Friday, February 08, 2013

SETI targets belligerent aliens with scanning beams!

The Green Bank Telescope [Image CMU.EDU]
UNETIDA today blasted SETI for the institute's instance on performing targeted searches on inhabitable solar systems in deep space. Apparently the reckless organisation has been using the Green Bank Telescope in West Virginia to scan 86 different stars, chosen because Kepler data indicated they host potentially habitable planets by our standards.

SETI surveyed each star for 5 minutes by searching radio bands in the 1-2 GHz range for alien cell phones and Television signals as well as the spectrum beneath 5Hz which can't be produced by anything in nature. However, due to the vast distances involved in the scanning, the only signals that could have been detected were those that were intentionally aimed in our direction — which would be a deliberate effort by ETIs to signal their presence.

Unsurprisingly, the researchers noted that no signals of extraterrestrial origin were found. Despite this they remain hopeful for the future. SETI intend to expand the list of signatures they will scan for to include laser pulses and to consider civilisations on different levels of the Kardashev scale.

UNETIDA are opposed to SETI's efforts and Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Director of Intelligence was quick to admonish the recklessness of the SETI researchers. "Goddamn fools is what they are! Sure it's infinitesimally remote that there will be some kind of signal from these places back and they are at least 1000 light years away but we've got our own issues to deal with before we start inviting ET over for coffee!"

UNETIDA resources are believed to be stretched wafer thin following a major military and scientific highly classified operation which prevented the destruction of the planet on December 21st last. At the most recent UN General Assembly, the Security Council was encouraged to put steps into motion that would see the permanent merge of UNETIDA and it's sister service UNPASID which had it's command staff wiped out in a series of unfortunate events last year. Looming U.S. defence budget cuts will likely have a detrimental effect on future operations and it's believed that unlike in the past, UNETIDA will not be able to fund operations to prevent SETI or independent researchers from their misguided and irresponsible efforts.

Source:  io9

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