Monday, March 11, 2013

No Pied Piper of Tehran

Despite it's recent move to block "unauthorised" VPNs, further curtailing citizens freedom of speech and information - media reports about giant mutated rats running amok on Tehran are real.

Apparently melting snow has raised the underground water level and flushed huge rodents, some reportedly weighing 11 pounds, from their nests. Authorities have imported approximately 45 tons of rat poison and set up information tents to help deal with the plague running rampant in 26 districts in the Iranian capital.

The International Business Times quoted Tehran city council environment adviser Ismail Kahram, that the rats "seem to have had a genetic mutation, probably as a result of radiations and the chemical used on them." Speaking to Iranian news website, he said "They are now bigger and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution. They have jumped from 60 grams to five kilos, and cats are now smaller than them."

UNPASID officials in consultation with Dr. David Baker, laboratory animal veterinarian at LSU, have debunked Kahram's claim. "Like many in their government, he's obviously a fucking fruitcake," diplomatically said Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, the UNPASID/UNETIDA Director of Intelligence. Dr. Baker added that it's unlikely the rats got super-sized as the result of a mutation. "genetic mutations are [usually] harmful and a disadvantage rather than an advantage." However, he explained that there are species of "giant" rats found around the world that can achieve the sizes described by Kahram. "During the Middle Ages, black rats in Europe reportedly grew large enough to carry off small babies. Those had to have been some big rats," Baker wrote.

Mohammad Hadi Heydarzadeh, a top environmental official, said Iran has the biggest issue with Norwegian rats. They "entered Iran from abroad by cargo ships." Though it's unclear if the rats come with paperwork, a search of shows that that particular kind of rat can grow 16 inches long. And they are very aggressive, "fighting, chasing, biting and boxing." As the rats are fed poison by day, 40 teams of army snipers now hunt the rats by night, using rifles equipped with infrared scopes. It has been reported that 2,205 rats have been killed so far.

UNPASID said despite its mandate to control or destroy "unnatural" forms of life on earth, it has no authorisation from the UN to respond to requests for assistance from Iran's government in the unlikely event should they be made.

Source: Reuters / CNN / Fox

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