Thursday, February 24, 2011

Election 2011

In a few hours from now the the people of Ireland will democratically elect the leaders of the country for the next few years. Opinion polls point to a change to the status quo as the party that traditionally leads the polls, Fianna Fáil, is expected to suffer from heavy losses as many people unjustly blame them for the financial crisis which has the nation in a stranglehold.

As a great proportion of voters are in fact moaning idiots who spend most of their time complaining and blaming the government for everything from the weather to the morning traffic, it's only natural that blaming the government is the answer to the private banking crisis. Anger and retribution is the natural answer to this problem but as the Irish are not like the Greeks, the best they can do is "make Fianna Fáil pay" by not voting for them.

Sadly by not voting Fianna Fáil [Centrist], there are only two realistic alternatives*, Fine Gael [Centre Right] and The Labour Party [Centre Left], neither of which has been in power in the 21st century nor have either had a great success in government as Fianna Fáil have had. An even worse danger is the truly terrifying prospect that Fine Gael will gain enough votes to form a majority government all by itself; something they have never done, [no party has done since Fianna Fáil 1982]. The impact of a single party government - especially one from such an inexperienced and obviously unprepared party - could have on the country in its current state may be disastrous.

Enda Kenny, a man whom broadcaster Vincent Browne said "should go into a dark room with a gun and bottle of whiskey."

Enda Kenny, the preening self-absorbed leader of Fine Gael will most likely head the next government, the 31st Dáil. Kenny is a noted liar with racist tendencies who unlikely has the full support of his own party after a failed leadership challenge last summer. Eamon Gilmore, Ireland's "patron saint of anger" made a plea to voters to vote for his Labour Party so that Fine Gael will not hold the overall majority and have to enter into an assumed coalition situation with them as they have always done in the past.

Fianna Fáil will now take their place on the opposition benches which have been kept warm by the arses of the lesser parties for the past 15 years. Their new leader, Corkman Micheál Martin is a younger, more intelligent and more charismatic man than Biffo and as he has proved in the recent televised election debates that he is far more versed in the wold of politics than his opposing counterparts. On Tuesday evening last, Martin, amid effortlessly deflecting the petty and childish antics of a desperate Eamon Gilmore; utterly destroyed the much vaunted "Five Point Plan" - the 2011 election gimmick of Fine Gael and showed Enda Kenny up as a man completely unprepared for the job ahead of him. Sadly Micheál's ascension to the position of "The Man who should be Taoiseach" has come too late in the game for people to realise before they make their terrible mistake tomorrow.

I ask now only that you go to vote tomorrow for whomever you have chosen to do so for.

*Unrealistic alternatives include The Green Party [backstabbing hippie bastards], The Socialist Party [Commie bastards], Sinn Fein [the Provisional IRA], The Workers Party [the "Real" or Official IRA], Non-party-affiliated Independents [the guys that wouldn't be allowed into a party].

20 comments:

Alro said...

“Fianna Fáil, is expected to suffer from heavy losses as many people unjustly blame them for the financial crisis which has the nation in a stranglehold.”
“It’s only natural that blaming the government is the answer to the private banking crisis.”

How is it possible that we all see the same things, hear the same things, but come up with such differing opinions?

Civilian Overseer said...

Screw all this, I'm going to be a Dad again!. ;)

Colonel Creedon said...

@ Alro: because you misinterpreted what you saw and heard? Not to worry, many people did. But I'm here to point the correct way of thinking.

@ Civvy: Splendid. That'll keep you busy for a while and thus out of my hair. Congrats.

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, We're thinking of naming the baby Tyrannous in your honour. All suggestions welcome. ;)

Constance said...

oooh, goody! Are we going to have another name the baby contest? You do realize I won the last one, yes?

Also:

Your election is only mentioned in 3 out of 5 US news outlets. CNN has you one click away and in the top 1/3 of the page, the New York Times has you also has you one click away at the very bottom of the page in teeny tiny font, Wall Street Journal one click away and you gotta scroll, but not too far. USAToday, Washington Post - no mention.

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, if its a girl we'll name her Valkerie in your honour. Seriously, any suggestions welcome.

Constance said...

Dude. I love suggesting baby names.

Gretchen Caoimhe
Gordon Cian

Unless you are looking for something more kingly and English?

vaughan said...

Civvy

Congrats

Just make sure when the child is born after six months it isn't speaking with a perfectly clipped English accent and insists on saying "Hello Father!"...if that happens run!

Dahar Master said...

words fail me, i'm elated today as you all should be. A new dawn has come to Ireland, UP ENDA KENNY & FG

vaughan said...

for the colonel too it is a bright day because with a Massive majority coalition for the next five years...Labour and FG will have to make all the hard choices....hard choices that will make the people hate them...meawhile all those independents will be kicked out next time round...when the people realize just how useless they are against a huge Majority government...and when they go so will all those extra votes for Sinn Fein....(unless Sinn fein do something stupid again like refusing to co operate with the authorities....all the while the Colonel will be cackling as Fianna fail slowly rebuild their base from council level up....taking about 40 to 50 seats the next time....because people will start to forget who caused the problems they face today.....until about ten years from now Michael Martin ( or whoever will be in charge) will be swept in to power on a euphoria of change ....( Don't believe me ....look at the Tory Party...1997 Tony Blair is elected in triumph and we are told it will be a generation before the Tories will be elected again...13 years later many of the same voters that elected Blair now want him to be tried for war crimes ...and whose in charge of the country ...oh yes the Tories)Fine gael and Enda sup from a chalice of power...unfortunately that chalice is poisoned....still one good thing ...bye , bye greens no one liked you ..you won't be missed.

Former Grunt said...

Mr. Overseer, I congratulate you, but you will have to pay me so I dont tell your wife. Actually just name the kid Laura or Leonard and we will call it level.

Constance, the American news media is a strange beast. Looking at the websites of your TV channels: Nothing about it on CNN, CBS, ABC or on The Colonel's premier source of News - FOX. However it's on MSNBC main webpage! There may have been more coverage if it were not for a different insane Colonel causing trouble, Charlie Sheen finally loosing it completely, your union problem and The Oscars!

Dahar, The last person to use "a New Dawn" in a speech was Obama in his inauguration - and look how "great" he's turned out to be? FG haven’t been elected on the basis of their joke five point plan, they are elected only because of anger towards FF. Things are going to get worse, much worse before they get better, if at all.

There was already a situation this week where FG DSE candidate Lucinda Creighton tweeted that civil partnership between gays was good to help homosexual couples be treated “fairly and justly” she said marriage was “different.” This annoyed a few people naturally The tweets drew outrage across the internet, with many users taking to her Facebook page, posting images and comments to express their disappointment with what she said. The issue escalated when users took to Fine Gael’s Facebook page to clarify whether or not Creighton’s beliefs were shared with the rest of the party. However, when users posted comments on the page, they found they were then deleted. According to the Journal.ie, Fine Gael said comments were deleted as they believed there was a “co-ordinated attack” carried out against its site.

So already people "asking questions" or those supportive of homosexuality are silenced and the new Dail hasn't convened yet...?

Mr. Vaughan, FF was an old party and it lost a lot of votes because a great amount of people who normally voted for FF have finally died since 2007. A lot of the old-guard have retired from the party and it's time for new blood both in the party and voting for it and this is the best time to do so. Their policies must remain, but their methodology must evolve from the era of Lemass, Lynch and even Haughey. They must also position Martin or a new leader in the role of a charismatic "President" as Bertie won the votes for FF in the previous elections by presenting himself as such. There's no reason why they can't return to power before long as they always have.

Colonel Creedon said...

It's the beginning of the End-a

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, Luckly for me your hair is thinning, so I can take on extra child care duties, be a great Dad and still pester you to the fullest of my abilities.

Connie, who's been telling tales?, my firstborn is indeed named after the two majestic contestants in the Battle of the Boyne. I favour Ramses for a boy and Nefertiti for a girl. ;)

Mr.V, cheers but your party has almost guaranteed that my kids will grow up speaking like little lord Fauntleroy, Bitch and Slap!.

if its a boy, I shall name him Arnold in your honour, Connie, stop chortling and help the man out.

Dahar, What the fuck is wrong with you?, you inhuman bastard, I said I was going to be a Dad again!, I've out done God! for fucksake, he only had one kid. that makes me 100% more successful then the almighty creator of the universe (if you believe in that sort of thing), Respect my superior lead!, you work it out. ;)

Grunt You call me by my proper title you little bollix.

Mr.V,
ZANU-FF status report,
1.)is 3 million in debt,
2.)has no assets,
3.)doesn't even have enough TDs to have a back bench,
4.)corporate donations are about to be banned,
5.)the TDs that they do have are old boys that bear the taint of the IMF bailout,
7.)Serious internal scores to be settled.
8.)Brian Lennihan, the incompetent git who bailed out the banks will be on their front bench, probably be their finance spokesman ;)
9.)Willie O'Dea, the lying git who perjured himself will be on their front bench, probably be their justice spokesman ;)
10.) The Seiners now occupy their Republican niche.
11.) Their reputation for economy competence is pretty much shot to shit.

Conclusion

There is no new blood in ZANU-FF

Colonel
I'll just add that last one to list of crimes against humanity that you're already guilty of.

That is all.

Constance said...

That's so perfect as the child was a product of Boyne-king.

I was lost in Manchester Airport and escorted to my proper terminal by three boys wearing name tags that clearly indicated their Irish heritage. I asked them about it. There was a mix of grandparents and parents who had emigrated.

Now tell me, which man am I supposed to help out?

Arthur Conan?
Artemis Anastasia?

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie "That's so perfect as the child was a product of Boyne-king."

Madam, consider my hat doffed in your general direction. Wit and Sassiness, suffice it to say that you have gone up in my estimation yet again. (now if only you had a rocking bod to back that attitude up), yes, yes, I am aware, the line was a good couple of hundred yards back in that general direction. ;)

"Now tell me, which man am I supposed to help out?"

unfortunately it didn't last long,

I was hoping that you, equipped with your knowledge of American culture could enlighten Mr.V as to why Arnold was an appropriate tribute to him due to his misplaced devotion to a gang of traitors. Care to take another shot?

Constance said...

Civvy you poor, almost related to Her Majesty, thing. Physical insults are the refuge of idiots. And as you have never had the opportunity to caress this particular example of femininity, it's not even an insult you are qualified to make! I'd heard of bullying on the interwebs, I had no idea that you had chosen to take part. What sort of example are you setting for your offspring?

As for Gov. Schwarzenegger, I am not a devotee and therefore my knowledge of American culture is not deep enough for me to catch on to what you are saying and relate such to Mr. V. Sure, a joke's not funny if you have to explain it. Will you please explain it to us?

In the meantime, enjoy this little tidbit:
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

wrecepu said...

I reckons civvy was shooting for an Arnold of the Benedict variety, Connie

Constance said...

Oh, that dude? After what he did? He belongs to the Land of the Engs now.

Constance said...

So where is the phantom comment, eh? The post on the main page says that there are 19 comments, but there are only 18. Of course this will increment everything by one, but...

WHERE IS .... THE PHANTOM?

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, please learn the difference between cyber bullying and plain old, honest to god leachery. ;)

Wrecepu, well done my loyal minion now back to the slave mine from whence you came, Chop, Chop.

Benedict Vaughin, yes I like the sound of that. A traitor to his country or a man loyal to his country depending on where the observer stands. Quite quantum. ;)