Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Spontaneous combustion leaves UNPASID leadership vacuum

Brigade General "Boogyman" Rojas, UNPASID's Director of Operations, who yesterday assumed temporary command of the directorate has reportedly spontaneously combusted and died. The incident appears to have occurred in a lavatory at the UNHQ in New York early this morning. It happened only hours before the general was due to represent UNPASID during a UNSC session where the report of the Special Investigation Committee would be issued.

There are few details available at this time but the Spanish air force officer [right] appeared to have answered a call of nature at approximately 08:45 EST and entered a male lavatory cubicle. While there, the occupant of the adjoining cubicle and another individual at the urinal reported a bright flash, some smoke and a scream.

The witnesses broke down the door with a fire extinguisher but were met only by the remains of General Rojas' shoes on the floor, a dark pile of ash in the toilet bowl and a smell "like sulphur." UNPASID agents investigated and tentatively identified the general from his jacket which still hung undamaged on the cubicle door.

Analysts have said that the council have now "shot themselves in the foot" by delaying requests for senior appointments to UNPASID as well as not making permanent appointments within the last nine months. The net result of this "shambles" is that there is now no one in the organisation who can assume command under its own contingency plan. Furthermore it would appear that the UN is also unable to deal with both this albeit unprecedented situation and the current Syrian conflict simultaneously.

The UN High Commissioner for Paranormal Affairs, Alberto Hov DiWafnae informed the press office that the operating forces of UNPASID were working from the Theta Protocol Manual which assumes that UNPASID command is out of communication and allows them to operate at battalion command level but with higher instructions and formation orders coming directly from the UNSC through the UNHCPA's office.

The UNSC have asked the Special Investigation Committee to delay their report publishing and are holding a high level meeting with the UN Military Staff Committee this afternoon to deal with the UNPASID crisis.

In other developments, a suicide note apparently left on the computer of Lieutenant Commander "Stingray" Hern, UNPASID liaison officer to the DOD whose body was discovered on Sunday morning, supports the cause of death delivered by the NCIS Medical Examiner.

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