Sunday, February 06, 2011

Long Live The Gipper!

If someone asked you "Who was the greatest President of the United States of America, and why?" What would you say?

Washington, for setting America on course to be a great democratic republic?
Lincoln, for his leadership during the Civil War, abolishing slavery and strengthening the union?
, for his leadership during WWII, helping to create the UN and introducing Social Security?
Ike, for creating the Interstate system and presiding over the inception of the Cold War?
Harry Truman for having the balls the drop the A-Bomb?

All those answers are good in their own right, but here in the Bunker they'd be incorrect and you'd be wrong! The greatest President of the United States of America was former actor Ronald W. Reagan, 40th President, and a towering, visionary figure in the history of the Republican Party, the United States and the world.

During his terms in office, Reagan's policies reflected his own beliefs in individual freedom. "Reaganomics" enhanced the economy through tax cuts and job creation programs which led to the creation of 16 million jobs, unprecedented GDP growth and an 8% decrease in inflation.

Reagan expanded the military by an astonishing 40% during peacetime [including commissioning a fresh faced USMC Lieutenant with a penchant for Burger King sandwiches] though his policy of "Peace through Strength". He escalated the Cold War by abandoning d├ętente, formally denouncing the USSR and creating the Strategic Defence Initiative. This expansion, coupled with US pressure on Saudi Arabia to increase oil production, lowered the price of oil - one of the USSR's key exports - forcing the Russians to bankrupt themselves to keep up with the US. This effectively brought a peaceful end to the Cold War and Reagan was able to ask the now-impotent Gorbachev to "tear down this wall!"

-Reagan is the oldest man elected to the office of the presidency [at 69].
-He became the first serving POTUS to survive an assassination attempt [in 1981].
-He was the first American president ever to address the British Parliament [in 1982].
-He made GPS free for for civilian use in navigation [in 1983].
-Reagan won a record 525 electoral votes in the 1984 Presidential Campaign - the most of any candidate in United States history - He won EVERY state with the exception of opponent Walter Mondale's home state of Minnesota.
-As Reagan was going under aesthetic for colon surgery in 1985 it caused the first-ever invocation of the Acting President clause of the 25th Amendment.
-He made 376 judicial appointments, the most of any US President.
-In 1991, the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library was dedicated and opened to the public. Five presidents were in attendance marking the first time that large a number of former presidents were gathered in the same location.
-Upon taking command of U.N.E.T.I.D.A. Special Operations Bunker 14, Colonel "Whopper" Creedon decreed that the only photograph of a historical political figure ever to be displayed there was that of Reagan, a directive that stands 11 years later.

Political historian M.J. Heale summarized the consensus reached by scholars: That Reagan rehabilitated conservatism, turned the US to the right, practiced a pragmatic form of conservatism that balanced ideology and the constraints of politics, revived faith in the presidency, American self respect and contributed to the victory in the Cold War.

I salute "The Gipper" on this, the 100th anniversary of his birth and declare him The Greatest President of the United States, of all time!


Civilian Overseer said...

The Greatest President of the United States, of all time!

Not considering a run for the oval office yourself, Colonel?

vaughan said...

what terrifies me is the colonel's Magnum moustache.

Lieutenant General Creedon said...

It was the '80's. Everyone had one.

Unknown said...

I'm just amazed how the Colonel seemingly hasn't aged a day since that photo was taken. I suspect someone may be using botox??!!?!?

Constance said...

That's not a Magnum. That's a Raul Julia.

Dahar Master said...

What about Bill Clinton?

Civilian Overseer said...

Mr.V, In the 80's the Colonel was a participant in Darpa's top secret Freddie Mercury initiative. The idea was to intimidate the hell of our enemies with big handlebar mustaches and cross dressing. The results where inconclusive.

Cubs, I know that you don't have the security clearance to know about the Super Soldier Serum experiments, so shut the hell up about them.

Connie, over here in Imfland, we call it a Willie O'Dee. Word to the wise, try to keep on topic.

Dahar, Bill Clinton is the coolest president since Kennedy, he just pips Obama due to Obama's quite frankly disturbing habit of faithfulness and general lack of whoring around.

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, Just out of curiosity, would you vote for Zombie Gipper, if a top secret Republican think tank had accidently reanimated him?

Constance said...

It was your fault that he locked down the comments, dude. Not mine. So... boo to you.

Also: Reanimated Gipper? The Onion already did it.

Civilian Overseer said...

ConnieTo quote the late great Gipper, there you go again.

To quote ZombieReagan, Mr Gorbachev tear out those brains, hmmmm, brainnnns!!!

Bruce Russell said...

Reagan was a God among men. I would have followed that magnificent old man into the heart of the sun if he'd asked me to. To this day, when I picture the Grand Architect, I imagine him with the face of the Gipper. My senior year of high school, I wrote a term paper with the title "Ronald Reagan: American Moses.". Still . . . He was a man, take him all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.

Or will I?:

Civilian Overseer said...

I think, President Reagan can be best summed up in the words of another great American, Hank Hill, "he wanted to put a big gun up in space to shoot the Russians with, I miss voting for that man"

Don't We all, Don't We all.