When fame is confused with worth

I read a quite frankly ridiculous comment earlier somewhere from someone who wrote that America was "diminished" due to the loss of Whitney Houston at the weekend. I've heard some pretty nonsensical drivel from people on this here Internet [I'll admit to even adding to it], but that one was a doozy.

People, America is not diminished in any way because "one of her most talent daughters" [that was another one] was gone. I'm not saying she wasn't talented, she had a great voice, but America [and the world in fact] lost this talent years ago already when Houston choose drugs and alcohol over her career and descended into the abyss of excess and addiction. This weekend only saw the passing of a sad and pathetic forgotten shadow of a once great talent.

How I long for a day when the media acknowledges true heroes with the same zeal they use to glorify idiotic junkies. Sadly the same media machine like most other days fails to properly acknowledge the losses that truly diminish America - her patriots and defenders who perish in the sands of a distant land as they give their lives to bring freedom, democracy and a better way of life to those less fortunate.

Let us acknowledge the death of US Marine Lance Corporal Osbrany Montes De Oca, 20, from North Arlington, New Jersey, with the 2nd Marine Division, who was killed in action on Friday during an ambush by enemy forces in Helmand province and US Army Private 1st Class Cesar Cortez, 24, with the 32nd Army Air and Missile Defense Command from Oceanside, California, who died in a motor vehicle accident on Saturday in Bahrain supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

You see, anyone with any kind of voice can sing but some are just better than others and society would have us believe that those are to be held in greater esteem. However, a precious few will volunteer to pick up a weapon and fight for what they believe in. Houston, De Oca and Cortez choose dangerous paths that could have - and did lead to their deaths. It's just annoying that the one idiot amongst them will be mourned by the most people.

Victory? - Webisode 1

The colonel plays a Ministry officer in "Victory?"

For years I have remained at my post vigilantly guarding against the alien menace. Unknown to the vast majority of Earth patriots, UNETIDA protect planetary citizens on a daily basis. While my unit and I maintain the highest level of alert readiness, our actions are highly classified and blissful ignorance reigns amongst the citizenry. But what would a world be like without UNETIDA? What would happen if we failed? I was approached by filmmaker John Vaughan to act as a military consultant on a fictional account of this terrifying idea. Joined on screen by some of Ireland's finest actors including Dave Split Second Duffy and Jonathan Patriot Games Ryan, it is my great honour to finally be able to provide for you shocking televised entertainment that paints the truest portrait of the threat we oppose.

For a chilling glimpse into this (luckily) fictional world, visit this link, watch Webisode 1 of Victory? and cast your vote using your Facebook details. This is a competition and we Marines never shrink from a fight. Rally to my cause and support this fine team who have worked fervently in service to you and show your appreciation by voting for Victory.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon

U.N.'s dysfunctional payroll system highlighted

During their investigation into "irregularities" within the UNPASID and UNETIDA organisations over the past number of months, the Special Investigation Committee are believed - but unconfirmed to have discovered startling miscalculations in budget and personnel payroll. These beliefs may now be compounded by a newly released report by the Committee’s parent organisation, the U.N.'s internal watchdogs - the Office of Internal Oversight Services [OIOS] who have now highlighted that the system employed to track and manage employees and payroll across the U.N. Secretariat as being far removed from the normal world of accounting: you know the one where books balance, who works where is known, and giant undocumented inexplicable variations in payroll records are questioned instantly.

 

Not in the magical land of the U.N. however where: personnel records list thousands of employees for the NYC Secretariat but are paid elsewhere, 1,000 employees from other U.N. organizations are on the Secretariat payroll even though they do not appear in the Secretariat system as personnel, and when the OIOS themselves tried to perform a matching function they turned up differences worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in a single month, or nearly $5 million on an annualized basis. Additionally, new employees who work on the antiquated personnel system have not had training, while retirements have whittled down the number of veterans who actually know what they're doing. One obvious implication is that budget projections and reports to the nations that pay the U.N.’s bills and oversee its operations could potentially be works of fiction in comparison to the reality of the situation. Forensic accounting experts say that all of the things identified in the OIOS report point to a situation ripe for error and potentially exploitable.

 

In response, the U.N. itself claim the issues raised by the report no longer exist. U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon’s spokesman, Martin Nesirky, declared on behalf of the U.N.’s Department of Management that the concerns had been taken care of  "the reports used to assess the accuracy of the payroll results were found to be accurate by OIOS. The minor variances identified during the audit process were related to minor bugs in a very limited number of accounting reports. The fixing of those bugs, will be done no later than June 2012."

 

The OIOS report notes that the neglect of training was because the staffing managers expected their old payroll system to be replaced by Umoja, a sophisticated, computer and software platform, and so assumed they didn't have to finance keeping people updated on how to run the old system. The problem is that it didn't work out that way and the system was supposed to be completed by the end of 2012, at a cost of $312 million but it will now be 2015. One would think that if U.N.’s technology is in such dire shape, as is the high-tech solution to all the problems, then no one can be sure that the chaos outlined in watchdog report has been dealt despite the Department of Management's claim.

Read more at FoxNews.

Don't play the Game of Shadows

The anticipated sequel to Guy Richie’s seminal interpretation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Homes character, sadly does not continue in the same vein as it’s predecessor with Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows. It’s with a heavy heart I must report that the movie is a bitterly disappointing experience overall and captures none of the magic which brought the series to life. Yes there were some very entertaining moments and grandiose set pieces but there was far too much substance missing from this that it mostly fell apart under the weight of its ambition to be “bigger, better, funnier” [as it’s misleading publicity tagline went] than 2010’s Sherlock Holmes. Was part of it crushed under the weight of audience expectations for this to at least equal its predecessor? Perhaps, but the blame for this class of  nonsense can’t be laid at the feet of its audience.

I’m was questioning if Robert Downey Jnr. was back on the 'hard shit' after observing his performance here. While Holmes is indeed somewhat unhinged, he wasn’t a complete Section-8 as Downey goes out of his way to present him in this almost mockery of the character. If the man wants to show us he can do completely batshit crazy then he should keep it for a different project and not display it here.  In addition to Downey's epic fail, we also had an “oh so hilarious” eccentric nude homosexual performance from Steven Fry [also completely overacting], Jarrid Harris thankfully put in a subdued performance and I think did a better job than Mark Strong in the original even though his role here probably caused for a Jeremy Irons in Dungeons and Dragons. It was Jude Law who was actually the only star who seemed to take the movie seriously. In fact there was times when looking at Law that I could see him thinking “what the fuck’s going on here?” – and they weren’t Dr. Watson’s thoughts – they were Law’s “what the fuck’s going on here?”

Hans Zimmer composed a subtle jolly little theme for Holmes in the original and it was brought back for the sequel only now the score was three times louder with a 175% increase in instrumentation. I’d like to think that Zimmer composed such an over-the-top loud noisy score to both keep people awake by drowning out the abysmal dialog and generally distract us from the level of sheer nonsense on screen, but in my maturity I think not. No I conclude Zimmer got lost in some quasi-Wagnerian berserker-rage and composed this while foaming at the mouth.

In retrospect while watching Game of Shadows, I was reminded of both The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and The Wild Wild West [yes the Will Smith one]. As bad as this was it won’t be as bad as either of those reprehensible stains on celluloid but one would think that Hollywood would have learned about trying to marry modern standards with older genres - outside science fiction that is. This is rarely accomplished successfully and Brotherhood of the Wolf is the only example I can think of in recent memory where it has worked. While I can hardly argue that Sherlock Holmes was classically made, as Richie borrowed heavily from the techniques which have made him famous – where Sherlock Homes is to Lock Stock… and Snatch, Game of Shadows is to Rock ‘n’ Rolla and Revolver – basically Richie just vanishes up his own arse and completely ruins everything.

Final Verdict: Avoid, even on BD or DL.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *1/2

Movie Mini-Reviews 30-01-12

It was pointed out to me this week that I hadn't yet reviewed The Thing [the 2011 prequel]. I was sure I had, so I claimed I did. In reality I hadn't actually finished this post and must publicly apologise to Sith Master and submit the following:

In Time

In Time is a high-concept hard-science fiction tale from Andrew The Truman Show Niccol. Set in a world where you are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, you are given a year to live before you die - unless you obtain extra time elsewhere. The only currency here is time itself and it can be transferred from one person to another by touch. As a result, the poor live day to day on borrowed time while the rich are practically immortal.

Justin Timberlake flexes his acting muscles yet again to take the lead in this his first major action role, he plays Will Salas a commoner from the workers district who only ever has hours on his clock and must work constantly to earn time to live. He meets Hamilton, a wealthy man with a century on his clock whom he saves from a brutal fate. Hamilton has death wish and fulfills it but not before bestowing Salas with his century. After failing to save his mother [Olivia Tron: Legacy Wilde] from “timing out” he travels to the wealthy district where he falls foul of a relentless timekeeper Raymond Leon [Cilian Inception Murphy], but befriends a feisty rich-kid Sylvia [Amanda Red Riding Hood Sigfried] who is disillusioned with her lot in life and they begin an incredible futuristic Bonnie & Clyde meets Robin Hood campaign to bring time to the masses.

This was an excellent alternate-universe chase-move and possibly one of the most original movies of the past ten years. The writer Harlan Ellison was at one time under the impression that this movie was based on "Repent, Harlequin!" Said the Ticktockman his 1965 short-story, but after seeing In Time, he promptly dropped his lawsuit and didn't even demand a credit - such was the movie's sheer originality. I want more of this please.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

The Thing

When you have the audacity to make a prequel to such a perfect piece of art like John Carpenter's 1982 masterpiece The Thing. The least you can do is not actually call it The Thing again. This makes it very confusing as if you now say The Thing without specification, then it's not immediately clear if your referring to to the original movie or this extremely lame turd.

The Thing 2011 which I chose to now refer to it as, is a fascinating study in ill-conceived movie making. Starring Mary Elizabeth Scott Pilgrim Winstead, Joel Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones Edgerton, Ulrich Centurion Thomsen, Eric Christian NCIS: Los Angeles Olsen and a whole host of unknown Scandinavians who sound like The Swedish Chef. They basically all plod around running from unconvincing CGI monsters that pale in comparison to grotesque creations of Rob Bottin for just over an hour and a half under the incompetent direction of Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. who had made nothing before this other than commercials and a Dutch short-film - and boy does it show.

I beseech you all not to waste your time with this laughably-shit sci-fi horror, one of the most pointless prequels ever created that fails to add anything to its progenitor.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

I'll admit I didn't hold out much hope for a fourth installment of this ageing series despite J.J. Abrams delivering an adequate sequel [M:I-3] to John Woo's sublime masterpiece [M:I-2] - itself a superior sequel to a by-the numbers original Mission: Impossible from Brian DePalma back in 1996. This was because DePalma, Woo and Abrams had proved themselves to me before their M:I movies appeared but Brad Bird's only claim to my DVD shelf was The Incredibles a great movie but a CGI animated one,. Animation is a very different kettle of fish to the world of live-action movie making, certainly one as intense as I'd imagine an M:I shoot to be.

I needn't have worried at all, Bird took the reigns of this phenomenal beast and made it his own. He melded an excellent cast of Tom Cruise, Jeremey Hurt Locker Renner, newcomer Paula Patton and made fantastic use of Simon Star Trek Pegg forming the best IMF team of the franchise. The situation that the team find themselves in is far from ideal and they must complete their impossible mission with little support and with sharpened wits as opposed to audacious technology. Spectacular stunts, exotic locales and intense thrills have been the series hallmarks and this movie seems to have the most of the lot.

Absolutely outstanding, I almost died from adrenaline poisoning. You'd be an idiot to miss it.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *****+

Haywire

Not being a fan of  Steven Soderbergh didn't compel me to go and see this, but as his most recent effort Contagion wasn't all that bad and Haywire sounded somewhat interesting I said I'd give it a shot and my decision paid off. I won't sit here and tell you that because of this, Soderbergh deserves a place in the top 100 action-directors of all time, but this is certainly an adequate action-thriller worthy of some attention.

Soderbergh's usual ensemble cast was led by former mixed martial arts fighter Gina Carano as Mallory Kane who took to acting like a duck to water and fared far better then your average wrestler/sport-star turning their hand at acting despite needing to work less on her own stunts and more on her charisma. To assist her however, Soderbergh gave her such co-stars as Channing G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra Tatum, Micheal X-Men: First Class Fassbender, Ewan Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith McGregor, Antonio Desperado Banderas, Bill Aliens Paxton  and the venerable Micheal Douglas himself.

Kane works for a private mercenary contractor Kenneth [McGregor] who sends her on a rescue mission to Barcelona and later a milk-run to Dublin of all places where she realised she's been betrayed and goes on the run leaving a trail of corpses in her wake to clear her name. While the plot is extreamly contrived and full of holes, it's nonetheless an enjoyable thriller despite a lot of it being set in that shithole Dublin, an iffy misjudged score doesn't help and features an annoying performance from Banderas who shouldn't really be doing his Puss in Boots voice in a serious production. 

Nevertheless, I think now that he is done with the Ocean's sequels, Soderbergh could do worse than develop this as a franchise - just do better next time.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***1/2

Solar Eruption will not destroy us all... ...this time.

After a satellite tracked an ultraviolet flash from a massive solar eruption - The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency’s Space Weather Prediction Center, the U.S.' official source of warnings about space weather and its impact on Earth, issued a watch for a geomagnetic storm expected to hit the  planet on Tuesday morning.

While the NOAA have stated that there is no risk to humanity, as a precaution, polar flights on Earth are expected to be re-routed. The blast from the immense solar radiation storm let loose with a coronal mass ejection (CME) that will hit the atmosphere Tuesday morning, something NASA and NOAA monitor for as it could cause problems for astronauts, communications satellites, rocket launches, navigation and even the power grid.

M9-class Solar Storm [NASA imagery]

The solar flare spat out late Sunday, Jan. 22, at 10:59 p.m. EST was rated an M9-class eruption -- nearly an X-class flare, the most powerful type of solar storm.

UNETIDA confirmed that it is on full alert as Rear Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson, Acting Director of UNETIDA personally briefed the press. "A number of our initiatives will have scheduling disruptions as the CME will deliver a strong glancing blow to Earth's magnetic field over the coming days as it sails north of Earth. However at no time will we defenceless."

Sources: NASA / Fox News

Helo crash claims 6 Marines

The DOD on Saturday identified the six brave men from Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 363 killed earlier this week in a helicopter crash in Helmand province, Afghanistan. German Brig. Gen. Carsten Jacobson, a spokesman for the NATO coalition in Kabul, said Friday that they were examining a “technical fault” as the possible culprit.

Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 363 known as the “Red Lions” is part of Marine Aircraft Group 24, 1st Marine Aircraft Wing, III Marine Expeditionary Force, out of Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii. The squadron consists of CH-53D Sea Stallion transport helicopters but is scheduled to transition to the new MV-22 Osprey with in the next few years.

The Marines killed were identified as: Capt. Daniel B. Bartle, 27, of Ferndale, Wash., Capt. Nathan R. McHone, 29, of Crystal Lake, Ill., Master Sgt. Travis W. Riddick, 40, of Centerville, Iowa., Cpl. Jesse W. Stites, 23, of North Beach, Md., Cpl. Kevin J. Reinhard, 25, of Colonia, N.J. and Cpl. Joseph D. Logan, 22, of Willis, Texas. I wish to offer my sincere condolences to their families at this time.

Doomsday Clock goes forward

The "Doomsday Clock" has become a universally recognised indicator of the world’s vulnerability to catastrophe from nuclear weapons, climate change, and emerging technologies in the life sciences. Last week, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists (BAS) moved the symbolic minute hand from six to just five minutes before midnight. This was to reflect their analysis of the world’s lack of progress on battling climate change and WMD proliferation.

The clock was created in 1947 and set to 11:53PM by the directors of the BAS at the University of Chicago and originally seen as a symbol of the threat of nuclear war. Over the years, the clock has been moved to 11.58PM in 1953, when the US and Russia both tested thermonuclear devices but in 1991 after the end of the Cold War it went back as far as 11:43PM. The decision  to set the current position was made following a symposium in the US where scientists reviewed the implications of recent events including Japan’s Fukushima accident and trends for the future of humanity with input from other experts on nuclear weapons, nuclear energy, climate change and biosecurity.

The BAS formally announced it's decision to move the hand back to 11:55PM, because while it previously appeared that world leaders might address the truly global threats that we face, "In many cases, that trend has not continued or been reversed. The challenges to rid the world of nuclear weapons, harness nuclear power, and meet the nearly inexorable climate disruptions from global warming are complex and interconnected. In the face of such complex problems, it is difficult to see where the capacity lies to address these challenges. Political processes seem wholly inadequate; the potential for nuclear weapons use in regional conflicts in the Middle East, Northeast Asia, and South Asia are alarming; safer nuclear reactor designs need to be developed and built, and more stringent oversight, training, and attention are needed to prevent future disasters; the pace of technological solutions to address climate change may not be adequate to meet the hardships that large-scale disruption of the climate portends.”

Contributions from scientists and analysts working with the United Nations Extra Terrestrial Invasion Defence Agency however are not counted by the symposium due to the classified nature of their work. UNETIDA is however reported to have its own Doomsday Clock style chronometer on the wall of the Planetary Defence Command Centre. "Yep we sure do," confirmed Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Acting Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA. "But considering the power of our enemies and what we know that you don't, ours is measured in mere seconds," he said chillingly.

Source: Yahoo via Eamonn

Money? What money?

On December 12th last, FOX News broke a story revealing that at least two major United Nations development agencies, described as having accumulated some $3.2 billion in cash in 2009, refused to divulge exactly what they spent their program money on. The information was contained in a confidential draft report prepared on behalf of the Norwegian development agency known as NORAD [not to be confused with the real NORAD] for the Norwegian government, one of the U.N.’s biggest donors.

The refusal revealed that the agencies, the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) and UNICEF, failed “grossly” to live up to the “credo of adherence to transparency” that both agencies claim to follow in their work. The two-volume draft study, was prepared in June and aimed to “contribute to the understanding of financing flows and current financial planning and budgeting processes,” at five selected U.N. agencies, including “how are resources allocated?” and “where does the money go?”

After Fox News examined the first volume they reported that four of the five U.N. agencies examined had a much bigger total of at least $12.2 billion in unspent cash by the end of 2009. All of the agencies refused to comment on the specifics of the document at that time. Nonetheless, they vigorously denied having unspent free cash in their treasuries, saying that the funds were specifically earmarked for the future years of programs that had already been approved. The agencies also declined to comment regarding the assertions made in the second volume of the study.

The report has naturally sparked a lively internal discussion over its conclusions and observations. The Volume I report declared that in addition to risking a donor backlash, the build-up of cash in the big U.N. aid agencies “implies that substantial donor funding is not being used for development purposes,” a notion that all the U.N. agencies vigorously dispute. Volume II of the study, entitled Activity-based Financial Flows in U.N. System: A Study of Select U.N. Organizations, focuses on what it calls “case studies” to support the first volume of general observations. And it discloses another major problem: according to the report, several of the agencies are apparently unwilling, or in some cases, unable, to account for what happened to some of the money that they know they spent.

A source close to the U.N. Special Investigation Committee, probing UNPASID and UNETIDA said that the $12bn figure was significantly close to a "Special Projects" budget that the senior staff of UNPASID had approved, but for which there was no known origin. The source spoke on condition of anonymity and was not authorised to make public statements on behalf of the U.N.

Read more at FOX News.

2011! - The Year In Review

Happy New Year folks.

We say goodbye to 2011. A year of Arab Spring and occupiers. Rioting in Athens and looting in London. Flooding in Thailand, Pakistan and Brazil, earthquakes in Turkey and New Zealand, but alas Japan suffered the worst of both.

Gerard Depardieu was pissing, Charlie Sheen was "winning" and Glen Beck was goodbye-ing. The Colonel joined Twitter, Prince William got hitched, Queen Liz and Obama visited the Emerald Isle.

The great Fianna Fáil party lost power and Micheal D becomes president of Ireland. The economic crisis in Europe worsens but the U.S. turns its collective head to their next would-be president.

But above all, this picture defines what a successful year this has been:

Notable Events of 2011:

January 14 – The Tunisian government falls after a month of increasingly violent protests; President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali flees to Saudi Arabia after 23 years in power.

February 6 - Super Bowl XLV attracts 111 million viewers, making the Fox broadcast the most-watched program in American TV history.

February 11 – Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak resigns

February 24 - Following a series of angry public rants by star Charlie Sheen, including comments directed at his employers, CBS and Warner Bros. announce that production on Two and a Half Men will be cancelled for the remainder of the season. In early March, Sheen was fired.

February 27 - Inception and The King's Speech receive 4 Awards each at the 83rd Academy Awards.

March 11 – A 9.1-magnitude earthquake and subsequent tsunami hit the east of Japan, killing 15,840 and leaving another 3,926 missing. Tsunami warnings are issued in 50 countries and territories. Emergencies are declared at four nuclear power plants affected by the quake.

Battle: Los Angles is released by Columbia Pictures and makes $211.4m

March 17 – The United Nations Security Council votes 10-0 to create a no-fly zone over Libya in response to allegations of government aggression against civilians.

April 17 - Game of Thrones premieres on HBO. While premiering at 2.2m viewers, it climbed to 3m by episode 10.

The Colonel sends his first Tweet.

April 28 - Steve Carell makes his last appearance as a regular on The Office.

April 29 – An estimated two billion people watch the wedding of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine Middleton at Westminster Abbey in London.

May 1 – U.S. President Barack Obama announces that Osama bin Laden, the founder and leader of the militant group Al-Qaeda, has been killed during an American military operation in Pakistan.

May 6 - Thor is released by Paramount/Marvel and makes $449.3m

May 23 - President Obama visits Ireland

June 3 - X-Men: First Class is released by Fox/Marvel and makes $353.6m

June 14 - The Duke Nukem Forever video game is finally released but to predominantly negative reviews.

June 29 - Transformers: Dark of the Moon is released by Paramount and makes $1.1Bn

July 21 – Space Shuttle Atlantis lands successfully at Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135, concluding NASA's space shuttle program.

July 22 - Captain America: The First Avenger is released by Paramount/Marvel and makes $368.6m

October 14 - The UN appoints a Special Investigation Committee to examine UNPASID and UNETIDA.

October 20 - Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi is killed in Sirte

October 31 - UN declares global population has reached seven billion

November 8 - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 is released. Within 24 hours of going on sale, the game sold 6.5 million copies in the US and UK alone and grossed $400 million, making it the biggest entertainment launch of all time.

December 15 – The United States formally declares an end to the Iraq War.

December 16 - Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is released by Paramount/Bad Robot and makes $324.9m

December 17 - Supreme ruler of North Korea, Kim Jong-il dies aged 69 [or 70].

December 20 - Star Wars: The Old Republic MMORPG is released by Bioware/EA. At a development cost rumoured to be over $80 million, it is said to be one of the most expensive video games ever created.

As always, we remember those lost in 2011:

James Arness, 88, American actor [Gunsmoke]

Nickolas Ashford, 70, American R&B singer [Ashford & Simpson]

John Barry, 77, British composer [James Bond series]

William Campbell, 87, American Actor [Star Trek / Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

George Baker, 80, British actor [The Spy Who Loved Me]

Gene Colan, 84, American comic book artist [Iron Man]

Jeff Conaway, 60, American actor [Babylon 5]

Jackie Cooper, 88, American actor [Superman]

Peter Falk, 83, American actor [Columbo]

Betty Ford, 93, American First Lady (1974–1977) and co-founder of Betty Ford Center.

Michael Gough, 94, Actor [Batman]

Dave Hoover, 56, American comics artist [Captain America]

Steve Jobs, 56, American computer entrepreneur and inventor, co-founder of Apple

Paul Kent, 80, American actor [Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan]

Sidney Lumet, 86, American film director [Serpico]

Anne McCaffrey, 85, American-born Irish science fiction writer [Dragonriders of Pern]

T. P. McKenna, 81, Irish actor [Red Scorpion]

Dan Mills, 80, American animator [He-Man and the Masters of the Universe]

Gary Moore, 58, Irish rock guitarist and singer [Thin Lizzy]

Harry Morgan, 96, American actor [M*A*S*H]

Charles Napier,75, American Actor [Rambo: First Blood Part II]

Pete Postlethwaite, 64, British actor [Inception]

Dennis Ritchie, 70, American computer scientist, developer of C and Unix

Cliff Robertson, 88, American actor [Spider-Man]

Jerry Robinson, 89, American comic book artist [Batman] and reputed creator of The Joker

Jim Roslof, 64, American artist [Dungeons & Dragons]

Ken Russell, 84, British film director [Billion Dollar Brain]

Randy "Macho Man" Savage, 58, American professional wrestler

Sir Jimmy Savile, 84, British television presenter [Jim'll Fix It]

Bubba Smith, 66, American actor [Police Academy]

Joe Simon, 98, American comic book writer [Captain America]

Fred Steiner, 88, American television composer [Star Trek]

Dame Elizabeth Taylor, 79, British-American actress [Cleopatra]

Arch West, 97, American marketing executive credited with developing Doritos

Andy Whitfield, 39, Welsh-born Australian actor [Spartacus: Blood and Sand]

Amy Winehouse, 27, British singer-songwriter ["Rehab"]

Susannah York, 72, English actress [Superman]

We thank them for their talents.

We also acknowledge the service of these military servicemen, astronauts and politicians who served with distinction that have now passed:

Col. Bill Bower, 93, U.S. Air Force Officer, last surviving pilot of Doolittle Raid.

Air Chief Marshal Sir Brian Kenyon Burnett GCB DFC AFC, 98, RAF Officer, last Commander-in-Chief of Far East Command

Warren Christopher, 85, American diplomat, Secretary of State [1993–1997]

Sgt. Mike Colalillo, 86, American soldier, Medal of Honor recipient

Group Captain Billy Drake DSO DFC & Bar, British air ace, top-scoring RAF P-40 pilot

Garret FitzGerald, 85, Irish politician, 7th Taoiseach (1981–1982; 1982–1987)

Seán French, 80, Irish politician, Lord Mayor of Cork (1976) and Fianna Fail TD (1967–1982) [Relative of The Colonel]

Admiral Noel Gayler, U.S. Naval Officer, ninth Commander of Pacific Command from 1972 to 1976

Clair George, 81, American CIA officer (Iran–Contra affair),

Admiral of the Fleet Sir Henry Conyers Leach, GCB DL, 87, First Sea Lord and Chief of the Naval Staff 1979-1982, Falklands War

Brian Lenihen, Jnr, T.D., 52, Irish politician, Fianna Fáil, Minister for Finance 2008-2011

2nd Lieutenant Leonard G. “Bud” Lomell, 91, 75th Ranger Regiment. Disabled 5 155mm German guns on D-Day.

John Michael "Mike" Lounge, 64, NASA Space Shuttle Astronaut.

Staff Sergeant John McAleese MM, 61, British 22 SAS soldier involved in the 1981 Iranian Embassy Siege [widely believed to have been the inspiration for Captain Price in Call of Duty.]

Col. Charles P. Murray, Jr., 89, U.S. Army Officer, Medal of Honor recipient

Lt. Colonel Arthur Warren "Kit" Murray, U.S.A.F. Test Pilot, Bell X-1 / X-5

Flight Lieutenant George Charles Calder "Tich" Palliser DFC AE, 92, RAF fighter pilot during the Battle of Britain.

Lieutenant Tul Bahadur Pun VC, 88, Nepali World War II veteran, 6th Gurkha Rifles, recipient of the Victoria Cross, Burma Star.

Admiral of the Fleet Sir John Julian Robertson Oswald GCB, British Naval Officer, First Sea Lord from 1989 to 1993.

General John Shalikashvili, 75, U.S. Army Officer, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (1993–1997)

General Donn Albert Starry, 86, U.S. Army Officer, Commanding General, U.S. Readiness Command 1981 to 1983.

Major Wilhelm Weidenbrück, 96, Wehrmacht, Panzer-Brigade 104, recipient of th Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oak Leaves

Major Richard "Dick" D. Winters, 92, U.S. Army Officer, E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne [subject of Band of Brothers]

May they all rest in peace.

And now folks

HAVE A GREAT 2012!

Dead??? I didn't even know Kim Jong was il

The years most hilarious post-heading aside, it seems that Christmas has come early for the people of North Korea as the evil dictator and long-suspected extra terrestrial Kim Jong-il [pictured left] died earlier in the week.

Despite this great news, we must err on the side of caution. Jong-il's death may not plunge the country into chaos as he had begun grooming his son, Kim Jong-un to succeed him and placed him in a high-ranking position. It remains to be seen however if the young whelp has had sufficient time to consolidate a power base and form the necessary alliances required to rule the troubled country.

Jong-il's death could set back efforts by the west to get Pyongyang to abandon its nuclear weapons ambitions. Concerns are also high that Kim Jong-un may feel he needs to prove himself by precipitating a crisis or displaying his swagger on the international stage.

The "mourners" in N.Korea must pretend to wail at the loss of their "beloved" leader or they'll be shot.

Whatever the future; this was a great time to vacation in North Korea. Pure coincidence I swear...

Mercury Invaded!

An Extra Terrestrial spacecraft is currently in orbit of the planet Mercury possibly sending in ground forces to establish a permanent staging area from which to launch an assault on Earth.

That was the chilling revelation from Rear Admiral "Smokestack" Henderson Acting Director of UNETIDA speaking from the UN in New York this afternoon. Henderson said he had received actionable intelligence that there could be an imminent threat in our own solar system.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon Acting Director of Intelligence, UNETIDA revealed images of a gigantic object almost the size of Mercury itself which has appeared on both astronomers and UNETIDA extra-planetary surveillance officers' screens lurking near the planet."The only explanation is that it's a cloaked Extra Terrestrial craft the size of the Death Star from Star Wars" said Colonel Creedon. "I mean what else could it be?"

The Colonel theorizes that the craft secretly is offloading troops and war machines including inter-planetary missile launchers which may deliver payloads loaded with personnel "like in Quake 2" or warheads capable of completely obliterating our planet."If they have the technology to get here and cloak themselves, we have to assume that the −183 °C to 427 °C temperatures won't be much of an issue for them," he added.

Admiral Henderson was at the UN to ask for increased funding to the tune of  US$5.5 Trillion for UNETIDA space defence projects including a number of first strike initiatives designed to prevent attacks on the Earth by eliminating the enemy first. It is assumed Colonel Creedon's trademark "theatrical scaremongering" will secure the much needed budget.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon reveals a cloaked alien craft near Mercury.

Source: Civilian Overseer / The Daily Mail

December 7th 1941, "a date which will live in infamy."

Today marks the 70th Anniversary of the cowardly attack on Pearl Harbor by the Empire of Japan "which awakened a skleeping giant" and broughtthe United States into World War II.

Seven decades later President Barack Obama called for the Stars and Stripes to be flown at half mast on federal buildings across the country, to mark National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.

"On a serene Sunday morning 70 years ago, the skies above Pearl Harbor were darkened by the bombs of Japanese forces in a surprise attack that tested the resilience of our armed forces and the will of our nation," Obama said in an address.

"In the wake of the bombing of our harbor and the crippling of our Pacific Fleet, there were those who declared the United States had been reduced to a third-class power. But rather than break the spirit of our Nation, the attack brought Americans together and fortified our resolve. Patriots across our country answered the call to defend our way of life at home and abroad."

Obama paid tribute to "the more than 3,500 Americans killed or wounded during that deadly attack and ... to the heroes whose courage ensured our nation would recover from this vicious blow. "As a nation, we look to December 7, 1941, to draw strength from the example set by these patriots and to honor all who have sacrificed for our freedoms."

U.S. Navy vetran David Callahan, one of the few living surviors of the attack will attend a memorial ceremony today. It will be his fist time back at Pearl since then.

Sources AFP / Foz News

EARTH 2 Located! Threat Imminent!

NASA concept artist's impression of Keplar 22b

Defying UNETIDA suggestions, NASA have revealed the discovery of the first ever planet in a habitable zone outside our solar system.

While earlier this year astronomers "confirmed" the first rocky exoplanet to meet key requirements for sustaining life was Kepler-22b, initially glimpsed in 2009, their findings were much dismissed as those astronomers were actually french, and therefore cretins. However now that the US space agency has confirmed the planet, it can be taken as being fact and is emerging in news stories across the globe.

Confirmation means that astronomers have seen it crossing in front of its star three times and that the conditions are right for our form of life and not that they know life actually exists there. It has the right distance from its star to support water, plus a suitable temperature and atmosphere to support life as we know it. "We have now got good planet confirmation with Kepler-22b," said Bill Borucki, Kepler principal investigator at NASA Ames Research Center. "We are certain that it is in the habitable zone and if it has a surface, it ought to have a nice temperature," he told reporters.

"If we can see their planet, then we have to assume they can see ours" declared Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Acting Director of Intelligence for UNETIDA. "It's naive to believe that they have the same level of technology we have and that somehow being 600 light years away is the same kind of insurmountable obstacle that it is to us presently."

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon during his briefing to the UNSC

The Colonel outlined his "first strike" strategy at a meeting of the UN Security Council this afternoon. Present were representatives of world military research agencies who are now drawing up plans to both conceive of a payload effective against a rocky, gaseous or liquid planet [as Kepler-22b's composition is unknown] and a method of delivering it as quickly as possible.

In the meantime NASA also announced that Kepler has uncovered  more than a thousand other potential target... er planets, twice the number it previously had been tracking, according to research being presented at a conference in California this week.

Read more here

Movie Mini-Reviews 30-11-11

Drive

In this crime drama, Ryan Gosling portrays a nameless Hollywood Stuntman who moonlights as a Driver for the criminal underworld. It is similar in many respects to the 1978 Walter Hill movie The Driver but is a very different beast. Some may even call Drive a modern Western in it's execution.

Drive is directed by the little-known Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn and  features excellent performances from Brian Cranston and Carey Public Enemies Mulligan with cameos from Ron [I'm in a dozen movies this year] Perlman and Christina Mad Men Hendricks. Cliff Martinez takes us back to the '80s with his vibe for the score.

I don't normally appreciate crime movies where somehow lawless nefarious actions are glorified on screen but I was intrigued by this movie as grotesque violence was promised after I heard that several reviewers had walked out of a press screening in disgust. This "extreme gore" was certainly delivered and it features some truly shocking moments not seen since Scorcese's The Departed. Sadly however these moments of violence are too few and far between to recommend the movie outside of its niche audience. Exciting at times but the time waiting between its violent and exciting moments can drag a bit.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2

Johnny English Reborn

Johnny English, British comedy’s answer to James Bond was expertly brought to life by Rowan Mr. Bean Atkinson in a 2004 movie with Natalie Imbruglia and John Malkovich. It apparently made a mint but it still took 6 years for a sequel to emerge, an eternity in movie making terms for an industry which seems intent on turning out sequels in the fastest humanly possible time. Johnny English’s producers however bided their time with Johnny English Reborn and despite bringing nothing relatively new to the formula it was good enough to equal it’s progenitor.

Rubber-faced Atkinson naturally returns as the elite secret agent, elite that is on being almost oblivious to what’s going on around him. The movie explains in-universe why it’s been so long since the sequel – a protection detail in Mozambique [cue nervous twitch] some years ago wiped the shine off Johnny’s star and he fell out of favour with MI7. Since then he’s been holed up in a Tibetan monastery learning how to use his wits to solve problems and to ignore pain by dragging boulders with his genitals. Needless to say a situation arises that needs his “unique” talents and he returns to civilisation and the agency where he puts his training to work. He still remains oblivious to the larger picture and retainis his sense of superior arrogance which almost constantly backfires with much hilarity.

There are some great action scenes and almost Bond-class set pieces. While far from the class of Edgar Wright or Will Ferrel, William Davies has woven an expectantly implausible plot that a blind man could see the climax of before the end of the first act, this of course is to cement the idea that everyone watching is more observant that Johnny himself. Atkinson is supported on screen by Gillian X-Files Anderson as Pegasus the head of MI7, Dominic Centurion West as Agent Ambrose, Rosamund Die Another Day Pike as Kate and Daniel Kaluuya as Tucker. A worthy sequel in the same vein as the original. Fans will be satisfied.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Contagion

We all know our disaster movies, earthquakes, volcanoes, meteor strikes, modern ice-ages, the sun being blocked out and even some Zombie movies can be shoe-horned into that category. But perhaps the most chilling, because it’s more believable, is the global pandemic. SARS, H1N1, Bird-Flu have been recent buzz words to signal the end or humanity but were dealt with before annihilating all life on the planet. When it was announced that “realistic” director Steven Soderbergh would be bringing us Contagion, one knew that while you'd be fed a jarringly grim tale, humanity would win out in the end.

Despite it's well researched viral science - praised by science writers and vaccination experts [as well as an "official" nod of approval from the CDC], this is still high drama as opposed to a documentary and thusly entertaining.  The movie has some outstanding performances from a plethora of famous faces; Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lawrence Fishburne, Jude Law, Marion Collitard and Kate Winslet lend their acting chops to this well directed and hauntingly scored [by Cliff Martinez] movie. They are supported by Brian Cranston who made an excellent Admiral with the Public Health Commissioned Corps and Elliot Gould who had been long absent from the silver screen.

I know there was plenty of laughing and sneezing after watching Outbreak in 1995, but this was so evocative of reality that there was no such nonsense here. Gripping stuff.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Machine Gun Preacher

Machine Gun Preacher is unusually entertaining for a true story that wouldn’t be really out of place in the realm of Kris Kristofferson/Sally Field Lifetime movies – albeit late at night when intense violence could be permitted. Gerard 300 Butler plays Sam Childers an ex-con who swiftly returns to his biker-gang drug-using ways upon his release from prison. In his absence his stripper trailer-trash wife Lynn [2-time Whopper Award Winner Michelle Monaghan] finds Jesus and helps Sam on his road to redemption. Not only does Sam himself find Jesus, work, start his own construction company, build a non-denominational church in which he becomes a preacher but he also travels to The Sudan during the height of civil war to build an orphanage and rescue young South-Sudanese children from the hands of those of the North who kidnap them to be child-soldiers and sex-slaves.

It’s this “rescuing” that provides the true meat of the movie. Sam is not military trained – he just “likes his guns” and he seems to relish being in an environment where he can shoot people and not be frowned upon by either the law or The Lord. His journey is even more fascinating when you know it’s true although Christian groups have slammed the movie for it’s unnecessary focus on Childers’ most violent actions as opposed to his deeply spiritual journey – a fact that I insist on rewarding with stars!

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****

Hypersonic Weapon tests successful

The Pentagon announced this week that on Nov 17th it successfully test fired an Advanced Hypersonic Weapon [above], understood to be one of a number of alternatives [including the Falcon programme] under consideration as part of it’s "prompt global strike" system that can deliver long-range weapons anywhere in the world while avoiding flying over third-party nations as revealed through a congressional report earlier in the year.

The missile was launched from Hawaii and reached its target on Kwajalein atoll, part of the Marshall Islands in the Pacific 3700km away in less than 30 minutes by exceeding Mach 5. Such a hypersonic weapon concept flies at a relatively flat trajectory within the atmosphere, rather than soaring up toward space like a ballistic missile and eventually coming back down.

The Department of Defence said "The objective of the test is to collect data on hypersonic boost-glide technologies and test range performance for long-range atmospheric flight." Nonetheless defence analysts Global Security.org say the aim of the programme is to be able to strike a target 6000km away in 35 minutes, with an accuracy of 10m. They claim the weapon is part of a programme to allow a conventional weapon to strike "fleeting targets around the globe faster than today's munitions".

 

The X-51 Missile is another Hypersonic Weapon in development

The Tinfoil Helmet Brigade [THB] a group of UFOlogists and conspiracy theorists believe that the AHW is part of a UNETIDA project to quickly destroy Extra Terrestrial assets that successfully evade the orbital defence grid and make planetfall. There was no statement from UNETIDA in response as their Office of Public Affairs is currently being audited by the Special Investigations Committee.

So Long Afghanistan

Sadly the work of Task Force Razor is at an end, but and it had a hell of a ride over the past 10 years. A super-secret multi-service Tier-1 Special Operations unit commanded directly from "someone" in the NMCC. It began with 48 operators in 2001 who rotated in and out every few months to form four six-man standard teams. It'll make a great TV show one day if only they could ever declassify anything we did, but I think it's somewhat unlikely.

The Colonel [right] with a Name/Rank-classified operator of TF Razor in late 2011

With the death of  42 of the operators over the course of OEF and with no orders to replace the fallen; it was certain that the days of TF Razor were coming to an end. I rotated back in earlier in the month to lead a series of suitably suicidal but successful missions in a classified urban area but before extraction after the final mission, a building collapsed, killing 3 of the remaining operators and seriously injuring another. The only operator who would have been ever able to walk again 'Patches' told me "It's time to go sir!" I knew what he meant, our time here was done, his even more so because a sniper nailed him as he carried our wounded comrade back to the helo. Sadly he too died before we landed leaving me to do all the debriefings alone.

I am on my way next month to assume a permanent staff position with UNETIDA [though appointments are currently being held up by the Special Investigation Committee], a position which would have conflicted with the types of operations TF Razor handled with exceptional valor and intrepidity above and beyond the call of duty. At least that's what the citations for the medals given to the 47 members' families say. As always, I'll wear my own new medals to honour their sacrifice and dream of past glory as I watch everything with more eyes then ever before.

Happy Birthday USMC

A special message from General James F. Amos, Commandant of the Marine Corps and Sergeant Major Micheal P. Barrett, Sergeant Major of The Marine Corps to mark the 236th Birthday.

Semper Fi!

Movie Mini Reviews 8-11-11

The last several movies I've seen since Captain America haven't compelled me to write full reviews for them - they literally weren’t anything to write home about, which is a bit sad considering the performance of summer movies in recent years. I managed to avoid both Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Cowboys And Aliens in the last batch despite enjoying the previous Planet of the Apes remake with Mark Wahlberg and wanting to see if Jon Favreau could do something as impressive as Iron Man with something else. Sadly I was warned away by several sources who claimed that neither movie was in any way up to the hype that fuelled them.

 
Super 8
 

Hype however, was one thing that J.J.Abrams is able to generate if Cloverfield was anything to go by [where the hype was actually better than the movie itself], but in his sci-fi monster movie Super 8 he paid tribute to someone he obviously has the deepest respect for: Steven Spielberg. The entire movie struck me as a deeply personal homage on J.J.’s behalf to Spielberg who was obviously a great influence on his career choice and it was certainly a fitting tribute [perhaps even more than Pegg/Frost’s attempt earlier in the year with Paul]. The problem is however that I dislike most of the peacenik crap Spielberg put out earlier in his career like E.T. which I have always despised and Close Encounters, I mean seriously; giant mile-long ships come that close to the planet and we don’t fire off volleys of ICBMs at them? Nonsense!

 

Nonetheless Super 8 is a well paced movie that sadly has more to offer 10-14 year olds then a nostalgic trip down memory lane remembering at all those kid-friendly sci-fi movies you grew up with.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2

 
Conan The Barbarian

The reboot of Conan The Barbarian was sadly only a middling attempt to revitalise an extraordinary character for the silver screen. Jason Game of Thrones Mamoa was cast as the titular hero and got all oiled up for a chance at movie stardom. Sadly while they got the look for Robert E. Howard’s most famous character down perfectly, the true spirit of Conan wasn’t bottled in this movie and the Millius/Schwarzenegger version written by Oliver Stone can lord that over this pale imitation. Don’t get me wrong, as an adventure tale itself, it wasn’t too shabby. The set pieces, architecture, locations and action elevated this from the mediocre direct-to-DVD bin but this was Conan! So more was expected. I will point the finger at Lionsgate because promotion for this movie in this part of the world anyway was anaemic at best.

Stephen Avatar Lang nailed the overacting required to be a truly reprehensible villain and a terribly disfigured Rose Charmed McGowan [girls, this is what happens when you try to change your appearance unnecessarily] under layers of make up makes us glad that Rodriguez never got his vision for Red Sonja off the ground. Ron [I’m in about 5 movies this year] Perlman is well suited as Conan’s aged barbarian father and his death is one of the most unique I’ve ever witnessed on screen. Rachel G.I. Joe Nichols is suitably cast as the eye candy and sets back female role-models about twenty years with her screaming damsel in distress once her pitiful fighting skills fail her. As good as they were, James Earl Jones subdued Thulsa Doom, Sandahl Bergman’s feisty Valeria and Mako’s hilarious Wizard are still worth ten times the characters in this movie.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***1/2

 
Columbiana 

Columbiana starts off as an exciting thriller as the titular character as a young schoolgirl is chased through the favalas of Columbia by her parent’s killers as she races to the U.S. embassy with highly sensitive intelligence data stored on a flash drive which she has swallowed. Had the movie been just about that, I’d probably be writing a great 5-star review now. Sadly no such thing happened as the movie soon transformed into a predictable revenge thriller as the little schoolgirl grew up into a frighteningly thin Zoe Star Trek Saldana [Lucas woman, eat a ham sandwich or three will you?] who proceeded to get her well deserved retribution.
 

Bland performances all round from Saldana who really can't carry a movie, Michael Alias Vartan, Lenny Human Target James and Cliff Die Hard 4.0 Curtis were sadly not much better with the material here. I was expecting more from the director of The Transporter 3, Oliver Megaton. It ended up being a hideously misjudged train wreck, punctuated with some satisfying Besson-like action scenes.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ***

 
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

The stylish if uneventful thriller Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy may be a tad over long and light on action but its heavy on intrigue, nail biting suspense and brings seriously big acting guns to the game. Featuring extraordinary performances from Gary Oldman, John Hurt, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Toby Jones and Tom Hardy. A welcome change of pace that is well worth watching especially if classic spy movies are your bag.

Colonel Creedon Rating: ****


Drive, Johnny English Reborn, Contagion and Machine Gun Preacher to follow

Kill All Kittens!

Lance Corporal Spazweki once asked me: "How come you always shoot every animal we encounter Sir?"

Always one to impart knowledge, my response was exceedingly simple, "Because you never know son, you just never know..."

Army Public Health Command poster

From Bruce via Wired.