Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Pope Is A Man Of iPod (so is The Colonel)

The Ex-Nazi Pope Benedict XVI has an iPod. He got one as gift by staff at Vatican Radio. Officials have loaded it with his favourite tracks, mostly religious music, plus pieces by Beethoven, Mozart and Chopin. The pontiff has even been spotted around the Vatican using his iPod and distinctive white earphones. "He is very pleased with the iPod," a spokesman said. "The Holy Father likes to unwind listening to it and is of the opinion that this sort of technology is the future."

Some of the other well known iPod users include the Queen, President Bush, Tony Blair and Colonel Creedon himself. Colonel Creedon has this to say about the iPod:

Everyone should have an iPod. Well that statement may not be accurate, let's say instead that "everyone should have an MP3 player", or at least everyone who listens to music regularly. Bottom line is if you don't have an iPod (in any of its incarnations) or a Zen or some portable device in this day and age- than I have news for you- you're nobody.

I think it should be made law that people are forced to get MP3 players and people who don't want them should be dragged out like dogs onto the street and shot. I personally don't understand how some people can live without them- they're quite happy swapping these giant 4.5 inch discs called CD's in and out of their Sony CD players. How archaic and so 20th century of them. Its backward Neanderthals like these that cling to ancient technology that's holding the human race back from conquering the stars. Christ! They make me puke.

23 comments:

Former Grunt said...

I have a memory stick that you can plug headphones into and listen to MP3s. Does that count? I don't want to be nobody :(

Steve Jobs said...

from the apple corporation

Dear Colonel Creedon , we appreciate your suggestion for an advertising campaign however there was really no need for a publicity photo and to be quite honest your marketing pitch "IPOD BUY ONE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU !" we feel is a bit strong.
we look forward to hearing from you in the future
The Apple Corporation
"pure evil in a bland box"

sith apologist said...

Its a good thing the Colonel won't ever meet the 1997 version of himself that managed to travel forward in time to 2007; he'd have to execute himself for carrrying copious quantities of CD's to work in his jacket pocket :)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Former Grunt: Yes that qualifies lad. Stand up and be counted as "someone".

@ Steve Jobs: I have a video planned where I use the white headphones as a garrotte. And Mark is helping me with a project that will use the fans from his Power Mac G5 to fly a small aircraft. It'll be shit-cool man.

@ Sith: Which you used to borrow every day LOL. Yes indeed,we look back on the 20th century and marvel at how far we've come in only 7 years.

sith apologist said...

But I avoided time-travel issues like that precisely so I wouldn't have to kill my past self, what with the ensuing complications.

Larry Ludite said...

Mp wha ??? I'm only getting my head around tape recording machines. The quality is fantasic compared to my old record player. Jimmy down the street still listens and auld gramma phone his nan lent him, what a complete square. I take my "tape recorder", or TR as I like to call it, every where I go, I get a few jealous looks sure enough but heck, my mam says I'm the coolest kid at school!!

Anyway I have to go now, I'm off down the roller disco cause I'm wired for sound, yeah!!!

Daniel said...

Colonel. Love your site and regularly visit it. I feel I must point out to you though a problem with your most recent published photograph featuring you and the iPod. I'm surprised at the error an experienced operator such as yourself made during the photograph.
I won't embarass you by telling everyone what it is.

sith apologist said...

Should we just say "rotate 90 degrees" lol

vaughan said...

no, no the colonel would never make such an obvious mistake , that is also the international distress signal when your ship has been taken by pirates so the only conclusion is .....The colonel is being held against his will by a group of 18th century bucaneers!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

The flag is fine; it's allowed to hang like that as a banner. It's the fact my finger is on the trigger. This should not be done unless I intend to discharge the weapon, otherwise my finger should remain outside the trigger guard.
Thank you Daniel for reminding us all of the care we must take in handling weapons, I must realise myself that as a role-model I have to handle weapons even more responsibly.

sith apologist said...

Just like you 'carefully' handled the 'magnificent handgun' in the now infamous shooting Captain Vaughan incident?
Looks to me like the finger on the trigger is implied by only 3 being visible (the pic is somewhat dark).
I think vaughan is onto something, do the buccaneers not alow you to speak freely, Colonel?

dirty dick said...

Does "not having your finger on the trigger unless you intend to discharge your weapon" have implications for your numerous toilet visits throughout the day? I was wondering where that new special soap came from

Former Grunt said...

It's terrible that the Colonel would make such an error. This a blow from which we may naver recover.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Sith: Will you stop bringing that up dammit! It was an accident and I apologised. Now drop it.

@ Dick: No but that soap was laced with a neurotoxin that is now in your bloodstream. You have 18 hours to live.

@ Former Grunt: The only blow from which you'll never recover from with be the one where the stock of that M4 meets your skull. Get over it and stop stirring shit.

What's the matter with you people? It's true when they say people crave news about celebrities screwing up!

Daniel said...

Yes it was the finger on the trigger. To be honest I was expecting you to say "I always keep my finger on the trigger, it's how I live" or some other such nonsense. But you've impressed me with the grace that you've accepted your error and subjected yourself to the judgement of people here. My faith in you and perhaps in the loyalty and integrity of the entire Corps has been reaffirmed.

Master Guns said...

Now you all se what he really is. This blatant disregard for gun-safety is exactly the kind of recklessness that has gotten so many of his men killed over the years. Then he leaves them behind.

sith apologist said...

good to see the Colonel didn't have you silenced, master guns!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Daniel: Yes indeed, it's necessary for someone in my position, with so many followers now, to teach right from wrong, demonstrate integrity and if necessary humility.

@ Master Guns: You have no idea the pain that that causes me every day. I have to live with the choices I make man! The names and faces of those men are etched in my mind for eternity, as are their final screams, there's no escape.

@ Sith: "Plenty of time before the sun goes nova."*

*This is now an official trademarked Colonel Creedon phrase.

Master Guns said...

"right from wrong, demonstrate integrity and if necessary humility", is this some sort of sick joke? The meaning of these words are lost on you Colonel. I'm sure Emma would agree wouldn't she?

sith apologist said...

Who is this Emma you speak of? Please, fill us in?

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Damn you Taylor! Leave her out of your vendetta! If you want to get at me- then you go ahead, I left you behind- take it out on me but she has nothing to do with it.

Master Guns said...

I'll agree to this Colonel, only because she's suffered enough now after what you put her through.

sith apologist said...

So, any visitors here brave enough to admit not having an mp3 player? (besides larry, obviously)