Thursday, October 09, 2008

Second Debate is a Watercress Sandwich

I live an exciting life. In the past 6 weeks I've made a narrow escape from a botched operation in Iran, kept a watchful eye on the Chinese from a cloaked spy satellite as they did their spacewalk, investigated a "loss of containment" on Sample G14 - two miles beneath Area 51, I may-or-may-not-have conducted a classified operation "in the region" of the Pakistani border and went before the Senate Appropriations Committee to support a case for funding for an orbital defense platform.

Everyone knows I demand the most exciting entertainment, from the big screen in the movies of Mike Bay and John Woo or the small screen in the from of 24 or The Unit. I demand excitement from my games such as the speed of X-Wing or the action of Soldier Of Fortune. I desire excitement from my food, favouring Indian, Mexican or South East Asian dishes that I request to have made even hotter than normal even though I've seen lesser men suffer chronic gastrointestinal spasms from attempting to consume them at normal spiciness! And naturally I elect to experience only the most exciting of women, but all have to be silenced or threatened afterward so their story doesn't appear in places like The National Enquirer.

My being so exciting also means that it's hard to follow the instructions of someone less exciting than you. Thankfully for my entire military career, I've served at the pleasure of exciting Commanders-In-Chief; all Republicans are exciting and one can't say that Bill Clinton wasn't exciting especially on his home stretch.

So tell me why I'm so worried now after watching this latest debate? This bland demonstration of political opposites in the town hall style forum where McCain should rule! But all we got was almost exactly the same ground covered in the original debate only this time both candidates were able to walk around under ridiculous, more constraining time-limit rules that even the moderator felt were crap.

From Yahoo News: "The day after leaves behind a puzzle: How the hell did candidates manage to be so timid and uninspiring at a time when American troops are in two problematic wars, the world financial markets are in scary free fall and the Dow has lost 1,400 points since Oct. 1? This is a moment history rarely sees — and both men blew it."

I want a Thai Red Curry, not a Watercress sandwich! It was 10 times more exciting to sit and watch Joe Biden grin lasciviously at Sarah Palin in the VP debate last week. Forget a third Presidential Debate on Oct 15th, have another Veep one!!!

7 comments:

Cubaboy said...

So you threaten or silence women after you've "done the deed" eh??? Are you on any particular register??

Constance said...

Cubaboy, I think that this may be his one and only attempt at being modest. How else would you explain all those "ladies" stroking out and having heart attacks?

Cubaboy said...

He has sex with stroke victims??? My God that's even sicker. Still I suppose you don't have to waste time on booze or rohipnol. And you know what they say about the more experienced lady (wink wink)!!

Constance said...

That's not what I meant! I was speaking of cause and effect! I meant that first there's the (how would you describe the wink+miming a nudge+plus tongue clicking noise gesture?) and then there's the stroke. Or the heart attack. It happens! I read it on the Internet.

And no, I don't know what they say about the more experienced lady. What do they say?

Bruce Russell said...

Stroke victims/ That's nothing. I hear Mark used to go on blind dates with actual blind people . . .

Cubaboy said...

You know what they say constance, the older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune!!

Constance said...

As an old lady, I approve of this saying and will add it to my list.