Tuesday, September 27, 2011

UNETIDA's Week In The News 27-09-11

UNETIDA has appeared not once, not twice but three times in the press in the past few days...

Source: Getty
The Commander, UNETIDA Naval Tactical Support Capt. "Harpoon" Dutton KBE, speaking in the absence of Contraalmirante "Tridente" Carlos UNETIDA Naval Operations Commander, said "UNETIDA is currently not in command of either the USS Jefferson City nor any other U.S. naval asset afloat or submerged in the Pacific Ocean at this time. The NASA UARS satellite that crashed to Earth did not contain any UNETIDA controlled "black box" or other equipment on board. We are not involved in any search or recovery operation with the U.S. Space Agencies." 

UNETIDA's Director of Research and Development Dr. "Quantum" Pataal praised the work of Scientists at CERN near Geneva, Switzerland who have reportedly debunked half of "known physics" and rendered Einstein "the intellectual equivalent of a public school science teacher." Pataal said that science fiction writers will have to put on their creative caps now and come up with even more fantastical ideas than those of Asimov, Speilberg, Bradbury, Roddenberry, Dick and even Lucas himself now that space and time travel will be "reality in a few years". 

Source: Anorak
Colonel "Whopper" Creedon, UNETIDA's Acting Director of Intelligence gave evidence at an inquest into the death of one Micheal Faherty, 76, of Ballybane, Galway on December 22nd 2010. Col. Creedon proved that UNETIDA's prototype "Microwave Gun" could not have been responsible for the man's death as it produced far too much collateral damage. West Galway coroner, Ciaran McLoughlin and Assistant chief fire officer, Gerry O'Malley said there was no other adequate explanation for the death of Mr. Faherty, other than "Spontaneous Combustion" - now the first recorded case in the country.

4 comments:

VAUGHAN said...

What I love is UNETIDA'S ability to keep the cern experiments quiet , I mean we barely heard anything about this in the news .Good work Colonel.

What I do love is the way the "Majority" of scientist had poo pooed the results as "Some sort of mistake" until the Italians revealed they had carried out the experiment 16 times over the last year. I also love the way they've tried to explain the results away with other theorys like "Maybe they punched a hole in reality and the neutrinos travelled through a worm hole!" Okay so to disprove ftl they have suggested we have found a way to create worm hole technology?!?!?
Look people the Colonel doesn't care what you've discovered as long as it makea viable drive system for the proposed UNETIDA peace and research probe the U.S.S FIRST STRIKE

sith master said...

I prefer more Imperial names for vessels:
Avenger
Devastator
Eviscerator
Malice
Predator
Tyrant

vaughan said...

Eviscerator, sith? really?

Remember UNETIDA is an organisation dedicated to the Idea of universal peace and brotherhood, which is why the probes first name U.S.S RETALIATION FIRST just didn't quite work.

Civilian Overseer said...

Sithy, you forgot the most fearsomely named imperial vessel ever, the "daffodil" terrifying for obvious reasons.