Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Colonel In Crisis!

I'm at a bit of a loss for words today folks. I just got in after having a few drinks with friends to find that I had mail- A list of charges from the local JAG.

To: Col. CiarĂ¡n Creedon, UNETIDA Operations Commander, Europe
From: Capt. Harmon Rabb Jr., Force Judge Advocate, US Naval Forces Europe
ENC: Summary of charges.

Colonel Creedon,
Following a recent Article 32 investigation; a list of violations of the Uniform Code Of Military Justice that the United States Government hereby charges you with is presented for which you will be tried by General Court Martial:

ART.92. FAILURE TO OBEY ORDER OR REGULATION, One Count
ART.99. MISBEHAVIOR BEFORE THE ENEMY, One Count
ART.112. DRUNK ON DUTY, One Count
ART.133. CONDUCT UNBECOMING AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN, One Count
ART. 134. GENERAL ARTICLE, Two Counts

As such you are to consider yourself under arrest, but on the request of the convening authority will not be confined and so ART.10. will not be enacted unless failure to comply with any and all directives is observed.

Please return a signed and dated acknowledgement of receipt within 24 hours from 18:30 Zulu 18/10/06.

The Arcicle 32(a) hearing will commence Friday, October 20th at 20:30 Zulu.


Needless to say, it was a bit of a shock folks, but fear not, the Teflon Colonel will prevail as I've waived the right to defence counsel and will represent myself.

20 comments:

Master Guns said...

Christmas has come early.

GIVE HIM THE CHAIR!!!!

Ginger said...

Maybe it should be organised to catch the colonel in some form of unusual corporal punishment? may i suggest that he be swung by the legs and arms and bumped on the ground for a quantity of times befitting the crime? oh let's suggest a random figure .... 31 times? Maybe we could also have him refused any Anaesthetic commonly known as JD on the open market? that would be highly amusing, only a suggestion... :-) Beware though, the Teflon Colonel is highly combustible! I blame it on advancing years, greying hair and receeding hairlines.

Mark said...

Represent yourself? You dumb son of a bitch, it's 15 years jail time and a dishonourable discharge for you then.

Though when you get out I've a small African nation or two whose governments require overthrowing, so give me a call.

Cubaboy said...

I hope you don't get jail, a pretty boy like you would be passed around like a joint at a Bob Marley concert. My advice, lubricate!!!!

Boldar said...

Ciaran, I looked up the UCMJ, believe me Mark is right. Your screwed. Just remember when your sent down to plan a good A-Team style escape.
John

Anonymous said...

to distract you from you're impending incarceration:

www.warp11.com

it would've once been right up your street, sadly the bubble burst.

PF said...

Can you just make sure you get that job finished tmrw, I don't want to have to sort out unfinished work!!!

The Whitehouse said...

Ohh Ohh !! The colonel is going down, like a lady boy, in a cheap thailand hotel....

When they eventually bang you up, make sure they don't bang you up..... keep your back to the wall

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

What the fuck??? You useless bunch of assholes! You already have me guilty??? Just as well this won't be a "media trial" and good thing that it'll be a closed-session and I won't have heckling from you lot.

Right. I'm off, got some more reading to do.

sith apologist said...

Don't worry, Colonel. Some of us in attendance will be heckling!

Mark said...

> Right. I'm off, got some more reading to do.

The UCMJ comes in comic book form?!?

Just plead insanity and pray they don't have those photos of you meeting with Khomeini during the 80's. Olly North did us all proud by falling on his sword for that one, and if the Gipper hadn't had lost his marbles you might have received your cut of Escobar's "insurance policy".

Or have I said too much?

Aaron said...

Lokks like you've been found out colonel...

d k eeshan said...

Most people get the name teflon something because charges don't seem to stick, you only got it from that time you ate 1kg of teflon for a laugh, it's not exactly the same.

Civilian Overseer said...

Guns, I insist that you act as the Colonel's counsel, that way we can be sure he gets the maximum penality.

Whats this talk of Ass Rapist Lifers playing past the Colonel Candy?, He'd love it, it would be just like basic training all over again. No, the only possible punishment would be a dishonourable discharge.

Erase his stain from the Marine Corp's otherwise glorious history.

He'll turn into a mean drunk and will probably top himself after that. Wait a minute, he is a mean drunk already, so We're half way there boys! ;)

sith apologist said...

"Whats this talk of Ass Rapist Lifers playing past the Colonel Candy? ... No, the only possible punishment would be a dishonourable discharge.

... wouldn't the playing past his candy involve a dishonourable discharge?

Lt. Colonel Creedon said...

Well I survived the first session. I'll provide a link to the transcript once the information that has to be stricken from the record is removed.

As for you lot: An officer is not dishonourably discharged or the recipient of a bad-conduct discharge from the Armed Forces, but he can be dismissed. The end result is the same but it puts the kibosh on your attempts at obscenities.

Master Guns said...

Heh! That would be ideal, but i did my part as an investigator. I will have my testimony entered or called as a witness (I hope)!

vaughan said...

Stop the press I've just recieved some really important news......they're making fraggle rock the Movie!!!!!!!...what do you mean the Colonels on trial ...what again?

Civilian Overseer said...

You raise an interesting point, Sithy, How much could the Colonel get for peddling his candy on the open prison black market, two ciggies?, the chance to see another sunrise?.

They're making Fraggle Rock the movie?, awesome!, maybe when the Colonel gets out of hock he could play "Bottomside", by then he'll have plenty of practice.

Ensign Harmon Rabb Jr. said...

Who said anything about "getting out".