Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Whopper Awards 2006 - Part 10 - The Finale

In this last instalment of The Whopper Awards I award "special" Whoppers for productions that should be noted on other merits.


The Most Pants-Wetting Motion Picture Of 2006 was:
Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby
To be honest the comedy offerings this year were abysmal and only a few brought joy. Will Ferell excels at being funny and while this film did not come close to making me as physically sick as Anchorman it was still the best of the year. "Shake & Bake"!

Most Glorified Use Of Automatic Weaponry Of 2006:
Ultraviolet
Lots of good automatic weapons fire this year, M:I-III, Underworld Evolution and Miami Vice are good candidates but Ultraviolet expends several hundred thousand rounds of ammunition. I mean, there's a chase sequence with two constantly firing helicopter gunships- nothing else came close.

Most Delightful Use Of Edged Weaponry Of 2006:
BloodRayne
Dismemberment galore. A sea of red.

Best Martial Arts In A Motion Picture Of 2006:
Huo Yuan Jia (Fearless)
Jet Li is still fast. (I thought he was giving up martial arts movies?)

Best Pyrotechnics For 2006:
X-Men: The Last Stand
One thing that can be said for Brett Ratner: Great explosions.

The Best Gore in a Motion Picture In 2006 was in:
Hostel
Even I thought the amount here was unnecessary. I thought Saw was bad.

And now, the ones you've really been waiting for: The Worst of the year.

Special Whopper for Most Nonsensical Use Of "Movie" Technology In 2006:
The scanner hooked up to an iPod in Firewall
I mean Jesus Christ- this can't be done like this trust me.

The Worst Performance of 2006
Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns)
I never thought I'd actually want to see Margot Kidder so badly on screen instead.

The Worst Movie Title of 2006
I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
Yep, it exists and no, I didn't see it, nor do I have any intension to.

And finally, drum roll please:
Even in a year where we had such reprehensible crap as D.O.A., V for Vendetta and Aeon Flux (all movies that have some measure of redemption, and so I may see again) the final Whopper was no contest.

The Biggest Steaming Pile Of Shit of 2006:
was Nacho Libre
Now The Black Dahlia and All The King's Men are exceptionally awful, poorly made and even worse acted considering their calibre of talent on the projects but they still rated one star because, well you can't give less than one star right? Wrong. Jack Black and Jared Hess failed miserably to entertain with Nacho Libre and I declare that unlike the other movies among the worst here, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever- I even fell asleep watching it. It is truly the most God-awful turgid excrement of the year (And yes I even tried fantasising about the nun, 'cos nuns usually do it for me, but that didn't work either, the film is that off-putting).

Next Whoppers- January 2008!

1 comment:

Master Guns said...

Well I laughed at Nacho but I laughed at Firewall too but for the wrong reasons. I think it sucked more.