Don't trust your eyes!

This has nothing to do with the Stargate franchise, it's an demo-reel for Stargate Studios Virtual Backlot which seem to offer some impressive VFX and compositing for TV shows.

It just goes to show how cheap these effects have become in comparison to setting up a location shoot.

Source: The Whitehouse

What's on TV? Part 2: More New Shows

Apologies for the delay since Part 1, I will now continue this series...

Human Target [Fox]

Human Target, an adaptation of the DC comic book is certainly superior and more believable than it’s somewhat fantastical and idiotic short-lived ABC predecessor. Mark Valley who portrayed Anna Torv’s on-screen partner in the Fringe pilot was retained by Fox for something a bit more in line with his talents than J.J.’s cerebral sci-fi show. Valley now plays Christopher Chance, a bodyguard for hire with a mysterious past and it seems it’s there that the similarity between the new show and it’s predecessor ends - thankfully.

Gone are the daft Mission: Impossible type masks meaning a different actor would not be replacing Valley for half the episode as originally done with Rick Springfield. Fox opted instead for a more practical “bodyguard” who will literally draw out the assailant putting himself in the line of fire. It's a far more realistic premise then the comic book maintains where Chance actually replaces his subject in his life; acting like and looking like him in an effort to reveal his assassin. The deficiencies of that nonsense in a world now where women are just as likely to be an assassin’s target would have been awkward in the pilot episode. Chance’s first case was to protect a super-railway engineer played by Tricia Helfer [Sweet Lucas! Is that woman improving with age?] – if it was still an ABC show, we’d have had lantern-jawed Valley dressing up as a woman and attempting to be Helfer – or Helfer in a man-suit or some inane CGI solution (I shudder to think!) – thankfully Fox eschew cross-dressing deviants.

Christopher Chance is supported each week by Winston, a retired cop, Chance's mentor and boss played by Boston Public’s Chi McBride and their extremely shady and well connected tech dude Gurrera, excellently played by Watchmen’s Jackie Earle Haley. Early episodes are mixed but overall a promising start to a new Human Target - without a stealth bomber-office!

US - Fox, Wednesdays 20:00/19:00c

****

Spartacus: Blood and Sand [Starz]

Spartacus: Blood and Sand tries hard to be as good as a HBO show with full frontal nudity and lashings of blood but the Starz series comes off more as a poor bastard son of a night of dirty sex between Gladiator and 300. There’s enough swordplay, blood, death and dismemberment here though to retain my attention for a while at least as I so rarely get the opportunity to yell “OOoooooooh yeaaaaahh heh heh hehhhh!” at the TV as I would often do in the cinema.

Starring Andy Whitfield, John Hannah and Lucy Lawless as Lucretia

US - Starz, Friday 22:00 Eastern

**1/2

Caprica [Syfy]

Caprica has begun to air its regular episodes after the pilot has been doing the Hulu and DVD rounds since April 2009. I’ll be perfectly honest, Battlestar Galactica is so good it’s on the shortlist for “The Whopper Awards of the Decade” for the best series of the past 10 years, even despite some of the esoteric religious angel nonsense towards the latter season. But one of the strengths of that series was the incredible opening, a mini-series of epic proportions which charted the downfall of human civilisation on 12 planets and scattered them out into space in the wake of nuclear explosions galore. There’s zero of that here, we do have an extraordinarily acted tale concerning religiously fuelled terrorism and the dangers of technology – but with no explosions in space, and I’d like things to explode in space…

Starring: Eric Stoltz, Alessandra Torresani and Esai Morales as Joseph Adama.

US - SyFy, Friday 21:00; UK/EIRE - Sky One, Tuesday 21:00

***1/2

Steven Segal: Lawman [A&E]

I watch precious little unscripted television unless it’s late night talk shows [which in many cases can even then be scripted to a large extent] but there is one show that has appeared on the scene for some 12 weeks now and is simply one of the most bizarre and frightening things on TV. I spoke about it before, but I’ve seen it now and it’s real and raw – I speak of course of Steven Segal: Lawman. Segal has previously reported has apparently been a deputy sheriff in a parish of Louisiana for the past 20 years and has only revealed this fact now to the world. That’s right – no one arrested by or perhaps even who crossed paths with Deputy Segal ever attempted to present this story to TMZ or other media outlet, in the days of the Internet no one reported or took a photograph, nothing. I’ll say no more on that element, you decide.

Segal is presented here as some sort of Robocop who can slow down time as he scans the [disturbingly 99.9% Afro-American] potential offenders he encounters during his routine patrols. He takes part in the arrests of those that appear to have perpetrated crimes and often are mostly surprised and even delighted to see and recognise him “Steven Segal? What the *bleep*” and “My auntie watches all-o-your movies; uh-huh she sure does,” are just two of some such examples. Segal also takes part in the training, development and mentoring of the less experienced officers, he can apparently shoot the top off a cotton bud so as a marksmanship instructor he's most certainly utilised by the department. Needless to say the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s department personnel have a high probability of knowing the basics of Aikido when called upon to defend themselves.

As pure entertainment it’s practically second to none. Segal certainly outweighs every other officer of the department which supports the idea of a documentary as one can’t very well run too fast or too long with steady-cam and sound equipment after real cops so we never miss much of Segal trudging his now portly frame after the action, it’s unintentionally funnier than Reno 911. Long may this insanity continue.

US - A&E, Wednesday 23:00/22:00c; UK/EIRE - Crime [Sky553], Crime +1 [Sky554] and Crime HD [Sky555]

****

High price for Operation: Moshtarak

Some 15,000 troops are currently involved in Operation: “Moshtarak” (Together), the most ambitious effort yet to break the militants’ grip on Afghanistan ’s dangerous Southern region. It is the biggest joint operation since the 2001 US-led invasion of the country. The town of Marjah has become a focal point of the operation and on Sunday, US Marines and Afghan forces waded through intense sniper fire and a sandstorm that reduced visibility to a few feet.

Unfortunately during this battle, two rockets fired by a NATO High Mobility Artillery Rocket System (HIMARS) accidental struck civilian houses killing twelve civilians, 10 of whom were from the same family.

NATO commander General Stanley McChrystal ordered all use of the rocket system to be stopped while there was a possibility of civilian casualties. The general telephoned Afghan President Hamid Karzai to apologize for what he called the "unfortunate incident" and the latter called for an investigation. Civilian casualties are particularly sensitive during the joint NATO and Afghan Operation Moshtarak to force the Taliban out of their strongholds in Helmand.
Gen Aminullah Patiani, the Afghan Army's senior commander in the operation, told AFP news agency later on Monday "all of the areas of Marjah and Nad Ali have been taken by combined forces. They are under our control". He added: "The Taliban have left the areas, but the threat from IEDs [improvised explosive devices] remains." Brigadier General Larry Nicholson, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Brigade commander said it could take weeks to completely reclaim Marjah, routing all insurgents and clearing IEDs.

Meanwhile on Monday a NATO air strike against suspected insurgents in Kandahar killed five civilians. The group was seen digging on a roadside and was thought to be planting bombs, NATO said. The incident is unrelated to Operation Moshtarak. ISAF deputy chief of staff Maj Gen Michael Regner USMC said "We regret this tragic accident and offer our sympathies to the families of those killed and injured. Our combined forces take every precaution to minimise civilian casualties and we will investigate this incident to determine how this happened."

Colonel “Whopper” Creedon, who is currently on detached service in the region with US Special Operations Command spoke some hard facts about the tragic civilian losses early Monday morning. ”There are always casualties in war” he began “otherwise war would be no more dangerous than a nasty argument. There are projected acceptable losses for both our forces and civilians, but we’ve not come close to that threshold yet so were technically doing great.” Creedon was then asked about whether an operation was being planned to free the two French journalists kidnapped recently in Afghanistan. “French?” Creedon grimaced, then he smiled “There are always casualties in war…”

The Wolfman: A mess of blood [or just a mess]

The Werewolf motif is one staple of the horror genre that Hollywood has not used to the point of near-exhaustion like Vampires or Zombies. So when a mainstream Werewolf movie is created, one tends to receive it with a greater anticipation.

Rather than create an entirely new take on the myth as say, Neil Marshall did with Dog Soldiers; director Joe Johnston set about recreating George Waggner's 1941 classic movie The Wolf Man. One has to be just as careful when retreading old ground when doing a remake of a classic as beloved as The Wolf Man because you could fall into one of two traps: One you could stay too much with the source material, and present something that reflects nothing more than a modernised tweaked version of the original. Or, you could try so hard to infuse so many new elements to differentiate it from the classic that you loose almost complete sight of what you're actually trying to accomplish. Sadly this movie does fall deep into the latter trap. It's a barely comprehensible, terribly executed mess, riddled with inconsistencies and plot holes.

When a movie goes through such a tumultuous production history as this; one expects it to be somewhat substandard but when something that reaches the level of crap that The Wolfman represents, one wonders what in the name of Lucas they were thinking in the first place. The movie was announced in 2006 and promised an updated remake using CGI and modern visual effects to craft a tale for modern audiences. After loosing Mark Romanek as director, Joe Johnston stepped in for the $85m movie. Sometimes an eyebrow is raised when any movie's intended release date is pushed back and it may disturb those of you that don't know - this movie's initial release date during production was November 12, 2008. It was pushed back to February 12, 2009 and later April 3, 2009. But even after this, Universal tied itself way down to November 9, 2009 to accommodate entire sequences being re-filmed in May 2009, but yet again that date was finally moved to February 12, 2010 some 15 months later than originally planned.

Benicio Del Toro, a "physically dirty-looking" Puerto Rican whom was first noticed as the youngest actor to play a Bond-villain in Licence To Kill has come a long way since his breakout performance in The Usual Suspects with parts in Traffic, 21 Grams, Snatch and Sin City. I genuinely feel sorry for him as it was widely publicised that he was not only a fan of the original The Wolf Man movie but a collector of it's memorabilia. Now he will have to hang his head in shame for bringing such discredit to the werewolf genre.

It's bizarre that with such as cast as Del Toro, Oscar-winner Sir Anthony Hopkins and the monotone Hugo Weaving that his can be so bad but the movie is so badly done that even if these actors gave their best performances ever, it'd still be nowhere near enough to save this. The actors have no emotional engagement with their characters and this results in their performances coming off as flat. The romantic sub-plot is just as unconvincing as the main "twist", a twist that unhitches the plot from the rest of the movie and we're forced to watch as it spirals off the edge of a cliff screaming into the abyss. The dialog is so truly awful that I'm very fearful now for Captain America as David Self is in the process of writing that movie too.

Johnston makes a vain attempts to stick to the groundings of the genre, deep a Victorian Gothic-horror setting but his treatment of it is amateurish as evident by more copious amounts of fog than you'd see on an F-grade film-school student's horror project. Furthermore, it's simply laden with far too many "jump-scares" which ridiculously appear 2 seconds after each other - I'm actually convinced these were put there to keep people awake least they had fallen asleep at Hopkins' expositionary speeches. There's also a "nightmare" sequence in the mix that has to be seen to be believed how woefully ridiculous it is.

I was extremely disappointed with the final look of the Wolfman itself. I'm sure Jack Pierce's original Wolf Man design terrified cinema-goers in the 1940's but some 70 years later it's honestly about as terrifying as Eddie Munster. This is a shame considering the movie's make up was handled by Rick Baker who came on board because he cited the original Wolf Man for getting into movies and his similar work on An American Werewolf In London earned him an Oscar after the category was actually created for his work that year! Despite some adequate use of CGI to show the transformations, they were just not as impressive as other modern efforts, hell even Neil Jordan had more innovative ideas in The Company Of Wolves in 1984. There is not as much gore and dismemberment as would be required here, if there had been, no matter how comical, it may have saved the movie somewhat. Sadly it's relegated to only about 3 or 4 parts of the movie including a gory scene in a campsite where we see comical dismemberment straight out of an Uwe Boll movie.

The film's score had a history as unfortunate as the movie. Originally given to legendary Danny Elfman, a veteran of dark-horror and fantasy movies, his work was rejected for in favour of the modern electronic stylings of Underworld and Crank composer Paul Haslinger. Now as much of a fan I am of Haslinger's work, never in a million years would I have chosen him to compose a Victorian-Gothic score for a movie that was seriously going to heed all the help it could get. Thankfully at the 11th hour they had orchestrator Conrad Pope shoehorn Elfman's original score into the now extensively re-cut movie. The score while far from Elfman's greatest works of Batman, Mars Attacks! or Planet Of The Apes, it's evocative of Wojciech Kilar's Dracula and easily the best thing about the movie.

Final Verdict: This movie sits firmly into the category of "Dear God Why?"

Colonel Creedon Rating: *1/2

Official Site / IMDB / Wikipedia

A Beautiful Valentines Day Story

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day that day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?" he asks.

"Osama Bin Laden," she replies.

"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.

"Well," she begins, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard," he says.

"I know, " Melissa says, "...and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the bastard."



Source: Marnie

Marines Lead The Way... ...in Male Prostitution!

When one thinks of the United States Marine Corps, one may think of "the few, the proud," the force in readiness, "the first to fight and the last to leave". One may also consider Marine heroes like Smedly Butler, Presley O'Bannon and Chesty Puller. Even outside the Corps, Marines have made their mark on history like astronaut John Glenn, actor George Peppard and author Robert Ludlum. However most recently a former US Marine became first at something that, well, I guess it's not too surprising considering our prowess but it's still a bit of a shock to discover that the first legal male prostitute is a Devil-Dog!

Standing at 5' 9" and weighing 180 lbs, Markus Bestin [25] can be all yours ladies, for just $300 an hour. He is based at The Shady Lady Brothel a legal house of prostitution northwest of Las Vegas, Nevada; the one state in the country where paying for sex is permitted. Bestin is the one man among a thousand working women in Nevada's 24 brothels. You won't see him in a typical lineup, or in a cheesy themed room - he has his own turf out back, where he services only female clients. "If she's willing to step through these doors," said Bestin, "she'll have the best moment, hopefully, that I can provide for her in her entire life."

Bobbi Davis, the brothel's madam, says the slow economy and the demand for male prostitutes forced her to think outside of the box. "We've had requests with couples that wanted to add a girl and a guy, and we always add a girl in to the mix but we could never add the guy, and as we've had more and more requests for that, we decided to go ahead and at least try it," Davis said. Heidi Fleiss, the once infamous Hollywood madam, says it won't work. "We're not like men. Men will sleep with mud," said Fleiss. "Women, we're a little different. We want a spa-like environment, something first class. What I do think would work now is a male-male brothel," she said, "but I don't know if Nevada is ready."

A fundamental change of law was required before Bestin could become a gigolo. The law referred to all prostitutes requiring to undergo a cervical exam and Davis made the case this was discriminatory against males. Any cries of discrimination in civil law are of course dealt with lightening quick these days and so, the way was paved for Bestin to assume his new career as thus far, the lone gentleman in the world's oldest profession.

Cuddles, a lady of the night from a neighboring brothel, said she welcomed the new addition and dispensed advice "Just keep your head up, make your money, that's what it's about, like I tell everybody," she said. "It's about making money, that's why you start doing it for." Bestin however denies a mercenary attitude, "It's not about the money, I thoroughly enjoy the presence of women," he said. "They're like fine china."

The latest Marine to carve out his indelible mark on history may not be one placed in every USMC historical text from here on in (much as assassin Lee Harvey Oswald is sometimes "forgotten"), but it will be an achievement that no doubt Marines ourselves will hold most highly from now on.

Source: Constance / ABC Nightline [Full Report here]

Mel returns from the Edge of career Darkness

Edge Of Darkness, a remake of an old BBC miniseries marks the return of Mel Gibson to the front of the camera lens after spending most of his time behind it for the past few years with The Passion Of Christ and Apocalypto. Other than the Lethal Weapon series or Braveheart, I’ve not regarded his work much, and only his performances in The Patriot or We Were Soldiers are of note in over a dozen years. It’s with great delight they I personally welcome Mel’s return to top-form here. There’s no What Women Want nonsense here. Mel’s cop character Thomas Craven isn’t a copy of Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon [before he got soft by Lethal Weapon 4] but it’s just as good – and that’s bloody brilliant.

Craven is motivated to in a cold-calculated investigation following the brutal and tragic murder of his daughter and this quickly degenerates into a revenge-spree, while far better than his Payback movie, it's not as intense as Pierre Morel's Taken from which some similarities have been drawn, but that's a good thing as Liam Neeson doesn't look anywhere near 57 but Gibson looks much older than 54 and wouldn't convincingly pull off an over the top action role anymore. Still Mel does provide a staggeringly good performance and is given a more than adequate script written by Andrew Bovell and William Monahan [who previously converted Infernal Affairs into The Departed for Scorsese] to work with as he shines under Martin Campbell's direction.

As Robert DeNiro exited the movie due to some "creative differences", British tough-guy Ray Winstone was drafted in with some 72 hours notice to play the enigmatic, Darius Jedburgh, a man, whom we assume is a freelance "fixer" of certain "problems." Despite Mel's excellent performance, you can't not also love Winstone with his world-weary dialogue along with a calm demeanour to appreciate good cigars and fine wines. Sadly we're somewhat robbed of any speculation about Winstone being the "big bad" as soon as Danny Heuston appears as Bennett, head of the mysteriously secretive Northmoor facility which may, somewhat laughably, easily draw comparisons to a Bond-villian-esque lair [complete with rocket].

Martin Casino Royale Campbell amazingly returns to direct this Hollywood movie remake of the British series that he actually directed himself back in 1985. Gone are all the ridiculous science-fiction elements of the original which dealt with the spirit of the earth punishing mankind for it’s rape of her environment. That sort of nonsense is best left back in the 80’s with Captain fucking Planet and was thankfully avoided here – plus we all remember Signs – Mel’s 2002 abysmal foray into the realm of sci-fi (shudder).

Final Verdict: A brilliant script supports some exceptional acting performances and despite some amazing flaws which produce some incredible laughs in completely inappropriate places; it’s nowhere near enough for that to detract much from this whole visceral experience of what I’m sure will be one of best thrillers of the year.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Official Site / IMDB / Wikipedia

George Lee: Man of Honour or Whinging Bitch?

The political situation in Ireland is such that something interesting outside election or referendum time only happens when something goes horribly horribly wrong. It was Fine Gael's turn today as economist and former RTE personality George Lee resigned from Ireland's most formidable almost perpetual opposition party and his Dáil seat.

Lee cited reasons of being sidelined as a contributor to Fine Gael’s economic policy and simply being used as a crowd pleaser due to his former celebrity status for resigning. He saw little point in continuing with this treatment, “You don’t want to be making the tea” he said, when you could be contributing something more substantial.

A national figure running in a local by-election was a tremendous coup for Fine Gael when Lee secured landslide of 50% of his constituencies total vote, a phenomenal feat not achieved since Brian Cowen's overwhelming by-election victory back in 1984. It was Fine Gael's own initiative to approach Lee and made a widely publicised fuss about him, all but declaring him an "Economic Messiah." But according to Lee, despite his best efforts he had virtually no influence or input in shaping Fine Gael's economic policies.

Lee's former party, now clambering about like headless chickens after being struck by this PR disaster axe, are somewhat bemused by his dramatic and immediate departure from the Dáil, they wonder why he didn't take the time to learn the ropes, or trying to learn how to politically walk before he could politically run. Lee defended his position to them by saying that with the economy in such dire straits and thousands jobless - there wasn't all that time to loose and action had to be taken immediately.

83% of the listeners appeared to agree with his apparently "honourable" decision in a snap text-poll on the Joe Duffy radio show this afternoon, and many lambasted Fine Gael and party leader Enda Kenny in particular for treating Lee like crap and not using his extensive knowledge of economics to reform the party's opposition argument.

On the other hand, some say that Lee suffered from a tremendous naivete with regard to the expediency that he believed that his own voice would become the de facto party line and when he didn't get his way, he reverted to being a cry-baby about the fact that he’s being treated as the fat cross-eyed semi-retarded child left as last pick in P.E. class when he believes he’s actually the triathlon Olympic superstar.

Petulant child or one of the only politicians outside Fianna Fail with an ounce of decency. You decide.

But what about the man who is leader of Fine Gael, the man who can't tell you why he won't enter government with Sinn Fein or what his own party's policy is with regard to water metering? There's some "pretty large rumblings" according to Lee as he exited Dáil Éireann today, with regard to Kenny's continued leadership that are bound to become something much more loud after today.

Source: Alan Hurley / RTE News / Newstalk / The Irish Times

Ireland in panic!

At abound 18:00 GMT this evening a blazing fireball was seen streaking across Ireland by hundreds of people from drivers in Tullamore, Co. Offaly to golfers in Ballybunion, Co. Kerry. Valentia Coastguard said it has had reports of sightings from people living in Mullingar, Limerick, and Bantry. David Moore, of Astronomy Ireland, said: "This is a huge event."

Astronomy Ireland confirmed that a meteor exploded in the atmosphere with the force of a nuclear explosion raining some debris don to many parts of the country. There are currently reports that the fireball has landed in a field near Crimlin in Co. Cavan. Astronomy Ireland says it is unlikely to have injured anyone as it would have slowed down when it hit the atmosphere.

One man told his local radio station: “I saw the ball of fire just above the trees. I rang the emergency services. I thought it was a helicopter.” Another said: “I thought it was a bright gas cylinder. It seemed to get brighter as it was approaching the ground.”

A UNETIDA spokesman, Captain "Cú Faoil" O'Muineachain reassured the public that it was a natural phenomenon as opposed to a precursor to an Extra-Terrestrial attack adding: "there's nothing at all like that happening here at all. T'was just a one of those space rocks. Feckit' we've just emerged from a mini-ice age here after we were almost washed away by floods, then we had - would you believe - an earthquake in Donegal a few weeks ago; Aye, so naturally there are people in a bit of a panic, but there no need to be at all."

"If that Marine fella was here now, t'would be a different kettle-of-fish altogether," Capt. O'Muineachain continued, presumably speaking of UNETIDA Special Operations Commander, Colonel "Whopper" Creedon. "Sure he'd be ordering all sorts of reports to be done and sending lads out to find bits of UFOs and everything. The longer he spends playing in the sand with his gang out in the desert, the better off we'll be around here, but don't tell him that sure you won't? If you'll excuse me now my pint is only gettin' warm...."

Source: The Irish Times / RTE News / Irishcentral / Eircom

Did you think evil corporations in space would be Science Fiction forever?

In outlining new space priorities in the 2011 budget, President Barack Obama proposed a halt to NASA's ambition to return to the Moon - a goal set by former President George W. Bush - and set in motion the biggest fundamental change in space exploration in the past 50 years. Charles Bolden, NASA's administrator, a former astronaut and USMC Major General yesterday promised that this does not mean that the US is abandoning it's space ambitions.

The Constellation program, the heart of the push to the Moon envisioned to replace the space shuttle, has run over budget by almost $7 billion and is several years behind schedule. The White House said it wanted to ground Constellation because it was too costly, used outdated technology, and would not be ready to ferry humans to the moon before 2028.

The success of the Ares 1-X rocket in October last was overshadowed by the release of the Augustine Human Space Flight Review Committee's report. It recommended sweeping changes to the way NASA managed its human spaceflight program, claiming that it was "on an unsustainable trajectory." They estimated that the Constellation program would cost more than $100 billion and miss the 2020 Moon deadline by at least 10 years. In the midst of the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, continuing the program may not be seen as the best option but it's cancellation will certainly mark the end of an era in US space exploration.

This year will be the last for the space shuttles - of which only three remain. NASA will significantly slim down it's astronaut corps too as from next year US astronauts will spend the next five to 10 years hitching a ride on Russia's also ageing Soyuz spacecraft. [Why can I see a hilarious comedy movie starring Jack Black and Peter Stormare quite clearly as I write that?]

In the meantime, it's envisioned that NASA will team up with private enterprise, to support and encourage them to develop the spacecraft of the 21st century. "One way to renew NASA and have it play a key role in innovation as well as manned space flight is to get the private sector fully on board," Bolden stressed. No longer will NASA dictate what is to be built and how. If NASA personnel fly on planes built by private industry, drive cars built by private industry and use computers built by private industry; Why can't astronauts climb on board spacecraft designed and built by such private industry?

Virgin Galactic's SpaceShipTwo, built by Scaled Composites, is expected to carry paying passengers on sub-orbital flights this year but falls a long way short of getting to low Earth orbit. SpaceX, which in 2009 successfully launched Falcon 1 into space but it's still a long way from carrying one, not a mind three, astronauts into space. Bolden has already announced he's giving $50m in grants to private companies like Sierra Nevada.

It's not as if these changes are just being unanimously accepted. Lockheed Martin expressed major disappointment but the industries that have relied on NASA and the space shuttle for the past 30 years could completely fail under the new proposals adding a significant amount to total joblessness in the US and the suffering of tourism to Florida's space coast. US Congresswomen and Senators from Texas, Alabama and Florida - the three states most reliant on NASA's human space flight program - have all voiced their opposition to Obama's proposed policy, vowing to block it. Democratic and Republican senators as well as Bolden's predecessor Michael Griffin, have criticized dropping Constellation saying it would spell an end to US leadership in space.

UNETIDA Special Operations Commander, Colonel "Whopper" Creedon speaking from an undisclosed middle-eastern location where he is conducting "training exercises" also expressed disappointment at the proposals. "I'm fearful that these changes are going to have a detrimental effect on the future of some of UNETIDA's more ambitious lunar initiatives like The SON Project" he said. "The only viable alternative that is being touted is private industry and the problem with dealing with that is that you're more often than not, dealing with stupid civilians with no military experience. These guys are out for number one and hardly put the safety and security of the planet first."

Some analysts suggest UNETIDA's future may in fact be far worse then Creedon suggests. "Obama's proposals to hamstring the space program, coupled with the recent much publicised British MOD move which closed it's UFO Investigations Unit at RAF Command, Buckinghamshire after 60 years does not bode well for the future of the international UN administrated entity," said a source speaking on condition of anonymity. "It's as if the imminent destruction of our entire planet by alien aggressors is being ignored in favour of saving money for jobs, education, health and the environment. Well I ask you: What good is having your health, being educated, having a job and breathing clean air today when you could be a Grattaliaan sex-slave tomorrow? Write to your congressman and prevent a travesty of epic proportions from coming to fruition."

Source: ABC, AFP, NASA, Fox News

Are you depressed? Suicidal? Then don't go to the flicks!

Zombieland painted a desolate canvas for the future of humanity when it wasn't being hilariously funny. The world's elite were saved in a few man-made arks at the end of 2012 leaving the rest of the world to drown. Human civilisation is all but vanquished by vampires in Daybreakers. A scant few humans remain in The Road - including the ones who now live to eat babies and bugger each other. Alas, movies like Star Trek to offset misery are so few and far between; it's no wonder that people are falling into depression after seeing Avatar and realising their real world is not a cool as the one Cameron crafted.

I was going to give The Book Of Eli a review, but I've decided against it. I will just say it's a 4-Star movie with excellent action sequences involving automatic weapons and explosives and brawls involving edged weapons with superb dismemberment, if not enough blood. It's beautifully judged and shot by The Hughes Brothers and features a striking, almost Vangelis-like score from Attacus Ross. These elements coupled with superb acting as always from Denzel Washington, a wonderfully crafted character from Gary Oldman and the obligatory bit of fluff in the delectable form of Mila Kunis has destined the Blu-Ray to become one with my shelf. It's just the fact that it's hard to justify some of it's story elements in a coherent fashion to you is what it preventing me from writing about it.

Let's just say Holy-Joes will be well pleased, just not with the same stuff that got me excited...

J.J. adds to his harem of lovely ladies!

Keri Russell, Jennifer Garner, Evangeline Lilly and Anna Torv have one thing in common - they were nobodies until J.J. Abrams cast them in Felicity, Alias, Lost and Fringe respectively. I think I'll add Zoe Saldana to that list as she was known to see but her name wasn't before Abrams put her in Star Trek ahead of her involvement with the groundbreaking Avatar.

It's not only because Abrams is one of the most original, prolific and revolutionary entertainment creators of the modern age that these ladies become so popular. Individually they're not only beautiful but capable of delivering outstanding dramatic performances which has collectively earned them dozens of awards and nominations. Now the time has come to add a new young lady to that auspicious list...

As you may know Abrams is in the process of creating Undercovers, a TV show that seems like a cross between The Bourne Identity and Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Abrams will bring his Alias and Mission Impossible experience to the fore in crafting a new entry in the high tech spy genre as his new series will follow spouses Samantha and Steven Bloom, as they work together as spies.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw [remember where you read that name first people] has been cast to play Samantha in the Undercovers pilot. The English actress might be familiar to Doctor Who fans, for her role as Tish, Martha Jones' sister. She's also appeared on the series Spooks so she's not stranger to the genre. Boris Surrogates Kodjoe has also been cast as Steven as has Gerald Major Dad McRaney as their CIA boss who recruited the couple and serves as the agency's liaison with them.

Abrams co-wrote the Undercovers pilot with Josh Reims and will be directing it as well – his first time directing a TV pilot since Lost. Bizarrely NBC are funding it after they shit-canned their own high tech spy show My Own Worst Enemy starring Christian Slater in 2008. I'm sure glad it'll be J.J. Abrams filling their primetime void after their recent monumental fuck-up.

Source: EW.com / Coming Soon.net

3D Star Wars on the way?

While the results of filming in the modern 3D technology have earned James Cameron 2 Golden Globes for Best Director and Best Picture last Sunday and Avatar has raked in considerably more then a billion dollars in ticket sales thus far; the results of attempting to convert a standard movie to 3D have yet to be measured.

Enter God:
"We've been looking for years and years and years of trying to take Star Wars and put it in 3D. But technology hasn't been there. We've been struggling with it, but I think this will be a new impetus to make that happen," said the great George Lucas to Total Film.

God also said that he could appreciate what Cameron went through to create Avatar and he's delighted that it's so successful and worked so well in 3D. God hasn't been a big fan of the format, "but that movie definitely improves in 3D," he said.

Avatar seems to have changed his mind thanks to Cameron's technological strides to create one of the greatest cinema, nay, entertainment experiences known to mankind.

Personally, I'd prefer to see something else in 2D converted to 3D before I'd thoroughly embrace yet another religious tweak from the almighty Lucas. Hell I'd even prefer the deity work on outputting a HD edition of all 6 episodes on Blu-Ray first and spend time concentrating on the live-action TV show. Folk will still embrace the saga in 3D once those more important projects are complete.

Watch this space..

In other news it appears Lucas' comments concerning how great Avatar 3D is has led to China's government pulling Avatar 2D from movie theaters!

Source: Total Film / IMDB

Sherlock Holmes: A Victorian Buddy-Cop movie!

When I discovered that Guy Richie, the British bloke responsible for the modern English gangster movies instead of Neil Dog Soldiers Marshall, was making a Sherlock Holmes movie I was intrigued but also worried. While it's fair to say that Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch were great movies in '98 and '00 respectively, Richie's involvement with Kabbalah and an ill-fated marriage to Madonna from 2000 to 2008 seemed to have a disastrous effect on his work. During that time he directed Revolver and RocknRolla both of which were complete and utter shit. I guess I was afraid he'd set the movie in 2009 where Holmes would carry a "Desert Eagle Point Five-O" or some such nonsense.

I fretted needlessly, I'm pleased to say that Richie has emerged from his dark decade with Kabbalah and Madonna behind him and he was able to resurrect his floundering career where he left in 2000 to bring us his unique vision of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's fictional detective introducing the character to a new generation.

Richie has actually done the unthinkable - while somewhat stylised artistically and treated more as a tongue-in-cheek action comedy than I'm sure Conan Doyle would have intended; this is still actually the most authentic representation of Sherlock Holmes ever on screen. In this movie, Holmes is an irresponsible, miserable drunkard who passes out nightly on his floor, subjects his dog to frightful life-threatening experiments, endlessly mocks and insults Dr. Watson, partakes in bare-knuckle fistfights and seems equally comfortable with wearing rags as he does fine suits and thankfully sweet Lucas he never dons a Deerstalker [that silly flapped cap he's often erroneously depicted wearing].

As much as Richie was responsible for this, most credit must be directed towards the wonderful Robert Downey Jr. for adding his own personal flair to Holmes' more devilish side. I think when one reads Holmes and they see his endless struggle with cocaine addiction and eccentric personality, there are a few actors who come to mind, but none more so than Downey Jr. who is known for a trip or two but is enjoying the fruits of an incredible second chance in Hollywood. His often hilarious and indeed a more physical action-oriented performance than ever before [Iron Man included] earned him a well deserved Golden Globe on Sunday night.

Downey Jr. himself is supported by Jude Law who appears in more shit [Skycaptain, A.I. and All the Kings Men] than he does worthy films, but next to Enemy at The Gates, this is by far Law's best role and I cannot fault his representation of Dr. John Watson. Babylon A.D.'s Mark Strong is simply splendid as the villain of the piece, Lord Blackwood whose evil black-magical scheme threatens all of England. Rachel McAdams sadly did not play to her strengths and was a bit wasted - Oh and her lingerie scene featured in the teaser trailer was cut from the final film which I was none to pleased about either let me tell you.

Hans Zimmer's quirky score fits the movie extremely well and is somewhat different to his previous efforts for this kind of movie, drawing more from his experience scoring An Everlasting Piece than anything. Sherlock Holmes also benefits from some extraordinarily choreographed fight scenes which contain the interesting element of having them completely described and subsequently shown in slow motion before they actually happen in real-time on screen. The action in the reminder of the movie is also top-notch featuring a climactic brawl on the Tower Bridge in London which is only under construction and elsewhere, multiple almost Micheal Bay-like explosions in a slaughterhouse.

Final Verdict: Richie's Sherlock Holmes features far more action than one would traditionally associate with the character and setting. You can safely erase Michael Caine's poorly misjudged attempt from 20 years ago and for those of you who may have grown up embracing Basil Rathbone or Peter Cushing's representations or even in my case - Jeremy Brett's; and you're expecting the same level of clinical detective work - well you'll be sorely disappointed. This movie is an action comedy, albeit a somewhat more clever action comedy then your average Victorian buddy cop movie. What a great way to start the year.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****1/2

Official Site / IMDB / Wikipedia

How awesome is Jimmy Kimmel?

With Conan O'Brien taking pot shots at Jay Leno later on his own network and David Letterman striking at him from CBS; Leno went looking somewhere, anywhere, for an ally this week. With FOX having no such person of note [all their comedy is through animation], he turned to ABC where Jimmy Kimmel reigns supreme.

Kimmel's Thursday night appearance on The Jay Leno Show was announced in advance lending most speculators that despite often doing Jay Leno impressions' on his own Jimmy Kimmel Live show on ABC, he'd be appearing as a voice in support of Leno.

The speculators were wrong. During the Jay Leno Show's 10@10 segment where Leno asks a celebrity via satellite link 10 questions - Kimmel's answers were quite scathing against the moon-faced talk show host.

The first few questions Kimmel answered sincerely until Leno asked what the best prank he ever pulled was. Kimmel replied, "I told a guy that five years from now, 'I'm gonna give you my show,' and then when the five years came, I gave it to him and then I took it back almost instantly.

Leno kind of laughed thinking Kimmel just had to get a little joke in there before asking "Ever ordered anything off the TV?" "Like NBC ordered your show off the TV?" Kimmel replied.

He was stuck in it now, Leno had to continue asking his questions and inquired as to Kimmel's biggest fear; "I fear the network will move my show to 10 o'clock," Kimmel answered.

It was obvious Leno then tried to cut Kimmel off as quickly as he could but not before Kimmel imparted one final plea on the large chinned one; "Listen Jay, Conan and I have children, all you have to take care of is cars. I mean, we have lives to lead here, you've got $800 million. For God's sake, leave our shows alone."

At which point Leno dismissed him.

Read about it on collider.com

The Jay Leno Downfall rant

One of the many, many redubs of Hitler's rant from the excellent Downfall movie. This is one of the better ones now redubbed for the Leno vs. Conan war.

"Now I'd rather see an open-mike with Stalin"

The A-Team is coming!

Conan vs Leno: Is it over?

If you've been following the antics behind the scenes in NBC of late you'll know that NBC in their infinite wisdom have realised their colossal mistake with giving Jay Leno a variety show on prime time. As this move caused them to lose money hand-over-fist [and NBC isn't exactly making too much these days] and in an effort to fix this, they want to shift the huge-chinned one up to 23.35 after the News and then keeping Conan O'Brien on The Tonight Show, but after Leno's new half-hour slot and beginning at 00:05.

Today Conan O'Brien released a statement in which he appears to say "Screw You" [in a controlled diplomatic way] to NBC and will not be doing this show if forced into a 00:05 timeslot.

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over "The Tonight Show" in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my "Tonight Show" in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the "Tonight Show" to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the "Tonight Show" has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the "Tonight Show" into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. "The Tonight Show" at 12:05 simply isn't the "Tonight Show." Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the "Late Night" show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of "The Tonight Show." But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the "Tonight Show," I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

It's not Leno's fault his show is shit and he's past his peak, but for NBC to treat Conan like they have speaks volumes about the muppets who are running that outfit. They intended to make their scheduling change in February but there was little talk about what would be replacing Leno's hour at 10 in prime time? I have it on good authority that they're working on reboot of The Rockford Files, [yes the show with James Garner... ] and a show about a man preventing a conspiracy or a disaster happening in the future or something? [but admittedly that was news from a crazy man on the other end of a phone].

I'm glad Conan has the balls to call the dimwitted morons of NBC out, he was approached by FOX at one time to do a show for them, so maybe Peter Rice should pick up the phone and call the cool-haired-one again!

FOX News nabs Palin!

I'll admit I could probably have chosen a couple of names I'd rather have had on John McCain's presidential ticket, but if you asked me who [other then myself upon retirement] would make a great political commentator for the greatest source of real news in the world - FOX News, then it'd have been quite simple: Former Gov. Sarah Palin.

It was announced earlier today that the former Alaska governor, whose book, Going Rogue: An American Life, became a bestseller weeks before it was released and remains No. 2 on the New York Times bestseller list, has signed a multi-year deal to offer her political commentary and analysis across all Fox News platforms, including Fox Business Channel, FoxNews.com and Fox News Radio. She will also participate in special event political programming for Fox Broadcasting.

Palin will also host episodes of Real American Stories, a FOX News series exploring inspirational real-life tales of overcoming adversity throughout the American landscape that will debut this year.

"I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news," Palin said in a written release.

As if there weren't enough reasons to watch FOX News already :)

Source: FOX News