Saturday, April 16, 2011

Marines to issue armoured underwear to protect their privates [and other ranks]!

Marine Cops Systems Command [MARCORSYSCOM] will soon issue specially designed combat underwear to protect U.S. Marines in Afghanistan from Improvised Explosive Devices.

Constructed of lightweight silk, they look like bicycle shorts and the British Army is already sporting them. While they fall short of completely protecting against fragmentation, they do provide added defense to mitigate wounds to the genitals and femoral arteries especially in the form of sand and debris that can cause "dirty wounds" and infection. "The loss of forces due to these types of injuries has a significant impact on the unit's combat effectiveness and their ability to sustain operations. Based on analysis in theater, ballistic underwear will drastically improve casualty recovery and reduce secondary infections" read a USMC solicitation.

Maj. Gen. Richard Mills, who was until recently, commander of Marine forces in Afghanistan is at the forefront of a major push to get the garments to Marines in country when he saw first hand the kinds of injuries his men were suffering from. Initially the underwear will be commissioned from the Northern Irish company Cooneen Watts & Stone of Co. Tyrone. But the Corps is looking beyond the initial $2m order already and will seek other vendors in order to issue the garments to all Marines within the next number of months.

Colonel "Whopper" Creedon of U.N.E.T.I.D.A. who himself suffered a leg injury from fragmentation in the first Gulf War welcomed MARCORSYSCOM's new initiative. "The Marine Corps is the service that sees the most action in the battlefield; as the bodies we leave in our wake will attest to." said the Marine officer. "But we need to protect 'vital operating equipment' as the Marine Corps is the service that sees the most action when not on the battlefield as many a satisfied lady will attest to - Oorah!"

Source: Yahoo / MSNBC

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bah, say I. The Mongols were doing this in Attila's day.

vaughan said...

Ah yes but the question is will it still be possible to get the really stubborn stains out of this underwear?

Colonel Creedon said...

@ Anonymous: True indeed, horsemen wore silk vests, as arrows hitting silk didn't break it. Instead the arrow embedded itself in the flesh wrapped in silk. The arrow was removed by carefully opening the silk. Must better than pushing them straight through a limb.

@ Vaughan: Spoken like a man full of shit! ;P

Constance said...

ooh. Looks like somebody discovered Wikipedia. What have I told you about that?

Colonel Creedon said...

No I discovered the Discovery Channel's website [or it may have been NatGeo's?] when the Brit's got their new pants a while back. However if this info is on Wikipedia than I'm pleased that people like me are updating it and not the usual cretins.

Constance said...

No, people like you like to think that they are updating it when they click "copy" and "paste."

Colonel Creedon said...

Copy/Paste [CTRL+C & CTRL+V] is a reprehensible activity and is not tolerated anywhere in this blog - except when (a) using a direct quote from another source ["" are used] and (b) when attempting to correct or pre-empt common spelling mistakes - e.g. copying Steven Spielberg's name directly from the IMDB rather than what is listed in the source at the bottom of a post because his name is constantly misspelled in the media.

I often despair myself when I see passages on Wikipedia that have obviously been lifted from other sources. But if someone isn't going to take the time to write the passage themselves and reference or quote the source, then I suppose it is better than someone writing a passage from memory, memory which can become distorted with time.

Constance said...

re: "But we need to protect 'vital operating equipment' as the Marine Corps is the service that sees the most action when not on the battlefield as many a satisfied lady will attest to - Oorah!"

are you referring to America's First Legal Male Prostitute?