Tuesday, May 17, 2011


I'm a bit behind in reviews again and I must go out of order to warn people about Hanna.

Hanna is like some inbred child born from a union of Luc Besson’s Leon and La Femme Nikita which then in turn had a bastard child with The Bourne Identity. The result produced excellent performances from Eric Star Trek Bana and Saoirse City of Ember Ronan but other than those performances and some satisfying moments of intense action I found the whole experience a bit too drowned in it’s bizarre symbolism as well as possessing a plot with more holes than a colander.

The movie started off very well setting up the fact that Hanna [Ronan] was Erik [Bana] 's daughter and together they lived in a remote secluded icy wilderness, bereft of technology save a Luger pistol. Erik is basically a hermit who teaches the young Hanna languages, history, science and how to kill people in the time it takes to sneeze – basically, all the knowledge a growing girl needs. She knows nothing of aviation, electricity, music, TV, the Internet or has ever even interacted with people her own age. Once Erik realises her curiosity can no longer be contained in their simple life, he gives her an “out” option from this existence, which she accepts but not without disastrous consequences.

Once you see the movie you will ask yourself [and whomever you saw the movie with] over two dozen questions afterwards that have no real answers. But this is not a movie like Inception which is open-ended for intellectual interpretation, no this just has questions left unanswered due to bad film-making. These range from amazingly stupid decisions that otherwise intelligent characters make, to the laws of physics being broken. Although it wouldn’t have made much of a movie otherwise - the whole idea of Erik even keeping the CIA transponder in the first place, knowing what would happen if activated is beyond ludicrous.

Notes to film-makers: When Character A shoots Character B from behind and you see no exit wound but later on a bullet hole is in the wall with Character B’s blood – people will remember that there was no exit wound. Also please research the amateur film-making mistake of “crossing the line”, which any 1st year film student can explain it to you if you can’t read it in a book by yourself which by the stupidity of cinematography on show here wouldn’t surprise me.

Final Verdict: Excellent performances from the leads can’t save this move from being phenomenally flawed. The satisfactory albeit brief moments of action can’t sadly distract us from the long-drawn-out middle of this bizarre, woefully technically incompetent film.

Colonel Creedon Rating: **1/2


Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel Hear that?, that's right, silence!, the sound of apathy. Up your damn game if you want commentary.

What about what's going with the head of the IMF?, Germany's firesale purchase of another sovereign nation, a blitzblailout, if you will or the protests against a british pensioner's visit to Eire?

I only say this because I care. Now, fight back, Bitch!

Civilian Overseer said...


Lieutenant General Creedon said...

Civvy: Apologies, I don't know why your original comment was marked as spam. But trust me, better to have a comment delayed from you then a shedload of Russian porn and Nigerian financial opportunities littering the place.

The head of the IMF is french Civvy. Surely his beheviour doesn't surprise you? I'll briefly mention it as there's obviously something you want to say too, so wait for the post.

I've no problem with the Queen visiting us. She will not be visiting The Bunker during her visit to Cork however due to a misunderstanding we had when she presented me with my OBE - I mean seriously, didn't your Ma ever tell you to hug an old lady to thank her if she gave you a gift? How was I do know "One does not do such a thing does one."

As for the dissidents: The President said it best that they're "the tail end of a very old, tired, failed culture of trying to resolve political problems through paramilitarism".

It's a rare time, I comprehend enough about national finances enough to write a competant post about it. I assure you whatever about wanting comments, I'll never want any concerning International Finance. It's bad enough trying to bury a Special Operations budget in the pension accounts of soldiers that have been dead for 50 years - ooer, perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

"Up my damn game?" Son, if my attention waivers from the game even for an instant, your existance along with that of everyone else on the planet ends very unplesantly within a very short space of time. That's where my game level is at, where's yours BITCH?

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, I accept ypur sniffling discgraceful apology with disgust.

AS for the French, so is the statue of liberty, are you against Liberty?

Yes, your "game" has been sadly lacking of late, imagine my suprise to find about a newly discovered, habitable world, Gliese 581, a mere 20 lightyears away. Where did I hear about clear and present danger this first? from a top, top secret missive from Uniteda or from the BBC news with the great unwashed?

Do you know, it's sky is "red!", think of it, Red sky at night, commies under the bed

Well, Colonel, how do you explain letting Alien Commies get so close in our galatic backyard?

Can you a good reason why I shouldn't just have you shot for this dereliction of duty?

Constance said...

Mungast, Civvy! You ask only the easy questions. We must know: Why has he been derelict? What has been taking his attention away from his duty?

And why has he buried the disgraceful behavior of one Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, Prehaps the Colonel is Schwarzenegger's lovechild?, Surely not but it would explain alot!

Constance said...

Are you suggesting an investigation into the situation, Mr. Overseer?

Eamo said...

Where's the Russian porn?!

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, it's frightening to imagine that the T-100 and the Colonel have the same progenitor.

Eamo, don't you know that Russian porn is second only to Vulcan porn in terms of head shalen disbelief?