Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Nigerian "Industry" still going strong!

One of my more memorable posts from way back when in October '05 when the first coat of polish had barley worn off this new "blog thingy" was a rebuttal letter to Princess Fatimah of Burkina Faso who would apparently "like any person who can be carring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you" in return for a handsome reward of course. Sound to good to be true? Well of course it was. It was a thinly veiled 419 Fraud as Sith Apologist educated us on in the original post's comments.

Well they havn't gone away and this is still a big industry in Nigeria but also operated all over the world. I heard of one where the scammer created a little U.S. military identity for himself, claims his unit found some of Saddam's bullion and wants your help on getting it out of the country, if you'll take it on the other end, or variations thereof. Now this pissed me right off to no end. First it portrays my brethren in Iraq as money grabbing thieves and secondly, rips off Three Kings, an astoundingly shit movie that portrays my brethren in Iraq as money grabbing thieves. Thankfully I didn't actually get one, that is until I was emptying out my spam box and found this:

Sender: Sgt David
Sub: From: Sgt.David King.

Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a
huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Sgt.David King, a US Marine Sgt.
serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment that Patrols the An bar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars in an address journal.

I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of Nine Hundred Thousand US
Dollars (Nine Hundred thousand USD) to the States or any safe country; as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in
your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.


Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with
piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old
Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

Click this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?

No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this
hellhole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity)

I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble
spot. He
does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick

up. I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to
survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.

This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for
help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary

formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting

Sgt.David King,
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ.

Naturally, I won't be responding to Sgt. King, but I will include what I would be sending to him here.

From: Colonel "Whopper" Creedon USMC, Special Operations Commander, UNETIDA
Sub: RE: From: Sgt.David King.

Sgt. King,

I am in receipt of your correspondence dated Wednesday 15th last. I enjoy receiving E-mail from the NCOs of our beloved Corps.

I'm a bit disturbed that you're telling me you needed to summon up the courage to send me an E-mail? Hellshit! I may be both a legend and a tyrant and at a guess you dream of me at night when the darkness and nightmares come, but didn't your D.I.s tell you that Marines shit and piss courage on a daily basis they got so much inside? If they ain't teaching that anymore then I'll have to have a word with General Fox at TECOM and I'm sure he'll see to it that it's no longer neglected.

I see you're in the 3/25, what an awesome bunch. I've always liked their motto: "Find a way or make one". I'll admit I'm a bit confused as you your statements about being currently in Iraq. This confusion stems from the fact that I know your unit rotated out of Iraq almost 5 years ago and was later deactivated in early 2006 as it's a reserve infantry battalion. Furthermore, you say you were present at the inception point of an agreement made by you and some others to share out a sum of money you found. But your own link to the article says the money was found in April 2003; a whole two years before 3/25 actually arrived in Iraq in March 2005? No, I must assume that the suicide bomb attacks you mentioned you survived may have left you somewhat disoriented and you've misinterpreted the name of your own unit.

You've said: "No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole." Oh your Goddamn right about that son, but isn't that why we wear the uniform? For the glorious riches? Get a grip Sergeant! No one makes money from being a Marine and your compensation from being in that "hellhole" is the knowledge that people are safe at home and those hadji's are free of Saddam because of your blood, your sweat and your tears have washed over that land like a wave of avenging angels cleansing all that was unholy and just plain fucked up. Now you can die with a smile on your face tomorrow knowing that your bodily excretions literally are freedom!

In light of you confusing the name of the unit you've no doubt served proudly in for months on end and confusing our beloved Corps with a great way to make money, I must ask you to report to your Corpsman for a medical checkup as you're most likely suffering from a concussion. Further proof of this concussion is evidenced by the fact that you've for some reason, perhaps even unknowingly E-mailed an O-6 and did attempt [Art.80] to commit conspiracy [Art.81] to violate Art.103 [Captured or Abandoned Property] and/or Art.121 [Larceny and Wrongful Appropriation] of the UCMJ and would be subject to both NCIS interrogation and a JAG Article 32 investigation.

So you better hope you've got one motherfucker of a headache son.

Semper Fi

Col. "Whopper" Creedon

Folks, it doesn't take someone as clever and wise as me to see through these ridiculous scams, you're capable of it yourselves too. Be warned, these people are out there and they want your bank details. Here is a page with some variations of the U.S. Military Serviceman theme.

Remember: Education Beats Ignorance.


vaughan said...

One spammer stopped after I told him that I was going to hunt him down and kill him ....this is not the worst though..the latest scam is to claim they represent a unit working for the UN hunting scammers down and that you are entitled to compensation, all they need is your name , adress and full bank details, tragically I knew of a gobshite who fell for this in the nineties and handed over £28000 before realising it was a scam...the tragedy of it was he convinced friends and family to hand over money to "Get the money out"
They really are scum however who deserve to die just for the simple annoyance of jamming up or email boxes with this shite(please if you fall for it these days..I have not much pity for you!) I think the best was the email sent to people in Ireland claiming to be from the widow of Charles J Haughey and thar she had twenty million hidden away but because of the dangerous political situation...etc, etc....jeez do these idiots even do research?!

twigs said...

It was nice of him to spell out how much money was on offer, in case you got confused with all the zero's ... "Nine Hundred Thousand US
Dollars (Nine Hundred thousand USD)"

PF said...

Do you think Sgt King would want any Viagra to help him chill out a bit, he sound a bit stressed. I can forward plenty of emails I have that offer them for practically nothing.