Sunday, March 25, 2007

Useless French Bastards Publish X-Files

According to Wired, CNES- the French space agency, said it is making some 100,000 documents on supposed UFOs and sightings of other unexplained phenomena available publicly on the net to draw the scientific community's attention to unexplained cases and because their secrecy generated suspicions that officials were hiding something.

At a Pentagon press conference on the role of extra- terrestrial influence on the war in Iraq, Lt. Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Special Operations Commander for the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency was asked what he thought of the French move.

"Ah yes! CNES: Cowards, Numpties & the Effete in Space. Those irresponsible muppets and their pitiful excuse for a space program could undermine our own efforts in intelligence gathering concerning past, current and future alien incursions on our planet. The frogs have no right to publish such sensitive documents stirring up all sorts of insane conspiracy theories and becoming a breeding ground of nonsensical ideas from the misguided, demented fools who watched The X-Files. I can only hope that we treat these French documents as we would any other: recycle them as toilet paper."

5 comments:

Civilian Overseer said...

Lt. Colonel Ciaran Creedon, Special Operations Commander for the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency, Defence?, DEFENCE?, You Pussy!, what we need is some OFFENCE against the alien hordes. Get them before they get us, this ain't no Star Trek Utiopian society that We're living in. This sit back and just take it attitude of yours Creedon will get us all ensalved.

Anonymous said...

What's with the slick back hair man, who do you think you are James (look out for that car) Dean?

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

@ Civvy: I was actually in the process of getting the name changed but I lost some "clout" following my demotion.
That said the budget doesn't support offence at the present time. I'll have to convince them somehow that the Alien threat is more real than they believe. I'll start by proving that Gerry Adams and Ian Paisley are Aliens- well one of them at least is after the news earlier this week :)

@ Anonymous: At least I have hair baldy!

Civilian Overseer said...

really?, I thought that if you're where going to suffer a loss of clout it would be over something like the Whizzinator Incident or the Osprey Arms Procurement scandal. Instead you piss it away on a temporary demotion in rank?

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

I had nothing whatsoever to do with any incident involving a "Whizzinator", that was Tom Sizemore. I have "No Comment" on the Osprey at the present time.