Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Armageddon One test successful

UNETIDA have revealed to the UN Security Council that their test of the most powerful tactical nuclear strike device has been successful on the surface of Mars. "Normally we blow stuff up on the far side of the moon but this was going to be so big we had to put it out further" said Dr. "Quantum" Pataal, Director of UNETIDA Research and Development.

The Armageddon One warhead delivery platform entered orbit of Mars earlier in the month and launched the most powerful nuclear device ever conceived at the surface of the Red Planet. "This was one of UNETIDA's greatest achievements" Pataal said as nuclear scientists from the U.S., India and China came together "to create something of such raw destructive power - it can only be described as beautiful."

Amateur astronomers had been wondering about a "towering cloud" this week captured in a photograph by Wayne Jaeschke who knew it was something unusual. He posted the photo on the site Cloudy Nights, explaining that sources had suggested it was a high-altitude water-ice cloud over Mars' Acidalia region.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, Acting Director of Intelligence of UNETIDA offered that the sources Mr. Jaeschke referred to were under UNETIDA control. "We obviously have to cover this up," he reported to the council "and it's easy when you have a back door into the operations of NASA's Mars Odyssey orbiter." Creedon outlined that any images from Thermal Emission Imaging System, or THEMIS, which is one of the instruments on the orbiter can be "doctored" in almost real-time to give the impression of a naturally occurring phenomena to the observers at The Mars Space Flight Facility at Arizona State University.

Despite some setbacks of Soyuz launches in 2011, Russia accepted responsibility for propelling Armageddon One to Mars and the rocket "Спокойствие" [Tranquility] was understood to have been launched from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in late September.


vaughan said...

Mars will regret the day it ever messed with Earth!

Master Guns said...

What's the point of even creating this? You could take out a small country with firepower like that. And for it to be effective against E.T.'s you'll need something faster than a rocket that takes over six months to reach orbit.

vaughan said...

That's for John Carter You sons of bitches....

But you know in your heart of hearts Creedon is awaiting the order with an austrian accent that says "Get Your Ass to Mars"