Sunday, July 24, 2011

"Alien" Monkey is false alarm

A UNETIDA Special Operations and Containment team was dispatched to the village of Gezhai in Henan Province, China last Thursday. They were responding to frantic telecommunications chatter concerning the appearance of an Unidentified Xenobiological Entity, but it turned out to be just a malnourished monkey.

"At first I thought it was a rabbit, then I was shocked to see it had an alien face," said Ms Mao Xiping who was so disturbed, she had called the police to come and arrest it.

The starving animal had no hair and it's skeletal frame was visible from malnourishment. It began gorging on Ms Mao's cucumbers but will now only eat peaches. A team of scientists are now caring for and examining the skinny creature to see what species it is and where it came from.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon appeared on TV to put the Chinese people at ease and thanked them for taking the animal into care as opposed to eating it.

Source: Eamo / SkyNews


Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, you put the Chinese at ease?, did you just commitment genocide on one sixth of the human race, becasue We've talked about this before young man!

Anonymous said...

"It began gorging on Ms Mao's cucumbers but will now only eat peaches."

Better than Ms Mao gorging the emapciated ape's "cucumber" and the monkey feasting on her "peaches" .....that's where Aids came from you know..

Anonymous said...

I heard that the monkey was a bold monkey so Ms Mao had to spank her monkey.....I also heard that he liked playing with his banana.

If I hear any more mastabatorially related monkey news I'll make sure to keep you informed.