Monday, September 03, 2007

The Invasion: It looks like Spidy 3 is NOT the worst movie of the year

I know I'm a week behind in my movie reviews, but I don't think this one will matter. It's for Nicole Kidman's new movie The Invasion which also stars Daniel Craig, based quite loosely on the sci-fi classic; The Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Oh, and it's complete rubbish.

I think to comprehend how bad this movie is, you must understand something of it's haphazard development. In early '04, Warner Bros. had someone write a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. A year later, Oliver Hirschbiegel was attached as director. Production began in October with Nicole Kidman (receiving a salary of close to $17 million) in the lead with Daniel Craig. The film had retained the original title Invasion of the Body Snatchers but was shortened due to the different concept created by the writer.

Instead of any Visual Effects (more than necessary for an Extra Terrestrial Invasion movie these days), the director tried to compensate by shooting from weird camera angles and in claustrophobic spaces with the intention of increasing tension. Warners eventually decided that they were somewhat unhappy with the original story's results on screen and hired The Wachowski brothers to rewrite the film (yes The Matrix Revolutions, V-For Vendetta Wachowski's). Later Warners hired James McTeigue to perform re-shoots that would cost $10 million. After 13 months of inactivity, re-shoots took place in January 2007 to increase action scenes and supposedly add a twist ending. During the re-shoot, Kidman was involved in an accident, while in a Jaguar that was being towed by a stunt driver and was taken to a hospital briefly. She had broken several ribs, but she was able to get back to work soon after being hospitalised.

Right Daniel Craig examines his paycheck for the movie and thinks "They may not have hired a real writer but at least they hired a production accountant".

It's all on screen folks. No special effects, ridiculous nonsensical scene transitions, cuts in the middle of scenes, continuity blunders, obvious scenes shot by different directors and Daniel Craig sees this and just "phones in" his performance with the look of "just give me my money and I'm off to be James Bond".

Just to give you an example of the complete lack of thought in this film (and this example doesn't detract from the non-existent plot if any of you are reading this and still intend going); In one scene Kidman is talking to her Ex-husband (Jeremy Northam) and having an argument about visitation rights for their son, obviously in Kidman's sole custody. She is so adamant that he will not see their son - she hangs up the phone at one stage. Three scenes later following only a quick conversation about it with Daniel Craig where he simply says: "He's his Dad", she's ready to hand over the child to the Ex-hubby (who's already infected with the virus naturally) which is sure to be an attempt to get the audience to react in a pantomime fashion "No, don't do it you silly twat!" But to be honest even though this was only 13 minutes into the film, I already couldn't give a shit.

Final word: This movie has nothing going for it whatsoever. Kidman's career should be over now for choosing to appear in this. It's a colossal pile of shit. It's as if someone urinated onto celluloid and handed it to the distributer. Microsoft has more quality control than is evident here. To make matters even worse: it's also little more than bleeding-heart liberal propaganda.

Colonel Creedon Rating: No Stars. Not even a half.

8 comments:

Former Grunt said...

Dear God! I've never read such a slating. Proof that Warners is NOT paying the Colonel off for good reviews.

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I trust this will satisfy Sith Apologist and Overseer's need for a broad spectrum of movie reviews.

Civilian Overseer said...

I'm sorry Lt.Col but this pathetic excuse does not impress me much, besides are you seriously telling us you'd pass up the opportunity to snatch Nicole Kidman's body?

sith apologist said...

The only reason the Lt.Col would expose himself to crap of this nature if to refute our comments on his film choices, Overseer.
I mean, no special effects?!

Civilian Overseer said...

I agree Sithy, This is obhviously a feign. I wonder what stinking pile the Lt.Col watched recently that he intends to praise laviously on this blog.

vaughan said...

To be quite honest I think the Lt.Col has been TOO GENEROUS in his review of this steaming pile of DogSh*t, and as for snatching Nicole Kidmans body , you wouldn't want to when you see the truly irritating Irksome grin she has on her face in this "Film"!

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I'm sorry Vaughan, but Civvy's right. I'd still do her even if I can (and have) out-act her.

@ Sithy: I didn't know there was no special effects. I thought it was going to be at least like that TV version where it's set on an Army Base where (Academy Award Winner) Forest Whittaker blows his brains out, Gabrielle Anwar gets naked and the Army General is played by R.Lee Emrey!!! But it wasn't. You know how Vaughan is when he wants to watch something- he has a way of convincing you to watch shit.

Civilian Overseer said...

you wouldn't want to when you see the truly irritating Irksome grin she has on her face in this "Film"!

Vaughiny, I find your lack of imagination disturbing, Who said anyting about looking at her face?

Lt.Col, you know Vaughiny best, is he a huggy, feely kinda guy?, I always thought of him as a hard ass, was I wrong?