Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Kill All Kittens!

Lance Corporal Spazweki once asked me: "How come you always shoot every animal we encounter Sir?"

Always one to impart knowledge, my response was exceedingly simple, "Because you never know son, you just never know..."

Army Public Health Command poster

From Bruce via Wired.


18 comments:

Constance said...

You are trying to kill me, aren't you?

Former Grunt said...

No I understand while at my last barbecue The Colonel put a kebab skewer through little Fluffytail's head.

My daughter now draws pictures of "The Boogyman" all the time now. In her mind the Boogyman is wearing a distinctive Dress Blue uniform.

We're taking her to a child psychologist.

Where a domesticated baby rabbit who spends it's time in a hutch eating lettuce would get a chance to contract rabies I honestly don't know.

Civilian Overseer said...

Grunt, precisely the reason Fluffytail had to go, it represented too great a security risk. It's always the once that you'd least suspect that make the best assassins.

Colonel, Good job taking down Bugs, a grave threat has been removed from democracy and the American people can sleep easy tonight knowing the cute harbinger of death is no more.

Connie, the Colonel clearly referred to animals, that criteria of which is furry or a terrorist, which attribute do you think qualifies you to be on the Colonel's kill list? ;)

Constance said...

Do you have a wee bird whose wing is busted? An itty bitty widdle bun bun who has sprained a furry ankle? You know who to call if you need it "taken care of."

El Diablo...er, The Colonel... knows that I am on a mission to capture all the feral cats of the neighborhood, have them neutered, vaccinated, de-flea'd, and released back to their colony. This is his secret Interwebs warning that he is gunning for my colony.

Message received, Colonel. I'll be waiting... with a few friends....

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, am I reading this right?..., you are claiming to be a crazy cat lady?

Colonel, I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.

Civilian Overseer said...

p.s. It's the only way to be sure.

Constance said...

It's a long story, my friend!

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie are you secretly by night "kittenlady" a leather glad, whip wielding avenger, able to dispence instant justice with a fast flick of your talons and the amazing ability to lap up an entire bowl of milk in under 60 seconds, heavens only knows what you do with the kitty litter but criminals all over Gotham dread to think of it especially after that incident with Dirty Mike under the tramlines, the rumors only grow with time you know but by day you're a mild mannered movie producer type, is that you?

If so, I gotta say someone has kinda stolen your shtick. ;)

Constance said...

Ah, Civs, nay. These days I am selling my body to Paramount!

Civilian Overseer said...

but your mind as ever remains... free.

Colonel, prepare a military expedition to go on an amazing journey into Connie's head in order to capture her rebellious mind, remember at all times you will be in harm's way.

Our advanced scouts reported that they had encounter some really freaky shit in there, something about a prom dress and a bottle of tequila shortly before we lost contact.

The best advice our top scientists can give is that if you avoid those segments of the female brain that deal with shoes, handbags, cat jokes, (you won't get them, no man ever has) and sex in the city and you should be able to steer clear of the worst of the crazy.

God Speed Colonel God Speed.

Civilian Overseer said...

Colonel, Colonel?, report in, Colonel report in, please, crackle, hissss .............

Constance said...

He didn't escape the shoes.

Civilian Overseer said...

Connie, you beast!,

Civilian Overseer said...

Ok Connie, I have been authorised on behalf of UNETIDA to negotiate for the Colonel's release, so what's it going to take?, I am willing to trade Grunt straight away, so let's start the haggling there, you'll probably insist that We keep him but We are adamant he's got to go. I'll throw in master Guns, if the Colonel is only slightly harmed and possibly Mr.V if the Colonel is seriously injured.

So Mr.V but you know that the Colonel knows way too much to remain in feminist hands. I am of course refering to the infamous Oslo incident...

We will also require proof of live before any trade is made.

Former Grunt said...

I'd gladly trade my meaningless life for someone as great as The Colonel. Where do I sign?

Civilian Overseer said...

Grunt, when the command staff want you to volunteer for a suicide mission, we'll tell you, you've volunteered.

Constance said...

Civvy, what makes you think I don't already have Mr. V in my dastardly clutches?

I will accept your offer of Guns and Grunt if you throw in a Sithy as well. They can all make tea, right? And do heavy lifting?

Colonel Creedon said...

Will you two knock it off. I'm right here. Busy protecting the planet and you people.

And writing overdue movie reviews...