Friday, February 03, 2006

My stuff is gone? That's not hot!

I didn't get a chance to post about Paris' most recent gaffes where during a lawsuit deposition she said she spent the summer in Europe and didn't read about an article referred to in the deposition because everything in Europe is in French, she described "Douglas" as being a weird Greek name, her own lawyer had to point out that London was in fact in the United Kingdom and she revealed to the court that the plaintiff was old, unattractive and shouldn't be in nightclubs. I know, bless her.

I love Paris Hilton. She is the living embodiment of the phrase "Dumb Blonde". You could take her home, shag her, and not feel bad about never seeing her again- even other women wouldn't hold it against you because even they would understand that you couldn't possibly put up with someone as monumentally dense as poor Paris short or long-term.

Today however the media is on her side for once albeit a bit tongue-in-cheek. Now most people would notice if a sizable number of their belongings went missing. I'm talking about things like clothing, furniture, computers, personal journals, photos and videotapes now. Not so in Paris Hilton's case, no, she heard about it from the National Enquirer.

Word of an alleged theft reached Paris after the National Enquirer contacted her rep, Elliot Mintz that the magazine had been contacted by two individuals looking to sell items belonging to the socialite, which they claimed to have purchased at auction. Hilton's legal team has reportedly been in contact with attorneys for the individuals who originally contacted the Enquirer and has threatened to file a formal complaint with the Los Angeles Police Department if the items are not returned.

Meanwhile, Mintz had strong words for anyone even considering plunking down cash in order to acquire his client's possessions. "We wish to make it perfectly clear to anyone who elects to purchase or publish any of Paris Hilton's personal papers, photos, or tapes or any other personal possessions that we will prosecute them to the highest extent of the law," Mintz stated.

The last time legal action was threatened by Hilton to anyone was the time before her sex-tape came to light, and we all know how that worked out.

13 comments:

sith apologist said...

Hope her 'other' sex tape doesn't make it out into the public domain :-\

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

No, worse, apparently even since I published this article just a few hours ago that the inventory includes her "Sex-Diaries" and photographs of her in various stages of undress.

Ricky Gervais said...

Now come on Colonel, you have only put a Paris Hilton article on your web page just so you get more hits from perv's googling for photo's of Paris with her baps out.
I like your style!

Sith Apologist said...

lol.
Let it never be said that the populist Colonel engages in rabble-rousing :-)

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Funnilly enough! Out of the 3 or 4 articles concerning Paris I've published so far, none of them have been hit because of her name. This is one situation where "The Colonel's Eagle" is on the bottom of the hitlist :(

sith apologist said...

Maybe you need to use keywords like "naked" "horny" "breasts" "hot sex" in order to improve your chances.
But the question, dear readers, is would the good Colonel stoop so low?

Former Grunt said...

Hopefully. How about it Colonel? Nakedness, horniness, tits and hot sex from now on around here.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

"Be careful what you wish for- you may get it!"
Lt.Cmdr.Uhuru Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

sith apologist said...

Why do you think I suggested the keywords I did???

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I seem to recall you saying to me last October: "if you EVER try to release something like this, I'll kill you myself!". In reference to my Tom Sizmore style sex-video.

(That last statement is not to be percieved as an affirmation that I do indeed have an unreleased sex-video filmed in Okinawa in 1994)

sith apologist said...

I said that in relation to Tom Sizemore's porn DVD - and how if you released one featuring the sexual adventures of Colonel Creedon I would srike you down.
There is of course the possibility that Paris features on this, but when I referred to her 'other video' I was referring to the action on my webcam.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

"I was referring to the action on my webcam."

I doubt even Cubaboy could bring himself to think of what sick filth this 'action' could entail?

sith apologist said...

Well, let me assure you, I don't think the world is yet ready for it!