UNSC Emergency Session deals with UNPASID crisis

An emergency session of the UNSC took place last evening to discuss the UNPASID command crisis. In light of the fact that all senior flag or general officers assigned to UNPASID are now dead, missing or in military custody, it was proposed by the UN Military Staff Committee that UNETIDA command should assume control of UNPASID operations.

This decision was facilitated by the fact that traditionally, UNETIDA and UNPASID operations have often overlapped due to public ignorance of what constitutes a paranormal occurrence or an extra- terrestrial encounter. As both organisations remain highly secretive about such events it’s likely this relationship can be taken advantage of to soothe the current crisis. In fact, according to analysts, UNETIDA also have a superior mis-information model that could be used to shield the public against supernatural and paranormal threats such as those against the [according to one delegate] "idiots who are digging up vampires graves in Bulgaria."

It was raised that while the tragic incidents "appear" to be accidental, the unprecedented coincidence of the events could not go without reference to the fact that they seem to have occurred immediately before the Special Investigation Committee finally published the report the began last October. It was also motioned that UNETIDA itself was also subject to the report but had no similar incidents.

Investigation Committee Chairperson Anna Scherzer of the Swiss Financial Markets Authority informed the Council that she had been authorised by Internal Oversight Services to reveal an abridged report to allay the fears against UNETIDA. During the meeting, the members of the Investigation Committee revealed some parts of the report they were responsible for compiling.

Rear Admiral Oliver Braithwaite III CBE, of the UK's Defence Intelligence revealed that UNPASID was involved in severe misappropriation of UN member funds taken from classified projects and funnelled into either projects which were cancelled by the council and in other cases, into the personal finances of UNPASID command staff. There was absolutely no evidence of any such activity within UNETIDA.

Deputy Director Sergei Sitnikov, of the Russian Federation's Federal Security Bureau outlined a great disparity between the amount of UNPASID weapons, equipment and supplies ordered and delivered when compared with those in use or decommissioned. UNETIDA had no such disparity despite a number of "unusual" requisitions from Acting Intelligence Director Colonel "Whopper" Creedon to aid in "home defence."

Most disturbingly, Cardinal Antoine Pascal, of the Roman Catholic Church led an investigative team to Peru to investigate the site of an incident which in 2010, UNPASID reported to the UNSC as a "training accident." The french cardinal reported that he discovered it was in fact a cover up after elite team of military chaplains, trained as “combat exorcists”, went rogue and summoned an ancient demon at a site that UNPASID subsequently napalmed into oblivion destroying several populated villages and scores of wildlife.

In defence of UNETIDA, Professor Wai Chen, of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, revealed that UNETIDA projects, while in almost all cases came in over budget, nevertheless have had a 96% success rate and their continued proliferation of alien technology can only benefit mankind.

Lt. General Andrew G. Kelly [USAF Ret.], a former NASA Astronaut, revealed that a number of UNETIDA operations over the past decade have resulted in the tragic death of some 2850 known military personnel, 1222 civilian casualties and have caused almost US$2.8Bn in associate collateral property/infrastructure damage internationally. However General Kelly deemed that these were unavoidable losses and only marginally outside acceptable limits when projected figures are analysed.

In final summary Mrs. Scherzer said she could see no reason at this time why the Military Staff Committee's recommendation should not be upheld and UNETIDA should not only to return to normal operations but is “more than capable of assuming control of UNPASID on a temporary basis if not permanent.”

After deliberations, the UNSC, based on the Committee’s assessment, agreed that they will wait until the complete report is published before making any permanent appointments or decisions but instructed UNETIDA to assume full operational control over UNPASID effective immediately for the time being. However a 3/2 vote was delivered to immediately request the Pentagon to assign a temporary OF-8 to assume military command of the organisations in light of the increased force size and responsibility that came with such a merge.