constance said...

Aha! So now I know how you wash out of the Irish Special Seduction Invasion Forces! Throw around pervy nicknames without regard to what color roof a person may have lived under all her life!

And don't you plead innocent with me, "Civilian Overseer!" I know you saw my blog!

Oh my God, I'm going to totally have to rethink taking that trip to Ireland. It's like an anthropology experiment in here as it is. and I'm Diane Fossey. I don't want to be Fossey! I don't want to be the gorilla either!

And it could have been pretty fun to all watch a movie together, like Ciaran and Mark were saying, but with you guys it would be all porn and guns and blood and why is it that guys watch porn all together anyway? Why is that a group activity?

No, no. Don't answer that.

I saw one of your special forces troops as I was leaving work today and I asked him what that orange stuff was and he said he didn't know and why the hell would any Irishman be drinking such a thing? Then he yelled at me because he was talking so much that his tea was getting cold. But I don't think that he was referring to tea in his earlier statement.

I can only imagine what you guys get up to down the pub. I think I have a headache now.

Civvy, That Emperor Palpatine thing was pretty funny.

Bruce, let me know when the HP book burnings start happening.

Ciaran, you are still adorable.

Okay. Good talk.

Bruce Russell said...

OK, so we've let the cat out of the bag about about 'Operation: Green Genes,' but whatever you do, don't tell them the truth about 'Phase II,' especially the true purpose of Lucky Charms and Irish Spring.

And never forget that Ireland will always be the richest country in the world, since the capital is always Dublin. Heh. Heh.

Anonymous said...

Bruce, it appears that you know too much already, expect an elite team of Irish Dancers to kick down your door and take you away.

Constance, Yes, I checked out your blog, hence the name Overseer!, ;) You came between an Irish guy and his cup of tea? and lived to tell the tale!, Impressive!

Ginger Mingers are Satan's love children, AKA, Red Heads, you don't have red hair do you?

Constance said...

Oh good lord bruce, are you saying that you are a special forces troop? And that you have married among us, complete with cute little dressed up puppy dog, thereby cementing your foothold?

Constance said...

um, civvy, did you not read the first paragraph of my last post????

Anonymous said...


Sigh, The Lt.Col is not going to like this, a commie posting on his blog!, I was giving you a chance to save yourself!, now it's too late.

Remain where you are, there is no need to panic, those Irish Riverdance Stormtroopers kicking down your door are here for your protection.

Bruce Russell said...

C.O., call off your goons forthwith! Now it can be told: I AM in fact part of the 'Silent Invasion,' an Irish-American with a Scottish/English/American/'who cares?'-sounding name that allows me to pass among the ranks of the 'man.' 'Traditional' Irish step-dancing is actually a fiendish code devised by our command to pass information to our agents the world over. To my fellow deep cover operatives: make sure you keep your eyes peeled to Michael Flately's latest gyrations for details concerning 'Operation: Wintery Micks.'

In other news, we've decided the revolution WILL be televised after all, but are still negotiating with such outlets as SKY and DirecTV for appropriate licensing fees. Stay strong, brothers and sisters. Courage.

Bruce Russell said...

And Constance may be a commie, but she's OUR commie, by crackie!

Anonymous said...

Better Red or dead?, eh, Bruce

Constance said...

civvy, it's worse than being the love child of Satan. I'm one of the colonel's favorite racial epithets as well.

Bruce, you never thanked Civilian Overseer for calling you "a good looking, witty, charming uberman."

Now when are one of you going to bring me a cup of tea? I've made thousands of cups for my own self and it's never as good as how you Irish boys fix it.

Lieutenant General Creedon said...

I honestly don't mind threads taking on a life of their own, so long as comments don't generate "evidence" that can be used to court martial me like they did last year.

Sometimes it's interesting to see without interfering where people will take a discussion. My conclusion is that you'll all run amok if left unchecked. This is irrefutable evidence that people need a firm hand and a strong leader, this freedom nonsense is more dangerous than anyone realises.

I will allow this to continue, but I do have one question, directed as Constance: Where in the name of the good Lucas did you get the idea that other than the most insane Bachelor parties or perhaps group of 12-15 year olds who find one of their dad's stash, that males watch Pornography as a group activity? It's not done in this part of the world I assure you.

Bruce Russell said...

Constance, I have to be careful with 'Civvy' so as not to 'lead him on,'' "give him the wrong idea," or "make him think I'm a 'fan of Streisand.'"

Constance said...

Oh dear. It's the Hello Kitty guitar incident all over again.

Before I crawl back out of the web to cry to my dog and play my banjo, never to be heard from again, I'll answer your question:

From an Italian guy who threw a lot of bachelor parties. Those dudes watched a ton of porn together, even outside the parties. They also went to strip clubs together, another thing I never understood.

Bruce Russell said...

Of course you know that the Irish and the Italians are mortal enemies. Think Superman and Lex Luthor, or Hillary Clinton and reason.

Any of you Italians have any thoughts on the matter? C'mon, I know you're ou there. I can hear you being greasy.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're going to get any luck there Bruce. Perhaps they're all together watching porn as opposed to being on the web. I don't get it either, it must be cultural thing. I thought it was the Japanese were the deviants.

Constance, don't worry about being a commie, or even if you're French or something. Your red-headedness will save you from the Colonel's final purge, trust me.

Does all this mean the movie isn't that good or just the usual "Whoppers Bunker" sidetrack?

Anonymous said...

Indeed. Redheads are the Colonel's only weakness. If there was such thing as an Iranian or North Korean redhead, she'd already have every piece of classified intel from the west...

Anonymous said...

Damn it, you guys are giving the game away, Redheads are indeed the Lt.Col's kryptonite!

Constance, if you do indeed possess the Ginger gene, then the invasion plan is ahead of schedule and the advanced forces of our campaign have successfully swepted through your area a few generations ago!, speaking as a carrier of the Ginger Gene and a proud owner of a marmalade colored beard, welcome to the family.

As for giving me the wrong idea of Bruce, I try and see the best in people, whether they are fruity or not.

I was in Florence recently, (the city not the girl) every second shop is a lingerie shop, so the Daigos are doing too badly for them selves regardless of the amount of group porn viewing. ;)

Constance, I notice that the subject of group porn viewing was never raised on this blog before you put the limelight on it. Which speaks volumes more about you than any of my esteemed colleagues!

Constance said...

On the porn thing: Are you kidding me? Have you seen what she's wearing in Resident Evil? Tomb Raider? Underworld? Is it really that far a leap from one to the other? Did you not hear your beloved leader's reaction at just the idea of Beckinsale as Cat Woman? I thought that he was going to burn to a fiery crisp right then and there!

Now Mr. Overseer, on the redheaded thing: What a horrendous term is ginger minger! I didn't ask you what it was because I knew exactly what you were saying. I'll forgive you for its use now that you have admitted that you yourself are in the red. The absolute last question I ever want to hear is "do the curtains match the drapes?" But my recent experiences (too bizarre to recount, but I'm not talking about you) lead me to believe that male redheads don't find it at all inappropriate and will in fact volunteer the information. Say, at a party for example. Just as casual conversation while they're waiting to get a beer...

I actually googled red hair and astonishingly came up with a wikipedia entry that I'm not sure I should believe:

"In modern-day UK and Ireland, despite being the places with the highest populations of redheads, the word "ginger" is derogatorily used to describe red headed people, with terms such as "gingerphobia" (fear of redheads) or "gingerism" (prejudice against redheads) used by the media."

Later in the article they mentioned that people were victims of red hair hate crimes. Really? Is this true? Should I believe it?

And lastly, finally, the vast majority of men I have met who were redhead enthusiasts were the sharpest, friendliest, most charming, interesting men I have ever met.

oh, and I finally learned what the heck orange squash is.

Lieutenant General Creedon said...

Beckinsale as Cat Woman! Whuhuhuhuhuuhuhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuu!

Anonymous said...

Constance I agree that our definition of "Ginger" is probably very similar, however I fear that we may have a difference in terminology when it comes to the word, "Minger"

In the Queen's English, the kind spoken this side of the pond, a "Minger" is defined as an unattractive person; a smelly or ugly person

Hence a Ginger Minger is an impossible creature, such as a Unicorn, Leprecaun or a Gay Republican Presidental Candidate, you and I and the Lt.Col, all know that carriers of Ginger Gene are exceptionally lookers.

Yes, Ginger Hate crimes do occur, this attack took place in Dublin recently, a kid cycling by a bus stop, spotted a Ginger Student and called out, "Hey Mister, Do you read?",

The Ginger Student replied, "Yes, Yes I do"

To which the kid replied "Have you read Pubes?" before cycling off laughing uproariously.

To give the Ginger Student credit he laughed his ass off as well

But you're right, these horrible hate crimes have to stop, who knows where it could end?

Lt.Col Beckinsdale as Catwoman?, Hmmm?, No sorry, can't see it. in my book, Selene Kyle would have to be played by a more well rounded actress. ;)

Jen lleras said...

I laughed so hard at that movie, totally worth watching and even renting again, I gave it a 4/5 stars.

/That sparkles with me